I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy God is with me every day.

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy I have learned everything from books, my whole life.

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. sites.google.com/view/loposophy

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. If I truly do my utmost in this – I can never truly fail.

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. If I truly do my utmost in this – I can never truly fail.

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. If I truly do my utmost in this – I can never truly fail.

I have known people who have questions, and I try when I can to provide perspectives. Living a life dedicated to helping others, but experiencing self-doubt, has been an interesting path to navigate! I recently had a number of paths in my life intersect, and decided to finally face my fear of success, and to pursue a degree in behavioral health and social work. I also decided to finally attempt to put pen to paper, so to speak, and to collate my thoughts related to psychology, behavioral study, cultural communication, and philosophy. I have spoken parts and parcels of my thoughts and perspectives, but always as related to whatever situation or issue with which another individual was presenting me. I have never attempted to present whole thoughts, even to myself, let alone to the written word. I am an Intuitive thinker. I constantly seek to find interrelationships, correlation between sometimes seemingly disparate situations, ideas, or thoughts. It makes for diverting perspectives and perceptions of things sometimes, and this has appeared to be useful for some people, which I am glad of. But as I mentioned, self-doubt. The most interesting dilemma I have known in my life, I would be willing to bet. Knowing that I can be of help. Being driven by personal values, belief system, need, and choice to be of service to others. And perhaps because of that self-same drive, being often beleaguered by doubt – perhaps I cannot truly help. If I fail, then what is my purpose? Others are likely far more capable, qualified and educated to help than I... But a peculiarity, perhaps, of my way of thinking: There are two cores of thought drawing my focus here. On the one hand, I am driven to help others whenever possible. On the opposing hand, I doubt my ability to help, and fear failure. I recognize that fear is easier to give in to. I have yet to explore why that appears to be the case for so many people, but I digress. The fact is – I have two opposing cores of thought, and it remains ever and always my choice which thought I prioritize. Of course, prioritizing one doesn’t negate the other. But it paves the way for that ever present experience that so many seek and never find: Acceptance. I accept my self-doubt. I feel it and know it to be a presence in my life that does not need to stop me from pursuing or accomplishing any goal that I choose to set for myself. And the greatest goal of my life, the very goal that has defined nearly every major change and many of the minor ones...how could I even question such a thing? Of course, I am not the most qualified, the most knowledgeable. I am not the most experienced, and there are numerous people in this world who can help in so many more ways. And that is a wonderful thing, and it validates my life goal, as others clearly share it. It teaches me humility. And it reassures me that even when I fall short of my own expectations, there are others in this life who carry the same drive to help, who can do a wonderful job. I have only to accept who I am, accept what I can do, live according to doing what I can when I can instead of focusing on what I cannot, while using every opportunity to better my own knowledge and understanding, and my ability to help. If I truly do my utmost in this – I can never truly fail.

I brought 3 beautiful children, their mother, horses, and other animals, into my home 4 years ago. They have chosen to allow me to be their father and words cannot express what that feels like. I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Ethnomusicology, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can. I'm looking for scholarships, but if I don't receive any, I'll take student loans if I have to. I can't keep letting lack of finances get in the way of doing better for myself and others in future. 5. In the land of a thousand souls we will carry on through the rain In the sun we will move along with the memories of the slain When I see this humanity and the evil that they have come to be We've come to the point of no return and you beg for just One more time to escape from all this madness One more time to be set free from all this sadness And one last time to be the one who understand My soul and my spirit will go on My soul and my spirit will go on, for all of eternity - My Spirit Will Go On, Dragonforce Osmium.

I brought 3 beautiful children, their mother, horses, and other animals, into my home 4 years ago. They have chosen to allow me to be their father and words cannot express what that feels like. I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

I grew up in gang-, drug- and alcohol-infested areas of California. I was introduced to smoking marijuana younger than 10 years old and drank alcohol around the age of 10 as well. These things were normal in that time and place. It's odd to feel that it would have been strange to walk outside our small apartment and NOT hear children singing about drugs or alcohol. We had the D.A.R.E. program in my school. I remember my classmates and I looking forward to receiving a better education on which drugs sounded the most fun. We'd discuss together during recess and after school, as one child or another mentioned if they had a cousin or uncle who would give them some drug or another to bring to school the following week. I find that addiction is often not for a drug or activity, but is for the outcome of the feeling that the drug or activity offers. Craving for a euphoric intoxicant doesn't mean craving that particular intoxicant. It means craving what euphoria offers them. The ability to relax. To believe they're artistic and can engage with their imagination in ways they believe they can't, sober. To set aside anxieties. To form intimate connections in ways they believe they cannot when sober. Intoxication offers the ability for an individual to achieve the things that they believe others may be able to achieve but that they cannot, when sober. It offers the ability to shortcut overcoming our perceived shortcomings, if you will.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

I brought 3 beautiful children, their mother, horses, and other animals, into my home a few years ago. They have chosen to allow me to be their father and words cannot express what that feels like. I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

I brought 3 beautiful children, their mother, horses, and other animals, into my home a few years ago. They have chosen to allow me to be their father and words cannot express what that feels like. I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

I brought 3 beautiful children into my home a few years ago. They have chosen to allow me to be their father and words cannot express what that feels like. I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition and taking responsibility for fears can motivate better, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington state to the Tucson area in February of 2019. My mother and I had owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression and related issues for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty bad relationship. We barely spoke for a number of years, during my late adolescence and into my early twenties. In my thirties, we reconnected, and - slowly at first - began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We spoke a lot, shared about our issues, and supported each other in growth - admittedly, she helped me much more than I helped her, as it should be. I studied behavioral health and communication to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide the night of February 8th, 2019. She left me a note, of course. She felt at peace with knowing that she and I had made amends and developed such a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, I was beginning mourning, I would first focus on handling necessities, probably need to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. 2 weeks later, I was in Tucson and selling my home in Washington, trying to find a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it from happening. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, and that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am truly driven to help, and truly want to do so, then I need to face my fear of failure, and pursue the degrees and the career field where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, however late in coming, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study both animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for since my childhood, and will work in animal assisted therapy. I have been on disability for some 10 years and, knowing that this is a career field I can work in, I will make it happen. My mother told me at times that I confused her with my ability and interest in facing hard truths about myself or situations I find myself in, for the benefit of personal growth. That was some of the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly, coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known in my life. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.

I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits that my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. My mother told me a few months before taking her life that she was proud of my ability to face truths about myself. That was the highest praise I have ever received and was appreciated dearly, coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I have processed my perceptions of my life as a victim and as a "victor". Ultimately, I learned that the best was to accept. Life brings challenges and joys, both. We have much more influence in the quantity and depth of each than we typically allow ourselves to see. Acceptance, I have found, allows us to better recognize “objective reality”, inasmuch as any of us are able. Not attaching negative stigma to situations and thoughts – or even assigning positive value – that can limit or influence away from goals or values. As an example, I do not hate being anxious. I recognize and accept it, and can work with it to accomplish goals that serve my values. I hope to help others with this and other ways of dealing with life that can best help them approach any difficulties they may face and overcome those difficulties healthily. If we accept our perceived shortcomings, then either assess them and find them to not BE shortcomings or work to overcome them naturally - this can mitigate the craving to excuse or hide from flaws. Once we realize we have no faults to shortcut through avoidant activities, we are free to pursue productive behaviors. Years ago, I craved intimate relationships. I recognized it to be an unhealthy craving I sought to satisfy so that I could shortcut some defect I perceived in myself. I tried different ways of addressing this behavior in myself, finally finding that correcting my behavior *while continuing to engage in craving the behavior* was not functional. I chose to be single for as long as it took to understand and work through my imperfections so that a healthy dating relationship might become possible. I also chose to accept that a healthy dating relationship may never end up being possible for me. I believe understanding and accepting that was a large key to success for me. I learned I craved connection that would provide me with the knowledge that I belonged and fit in. I remember from an early age feeling a sense of disconnect from people around me, often not quite fitting in with peers or elders. I remember thinking to myself "If I can have ONE person understand me, have interest in me and share my interests, and find me personally important to them, THEN I will know that I belong and fit in. I don't need to fit in with many. I just need to fit in with one." That eye-opener led to questions. Why did I need to know that I fit in? Why was the craving so strong? What drove the expectations and resulting disappointment when my expectations were unmet? What exactly did I think I needed, and why? I began to learn more about values. The deepest cravings I've felt in life were most often from unmet expectations driven by values. Fitting in was a value that I held dearly. I felt that I had never experienced it. I was taught that being antisocial was anathema to society. Being part of a group validated a well-established and respectable human. Being misunderstood signified divergence from societal norms, low intelligence and low ability to be understandable. Without fitting it, there can be no success or worth in society. I assessed some of my values at that time: To be understood and accepted. To fit the norm of some part of society. Underlying all these was a value that I should have worth in society. The above secondary values were derived from this. Is the value of being accepted, fitting in, or having worth in the community wrong? I don't believe so. But these values had become at odds with other values I held dear. This was my problem. I believed that this disjunction was the cause of my self-perceived inappropriate craving for relationships. My values at odds with the above were: To be selfless and focus on the needs of others. To assign worth to my CHOICES as opposed to assigning worth to my SELF. To have integrity (also meaning to be whole and undivided, which was itself violated by the unresolved division.) To put my moral principles before my wants and desires. To learn to accept myself (a craving desire to be accepted by others undermined my ability to truly and deeply accept myself.) To appreciate that I am atypical in some ways and that this can be beneficial in my life - that the qualities behind my peculiarities can be good things. To accept faults and criticism given to me as educational and an opportunity for growth - I felt a burning need to be understood by others, and the accompanying expectations and disappointment when they did not, became a personal attack on my ability to be understood. I had been avoiding the responsibility for BEING understandable because it made me feel badly. I shifted this responsibility onto others, so that I could convince myself that I was ok, it wasn't MY fault - and this gave me an excuse to blame others, making them “less than”, which also affected my relationships. I realized that a lot of changes needed to be made. Some came immediately and felt obvious. Some took years, and I have no doubt that I will continue to have epiphanic moments that offer me growth in these and many other areas. I look forward to the understanding I will gain through University and following career in Social Work and counseling.

I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life and will live according to my values while pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure to work in animal assisted therapy and research, to follow the path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others.

I have been a punk rocker, a Christian, an agnostic, a Christian again. A professional in a three piece suit every day, a forklift driver, a delivery driver, a prep cook, a cat wrangler. I have been belligerent in youth, rebellious, unappreciative. I have been respectful toward myself and others, holding myself to highest standards, and supporting others however I am able. I have tattoos, piercings, even worked as a piercing artist. I enjoy a nice suit and typically wear boring workpants and nice button-down shirt. I cuddle kitty cats, write poetry, and enjoy a good day of hauling hay bales, digging holes and carrying railroad ties around my miniature ranch before a relaxing evening of speaking about emotions with my son while learning auto mechanics together. I have cared for cats, dogs, rats, snakes, an iguana once. Horses, donkeys, goats, birds, and bunnies. I have been afraid of snakes, wary of dogs, disgusted with birds, and in abject terror of anything equine. In some cases, I overcame or adapted to fears and feelings. I am still exhaustingly terrified of horses. But I have learned how to communicate this to my horse so that it builds a larger bond between us. And my horse stands roughly six feet in height at his withers. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD and being on the Autism Spectrum. I choose to recognize the benefits my sometimes different perspectives give me, and how the peculiarities of my brain can be used to help others. I have studied and engaged in lutherie, lapidary, languages and linguistics. Psychology, sociology, sewing, landscaping. Electrical and electronics, computers and technology, religions and philosophy, gardening and geology. I couldn’t stop studying and learning if I wanted to – which I most certainly do not. I refuse to be an optimist. Pessimism is counterproductive. Realism demands that I recognize all the negativity and positivity that I can possibly find. To embrace it all and accept it for what it is, so I can best navigate life in the most productive and helpful way that I can. I have been on disability for roughly ten years. I have used my time as productively as I have been able, but it is time for me to step into a different direction. I am pursuing a Bachelor’s degree, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will work in animal assisted therapy and research. I will maintain an attitude of gracious acceptance of life. I will live according to my values. I will follow this path to become my next best me, on my journey to best helping others. I don't feel that any attribute makes me unique - moreso that the whole of me with all the moving parts makes me unique. And aside from the specifics mentioned, I plan to give back to my community in every single way that I can.

Fear can be a wonderful motivator but, recognition of and taking responsibility for fears can motivate more, and for more positive things in our lives. I moved from Washington to the Tucson area in February 2019. My mother and I owned a home together for some years, I could no longer afford the mortgage after her passing, and I had family in the Tucson area. My mother struggled with depression for most of her life. I grew up with those struggles myself, and she and I had a pretty difficult relationship. In my thirties, we reconnected and began to redevelop a genuine relationship. We communicated and shared a lot, and supported each other in growth. I studied behavioral health to better understand myself, and it gave me a lot of insight into the struggles she faced as well. She committed suicide February 8th, 2019. She left me a note. She felt at peace knowing that she and I had made amends and developed a positive and supportive relationship. I called my therapist at the time, immediately upon finding my mother the following morning. She knew me well and asked me to self-evaluate. I explained that I was in shock, would focus on handling necessities, needed to move and therefore figure that out, and once I had time to think – I would likely blame myself. Two weeks later, I was in Tucson, selling my home, seeking a place I could afford in the Tucson area. And I absolutely blamed myself. I have processed that blame and turned it into responsibility. I did fail my mother in some ways. It was not my fault, and I may not have been able to stop it. But there was one glaring thing that I knew I *should have done*, that I did not do, that could have been of possible help. I have been driven to help others throughout my life. I have studied culture, ethnomusicology, socio-linguistics and interpersonal communication, foreign language, behavioral health, etc., to help me understand and help others to the best of my ability. But I have avoided pursuing a degree and career in these fields, out of fear. Fear of success, fear of failure. Studying as a hobby and personal interest, helping others on my terms and as an individual, I have freedom from expectation, and freedom from fear of failure – I believed. Because pursuing it as a career and failing would mean feeling failure in my core driving goal. But I did fail my mother. Had I been in University at that time, or already working in the field of behavioral health, circumstances would have been different in numerous ways. I no longer blame myself – but I do recognize my responsibility. If I am driven to help, and want to, then I need to face my fears and pursue the career where I can succeed. I have finally begun that journey, and will get a Bachelor’s in Social Work, followed by a Master’s and licensure. I will study animal and human behavior, work with animals that my mother and I shared a deep love for, and will work in animal assisted therapy. My mother told me that I confused her with my ability to face hard truths about myself, for personal growth. That was the highest praise I have received in my life, and was appreciated dearly coming from one of the strongest people I have ever known. I love my mother, am grateful that she was able to be such a positive influence in my life – and I miss her every single day.