At the age of eighteen, I thought I would be performing live on stage much like my idols, such as Taylor Swift, Avril Lavigne, Hyuna, and Lea Salonga. I was a little girl from the big city of Mandaluyong, Philippines. I wondered if I could have a chance to prove myself to the world. It was not long until I moved to Guam at the age of eleven. Moving to an unfamiliar place at a young age seemed to affect me more than I thought. I often felt small, outcast, and insecure about myself. As I grew up, I started opening up and trying more activities that I wanted to pursue. I went on and led many clubs and organizations, but the insecurity remained with me. I had ambitious goals that I wanted to achieve, but I could not pursue them full-heartedly due to my mental health gradually declining throughout the years. My family, who are highly old-fashioned and do not believe in mental health, ignored my cry for help when I told them I needed to seek professional help. Despite this, I had to keep holding on and try to help myself by taking supplements that claim to help me mentally. Multiple times, more evident towards the end of my senior year in high school, I thought about what would happen if I just committed the unthinkable. I often thought that it was the only way out. But before committing the act, it was as if there was a voice in my head that stopped me from doing so, telling me that all my hard work would be for nothing if I just ended it all now. I thought about my friends, family, classmates, and all those who were depending on me. I could not bring myself to see them grieve over me. My consciousness did not want to bring them the pain of losing someone, and so I never pushed through with it.  To heal myself, I joined a theatre company called Breaking Wave Theatre. The theatre company dedicated themselves to bringing awareness to topics that are not usually talked about on the island, mental health being one of them. Ever since I joined, the purpose of my wanting to be an idol has changed. I want to be an inspiration to someone. I wanted to bring hope to people and share love with them, just like how music did for me. At the same time, I learned multiple things at the company. The decision and choice are entirely up to me whether I want to make the best out of my life or spend the rest of my days moping around and grinding for success all the time. I learned the importance of taking a break when needed, as humans are not machines that are simply made to work all the time. They taught me to find joy and happiness in the littlest ways possible, whether it be watching the sunset or sipping hot chocolate on a rainy day. And that even if I feel like the tunnel will never end and all the struggles seem to always cling to my back, the storm will soon pass. While I am still fighting for my chance for a spotlight, the fire that once burned my heart has kindled into a soft, gentle flame. I have accepted the fact that I might not make it as successful as the people I once idolized as a kid. I have compromised and settled down to the idea of simply releasing music and other products to make people feel like they are not alone. However, the little child that lives in my head frequently questions what I should wear on my next world tour or what the title of my next hit album should be. And it was those gentle reminders of hope that kept me thinking that maybe it is not so bad to dream big.

Learning is an activity that human minds never stop doing, and this appeals to my leadership as well. During my time at John F. Kennedy High School and at my Catholic community's Youth for Christ, I have been in many roles that involve leadership and have learned multiple things from them. Despite having all these different roles, I am still learning how to become a better leader for everyone. During my senior year in high school drama class, I was assigned to direct our annual class production that most underclassmen would watch. Although it was my first time directing, I acquired much knowledge of the mistakes that were made during the previous year's show, and made sure that they did not happen again at all. Previous experiences I had in GATE theatre shows also helped me incorporate skills like acting into the current production. At the moment, I have developed into this person who's able to compromise with scheduling, write a well-rounded script, plan sets, arrange blocking, and do even more things. This is why I believe learning from previous experiences can help me succeed not only in general leadership but also in this role as well. The previous experiences I had, good or bad, will only benefit my class and lead to a well-produced show we can be proud of. Youth For Christ is a church organization that has given me opportunities to broaden my self-understanding in not just the music ministry but the annual YFC Summer Camp as well. I am part of the facilitating group, meaning that I contribute to making the succeeding camp greater than previous ones. In preparation for the event, I was responsible for flyers, brochures, and the advertisement photos. Through these outlets, I believe my creativity helped introduce Youth for Christ to other teens. Learning from previous experiences also helps in making the YFC Camp go by smoother. For instance, in my first year of facilitating, time management was a critical issue, and yet now, this year's camp was strictly on time with very few minor inconveniences. YFC Summer Camps are nerve-wrecking, but no matter how nerve-wrecking they are, I still must continue learning so that I may provide a better camping experience for everyone. Without learning, a leader would remain flat and unable to open their minds to a broader perspective. As the former director of the drama class, the event will help me for future occurrences, whether it’s for the next theatre show or for class. Lastly, being a YFC facilitator helps me learn to interact with different kinds of people every year and learn new things from fellow campmates as well, which helps me be a leader who they are comfortable talking to. In my opinion, a leader should be open to learning something new in order to lead other people. No matter how much leadership experience I get, I will still take the liberty to learn more and open my mind to new things for the betterment of everyone.

Growing up, music has helped me overcome multiple challenges in my life, depression and panic attacks being one of them. It helped me see the brighter side of the world and gave me hope for the future. I want to pursue a career in music, or any other performing arts career, as I want to spread hope and love to other people just like how it did for me.