When I bought a bowl of chili at my homecoming tailgate, I never thought my life would change for the better. Hungry and wanting to ward off the cold, the chili warmed my hands, but the group serving the chili warmed my heart. They were my high school's service learning program, called NOLA (after their dedication to communities in New Orleans). I had known a few people in the group and was always interested, but never thought I had the time. However, those people selling chili told me all about their group and I knew that I had to find time. Over the next three years, I was committed to the group, even growing into their senior leader. As a group of high school volunteers, we would organize events like turkey dinners, bingo nights, or weekly lawn clean ups to help our community. The center of our work was service and I tried to participate in whatever ways I could. At the end of the year, our group would go down to New Orleans to serve their community. Since our town had many families that came up north after Hurricane Katrina, our service both in our home town and down south were focused on helping these families rebuild. While volunteering around my hometown made me realize there was much more to life than my daily teenage troubles, going down to New Orleans completely changed my perspective on the world. I volunteered at recreational parks, rebuilt houses, planted flowers, organized warehouses, but all of it was to serve a community that did nothing, but welcome me with open arms. The people of New Orleans showed me that life and the people we meet along the way is what truly allow us to grow. My volunteering experience was more than offering my time to others. It was an opportunity for me to learn how to put others before myself and lead with compassion. After I graduated from high school, I continued this mindset. I combined my passion for volunteering and my passion for communication. In college I continue to volunteer at a local radio station, where I produce weekly profiles on individuals around Boston. My focus is uplifting the good voices of the people who surround us. This project has been my passion in college and I have been thrilled to continue to find ways to support my local community in every facet of my life. While the warmth of that chili at that tailgate so long ago dissipated on the cool fall day, my passion and belief in service never did. I had an incredible journey in high school, but I knew that my life would never again be about myself, but rather how I can support those that surround me in whatever way I can.

I woke up in a cold sweat. My hands gripped my sheets, tears streamed down my face. I am five years old and I was having my first panic attack. Ever since I could remember, during the night or day, on good days or bad, there was an underlying sense of dread that followed me around like a shadow. It would constantly whisper in my ear “What if something bad happens? What if you’re not good enough? What if you just disappeared?” There were times in my life when I let that voice take over. I truly wondered what if I never felt happy? What if I was supposed to be like this forever? This perpetual void of despair seemed to encapsulate my childhood. It wasn’t until I told my parents that it started to get better. My parents have always tried their best to make sure my sister and I lived happy lives. So when both of us were diagnosed with depression, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. It wasn’t anyone's fault, and yet despite it all, I felt like I could never fulfill their dream of having happy kids. However, what I came to realize is that happiness is subjective. Just because I experienced roadblocks, didn’t mean I couldn’t overcome them. Therapy was a starting point, and pretty soon I didn’t need it anymore. I turned to spending time with my parents and my sister, as they have always been my biggest supporters. My sister and I became closer than we ever were and I truly believe we both saved each other. I also began to write in journals and once I bought my own car, I took myself on solo adventures. These expeditions took me hiking, to a park, or even to a friend’s house. Then something that five-year-old me would have thought impossible, happened. I began to have less panic attacks. I no longer woke up in a cold sweat. I was finally happy. At least a new version of it. It was in these small moments of familial company, or solitary reflection that made me realize what makes me happy. That would be connecting with people, writing, and going on adventures. So, to no one’s surprise, especially not my parents, I’ve decided to major in journalism at Emerson College. I want to live my life doing what makes me happy no matter what. I want to write, see the world, and meet new people, all things that saved me at my lowest point. I never thought I’d make it to college. The fact that I did is due to the unconditional love I was shown by my family. They always encouraged me to be exactly who I was. Anxiety or depression did not define me to them, and so I try not to define myself by those words either. And about that “what if'' shadow that follows me around? Well I don’t hear it as much anymore. Instead, a new voice has emerged. This voice whispers, “What now?” My journey with mental health will be a lifelong adventure. However, one thing is for certain: I can live in the future of what-ifs or the present of what-now. And what I’m doing now is valuing the people who make me, me, and appreciating the person I was, am, and will be.