What is mental health? For many people it could mean taking a nap or time off from work to recharge. Mental health to me means life altering. I served our country in the U.S. Navy from 2005-2010. In 2006, I volunteered to deploy to Iraq as a prison guard to assist the U.S. Army in fighting the war on terror. I was an aircraft mechanic in the Navy and instantly became a soldier. Little did I know at the time but this deployment would change my life. Upon honorably discharging in 2010 the Veterans Affairs (VA) diagnosed me with hearing loss and PTSD; I was only 22. I moved back home and thought I was okay. I felt I could go on with my life and "reintegrate" as I was told. I began drinking and battled depression after realizing the prisoners I guarded in Camp Bucca were released and would later become ISIS. I began to spiral downward, closing off everyone and feeling an immense level of guilt. I sought out counseling through the VA and this decision saved my life. The licensed clinical social worker taught me how to manage my thoughts and emotions and told me something that to this day I have never forgotten. She told me that those thoughts and memories may never go away but you must learn to integrate them into your life. Mental health is important because if not diagnosed and monitored may affect every part of a person's life. My life is an example of a successful mental health story. I was fortunate but sadly many are not. I defeated depression, drinking and most importantly feelings of guilt for the past. Its an everyday battle for me but with help from medication and support from loved ones...I know I will be okay.

The year was 2005 and I had just graduated from Recruit Training Command, Great Lakes (US Navy Basic Training). Four years have passed since the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and I was chomping at the bit to get into the fight. While at my first duty station the Navy began asking for volunteers to step up for a special duty in Iraq but they would not say what it was for. I notified my command that I wanted to go and a few months after I was selected to become an individual augmentee to become a prison guard working for the US Army. I completed basic Army infantry training in a remote desert surrounding El Paso, TX. I successfully completed hours of rigorous army infantry training and shipped out to Camp Bucca, Iraq where I helped guard 20,000 of the worlds most hardened prisoners for 365 days. After returning back to the states in 2007 I did my best to reintegrate myself back into society. Something I thought would be a simple task ended up becoming the most difficult part of my life. I would later discover I was battling depression, mood swings and flashbacks. During a phone conversation with a friend who I served with oversees I realized something might be wrong, my friend encouraged me to make an appointment with mental health. I reluctantly called and made the appointment that would set me on the path to recovery. I met with a mental health therapist and I had my walls up to show my strength and I did not want them to think I was a basket case. 10 minutes into the meeting I was bawling my eyes out! I apologized over and over to the counselor telling them I had no idea these emotions were buried in me. In 2009, President Obama released all of the detainees back into the world...my heart shattered upon hearing this. In 2010, I was honorably discharged from the Navy and returned home. The Veterans Affairs officially diagnosed me with PTSD as a service connected disability. The detainees I guarded at Camp Bucca would later become what the world knows as ISIS. In 2012, I was two years into my counseling and thought I was handling my PTSD symptoms well (including medication). ISIS made themselves known in 2012 by capturing and killing innocent people and filming it for the world to see. This triggered my PTSD symptoms like never before. I immediately made a VA appointment because I was sickened to see the vile videos of what ISIS was doing. I felt guilty and still do for having a hand in their creation and not stopping it when I could have. In recent events the Taliban releasing the detainees in Afghanistan has caused those same emotions to surface again. Was it all worth it? as I write this I am fighting back the tears. My experience with PTSD has caused so much disruption in my life and almost ruined my marriage. I have learned that the memories, emotions and nightmares will never go away, I have to learn how to integrate them into my life and manage it. To help others battling PTSD I applied to the Oregon Department of Veterans Affairs Advisory Committee and was hand selected by Governor Kate Brown to sit on the board and assist the director. I assist the veteran community by taking their concerns to the board and advise the director of ODVA on relevant veteran issues in our communities.