My mental health paralyzed me. I grew up in the Bronx, New York where no one spoke about mental health. If you were told by a school counselor to go see a therapist, something was seriously wrong with you. New York was a dog eat dog world and the weakest dogs were eaten first. There I was, suffering from debilitating anxiety and depression. I remember having an anxiety attack (or panic attack) so bad that I was physically paralyzed for what seemed like forever but was barely an hour. I remember the terror on my mom’s face as my body pulled my arms to my chest, my knees stopped bending and my jaw froze to the side. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. My father physically carried me outside in an attempt for me to get “fresh air” while my mother was uncontrollably crying debating on whether to call 911 or not. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. Thankfully, I regained movement and my body went back to normal but that day, anxiety paralyzed more than just my body. My anxiety has stopped me from doing many things, and taking many risks. It has caused me to double think everything and count the cost thrice. I put my dreams in a safe and anxiety and depression threw away the key. For many years, I was paralyzed by my anxiety instilling fear in me. Anxiety shaped my goals, relationships and view of the world into fear filled boxes that only showed the worse case scenario in every scene. It caused me to take relationships for granted, dismiss my goals and dreams, and view the world as cold and unforgiving. I worked with foster children and students with special needs. I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. I was the one on one behavioral coach for a young boy who was born drug addicted. He began to confide in me, his behavior improved and I felt like I needed to help him even more. I advocated and fought for him to be admitted into therapy. It took a while but it happened. He improved so much more. I decided to tell my anxiety to take a back seat and I enrolled back into school, in my thirties with many regrets about how I let my anxiety control me but it’s better late than never. My goals were thwarted because of anxiety but I have learned a lesson. My mental health is of the utmost importance but my goals shouldn’t bow down to my anxiety. I need to live my life to the fullest and dream my dreams big! My anxiety is a tool, I take the fear I may feel and use it to motivate me to reach my goals. I have learned how to deal with my anxiety properly and not allow it to control me. My anxiety told me the world was cold, abusive and unforgiving. I told it that I would be the one to change that. I would become the warmth and forgiveness someone else needed. I would blaze a trail for others to go further than I could. I am studying behavioral health with an emphasis in counseling. I want to help young people, in ways that I wish I had the help. My mental health distorted my view of my goals, relationships and the world. Though, anxiety has not ceased to feed my fears, I learned to overcome those messages and I wish to help others do the same when I finish my degree and continue my education.

My mental health paralyzed me. I grew up in the Bronx, New York where no one spoke about mental health. If you were told by a school counselor to go see a therapist, something was seriously wrong with you. New York was a dog eat dog world and the weakest dogs were eaten first. There I was, suffering from debilitating anxiety and depression. I remember having an anxiety attack (or panic attack) so bad that I was physically paralyzed for what seemed like forever but was barely an hour. I remember the terror on my mom’s face as my body pulled my arms to my chest, my knees stopped bending and my jaw froze to the side. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. My father physically carried me outside in an attempt for me to get “fresh air” while my mother was uncontrollably crying debating on whether to call 911 or not. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. Thankfully, I regained movement and my body went back to normal but that day, anxiety paralyzed more than just my body. My anxiety has stopped me from doing many things, and taking many risks. It has caused me to double think everything and count the cost thrice. I put my dreams in a safe and anxiety and depression threw away the key. For many years, I was paralyzed by my anxiety I stilling fear in me. I would even get panic attacks for things so small such as paying $80 for a pair of new sneakers with my first check from my summer job during high school. My mother had to stop me because my anxiety told me to return my purchase. However, once I became older and realized I was 30 years old with nothing but fears and unfulfilled dreams, I knew something had to change. Anxiety shaped my goals, relationships and view of the world into fear filled boxes that only showed the worse case scenario in every scene. It caused me to take relationships for granted, dismiss my goals and dreams, and view the world as cold and unforgiving. Therapy became a lifesaver for me, not only something I believed it and recommended to everyone but something I decided I needed to be a part of. I worked with foster children and students with special needs. I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. I was the one on one behavioral coach for a young boy who was born drug addicted. He began to confide in me, his behavior improved and I felt like I needed to help him even more. I advocated and fought for him to be admitted into therapy. It took a while but it happened. He improved so much more. I decided to tell my anxiety to take a back seat and I enrolled back into school, in my thirties with many regrets about how I let my anxiety control me but it’s better late than never. I am studying behavioral health with an emphasis in counseling. I want to help one young people, in ways that I wish I had the help. It took me too many years to get help. Too many years suffering from debilitating anxiety and depression. Too many years wasted being fearful of everything that came my way. I don’t want that for anyone else. I want others to be able to live freely. My goals were thwarted because of anxiety but I have learned a lesson. My mental health is of the utmost importance but my goals shouldn’t bow down to my anxiety. I need to live my life to the fullest and dream my dreams big! My anxiety is a tool, I take the fear I may feel and use it to motivate me to reach my goals. I have learned how to deal with my anxiety properly and not allow it to control me. My anxiety told me the world was cold, abusive and unforgiving. I told it that I would be the one to change that. I would become the warmth and forgiveness someone else needed. I would blaze a trail for others to go further than I could. My mental health distorted my view of my goals, relationships and the world. Though, anxiety has not ceased to feed my fears, I learned to overcome those messages and I wish to help others do the same when I finish my degree and continue my education.