My eyes open slowly as dawn breaks through my window. My vision is greeted with a blanket of white snow that sparkles like the innocence in a child’s eyes. A few months pass, and I wake to the birds singing their morning song in a landscape of greenery. Year-round each day is filled with joy, beauty, and something new that was not there the day before. Joy is defined as, “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness,” (Oxford Languages) but to me it is moreso a lifestyle and mindset than a feeling. I could complain about the coldness of winter, but instead I acknowledge the brisk air as a joyful reminder of my mortality; a reminder that my time here is limited, and to make the most of it. I find joy in my life by seeking out positivity. Big or small, upsetting or exciting, everything happens for a reason. If you look for it, you can find a positive aspect in all events. Perhaps something did not go how you initially wanted it to, but it worked out in the long run. Or, maybe it went really well and you would not have had it any other way. Regardless, there is joy in each situation, you just have to look for it. Searching for joy in my life was not easy at first. Most days I had to force myself, but over time I began to craft my own lens that allowed me to see the good in everything. Now, I only observe life through this lens. Joy is everywhere, in everything, and in everyone, you just have to apply the correct lens.

When I was in fifth grade I started saxophone lessons. My father was in a jazz band, so I learned how to play from their saxophone player. I excelled rather quickly and before I knew it I was an entire year ahead of my grade. I knew that I was good, but I lacked passion. I did not want to push myself, I dreaded my lessons, and despised going to band class. I was young and was unmotivated, so I refused to play the saxophone after years of training. I quit at the end of eighth grade. I was happy for about a year, but after that year I began to regret my decision. It is now four years later and to this day I still heavily regret quitting. I know that I would have grown to enjoy playing the saxophone if I had stuck with it. I was too young and naive to understand what I was throwing away. All those years of built up potential were gone with one decision. I could have gotten scholarships for my talent, and I could have become a great jazz musician, but I no longer have these opportunities. Lost potential is the kind of pain that hurts your soul; the kind of pain that you do not forget. Because of this, I am determined to reach my full potential. Until I do, I will bring myself one step closer every day. I recognize my potential now, and I will not see another day that I throw it away.

When I was in eighth grade my parents were in the midst of their divorce. It was a pain for me to be at home and I had been struggling alone for a while. Then freshman year came, and I ran into a few people that I instantly bonded with. It was not long before I spent every waking moment with them. When I was struggling at home, these people became my family. They have shown me support in every aspect of my life. Now here I am, a senior in high school, still best friends with them. My friends are my main source of happiness. I have been through everything with them from my worst traumas to the best of memories. As my final year with them comes to an end it is nice to reflect on the joy that they have brought me. They lifted me out of my depression and showed me how fun and adventurous life can be. I do not know how I will ever be able to repay them. I am beyond lucky to have such genuine friends, and I cannot wait for one last summer with the people who make me the happiest.

Tick, tick, tick, the clock begins the song as a subtle, yet impactful reminder of our mortality. The song “Stay Alive” by Jose Gonzalez encourages me to break out of my comfort zone, and to abandon the stability of being in a place that I am familiar with. Jose sings, “There’s a rhythm and rush these days, where the lights don’t move and the colors don’t fade” (Gonzalez). So often, people today, myself included, get so caught up in work and their responsibilities that they forget to actually live. We are given the gift of life, but take it for granted more and more everyday. He then sings, “Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams, in a world gone shallow, in a world gone lean” (Gonzalez). These past few years I have spent my time worrying about traumas, anxieties, and the future, but I will no longer entertain these stressors. I have an inner voice that tells me to go explore the world, and to pursue my dreams. I do not want to live in a way that drives me into a shallow and unfulfilling life. The lyrics, “dawn is coming, open your eyes,” (Gonzalez) speak to me because when I listen to this song I feel like I have finally woken up. The uplifting sound and the encouraging lyrics inspire me beyond any other song I know. It motivates me to do what I am scared of, to make difficult decisions, and to achieve my dreams before it is too late. I cannot wait for the day that I, “look into the sun as a new day's rise” (gonzalez) and feel like my dreams have been fulfilled; to feel as though I have finally opened my eyes.

As I grow into the person that I am meant to be, I spend more time doing the things that I enjoy. I went through an era in my life when I only did what other people wanted me to do because I felt too nervous to branch out. Over time I picked up hobbies and tried new things. One of the hobbies that has stuck with me is music. Whether it is making playlists or playing the guitar, I have discovered a sense of joy that resonates within the creativity of music. Music has a vast selection and variety that is difficult to find elsewhere. From the myriad of genres, to the countless artists, there is always a new sound emerging. Further, music is not only a way to escape life, but also a way to see life more clearly. When I am playing the acoustic guitar I feel serene. It is just me and the music, nothing else. I am doing it for nobody except for myself. I am proud to say that I have broken out of my old habits, and have begun to do what honestly makes me happy. Music has become a part of who I am, and I will continue to feed the passion that I have discovered within it.

Over the past year I have felt immense stress and confusion while choosing my future career path. I had no idea what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. However, there was one thing that I knew. I knew I wanted to travel. I began to research countless career paths that paid to travel. The one that stuck out to me was aviation. The idea of soaring through the air and seeing the world from up above sounded euphoric. Excitedly, I reached out to my uncle who is a corporate pilot. He highly recommended it and advised me to get my commercial pilot license while in university. I understand that this may be difficult time-wise, but I am determined. I plan on attending Montana State University next year for my bachelor’s degree, and achieving my piloting licenses in the summers at home. My top career path is aviation, but by receiving my bachelor’s degree in another area I will have a safety net. My uncle stressed the difficulties he had in finding a piloting job after 9/11. Since he majored in a different field, he had something to fall back on for the time being. He had that safety net that others who majored in aviation did not, and I think that it would be wise for me to do the same. As the last factor in my decision I took a discovery flight. The second we got into the plane my eyes lit up and my smile spread ear-to-ear. I had not felt myself smile like that in months. As we took off, I felt the weight of my worries from the past year lighten from my chest. When the controls were handed over to me I knew that was what I wanted to do. Not only is flying exhilarating, but it allows you to see the world in a way that I did not know was possible. I want to explore and to experience different cultures. I want to meet new people and to see all that this beautiful world has to offer. My goal is to become either a Corporate pilot or a Commercial Airline Pilot. I do not know which one for sure yet, and I know that my path is not fully paved. Nonetheless, I am okay with this. I know what I want to do, and I know that it will work out how it is supposed to. I am terrified, but also beyond excited for what this adventure will provide. As I look for plane tickets to Montana for next year, I know that one thing is certain. Aviation is a one-way ticket to the career of my dreams. All I need is help with buying that ticket.

Nature provides a unique freedom to life that gives me a sense of belonging. From the joyful conversations made while hiking to a campsite, to the songs sung while stargazing around the fire, nature makes me feel at home. Because of this I have found a love for camping. It is how I get to appreciate nature and fully immerse myself in it. Camping is a simple thing, really, but there is a certain intimacy found in being so open to nature. When it is just me and my friends falling asleep under the stars in our hammocks I feel at peace. As the breeze sweeps across my nose and I drift off to sleep, I can hear the trees shake softly and the birds hum their nighttime lullaby. The fire crackles as it dims to coals and I am reminded that nothing else matters in this moment except for the present. All of my traumas fade into the darkness of the woods and suddenly everything is clear. I am surrounded by the people I love and in this moment I am tranquil. I know that this is where I am meant to be. Nature is my home.

I recall numerous nights that I laid in bed questioning existence. I did not do so in a suicidal manner, but more-so with a sense of curiosity and longing for truth. Due to my mother’s paranoia, I have had a difficult time defining certainties in my life. Until the age of 16, my reality was a mixture of personal observations and my mother’s beliefs. Paranoia is quite complex, but in short, she viewed life in a way that twisted each event against herself. Since my mother’s reality was altered, mine was too. I could not tell right from wrong and I lived in an abyss of deceit. My grades began to slip, I struggled to maintain relationships, and I was no longer connected with the world like I once was. Thus, I searched for my truth, something to define my reality. I turned to music. Music wields a quality of candor that is difficult to find. Each note, each instrument, and each lyric is real. The way it makes me feel, and makes my body move is real. Whether I am listening to it, dancing to it, or creating it, music gives me a sense of truth, a sense of grounding. Each lyric is a mirror of my thoughts. Each note and rest are an imitation of my breathing, of my being. I feel the beat deep in my chest and the strings light in my fingertips. As it flows through my body it tells my story. Music is my truth; it is what helps me distinguish my reality from my mother’s. Paranoia destroyed countless opportunities and relationships for my mother, including her marriage with my father. Now that I have music, I will not be subject to this deceitful life. I will persevere.