Throughout my life I had always a close bond with my father. He was everything to me, and even though he was barely there, I loved him with all my heart. Unfortunately because of the close relationship he made sure we had, I never told anyone what he had done to me. When I was around 6 years old my father sexually assaulted me. I never told a single person because I simply thought it was normal. It wasn't until last year I had told my mom, and now I don't have any contact with him. I grew up with my abuser and thought nothing else of him besides a father figure and my whole heart. But now today I look at him and think of many other things, including how strong and resilient I am now. I have been slowly overcoming obstacles that have formulated from the past events, but I am still growing and becoming stronger everyday. When I was going through a rough time in my life earlier last year, I had turned to writing. I wrote down something everyday and it eventually became a daily need for me. I learned that even though I was going through a horrible time in my life, something good came out of it, which was my passion for writing. My personal struggle and issues do not define me today. Each day's a struggle for me to find motivation or to stay focused, but I try each and every day to succeed in some way. I know I am capable of so much more than I indicate, and I try to achieve greater successes that will benefit me. I am determined to do something with my life and make something of myself, pushing aside the challenges that will face me.

Throughout my life I had always a close bond with my father. He was everything to me, and even though he was barely there, I loved him with all my heart. Unfortunately because of the close relationship he made sure we had, I never told anyone what he had done to me or what he had caused. When I was around 6 years old my father sexually assaulted me. I never told a single person because I simply thought it was normal and I grew up thinking it was alright. It wasn't until recently these past months I had told my mom and now I don't have any contact with him. I grew up with my abuser and thought nothing else of him besides a father figure and my whole heart. But now today I look at him and think of many other things, including how strong I am and how resilient my character is now. Since I consider myself a writer I like to think of it as character development. Every character in a story, in order to be the main character needs an interesting backstory. Not necessarily traumatic, but something that has affected them greatly. I like to believe that whatever happens to me is simply character development and it will make me the better and bigger person I'm supposed to be at the end of the day. Each day I try to be the bigger, better person. Always being there for others, and always staying optimistic and listening to what they have to say. When I was going through a rough time in my life earlier last year, I had turned to writing. I wrote down something everyday and it eventually became a daily need for me. My thoughts then turned into spoken word poetry, and I continued to scribble frantically, hopelessly but relentlessly scavenging for words to express my emotion. I now have a journal filled with poetry, talking about my childhood experiences and my emotions in general. I learned that even though I was going through a horrible time in my life, something good came out of it, which was my passion for writing. If I hadn't spoken up about what had happened to me, I wouldn't have found my love for creative writing and poetry. I feel as though I can express myself better through writing, and finding words to describe myself that just roll off your tongue. I plan to continue my passion for writing and sharing it on as many platforms as possible. I want people to read my work and realize that they are not alone in what they experience, feel, and see. I hope my writing career will take me somewhere along the lines of journalism or being an author. I chose to major in Creative Writing at Portland State University simply for my passion of English. I want to get better at grammar and punctuation, and will always be craving to learn more about poetry and spoken word. Throughout the past year I have recently developed a complication to writing on paper. Once I do start writing physically, I begin stimming and feeling very uncomfortable; which isn't exactly ideal for a writing major. I overcame this obstacle, however by turning to typing and online writing; whether its on google docs or my memos app on my phone. My personal struggle and issues do not define me today, and I know I am capable of so much more than I indicate. I am determined to make something of myself, pushing aside the challenges that will face me.

Growing up I had a very unique childhood I would say, my parents were split; never married. I lived with my mother my whole life, and saw my father every other weekend. Both my parents never stayed with a partner for too long, so I've had to meet and say goodbye to new siblings all the time. Never really making a permanent childhood connection. Because of this, we never stayed in the same spot either. My mom went through many abusive relationships while I was younger, resulting in her and I moving from place to place quite often. My dad was barely in the picture to begin with, but eventually married and settled down in 2013. My stepmom never accepted me as one of her own, despite what she told others and my younger siblings. Throughout my life I had always a close bond with my father. He was everything to me, and even though he was barely there, I loved him with all my heart. Unfortunately because of the close relationship he made sure we had, I never told anyone what he had done to me or what he had caused. When I was around 6 years old my father sexually assaulted me. I never told a single person because I simply thought it was normal and I grew up thinking it was alright. It wasn't until recently these past months I had told my mom and now I don't have any contact with him. I grew up with my abuser and thought nothing else of him besides a father figure and my whole heart. But now today I look at him and think of many other things, including how strong I am and how resilient my character is now. Since I consider myself a writer I like to think of it as character development. Every character in a story, in order to be the main character needs an interesting backstory. I like to believe that whatever happens to me is simply character development, and it will make me the better person I'm supposed to be at the end of the day. Each day I try to be the better person. Always being there for others, and always staying optimistic. I have been slowly overcoming obstacles such as PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression formulating from the past events, but I am still growing and becoming stronger everyday. My mom started dating and had a long term relationship which also started in 2013. The past 7 years that my mother had been with my stepdad, were abusive on all ends. This then developed certain triggers and unnecessary fears for me. When I was going through a rough time in my life earlier last year, I had turned to writing. I wrote down something everyday and it eventually became a daily need for me. I now have a journal filled with poetry, talking about my childhood experiences and my emotions in general. I learned that even though I was going through a horrible time in my life, something good came out of it, which was my passion for writing. If I hadn't spoken up about what had happened to me, I wouldn't have found my love for creative writing and poetry. My personal struggle and issues do not define me today, but do impact my learning unfortunately. I know I am capable of so much more than I indicate, and I try to achieve greater successes that will benefit me. I am determined to do something with my life and make something of myself, pushing aside the challenges that will face me.

This poem was to demonstrate how young women see themselves compared to societies "standards". I wrote this poem to not only show women that they are not alone when feeling this, but to give them some sort of voice as well. The irony is that I check a lot of the boxes of some would say "a perfect body" or "a perfect woman". And although I am seen as such, I still feel way less than perfect. I see myself as the girl with muddy eyes and unproportioned features, when really on the outside society dubs me as perfect. I plan to continue writing about my experiences based on home life, bad relationships, and mental health in general. I finally found an outlet for my voice to be heard, and even if this dream doesn't take off; Ill still continue writing.