I recall lying on my bedroom floor, all the hope and motivation drained out of me. I thought that it was the end, and that horrific event would forever define my life. Yet, I felt at ease when sharing stories of sexual assault with other women and survivors. Having that camaraderie is truly impactful and helps in the healing journey. To say I immediately healed is an incredible overstatement. However, I always reminded myself that through education, women can gain social and financial mobility in society. I aspire to help women heal from traumas that they have endured through my work as a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner.
When I was sixteen years old, just starting to find my footing in the world and prepare for young adult life, I was sexually assaulted by my partner. We had met at work. I was very into my job, working forty-hour weeks hoping to save up for college. I had been there for a year and was well-respected by management because of my dependability and work ethic. When the perpetrator began working there, he started on a management track very quickly and became a right-hand man. Crazy enough, managers facilitated a relationship between us. That marked the start of an odd and unbecoming time. The environment of the workplace I once loved would suddenly become very unwelcoming to me.
Once I had time to process the extent of what had happened to me, I made the hard but necessary decision to report the perpetrator both to the police and my employer. On the outside, my employer was sensitive and supportive of me, but other members of management did not possess the tact the situation called for. Gradually I found myself being excluded from meetings and events, and hearing whispers of my name from fellow coworkers. When trying to address these issues with my superiors I was called "fucking crazy". I had become too much and my perceived exclusion and alienation were all in my head. As a minor, I could not find a job that paid me as much money, so I put up with it for an additional year.
I had many rough nights and days, it seemed like my fire had been blown out. I decided that I simply could not deal with the discrimination and constant rehashing of my assault anymore. I was hoping for some form of justice and vindication, that wasn't coming. It was not easy, but with the help of my therapist and supportive people, I was able to escape that draining environment. It was such a hard pill to swallow, but I can rise above my traumas even if some people will never believe or validate them.
In my career as a nurse, I want to serve vulnerable populations and be the person that believes them. No patient of mine will ever feel disparaged or like the environment that I foster is unsafe. My commitment is to provide quality care to all of my patients. Women's health, however, is particularly important because it deals with people in some of their most intimate times. Stigmas regarding sexual health affect the comfort of patients. I am working every day to absorb all of the knowledge and humility needed to be that comfort and safety that folks need. With financial support, I can further my education and my dream to serve people who need it most. I hope to be an ally and advocate in their corner, like so many wish they had.