The dining table in my parents’ house is older than me. It commands attention with its dark oak legs, elegantly bowed towards each other, topped with a thick, well-loved sheet of glass beneath a handmade tablecloth flown directly from India; a small and homely reminder of where half my blood remains.
It seats six people comfortably, ten uncomfortably. My family is large enough that elbows bumping and chairs fitting chaotically together was never a worry. Thanksgiving, Christmas, even a stray Dungeons and Dragons game—room for more would always be made.
The table was a beacon for conversation, never about the table itself, but as a gathering place—a stoa for the discussions that took place over it. Economics, politics, religious beliefs, strong opinions on the recent action movie. It is an endless list that keeps the table and its guests entertained. A table serves many purposes, but for me, it was Ground Zero.
With my father and grandfather at each head of the table, it was never just small talk, instead we picked up last night’s quarrel. It was here, caught between minds more brilliant than mine, I learned the art of argumentation. It was also here, twelve years old and a fawn to the opinionated world, that my father called me a terrorist. The word felt large and heavy coming from his mouth, and even heavier when echoed by my grandfather.
If you keep saying stuff like that, you’re gonna sound like a real terrorist
Post 9/11, with a family like mine—immigrants, brown, dark haired, and frowned upon; the kind that got stopped by airport security because of my father’s thick beard and my mother’s efficiently packed luggage—the word carried an unimaginable weight. In the era of clickbait headlines and unrestricted internet access, I knew what he was doing. The taboo was meant to scare me back onto the much clearer path my family had laid out for me. And yet, I distinctly remember thinking: How could feminism be seen as terrorism?
Sometimes, I wonder if the table had soaked in enough knowledge over the years to offer an opinion. To tell me whether it agreed with the giants whose shoulders I stand on or if I should continue to toe the line.
I pushed harder.
The dining room became my training ground, sharpening my ferocity and my ethics, learning to bridge the gaps between our cogent communication. Teeth sharper than the night before, I continued to feel the primal need to hunt, to carve opportunities from the white towers of academia and set myself into action. Internships, jobs, clubs, organizing protests, attending rallies—I devoured information, fed myself like an oroborus. My path led me into environmental work, where I learned of the Brownfields that Florida let fester, leaving entire communities to suffer. We fought to get them the federal funding they needed in order to serve their community better. Then I moved toward surveying, completing water quality research in Tampa’s largest minority communities, hopeful that the ongoing investigation would bring relief to our neighborhoods. Every time I rose to advocate, anytime I met someone new and pulled them under my wing, I thought about what my father said and asked, "Am I a real terrorist yet?"
Nearly a decade later, it's a quiet morning at the dining table when the news finds me: Twenty-two and declared a terrorist by the Sunshine State.
CAIR FL, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the civil liberties and rights of Muslims, fell under fire after we successfully brought home Mohammed Ibrahim, an American boy who had been wrongfully imprisoned for nine months by a foreign nation. My entire internship was dedicated to getting Mohammed home. I made calls, organized student protests, did community outreach, drafted open letter responses to state representatives. The community came together in support, walking the streets, phoning their representatives. It was beautiful to see people working in tandem like that.
What should have been the cherry on top of an entire career of hard, foundational work turned into one of the few times my father’s bitter jokes had aged like wine.
A slew of headlines, emails, and texts further confirmed that I was officially an enemy of the state that raised me; becoming exactly what my family had feared. And yet, I welcomed it with open arms. I was once afraid of the implication the title terrorist held, but now, in the thick of it, I can do nothing but sit at the dining room table and remember that the trajectory of my life has led me here, ready to act.