It is well noted in scholarly literature that combinations of psychotherapy and psychotropic approaches yield the best treatment outcomes. What is also painfully lucid in the literature is that mental health services are both grossly underutilized and unavailable to those that need it; especially marginalized populations. This is something I have come to see first hand during my clinical experiences with LGBTQ+ foster youth and the homeless. Depending on geography, income, childcare and transportation, some individuals do not have the access to both mental health clinicians and a psychiatrist. When exigent mental health needs are left to fester, they often metastasize into something far more daunting in order to cope, such as addiction, an eating disorder or other maladaptive coping mechanisms. It is for these reasons that I want to have the qualifications and skillset in order to better serve the underserved by providing both culturally competent psychotherapy as well as psychopharmacological management. There is a harrowing shortage of psychiatric nurse practitioners in this country and I hope to close the gap and extend my reach in how I can help. This goes beyond working with patients, as there is still a great deal of stigma and misattunement within the medical community toward mental health; something I hope to directly impact through advocacy and psychoeducation. Establishing more available and affordable community health centers, which has integrated mental health care, is one pragmatic approach to moving toward improved collective mental health. This especially holds true in low income neighborhoods where there are higher incidence of trauma as well as increased minority stress which leads to more chronic health problems which are secondary to the sequela of ramifications of untreated mental health disorders and chronic stress. Changes at the community level are far reaching for changes on a larger scale.

Something I do to improve the lives of the elderly in my community is run grief support groups. As a psychotherapist in the age of COVID, I have seen a disproportionate amount of death. One of the hardest hit populations have been geriatric populations. There has been a high demand in both general mental health counseling as well as need for support for the spouses of those that have lost loved ones to COVID or may be going through the process of loved ones due to COVID complications. I saw the need for individuals to be able to safely come together and discuss their struggles in a novel time. During a time when there was an increased sense of loss and overwhelming isolation, I wanted people to not feel so alone after they were faced with or are staring down the prospect of losing their lifelong partner. I tried to create a space for individuals to process their past and current experiences of loss and aimed to provide ongoing end of life counseling for the loved ones of those inflicted with what would be considered terminal illness. Although I could not undo the hardships and losses these individuals have suffered, I did have the ability to use my skillset and create a space for them to work through their tragedies and help them feel less alone during such a collective trauma.

Despite being a literature connoisseur, I can say with confidence that my favorite book is “A Little Life” by Hanya Yanagihara. The attention to character development was something the author went through great lengths to establish. It enabled me to form a deep emotional connection to these fictitious protagonists. I found myself deeply relating to one particular protagonist, especially when it came to their deeply traumatic childhood and subsequent struggles with PTSD and mental health. Their defense mechanism of throwing themselves into work and keeping people at a distance despite an illusion of closeness was something I deeply resonated with. It was nothing short of beautiful to slowly watch this character let down their walls and demonstrate vulnerability with a lifelong friend who ultimately became their partner. I can’t think of another book that moved me to tears on multiple occasions as various characters that I had come to know experienced tragedy. Considering the length of the book, it felt as if I had known the characters for a lifetime and knowing they no longer existed, even in text form was something that was difficult to fathom. Generally when I finish a book, I appreciate the work and then move onto the next one. Finishing “A Little Life” was a different experience. I had to wait a few weeks before I considered opening my next book because I felt as if I was grieving the loss of the characters and the story coming to an end. I almost felt a sense of loyalty to the story and moving onto the next book felt like I was not giving it the respect it deserved. Out of the hundreds of books I’ve consumed, I have never and have yet to re-experience such a phenomenon and I likely never will.

“Recovery” by definition means a return to a previous level of functioning. However, I often times ponder why that is the end goal when we have the ability to grow and surpass our previous level of functioning. For myself, recovery does not just look like abstaining from my old maladaptive behaviors. It means creating a sense of internal and external sense of safety for myself. It looks like being able to validate my own emotional experiences and feel all the grief, pain, sadness and anger that I had been stuffing for so long. We do not have the ability to selectively numb, so while I may experience these unpleasant emotions, I now have the ability to feel joy, happiness, pleasure and human connection; something that was noticeably absent during my struggles. Recovery means accepting that things are not so black and white and being able to sit in the discomfort of uncertainty as the nonlinear path of recovery unfolds. It took me a long time to grieve the loss of former protector and confidant, but I now vehemently believe that my worst day in recovery will always be better than my best day in my disease. Recovery has given me my life back and several second chances. It allows me to use my experiences and help others who are facing similar plights in their lives and enables me to ameliorate some of their suffering by reminding them that there’s someone in their corner that believes in them.

It is well noted in scholarly literature that combinations of psychotherapy and psychotropic approaches yield the best treatment outcomes. What is also painfully lucid in the literature is that mental health services are both grossly underutilized and unavailable to those that need it; especially marginalized populations. This is something I have come to see first hand during my clinical experiences with LGBTQ+ foster youth and the homeless. Depending on geography, income, childcare and transportation, some individuals do not have the access to both mental health clinicians and a psychiatrist. When exigent mental health needs are left to fester, they often metastasize into something far more daunting in order to cope, such as addiction, an eating disorder or other maladaptive coping mechanisms. Having worked as a psychotherapist and mental health clinician for several years, I continued to run into the same systemic roadblocks in patient care. It is for these reasons that I want to have the qualifications and skillset in order to better serve the underserved by providing both culturally competent psychotherapy as well as psychopharmacological management. There is a harrowing shortage of psychiatric nurse practitioners in this country and I hope to close the gap and extend my reach in how I can help. This goes beyond working with patients, as there is still a great deal of stigma and misattunement within the medical community toward mental health; something I hope to directly impact through advocacy and psychoeducation.

Perhaps the most important studying strategy I have come to utilize is recognizing that studying is not a one size fits all approach. Too often I fell into the fallacy of comparison of looking at what my peers were doing in order to master material instead of looking inwardly at my own strengths to achieve success. As painstaking as it is for me to make study guides, I have found that the process of making a study guide is part of the review process as well. As I transcribe information into a homogenous form, it forces me to review the material as well as finding a way to make it digestible on my study guide. Perhaps one of the most useful as well as fulfilling study strategies is helping other peers. Though I prefer to initially study by myself, once I feel I have a proper grasp on the material, I find that helping explain the materials to others helps me apply the knowledge I have been reviewing. The best way to determine your grasp on a concept is how well you are able to convey it to another person, while also adjusting to his or her own learning style. Doing this type of review not only reassures me that I understand the material, but it also gives me a sense of gratification that I am able to support someone else on the same academic journey as myself.

During the spring semester of my junior year, the stars all seemed to be aligning. I had recorded a 4.0 in a hectic 24-credit semester, which included teaching and research assistant positions and Division-1 athletic commitments. What I failed to realize however, was that no academic experience could possibly teach me what I was about to learn from an ensuing in vivo experience. I was in a downward spiral, which was systematically leading to my physical, mental and emotional decay. I was dying of an eating disorder, Anorexia Nervosa. My heart was failing, my liver was shutting down and my brain was on fire…I needed help. During the ensuing two and a half years following my hospitalization, I spent a large amount of time in and out of one of the most respected residential eating disorder facilities in the country. While there, I revisited my painful past and trauma that I had endured and subsequently buried through starvation and over exercise. This period proved to be tumultuous and followed the nonlinear path that is synonymous with recovery. They were filled with triumphs, relapses, feeding tubes, hospitals, pain, healing and inspiration. My journey has taught me several important things. I realized that I wanted to devote my life to becoming a mental health clinician and general advocate for mental health. Given my own experiences, I have a unique understanding and level of empathy of what it’s like to be on the other side of the mental health system. I know what it’s like to feel helpless and hopeless with no end in sight no matter how much therapy, counseling and treatment one receives; but I also know what it’s like to feel those feelings and still come out the other side. Recovery may be nonlinear and imperfect, but it is possible.

Lying in a bed that wasn’t mine, eyes glaring at the white tile ceiling, avoiding all eye contact with the man in the white coat. The redolence of Iodoform fills the air, matched only by the pungency of sad human foulness. The shrill screams of a woman yelping in pain resonate cacophonously throughout the room with the rhythmic beeping of a vitals machine being the only reprise. One of the many thoughts pulsating through my mind was how on earth I wound up laying in the confines of this decrepit hospital room feeling powerless and defeated. It was a question that would take me over two years to answer. During the spring semester of my junior year, the stars all seemed to be aligning. I had recorded a 4.0 in a hectic 24-credit semester, which included teaching and research assistant positions and Division-1 athletic commitments. What I failed to realize however, was that no academic experience could possibly teach me what I was about to learn from an ensuing in vivo experience. What I also failed to realize was that I was in a downward spiral, which was systematically leading to my physical, mental and emotional decay. I was dying of an eating disorder, Anorexia Nervosa. My heart was failing, my liver was shutting down and my brain was on fire…I needed help. During the ensuing two and a half years following my hospitalization, I spent a large amount of time in and out of one of the most respected residential eating disorder facilities in the country. While there, I revisited my painful past and trauma that I had endured and subsequently buried through starvation and over exercise. This period proved to be tumultuous and followed the nonlinear path that is synonymous with recovery. They were filled with triumphs, relapses, feeding tubes, hospitals, pain, healing and inspiration. My journey has taught me several important things, some of which have led me where I know stand, working as a mental health clinician. During the course of my treatment I realized that ‘this’ is what I wanted to devote my life to, becoming a mental health clinician, eating disorder specialist and general advocate for mental health. Given my own experiences, I have a unique understanding and level of empathy of what it’s like to be on the other side of the mental health system. I know what it’s like to feel helpless and hopeless with no end in sight no matter how much therapy, counseling and treatment one receives; but I also know what it’s like to feel those feelings and still come out the other side. Recovery may be nonlinear and imperfect, but it is possible. As a male with an eating disorder, I unfortunately know a great deal about-facing stigma, not just from the general population, but from the very people who were supposed to be helping. Countless specialists evaded a proper diagnosis citing that “a male shouldn’t be having these problems” amongst other disparaging remarks. Experiences such as my own are not unique and only perpetuate cyclical feelings of shame and fear. I hope to continue to be a part of a new wave of change in the way medical facilities; schools and community centers are educated and trained in the handling, screening and facilitation of care involving mental health. I also wish to advocate for early intervention through community outreach and erase the notion that one has to be “sick enough” to warrant treatment. While interested in working with clients across the spectrum of mental health, my primary areas of interest are working with those that suffer from attachment disorders, trauma, substance use disorders and eating disorders. It is my desire to help sufferers understand the evolving function their eating disorder may serve. I hope to help sufferers be able to validate their emotional experiences without using their bodies, find their voice, ask for their needs and help them create a sense of internal and external safety for themselves. It is my hope that the next time there’s an individual staring at a white ceiling, wondering how on earth they got there, we can figure it out together. Shortly before I was to graduate from my masters program in clinical mental health counseling and behavioral medicine, I found my plans come to a screeching halt as the Covid-19 pandemic began to devastate the world, There was a scramble to establish relief efforts, especially for one of the most vulnerable populations; those suffering from homelessness. I felt cajoled to take the call and use my skills in behavioral health to ameliorate the hardship patients were facing on a 1000 bed mobile hospital unit. It was here, surrounded by other medical professionals, that a desire I had since taking psychopharmacology began to crystalize. I want to be able to give more to my patients and maximize the services I can provide them. I wanted to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner. It is well noted in scholarly literature that combinations of psychotherapy and psychotropic approaches yield the best treatment outcomes. What is also painfully lucid in the literature is that mental health services are both grossly underutilized and unavailable to those that need it; especially marginalized populations. This is something I have come to see first hand during my clinical experiences with LGBTQ+ foster youth and the homeless. Depending on geography, income, childcare and transportation, some individuals do not have the access to both mental health clinicians and a psychiatrist. It is for these reasons that I want to have the qualifications and skill-set in order to better serve the underserved by providing both culturally competent psychotherapy as well as psychopharmacological management. There is a harrowing shortage of psychiatric nurse practitioners in this country and I hope to close the gap in how I can help. This goes beyond working with patients, as there is still a great deal of stigma and mis-attunement within the medical community toward mental health; something I hope to directly impact through advocacy and psycho-education.

Lying in a bed that wasn’t mine, eyes glaring at the white tile ceiling, avoiding all eye contact with the man in the white coat. The redolence of Iodoform fills the air, matched only by the pungency of sad human foulness. The shrill screams of a woman yelping in pain resonate cacophonously throughout the room with the rhythmic beeping of a vitals machine being the only reprise. One of the many thoughts pulsating through my mind was how on earth I wound up laying in the confines of this decrepit hospital room feeling powerless and defeated. It was a question that would take me over two years to answer. During the spring semester of my junior year, the stars all seemed to be aligning. I had recorded a 4.0 in a hectic 24-credit semester, which included teaching and research assistant positions and Division-1 athletic commitments. What I failed to realize however, was that no academic experience could possibly teach me what I was about to learn from an ensuing in vivo experience. What I also failed to realize was that I was in a downward spiral, which was systematically leading to my physical, mental and emotional decay. I was dying of an eating disorder, Anorexia Nervosa. My heart was failing, my liver was shutting down and my brain was on fire…I needed help. During the ensuing two and a half years following my hospitalization, I spent a large amount of time in and out of one of the most respected residential eating disorder facilities in the country. While there, I revisited my painful past and trauma that I had endured and subsequently buried through starvation and over exercise. This period proved to be tumultuous and followed the nonlinear path that is synonymous with recovery. They were filled with triumphs, relapses, feeding tubes, hospitals, pain, healing and inspiration. My journey has taught me several important things, some of which have led me where I know stand, working as a mental health clinician. During the course of my treatment I realized that ‘this’ is what I wanted to devote my life to, becoming a mental health clinician, eating disorder specialist and general advocate for mental health. Given my own experiences, I have a unique understanding and level of empathy of what it’s like to be on the other side of the mental health system. I know what it’s like to feel helpless and hopeless with no end in sight no matter how much therapy, counseling and treatment one receives; but I also know what it’s like to feel those feelings and still come out the other side. Recovery may be nonlinear and imperfect, but it is possible. As a male with an eating disorder, I unfortunately know a great deal about-facing stigma, not just from the general population, but from the very people who were supposed to be helping. Countless specialists evaded a proper diagnosis citing that “a male shouldn’t be having these problems” amongst other disparaging remarks. Experiences such as my own are not unique and only perpetuate cyclical feelings of shame and fear. I hope to continue to be a part of a new wave of change in the way medical facilities; schools and community centers are educated and trained in the handling, screening and facilitation of care involving mental health. I also wish to advocate for early intervention through community outreach and erase the notion that one has to be “sick enough” to warrant treatment. While interested in working with clients across the spectrum of mental health, my primary areas of interest are working with those that suffer from attachment disorders, trauma, substance use disorders and eating disorders. It is my desire to help sufferers understand the evolving function their eating disorder may serve. I hope to help sufferers be able to validate their emotional experiences without using their bodies, find their voice, ask for their needs and help them create a sense of internal and external safety for themselves. It is my hope that the next time there’s an individual staring at a white ceiling, wondering how on earth they got there, we can figure it out together. Shortly before I was to graduate from my masters program in clinical mental health counseling and behavioral medicine, I found my plans come to a screeching halt as the Covid-19 pandemic began to devastate the world, There was a scramble to establish relief efforts, especially for one of the most vulnerable populations; those suffering from homelessness. I felt cajoled to take the call and use my skills in behavioral health to ameliorate the hardship patients were facing on a 1000 bed mobile hospital unit. It was here, surrounded by other medical professionals, that a desire I had since taking psychopharmacology began to crystalize. I want to be able to give more to my patients and maximize the services I can provide them. I wanted to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner. It is well noted in scholarly literature that combinations of psychotherapy and psychotropic approaches yield the best treatment outcomes. What is also painfully lucid in the literature is that mental health services are both grossly underutilized and unavailable to those that need it; especially marginalized populations. This is something I have come to see first hand during my clinical experiences with LGBTQ+ foster youth and the homeless. Depending on geography, income, childcare and transportation, some individuals do not have the access to both mental health clinicians and a psychiatrist. It is for these reasons that I want to have the qualifications and skill-set in order to better serve the underserved by providing both culturally competent psychotherapy as well as psychopharmacological management. There is a harrowing shortage of psychiatric nurse practitioners in this country and I hope to close the gap in how I can help. This goes beyond working with patients, as there is still a great deal of stigma and misattunement within the medical community toward mental health; something I hope to directly impact through advocacy and psycho-education.

It is well noted in scholarly literature that combinations of psychotherapy and psychotropic approaches yield the best treatment outcomes. What is also painfully lucid in the literature is that mental health services are both grossly underutilized and unavailable to those that need it; especially marginalized populations. This is something I have come to see first hand during my clinical experiences with LGBTQ+ foster youth and the homeless. Depending on geography, income, childcare and transportation, some individuals do not have the access to both mental health clinicians and a psychiatrist. When exigent mental health needs are left to fester, they often metastasize into something far more daunting in order to cope, such as addiction, an eating disorder or other maladaptive coping mechanisms. Having worked as a psychotherapist and mental health clinician for several years, I continued to run into the same systemic roadblocks in patient care. It is for these reasons that I want to have the qualifications and skillset in order to better serve the underserved by providing both culturally competent psychotherapy as well as psychopharmacological management. There is a harrowing shortage of psychiatric nurse practitioners in this country and I hope to close the gap and extend my reach in how I can help. This goes beyond working with patients, as there is still a great deal of stigma and misattunement within the medical community toward mental health; something I hope to directly impact through advocacy and psychoeducation. Receiving this scholarship would greatly assist me in achieving these goals.