I failed my first attempt at nursing school. I was not built for the demands required of a nurse. I was not equipped to handle what life had in store for me. That probably leads you to ask, why return to school for something that devoured you? To answer, we need to look back on the unfoldings of my first time in nursing school. I was fresh out of high school eager to start my journey to become a Registered Nurse. I went to school full time and worked as a Certified Nursing Assistant. Throughout the program my health declined and the frequency and intensity of seizures were increasing. Eventually I had to step away from nursing because I was struggling to manage the stress of nursing school, work, and an untreated seizure disorder. Deep down I have always been disappointed that I never finished my degree and pursued the career I was set out to excel in. After struggling with my seizure disorder for over a decade, I became at high risk for Epi-SUDs, an unexpected event in which the individual passes away in their sleep after ceasing to breathe due to a seizure. I was rushed onto medication and a treatment plan that includes a strict diet and lifestyle regimens. I learned and built practices necessary to manage the occurrence of seizures. With my health under control, I am ready to claim my life back by pursuing the career I was meant to do. This is a second chance to achieve my goals and to prove that my disability will not limit my abilities. Similar to many, Covid brought to light many realizations and pushed me to return to a position that I did not expect to see myself back in. Throughout the peak of Covid and Portland’s Curfew Enforcement implemented due to the riots going on at the time, I took on the role of an essential worker for a hospice patient. It was tough and sad to watch a person slip away right in front of you. But admittedly, the opportunity to support and care for someone in their delicate final days was a beautiful experience. I was there for people in their most vulnerable time. It reminded me of why I love and belong in nursing. I was reminded of the potential behind my empathy and drive to have purpose within healthcare. I then mulled over every detail of my failed attempt at nursing school and the factors that played into my dismay. With deep scrutiny, I reflected on if it would be wise to take the leap of faith towards advancing my career in nursing. After giving it thought and consideration, I have become committed to progressing my career and capabilities to help my community. Returning to school is the next step to earning my title as a Registered Nurse. I am simultaneously nervous and excited to return to nursing school. Even though this is an intimidating pathway, I refuse to allow my past failures and seizure disorder define me. By nature's design, living with a seizure disorder means there is a storm living within – an ironic way of reminding me that I am a force to be reckoned with. Boundaries and limiting frameworks around my condition will not define the distance I can go and the weight I can carry. With unruly force I will go through invisible and visible obstacles that neurotypical people cannot understand. All the while I will continue to embrace my diversity and push myself to be better.

Building a business of your own takes extraordinary efforts and sacrifices. You invest so much of your time and energy into creating your vision. In any business, you are bound to run into set-backs or face failures. As a female entrepreneur you encounter stigmas that limit your business and downsize your capabilities. In addition, as an individual that lives with a disorder that is significantly exacerbated by mental health, it has been a struggle being consistent in marketing my private practice as a health and wellness coach. I have always wrestled with depression and anxiety. As I grew older these mental health conditions became embodied within my seizure disorder. One of the most significant triggers for an episode is stress. Stress is the silent killer of the world, but in my case it does not speak so easily. It roars when I fail to maintain my stress levels as if it is a punishment for trying to forget that it is there so I can keep grinding towards my goals. Sometimes I am bound to bed and have to limit external stimulation, in which I sit in a quiet room fighting off a seizure. Sometimes I move around consciously reminding myself that today is not a day to push it too much. Then there are days that allow me to grind away at my goals with a soft reminder that I have to remain adaptable to the demands of my threshold for having an episode. To be honest, there are days where I have no idea if I am going to be able to get by these limitations. I surprise myself sometimes when I achieve things I did not believe I even could, I call them, “Monte’s magic tricks”. There is a drive in me that is untamed and does not see limitations. I see pathways up ahead. They are not streets or railroads; they are curves and hills with a sky of transitioning climates. As I navigate through the terrain in front of me, I have learned to embrace my greater struggles and make them strengths. The thing that forces me to pay attention to stress on my body and mind is also a driving factor in what makes my business unique. Managing a balanced lifestyle to remain seizure-free impacts my work because it limits my physical capabilities. I have found a way to adjust my business model so my condition reinforces consistency in my practice while allowing me to feed my passions and work with my needs. As a part of my treatment to control seizures, I have to keep my stressors down and be on a prescribed low-carb diet that omits grains and gluten, plus limits soy. These restrictions make food and meal options scarce and there are few resources and places to fulfill those needs. It is hard to find something on the menu at a restaurant that you can eat all the food served with that dish. It is tedious to check every label on everything you buy at the grocery store. It is a disaster trying to learn how to cook meals with grain and gluten replacements. Let me tell you… grain free and gluten free food replacements cook differently than non restricted recipes. Learning to acknowledge and accept the status of my mental health has impacted me as an entrepreneur. Resisting and fighting against unwarranted signals firing off in my brain causes more harm. I realized that submitting to and embracing these limitations allows me to expand in an area that I am passionate about, knowledgeable and capable of being consistent in. Despite mental health conditions posing issues, they also offered unique solutions when they are embraced. So even though I struggle with mental health everyday, I choose to make the best out of the cards that I have been dealt. As an entrepreneur in the healthcare industry, mental health is a huge topic that is often spoken about with shame but rarely seen as an opportunity to grow. In my pursuit to create restricted food menus and share related resources, I celebrate my mind and body's sensitivity for stress and external stimulation. If it were not for my experiences with mental health problems, I would not be an entrepreneur in the nutrition field with a unique niche.

It’s funny the person that used to drive me nuts as a kid, Is now the person that keeps me from blowing my lid. Despite our differences, she loves me unconditionally, And consistently encourages me to think limitlessly. She tells me to chase after my passion, Even if others don’t think it will happen. My sister Zanrea leads by example, Her resilience and resourcefulness are quite ample. With her unique perspectives and guidance, She is always someone I can confide in. Her work to succeed in an atypical career, Has shown me that not all pathways magically appear. Because of Zanrea, I can see, We can create what is meant to be. My sister has shown me to not be afraid, Failures are steps to success that must be paid. She has consoled me during times I have felt astray, And reassures me that blessings are on their way. For my sister I am thankful, She helps me feel calm and peaceful.

For years I worked to build a small personal training business. It eventually grew to the point that I was ready to make training my full-time job. Closely following that leap of faith, our nation went into quarantine and my business was heavily impacted by the shut-down. As people began to lose work, more people cut fitness expenses from their budget, also, the online media became saturated with fitness entrepreneurs. That experience opened my eyes to why fitness training was not the right area of concentration in the preventative healthcare community for me. I recognized that to be successful in any business you need to work hard, be consistent and there has to be a stable demand for your services or products. The shut-down pushed me to face the truth about how my seizure disorder impacts my ability to be a consistent model for a target audience in the fitness industry. I also reassessed my priorities and need for security in my career path, then concluded that I could not fulfill those needs staying on the path I was on. With all of these thought processes, I understood that my goal was to improve the quality of others' lives using holistic health approaches. I realized health limitations prohibited me from being consistent in my practice and hindered the growth of my business. Keeping that in mind, I reflected on what practice fits my lifestyle and has a stable demand from the community. With confidence, I decided to shift towards the nutrition field because it fit my passions, interests, and accommodates my needs. To grow my nutrition business, it is necessary to return to school to earn more credentials and knowledge in the field. Schooling will prepare me to become a Certified Nutritionist allowing me to help others improve their quality of life through using food as medicine. I hope to utilize my personal prescribed diet restrictions to help treat my seizure disorder as a strength in my business. I can share a lifestyle approach that I follow and thrive from others seeking change in their health. My goal is to run a private practice helping those that would benefit from being on a gluten-free, grain-free, and low carb diet. The vision I have for my nutrition business is to create an online community to share my knowledge of nutrition specific to my niche. Through the growth of that community, I will have more opportunities to offer services, as well as, to have continual growth and stability in my practice. My intention in becoming a Certified Nutritionist is to work with individuals on personalized nutrition programs including meal prep schedules and recipes. I also seek to use a culinary skill-set to bring in another source of revenue from creating low-carb, grain-free menus for facilities, restaurants, and events. The purpose of my career is to use food as medicine to have a positive impact on others' quality of life.

My dad came to the US when he was young, leaving his roots back in the Philippines. He joined the military right out of high school. A few years away from his retirement he passed away from active-duty leaving behind his four kids including me, his baby girl. I was 10 years old and had so many important milestone experiences ahead of me. Growing up without my dad was difficult in many aspects, one was not having his guidance as I learned about life. It was hard to not have his support through milestone moments. Don’t get me wrong, I am fortunate for what my parents have done to help me be the person I am today-- the things they did and didn’t do. But at a young age, I faced struggles that were not necessarily the same as other people my age because I often had to figure out life skills on my own. I believe I would have had less personal failures to overcome and learn from if I had more opportunities for parental guidance. One of my greatest failures was impacted by missing father-daughter talks on what makes a healthy relationship. It is hard to learn what a healthy relationship is if you are not taught about it. For some time I struggled to recognize harmful and toxic behaviors in manipulative relationships. As I grew from being a young child to a young adult I did not know what love is, so I based it on feelings and unfulfilled promises. I did not see abusive and manipulative treatment as abuse. But rather, I thought I was not enough to make that person happy and there was something wrong with me or what I was doing. I failed to learn to value myself and worth as I ventured through the stages of learning about relationships. I learned what is not a healthy relationship after being in a progressively abusive relationship for 7 years. The honeymoon stage did not last long, he acted more harmful towards me, especially when he would drink. It started as emotional and psychological abuse. After getting married, our relationship became more violent as his alcoholism became more severe. He started to punch holes in the walls or threw pots and pans in my direction. At that time I made excuses for his behavior, “he was drunk, it wasn’t him doing it.” All the while, I became withdrawn and anxious but could not put my finger on why. There was a particular night that pushed me to open my eyes. One night during a conflict he was threatening me and I decided I would not show fear to his threats. The next thing I knew, I was pinned to the wall with his hands around my neck. After that incident, I became very quiet and tried to stay out of the way when he drank. I realized I needed to be in a safer home and situation. Finally, I decided to be accountable for my life and went to stay with my sister until I found a place of my own. I felt ashamed and guilty that I allowed myself to endure the abuse I experienced. Even more, I felt I had failed myself by not respecting my worth by staying around toxicity. I felt guilty for having failed my marriage, specifically for being incapable of being the partner my husband (at the time) needed. My greatest failure was not failing a test, losing a game or a job opportunity; it was failing to make the right choices, loving myself, and creating healthy relationships. I disregarded my worth and wellbeing for far too long. My marriage was unsuccessful because I did not recognize my needs and lacked knowledge on how to love another in the way they need. I am proud that I made the decision to prioritize myself and decided to learn what my experience gave me. I overlooked the excuses and accept his actions for what they are. I had to step out of my comfort zone and fears of leaving, then brave forward to what was ahead, overcoming my fears of the unknown. For two years, I lived in my sister's dining room so I could finish school and pay off debt acquired from my separation. After my debt was paid off and I moved into a place that I could call my own. That experience has left its scars, but I have grown stronger because of it. I learned more about manipulation, genuine love, and how to build healthier relationships with myself and others. I have learned that even when I feel shattered, I am resilient and can create a new beginning for a better tomorrow.

In hindsight, there were indications that I had a Seizure Disorder starting from a young age. When I turned 18, I experienced my first 2 grand-mal seizures for the first time within 2 weeks. This changed my ability to function, I was mentally delayed and could be easily over-stimulated from sensory overload. I needed ADA Accommodations in school for about 2 years because I was struggling to comprehend what I was reading on top of managing more occurrences of seizures. Ever since those first seizures my life has changed, I've been pushed out of my comfort zone and seizures have become a significant challenge to manage. It has been hard to balance all aspects of my life because of my disorder, especially while attending school. School is already tough and stressful, adding health challenges makes it even more difficult to have balance in your life. There are days I feel like working out or eating too much glucose will trigger a seizure. If I am late on my seizure-control medication short of 3 hours I am at risk of having an episode. Stress can lower my threshold for becoming over-stimulated in which I have to limit my exposure to any stimulation. As much as I don't like to admit my limitations, I had to face the truth about how I need to live to have a better quality of life. These challenges not only grow when throwing school into the mix but they directly impact my ability to do certain jobs. I decided to change my career because it was affecting my health and success as a fitness and health coach entrepreneur. Due to my physical limitations, it is hard to have a consistently focused niche in my fitness coaching business model. I began to realize that I needed to readjust my career focus to something that would accommodate my needs and allow me to be consistent in the content and services I share. This was a difficult choice to make, but it also pushed me to find opportunities that I can grow and excel in doing. I pondered what career would allow me to do something I am passionate about, as well as, be successful while being able to find balance? I assessed what made me excited about working in the fitness industry. The astounding reason being my pursuit of purpose through helping others live a better quality of life. Healthcare has always been a passion of mine, the challenge was finding what focus and job positions easily accommodate and fit my needs. I learned that preventative healthcare is an environment I am happier in. After considering what I did and did not have control over, I realized that Nutrition was the field that was the best fit for me. It is an area in my life that my seizure disorder inspires the opportunity to embrace the good in the bad. My lifestyle of using a prescribed restrictive diet offers the opportunity to maintain a consistent niche, taking steps closer to being a successful entrepreneur in the healthcare industry. My approach to overcoming one of the greatest challenges that I face in my life is to turn it into a strength in my career and business endeavors. Through experience building a business, I learned that establishing a focused niche to your brand creates better growth and success. I am choosing to use a limitation that forces me to be consistent to maintain my health as leverage to build consistent content and services in a rewarding career field. I have the opportunity to reach other people wanting to make a change in their life by sharing knowledge that has grown from my personal experience. This leads me to pursue high education to gain more expertise in the Nutrition field.

My seizure disorder put me at risk of dying in my sleep. Alternative approaches and prescription drugs became necessary to control them. I feared the medication side-effects, especially membrane inflammation of the skin, mouth, brain, and spinal cord. This results in a skin rash that is like third-degree burns, mouth ulcers, bleeding gums, severe brain-fog, and tremors. I had to overcome my fear of tapering onto medication to save my life. I spent three months enduring side-effects and a year to regain full functionality. I now have been seizure-free for an entire year for the first time in 10 years.