Not everyone has character development but luckily I was able to grow entirely in a positive way. Being able to grow in such a positive way in only a year is very important and shouldn't be taken for granted. Not having character development isn't bad at all it's just why to stay the same when you can become better. In eleventh grade, my mental health was very bad. I became very angry at the world, the only thing that I could do that wouldn't sabotage my reputation of being happy and jolly was to put on a happy smile and hide my feelings as I do so well. In September 2021 I tried to commit suicide, I didn't notice how many people I would be hurting until after the fact. After that incident, I chose to start going to therapy to learn how to open up and not give up on myself so fast. By making this decision I opened up a lot of trauma wounds that I didn't know weren't healed. The most important one was the very bad habit that I adopted over the years which was putting others' feelings and problems over mine. Letting people be able to cry on my shoulder but I didn't allow myself to also have a safe person. I was so immune to doing these things that I was slowly killing myself mentally and emotionally without even noticing. I was so focused on making sure everybody else was okay and too busy telling people to open up about their feelings the whole time I wasn't practicing what I was preaching. All I ever wanted to do was be someone's hero because nobody was available to be mine. I didn't want to run to my parents for help because I always felt like they had too much on their plates already and of course, Miya didn't want to add to the mess. And as for my siblings, I was too busy helping them out with their problems. It also felt like nobody had enough time for me and my feelings which of course hurt a lot but again I was good at hiding my true feelings. Now I am not scared nor do I let myself put my feelings on the back burner just because everyone else is growing through things. When I want to open up about my feelings I just go to my note and right all of my negative and even positive feelings down. No matter how much I may cry while writing my feelings I don't stop. I'm just so happy that I've grown so much from last year to now because if I was still holding in my feelings I would be somewhere going crazy right now.

A time when I demonstrated resilience to inspire someone else was when my little sister first brought her insecurity about her skin complexion to my attention. My eleven-year-old sister Asha and I are the only dark skins out of all eight of my father's kids. No matter how many times I tell her how beautiful she is it can still affect her, and I know this because of me also going through the same that she is going through at this age. When I was in middle school I was first introduced to colorism, I was told things like if I was lighter I would be prettier, getting called African booty scratchers and burnt pop tarts, and I even got called a gorilla once. Going through these things all alone was very hard for me. I had nobody that I could run to who would be able to know how it feels. This caused severe insecurities in me, I didn't feel beautiful no matter how many times my family would call me gorgeous it felt like they were only calling me pretty because they had to. It seemed like the only time I would feel pretty is when I would watch dark skin celebrities be praised for their looks for instance Naomi Campbell. I found myself watching her runway model videos on youtube and reading the comments. She made me feel unstoppable almost like the prettiest girl in the world. I loved watching how she would have her head high back up and how she walked with so much power it was like every time she took a step sparkles would come down. As I got older I became so comfortable in my skin I love everything about my skin from the dark spots to the scars that cover my legs. When I'm around my sister I make sure to take videos and pictures of myself, I love to bring up my skin by saying things like calling myself a sexy chocolate drop, and I love that every time I compliment myself she seems to smile or laugh. I love to go in her room and brown skin girl while she laughs and tells me to get out of her room when deep down inside I know that she loves every moment of it. She reminds me so much of myself when I was her age the only difference is that she has me to help her. I even gave her a nickname, I call her pretty black and she loves it. Even though I might not be able to make her feel 100% beautiful I can always try and that's what I'm doing and I dont plan on stopping.

People always say that a girl's first best friend is their mothers. In my opinion, that is 100 percent true. If it wasn't for my mother I wouldn't be who I am today so therefore I strive to be the best I can be and make her proud. Even though our relationship might not be perfect because there's no such thing and I still wouldn't replace her with anyone in the world. My mom taught me at a young age to love myself and be strong, keep my head up and never give up, she would remind me that my skin was beautiful dark and had stories. At a young age I never really understood what she meant about my skin having stories but once I became of age I wholeheartedly understood it, and it made me cherish my skin and cherish all of the positive things my mom said about it. She made me love the skin that I am rewarded with. My mom's story might not be as bright as mine but she didn't let that affect her parenting. At the age of only five years old my mother watched her dad die of alcoholism, he died while playing barbies with her. Even though my mom doesn't talk about it I know it hurts her, her father's death affected her mother's mental health very badly and was later diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression. And back in the early 80s, there wasn't any good medicine that could help my grandmother. My mom and her younger brother were sent to live with their grandmother and 7 other family members in the low-income area of Philadelphia. My mom had to pick up responsibilities like basically raising her little brother who has special needs. When she turned 14 she decided that she wanted to start making money so she started to do her hair inside her bedroom. She was very successful with the decision she would stack her money in teddy bears and underneath her bed so no one would be able to sneak into her room and take it. Her two cousins were pregnant at the age of 14, her uncle and aunt were on drugs, her grandma struggling to make sure everyone was set, and her brother had special needs it was a lot on her plate at a young age but she didn't give up. At the age of 19, my mom ended up pregnant and breaking the generational curse by graduating with a High School diploma sadly a couple of weeks later her aunt who was a drug addict would go into her room and steal most of the money along with some pampers and wipes that she had stashed in a teddy bear. This would be a wake-up call for my mom and she will soon move out and live on her own. During my junior year of high school, I became very depressed and lost, a lot of old trauma that I thought I got overcome be 10x worse. I tried to commit suicide and was unsuccessful by the grace of god. I am very good at hiding my feelings and putting on a pretty face. When I opened up to my mom all she could do was cry and tell me over and over again how she will always have my back and not be scared to come to her and talk. From that point on my mom makes it her duty for us to have our monthly checkups where we have a mommy and daughter day. I wouldn't know what to do without her.