I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder after I turned eighteen. My anxiety stemmed from a car accident and was not something I had ever experienced until that event. Anxiety has become almost like a deep, dark secret. While it is not something I am proud of, there is only so much I can do to make the anxiety go away. My friend and I were on the way to get a tattoo. We were stopped in traffic when a car beside us did not stop. He hit us at an angle, which caused us to spin and land on the side of the vehicle. I spent years being afraid. I could not drive on that stretch of the freeway for a long time. The anxiety did not end with driving. It continued to affect every aspect of my life. I was unable to leave my house or be around a group of people. For years, people told me that I was fine and was overreacting. The anxiety eventually manifested into different types of self-destruction. I dropped out of college not long after the car accident. I refused to take an exam in person out of fear that something would happen to me again. I never did return to anything related to in-person school. I was scared to fail again and waited until years after I had my son to return to school. I graduated with a bachelor's degree and currently in graduate school. Graduate school shows me that I am capable and worthy. I can be someone who can make myself and my son proud. That anxiety does not hold me a prisoner to myself anymore. I spent many years of my life living in fear of the "what-ifs". The truth of the matter is that I am physically fine. There were no broken bones from the accident. Yet, the mental and emotional pains have hurt the worst. I can rise from a traumatic experience. I knew I needed to do better for my son. I did not want him to miss out on anything because I let my fear and anxiety win. In reality, I knew that it was something I wanted and needed to do. My son just became the final push in the matter. All of my accomplishments today may not have happened if I did not have anxiety. I have a greater appreciation for myself, my life, and others.

My name is Michele Landrus, and I am a little bit of everything. I am the abuse that occurred throughout my childhood. I am the nineteen-year-old who lost herself while chasing a guy who loved drugs more than her. I am a previous college drop-out and current graduate school student. I am someone's mother and wife. I am a mental health worker. I am someone who plans to make a difference. There is an infinite number of ways that I can describe myself. I am composed of everything that has happened to me and of everyone who I have ever interacted with. I am the parent for my son that I wish I had growing up. I have true unconditional love for my son. I am raising him to be a kind person. Someone who is empathic, and caring, but does hold boundaries. He needs to respect and care for himself first as there is only so much we can give others without emptying ourselves. If nothing else, I know my son will be my greatest impact on the world. I would have created a human who passes kindness off to the next person. I currently work at a mental health hospital as a behavioral health technician, BHT. Sometimes I meet people on their worst days, which is part of the job that I have come to accept. That initial meeting is not always the best impression or a good reflection of a patient's true character. It is also never taken to heart. I graduated with a bachelor's in psychology because I like to gain a better understanding of people. I am in graduate school to get a master's degree in addiction counseling. I would love to be able to pass the licensing exam to become a licensed independent substance abuse counselor, LISAC. I took a class on HIV and addiction for my undergraduate degree. That class was life-changing. It made me realize how the standard of care is not integrated or inclusive. Individuals with co-occurring disorders and health concerns like HIV, do require a higher level of care. It is my dream to be able to open a type of private practice or clinic that caters specifically to that clientele. I would love to work with other professionals, such as doctors and social workers, for interdisciplinary care. Together, it could be possible to set a new standard for addiction treatment.

Mental health is my passion and something that I constantly advocate for. More specifically, what I wish for is to bring more awareness to the comorbidities of HIV and substance abuse. Negative stigma is attached to either subject, making speaking out difficult for some people. I work as a behavioral health technician, BHT, at a mental health hospital. I hope this position will continue until I finish graduate school and can pass the licensure to become a licensed independent substance abuse counselor, LISAC. I do believe that some professionals enter this career field under the disguise of helping save clients. That is not an ideology I follow. We are all capable of creating positive changes within ourselves. Sometimes, it takes the right person to believe in us before we can do it for ourselves. Every day, I get to work with patients at and have been at the lowest points in their lives. I also get the privilege to watch as they save themselves, which can be a humbling experience. It is a beautiful thing to be able to watch a patient strive and begin to maintain sobriety. Everyone is worthy of love, recovery, and help. Everyone is deserving of those things as well. The past cannot change, but the future is always evolving.

My name is Michele Landrus. I am a stay-at-home mother and a full-time online student. I have been with my husband for five years and married for three. Together, we have an almost-four-year-old son. I am currently finishing a bachelor’s degree in psychology. After graduation, I want to work in a crisis center. I eventually have the intention of completing a master’s degree in substance abuse and addiction counseling. My dream job is to open up a private practice. I want to see primarily HIV-positive clientele. The idea behind the private practice is for my clients to be able to receive other necessary treatments relating to their HIV or substance abuse status. I want those providers to work together to provide clients with the best all-around care possible. Along with the private practice, I want to raise awareness in local communities. I would like to travel to local high schools, colleges, and at-risk communities and share information on substance abuse and HIV. My more realistic goal, however, is to work in an inpatient drug treatment facility. The desire to work with this population came from one of my previous classes. I took a class at community college entitled “HIV and Addiction”. There, I learned how counselors will refuse to see clients with HIV due to the complexity of their care. I believe everyone is deserving of the same treatment regardless of their complexity. I want to help end the stigmas associated with mental health and addiction as well. I think that is one of the many problems our society is currently facing. People are scared to seek help and treatment due to the possible judgment. It is easier for a stranger to judge an addict than it is to get to know them. An addict is still a human being. Every person in the world is broken in some way. Some learn to cope in healthier ways than others. It is easy to ignore how addiction does not discriminate. Anyone can become an addict. Some too many counselors are not in this career for the right reasons. I am not entering this career with the want or desire to save someone. I am not God nor do I get to choose who to save. My goal through addiction counseling is to provide my clients with the necessary tools for them to save themselves. I believe in the power of chances. Some of my future clients might have tried over a dozen different treatment programs and options. I do not get to decide when they have had enough chances.

My journey through school probably looks similar to that of other parents. As a parent, we have to make sacrifices to provide for our children. Our wants and desires are overseen by the wants and desires of our children. Like other parents, I would give my son the world if I could. My educational journey is not unique or unheard of. It is that of a mother who is trying to do her best within her limits. I became a mom at the age of twenty-one. I am currently twenty-five. Being a young mom has changed my life for the better. I have had to learn how and what to prioritize. School for me was not always an immediate need or possibility. I dropped out of college when I found out I was pregnant. I have been a stay-at-home mom since my son was born. My husband started his career as an electrician when our son was six months old. His education came first due to his job setting us up for financial stability. My husband and I continue to try to give our son the best life we can. One of the ways to do so is by me finishing college and starting my career. I am currently in school to complete a bachelor’s in psychology. I have the intention of earning a master’s degree in substance abuse and addiction counseling. My goal is to become a licensed independent substance abuse counselor, LISAC. With that, my dream is to work with primarily HIV-positive clientele and raise awareness for the risks of drug usage and HIV. Until then, I wish to work for a crisis center. I am entering this career field because I believe it is good in the world. I am also raising my son to become the good as well.

I believe people are genuinely good at heart. I also believe people sometimes make the wrong choices and need guidance to help make better ones. My dream is to help others realize the good that still exists in themselves. I am in school for addiction counseling due to this belief. I believe addicts tend to be broken people. They use their addiction as a coping mechanism. They may not see their abilities, but I do. I know my future clients are more than their addiction. My realistic career goal is to work in an inpatient drug rehab facility as an addiction counselor. However, my dream would be to work in either a private practice or an association that brings awareness to drug usage and HIV. There is a lot of negative stigmas associated with both issues. I do not want people to fear seeking treatment due to judgment or the complexity of their condition/addiction.

I find my greatest happiness in life is my son. He has taught me a love I never knew existed. I never understood moms saying "my child saved me" until I had my own. He is my motivation to be a better person and do better in life. If he turns out to be a happy person, I will be too. My son is only three, so he still finds joy in the little things. He is fascinated by watching the construction trucks work nearby. He likes to learn how the world works. He asks questions about things I do not have answers for. Yet, my favorite thing about him is how easy he can love. He wears his eager heart on his sleeve. I am happy with the person my son is becoming. I hope he continues to be the independent, head-strung, empathic, and happy person I know he can be.