I waited in the doctor's office for an answer. I tried to calm myself down, nervously looking around the room in hopes of finding something to distract me. For years I suffered in excruciating pain. I avoided doctors because I was afraid the truth was something I couldn't handle. The doctor walked in, and I broke into a cold sweat. My heart pounded as I heard the words "You have Crohn's disease.” I was silent and controlled by the pain I suffered every day, scared to even stand up straight. I pushed everyone out of my life, including my friends and family. Everyone I knew joined the track team in sixth grade and all I wanted was to be able to compete, but my body physically wouldn’t allow me to make it through practice. I would come home shaking because I was so weak just from walking around the track. Even in school I had to move down to lower-level classes because I couldn’t focus. I felt like a bystander to my own life. My bed became a haven that I hoped would solve my problems. My mirror became my enemy, where I couldn’t bear to look at my pale white face, small and delicate. Peering into this looking glass meant seeing all the fear from within, showing its claws on my skin. The agony I felt in my life made me want to end it. I reflected on all of these moments as I looked back up at the doctor who just diagnosed me with Crohn’s disease. There was something about having a diagnosis that changed me, almost as if I finally had some control over myself. I realized that the worst part was not knowing what was wrong with me. Even with a diagnosis, at the beginning of eighth grade no drugs were working so I had to have 90 percent of my colon removed so the disease won't take over. There is no cure to this sickness, the only thing I can do is get IV infusions for the rest of my life in order to keep myself in remission. After this very scary and stressful journey I joined the Crohns and Colitis Foundation of America to help raise money and awareness for this disease and to find a cure in the hopes no one will have to go through what I went through. After this, I was back in the game of life. Going into high school I had an Individual Education Plan that prohibited me from reaching my full academic potential. I spent my freshman year and half of my sophomore year convincing my guidance counselor to remove this barricade. This allowed me to go from all lower level courses to advanced and AP classes. I ended up achieving a high honor roll every marking period in high school proving to myself I was capable of great things. Due to my ability to take classes like AP Chemistry and Biology, I developed my love for science and medical science. These courses sparked an interest in me that made me want to go into a field that relates to studying and making medical drugs. Since the beginning of my illness I have always relied on steroids like remicade and methotrexate to keep me healthy and not in pain. I want to create new medicine in the hopes of helping others deal with the struggles they might feel when battling an illness, this is why I want to go into a field of chemical engineering. There is now a fire under me allowing me to dream of bigger and better things for myself in the future. Now my heart beats so fast not because of the fear I once had of the world, but for the boundless future that lies ahead. I am no longer at the mercy of my illness anymore.