I expected anger when I finally told my father how deeply his addiction had hurt me, but instead he simply said, “thank you.”
My father’s addiction had shaped my childhood long before that phone call. I spent countless nights sitting at the top of the stairs or hiding behind the fridge listening to my parents fight, until they finally divorced when I was four. I loved my dad deeply and treasured our weekends together, but I always felt a heaviness as I packed my bag, anxious about which version of him I would find. Eventually, his addiction created so much instability that I was no longer allowed to see him when I was eight, and over time, the calls stopped as he slowly disappeared from my life.
After years of silence, I learned that my father had been arrested, and for the first time in my life he was sober. Each day I accepted the phone call from Worcester County Jail, and we spoke cautiously, shaped by years of distance and anger I wasn’t ready to confront.
After a huge fight with my mom, I went to my room and sat down in front of my mirror. I couldn’t recognize the person looking back at me. She had sad eyes and looked hollow, like the only thing within her was anger—my dad’s anger, and until I confronted the source of it, I’d never get anywhere. I decided that I never wanted to see her looking back at me again. I picked up the phone and found the courage to tell him the truth about how much his addiction had hurt me and how that pain had spilled over into the way I treated the people around me.
Instead of becoming defensive, he thanked me for my honesty, and for the first time it felt like we were rebuilding a relationship that addiction had nearly destroyed.
Less than a month after we finally faced the addiction that had shaped our relationship for my entire life, it took him from me. The grief that followed felt world-shattering. I realized I couldn’t survive this alone, and needed to begin learning how to hold grief instead of letting it consume me.
My healing began when I reluctantly joined a grief group through my church and finally allowed myself to process everything I had lost. I attended every Friday for months, but I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere. During one meeting, my pastor handed me a piece of paper and asked me to write a lament about our pain. As I started to write, the anger, confusion, and heartbreak I had been carrying for years poured onto the paper. Everything started to get lighter as I stopped fighting my grief and admitted I didn’t have the answers. I looked at the page again and began to wonder if what I’d been through could mean something more than just surviving.
As I continued learning how to carry my grief, I also began sharing my story with others who were facing similar pain. One of the most meaningful moments came after I spoke about my experiences at a summer camp in front of more than four hundred people. After my speech, I saw a teary-eyed girl I had never met walking up to me. She stopped and said only two words: “My dad.” I understood. I hugged her and told her what I once needed to hear myself: that she wasn’t alone and that even though it wasn’t fair, her story has a purpose. Through mission trips and speaking at shelters, I continue having those conversations, listening to people on every side of addiction and seeing how deeply it affects families.
Managing my own anxiety and depression has taught me that I can’t always slow down, but I can choose how to carry it. On hard days, I lose myself in music, and journaling the way I learned through the lament—allowing myself to confront what I’m feeling instead of pushing it down. I’ve also learned to keep the conversation open with people I trust, because silence was what made everything harder for so long. In college I plan to continue doing all of those things, and to keep pouring my energy into helping others—because outreach isn’t just something I do for other people. It’s been part of how I heal.
These experiences shaped the future I want to pursue. I plan to study psychology so that the little girl hiding anxiously behind the fridge, wanting desperately to fix her dad, can be seen—to help the angry teenager fill herself with love and recognize her reflection again. I want to be the person for struggling adolescents that I didn’t always have.