When I think about mental health, it’s like walking through a minefield where every step can trigger something explosive, a hidden pitfall just waiting to drag you under. That’s how it felt growing up in a house with faith layered over faith—both Christian and Jewish. Two different worlds that were meant to converge in harmony, but in reality, they collided inside me, creating this internal conflict that no number of prayers or Shabbat candles could reconcile. Mental health wasn’t something we talked about in church or synagogue; it wasn’t even language we knew how to speak. You didn’t say “I’m anxious” or “I’m depressed.” You said, “I’m blessed,” or “God will provide.” And yet, there was always this undercurrent of something, something gnawing that I couldn't place.
As I got older, the fractures became more pronounced. There’s something about having bipolar disorder that makes the world feel alternately like a gospel choir and a funeral dirge, sometimes in the same day. For me, religion was a framework that alternated between salvation and guilt, joy and despair, and it mirrored the mental turmoil I often felt. The highs were sacred to me, this euphoria where the world shone, and I was walking in the light of God. Then, the lows came like a plague.
These experiences have influenced how I view not only myself but my relationships with others. In Christianity, you have the crucifixion and resurrection—suffering followed by salvation. The eternal forgiveness of a loving God. Judaism, too, has its own narratives of struggle and redemption. It’s the Passover story, it’s exile and return, or Yom Kippur, seeking forgiveness and atonement. But what those traditions didn’t prepare me for was the in-between, the day-to-day grind of living with a mental illness that doesn't have a clear end, a neat resolution. Where is the roadmap when you’re not yet at resurrection, and your exodus seems never-ending?
This liminal space of suffering shaped how I relate to others, especially those who find themselves caught in the web of mental illness and addiction. The ones who are stuck between their own personal crucifixion and resurrection. Wandering through an emotional desert with no promised land in sight. I see them, I know them, because I have been them. I have lived among them, struggled with them. In some ways, I am still one of them.
I think back to the friends and loved ones I’ve known who battled with addiction and mental illness. There was Danny, who couldn’t shake his demons. Despite or in spite of the love and support that surrounded him. He always seemed like he was teetering on the edge of salvation. His dual diagnosis, depression and opioid addiction; it was like watching someone play Russian roulette with their life. His moments of sobriety were celebrated like holidays. But then his final relapse came. It was like a dark storm that washed everything away.
That’s when I realized that mental health and addiction are linked, each feeding off the other in this vicious cycle. Both needed to be treated to ensure better outcomes. It’s not only about the substances; it’s about the emotional pain, the lack of coping mechanisms, the desperation for something—anything—that feels like relief. It’s the same longing for redemption that religion talks about, except the fix, the drug, becomes the false god. For so many people like Danny, that’s their salvation, however fleeting.
But Danny wasn’t just one story. He was the first of many I encountered personally and also professionally as I started working with unhoused people and those struggling with addiction in mutual aid settings. It became clear to me that my career needed to be in this space, working with people who were not only battling addiction but also mental health disorders.
The intersection of mental health and addiction, the dual diagnosis, is where I want to work. I want to be there in the trenches, helping people find some semblance of stability in their lives, to offer something more than just a Bible verse or a prayer. It’s about showing up with tools, resources, and a deep understanding that this fight is as spiritual as it is medical, as emotional as it is practical.
And this brings me to the path I am walking in my career: I am going to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner specializing in addiction medicine. I am someone who understands that mental health is not just a footnote in someone’s medical chart, through my own lived experience. I am that person who can look at someone and see the layers of their struggle—the mental illness, the trauma, the addiction—and once my education is attained, work with them holistically.
In many ways, my Christian and Jewish upbringing has shaped how I want to approach this work. The core teachings of both faiths—compassion, forgiveness, the idea of redemption—are central to how I view my role in helping others. But at the same time, I understand that it’s not enough to just pray for someone’s healing. You have to be willing to walk with them through the mess, to get your hands dirty, to acknowledge that sometimes salvation comes in the form of harm reduction, medication, or even just a safe place to rest.
I know what it’s like to feel torn between two worlds, both spiritually and mentally. I know what it’s like from bipolar disorder to feel like I'm fighting a war inside my own head. While everyone else just wants you to "snap out of it." But I also know the power of support, the feeling of being seen and heard, the grace of knowing that someone is walking beside you.
That’s what I can offer the people I will work with. I will be that person who can say, “I see you, I’ve been there, and we can figure this out together.” Whether it’s through harm reduction strategies, therapy, medication, or just listening when no one else will, I can be a part of someone’s journey toward healing. Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying in some way to find our way back to ourselves, and sometimes, we can need a little help getting there.
My mental health struggles have not only shaped my beliefs but have also clarified my career path, and my gifts. I’m not just looking for a job; I’m seeking my calling. I want to stand at the crossroads of mental health and addiction, and help others navigate a path toward healing, wholeness, and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of salvation along the way.