I, like many other kids, grew up with reading programs. You read a certain amount of minutes per week, and ta da, you got to go to a waterpark. I loved this, but my love of reading decided to cling onto me for many more years to come. I read so many books, fully experiencing a life that I could never have. I could never wrestle dragons, live life on the edge, or fly on the top of a giant whale ship, but I could experience the joys of high school without having to be in it! But one thing was missing. No, from every single book there was a detail that I yearned to change, an idea that I wanted to pursue. Every book ended too short, and I had just the right idea to keep it going. These characters weren't just characters in my mind, but real actual people in need of a future, and I wanted so desperately to give it to them. That started my craze. At first I couldn't write anything but word-for-word of the book it was inspired by, but later on I was able to take the best qualities of each book and pursue them towards something greater. It allowed me to gain inspiration, creativity, and most of all, happiness. Now I write for more than just these characters sakes, but my own as well. They are all an extension of some part of my life that I want to represent but often the words can't come out of my own mouth. They're hard topics, something many go through but don't want to speak of, so I learn how to overcome these obstacles with my characters. I make them go through possible outcomes, and then I will follow their lead. It's become a sort of therapy for me. It's always been a dream of mine to finish a book and to see it on the shelves. To be able to reach even one person through it would be an insane idea, but it's doable. Now, when searching for a job, I realized that being an author is definitely something I want to do, but I also want to help others become authors. We need different experiences to flood our libraries and bookstores. We need something everyone can grab ahold of, because what we are dealing with aren't always talked about in our small communities. Kids are reading less and less books, but if they find one interesting then they'll read many more to come. Reading as a kid taught me about the world I can explore, the possibilities that I can pursue, and that anything can become possible. I think everyone around the world should have hope in their eyes and dreams in their hearts, and as much as people don't want to admit it, books and stories are a way to encourage ones dreams. That's why I want to go into publishing and continue going to college to get the best education that I can muster up. I not only want to be successful, but to see others beside me have success as well, and this is the best way to do it.

I come from a rural town in Washington, a population of a whopping 500 (a little over actually, not an even 500 but you get the point). My school is really athletic, but I never quite got into it. I tried in elementary school and found a love for softball, but gave it up after Covid because transportation was an issue and my sister who is really good at running wanted to try track (which required my mom to be the coach and my dad works full time. I stayed home to watch my little sister). I did a program called Distinguished Young Women (DYW) which got me into a lot of community service, which is of course extremely daunting, but I've found my way around. I've been a waitress of sorts and had sung Christmas songs (safe to say I'm one of those people who make up words to fit the tunes). I plan to go to Boise State University after I graduate. I want to experience new things. This is a big city with about the same climate as where I come from, which gives me the hope that it will do me well. I want to major in Psychology and become a Therapist, half to help people and the other half is to help make my characters more realistic. I realize I hadn't mentioned this, but I'm big into writing, it's a huge hobby of mine. In fact, I have a first draft of a book already done (though I've scrapped it and am now rewriting it in a new point of view). Being an author is like a dream job for me, and I can imagine myself publishing my first book sometime in college. As for the charity, I just got done with writing an essay for an ALS scholarship, and it got me thinking. I want to find adults with life-threatening diseases and I want to offer them whatever their wildest dream is. Not just cancer, but those with no cure, no chance to live, and for those who have no want to live. I want them to die happily, and not full of shame. Like, for example, my mom has always wanted to go to Africa. She wants to go on a Safari. Recently her hands have been cramping up, and due to an extensive line of ALS in her family tree, she thinks that she might have it too. She hasn't gone to the doctor for it yet (she hates going there), but if it went for the worse, I'd want her to go and experience it. Hopefully whenever she is still mobile. This all stems from my great aunt. She died last year, my mom went to her funeral in February 2023, right before my birthday. My great aunt had a ton of personality, she was always fun to hang out with, though she treated her ALS like a secret. A shameful one to never see the light of day. Perhaps that's why she didn't want to be treated. And that makes me sad. I want to change that. I think it's a terrible feeling to feel, especially in such dire circumstances. It's not much, but then again I think it's everything

I want to go to Boise State University after I graduate. I was always insistent on moving out of state, as I want to experience the new world that I have yet to even touch, and I want to major in psychology to hopefully become a therapist or someone who can help others believe in themselves. I've always loved watching people grow, I find it fascinating. And growing up I had the best teachers at my small school in rural Eastern Washington. They were always ready to reach out and they knew your name, probably a couple of family members, and some would even talk to you while everyone in their social circles were talking. Most of all, they are always ready to push you to new heights. I once told a teacher that I'm a writer, and he has yet to halt asking me if he can read my work. He makes jokes about it every so often and it always pushes me to add another chapter. You can blame my huge dreams of publishing a few books on him and my counselor. As much as I appreciate where I grew up though, I want to explore my options. The world is ever so big, and I will always be one singular person in the world of many. I can't explore them all, but I want to at least tell my inner child that I made it to a city (it was by far her biggest goal in life). I want to rent out an apartment, have a dog that I could take traveling with me, and interact with people on a daily basis. I want to make an impact on the world and help a few people be able to make theirs. My school had made it aware to me today during Wellness Day that 20% of students feel alone. This struck me, as two years ago I would have been that percentage. I experienced a loss of someone close to me and my friends weren't real. They weren't who I would pick if I had gotten options. And then someone new came and changed my whole world, we quickly became best friends. Now not a day goes by where I'm not grateful to go to school. I don't feel alone anymore because I know that I have someone who will be there for me. I hope other people feel that way, and if they don't, then in the future I would like to help them. Going through life should be fun. We might only get this chance once, so why not live it up? I know that I can't banish negative feelings, but I do believe that I can make people feel much better about themselves, and that can make all the world. After all, it's like knocking down a domino. If I get just one to think better of themselves, then they'll be able to lighten up someone else's world. You get the gist.

There's a difference between lonely and alone. Though sometimes, you get lucky and you get a two-for-one. This was me during COVID. I lost the majority of my friends due to being too enveloped in games. I gained a few new ones that made an impact on my life, but they were as good as imaginary with it being online. I still remember sitting in class feeling like an alien. Everyone else was smarter than me, they were all friends, they were all much more successful, and I just sat their quietly trying to figure out how to solve my work. I should've been focused on that, but my mind couldn't help but wander. I was the outsider. I didn't belong. I would wait every single day ready to go home, and I would wake up hoping that school would be called off for some unknown reason. One of the worst parts was that I couldn't focus on my hobbies, mainly writing. I've always loved writing, but with the amount of homework I had to complete and the tiredness of my mind when I came home (as it's tiring trying to reassure yourself that you're okay), I couldn't stick with it. This was aggravating for me. I'd pick up a pencil and stare at my piece of paper hoping and wishing that something would come to me, anything. I willed to feel that long-lost feeling of knowing what to write and how. I didn't realize that all I needed to do was switch classes. I didn't know it was ever truly possible until I had the option to go to an AP class. If I chose not to, I'd be with all my friends in the other half of the class. It wasn't until my senior year that I realized just how much I grew from this decision. Sure, college will be a bit more costly, but I can say with utmost certainty that I come to school happy every day, willing to meet up with my friends, willing to do whatever tests come up my way, just as long as I get to do it with those that make me feel welcome. Somehow I even got closer to the other half of the class by doing this. The half that I originally didn't want to bother with. They seemed to welcome me, seemed to enjoy my presence and enjoyed joking with me. They said I was funny and talented, and when word escaped that I was writing my own book, suddenly everyone wanted to read it. Happiness is the best gift that you can give someone. It can change someone for the better. Often I catch myself taking someone too tough, and then I realize that if I ruin their day, then I cause a chain reaction. But if I make them happy, then it's also a chain reaction. I realized that I truly love making people's day better, and it doesn't take too much to do it. I just have to reach out, like I wish someone would have for me. That's alright though, it was a good learning experience and taught me how to make tough changes that will ultimately lead to a better me.

I am Mckenzie, a high school senior graduating this year in a class with about twenty five other students. My whole life was in this small town, and I understand that some people love small towns, but this isn't me. I wanted to walk around and explore, but I was stuck in my house, on our forty acres surrounded by cows (of which I can't complain about). Being a part of this small town meant that I couldn't pick out a friend, it just happened. Middle school we joined with two other towns and that is whenever we had made our friend groups. Unfortunately, I fell into the wrong group. They'd yank on my hair, touch me without permission, and they treated me like I was their pet. You can see how this would get quite annoying. It went dark then. I didn't view myself like I used to. I hated showing up to school and seeing them every day. I stopped eating in front of other people. On top of that, I thought that I gave them every single sign that I could that I didn't appreciate the way they treated me, but they chose to ignore it. So then I went into the world of books. I'd get obsessed with them and start seeing them as actual people and I'd daydream about them constantly. That was the better world, but I was stuck in the reality. It held everything off until my best friend came to school. We instantly hit it off and she got me out of that hole. Looking back on this, it made me realize how important it is to have someone there for you, and I want to be that person to people. I want to major in psychology and become a therapist. I wish to help others live their lives the best way that they can so that they can go on and do amazing things, changing the world for better and all that. Alongside that, I wish to become an author and write personable books that can help young adults realize that they aren't alone and that there will be someone there for them. My hope is that my degree would offer me better resources for creating it as realistic as possible so that it will mean something for those who are struggling. I'm working on a book right now, and I'm thirty thousand words into it. I hope to publish it soon. I view the main character as an extension of myself. She fights what I fight, and then I learn what she learns. Often I figure out how to deal with my problems through her. This book would be just for me, but others could read it and find things that they relate with. The world needs to be changed. It's only natural. And I may not have the ability to stop wars or run for president, but I do have the ability to help others who can. Each person has potential, and it's about time that they realize it.

I love bugging my mind with "what if's". There are so many possibilities in life, so many options, that sometimes it's impossible to not wonder what would have happened if you picked a different path. The fact that I am here in my small town as who I am is a concept I am still grasping. When I was younger my mom was trying for her third kid. I didn't quite remember that at all, I just remember my older sister and I having fights on a daily basis as kids do. Then one day I woke up and there was a dead baby on our counter top. My mom had a miscarriage. My dad took this as an opportunity to teach my older sister and I about anatomy. He had no name. He had no identity. But every now and again I like to imagine what it would be like to have a little brother. Right now I have a little sister, and she's a handful. I've heard boys are even worse. I've heard of my friend's brothers doing outrageous things in town that would kill me of embarrassment. There's a little boy on my bus that makes it his living to bug people. Would he have been like that? He could have been super different from them. Maybe he watch my favorite shows with me. Maybe he would play with our dogs and become best friends with them. Maybe he would have a soft spot for our cats. Would he be an academic mastermind or an athletic superstar? I'll never know. And I think that is what bugs me the most about it. That and the fact that my dad used him as a joke. Perhaps that was just my dad's way of coping with losing his much wanted boy. When I walk around my house, I wonder if he's there somewhere. I wonder if he's watching, wishing that he could join along, that we could see him. I don't want to make my little sister feel sad though. The only reason she is alive was because he had died. She was the retry, the one that my mom had made sure we had known about. It was her or just my older sister and I. Now it's all three of us. I appreciate the fact that I have my little sister. She's crazy, in fact she's now my little minion. Sometimes it's hard to get her away from her phone and out of her room, but when I do manage to accomplish that task we can have a lot of fun. He's gone and I've come to terms with it now. It's interesting how nobody truly knows. In Spanish someone asked me how many siblings I had, and I had included my brother. She said she didn't know and I simply said, "he's dead" as that's the only sentence that could describe it that I had known in Spanish. We both then laughed to soothe the awkwardness that had surrounded us. I couldn't imagine the death of someone that you had gotten to know. Your whole family must have grown a hefty attachment to her. I can't even begin to imagine the pit it left in your heart. I hope you guys will be able to reunite with poor Hazel when all is said and done.

This next chapter of my life would be titled something along the lines of, "Google It". It's no joke, I simply don't know how to do a lot of things. But that's okay, I have time to figure it out. It's like on the job training. The joys in this time period is the fact that we are free to ask questions. The internet can't judge me (except for that time I googled "how to eat cherries" and the dude said, "let's all be honest, we've all ate a cherry before", not cool). Do I know how to do taxes? No. If my school doesn't teach me, I'll see what google can do. I don't know how to clean my apartment. Easy peasy, I'll just use that good ol' YouTube. That's the joys of living in this time period. You don't have to rely on your elders to tell you everything. That little panicky feeling of people coming over and realizing how inept you are? There's ways around it. Of course though there are some things that can't be taught by the internet. That I just need to throw myself at. It's like if you're blindfolded and trusted to throw a ball at someone. Every now and then you have a chance to hit someone. I just need opportunities to take. Like friends. There's no tutorial on knowing what friend is the right friend for you. You just have to test it out. If they're incompatible, bid your farewells and move on. You're bound to find them one day. All I need for this chapter is just to stay positive. If I can somehow handle that, then everything else will fall into place. I'm constantly seeing how people are better prepared than me, but in reality that's just on the surface. I'm scared now as an onlooker, but life will be unprepared when dealing with me. I'll find the most of each day. There are always ways to learn, and technology proves that every. single. day. I wish more seniors knew that. I'm sure they do, but it's not something we search for often. We like to be bombarded by how much we're set behind. It's easy to shut down at that point, but that's exactly how you keep falling behind. I won't let excuses rule my life. I've seen that happen with kids, they let things set them back. It's fine in moderation, though in the big aspect of things they can't graduate and have a successful life if they keep letting the bad parts get to them. It sounds bad. Dreadful even. But it's how you grow from these points in your life that truly allow you to live your best life.

I like to think that I have impacted my communities by simply interacting with them. I'm apart of a group called DYW (Distinguished Young Women) and one time someone said that all the little girls are hoping to dance with us. I remember being younger and someone talked to me on the bus. At that second she was my best friend. I still think highly of her. Last year I took an Early Childhood Development class. I loved interacting with the preschoolers and pre-k students. There was one kid whose cousin was named Mckenzie and so he used to always shout my name whenever I entered the room. This year I had another Childhood Development class with the same pre-k students that I had helped last year with an art class for the grades 3-5. I never realized that I would have this much of a connection to my community. I truly believe that you can change anything now if you just have an actual conversation with somebody. If you gain that connection, suddenly you're an ally. You're working things out together. Take this for example. It's an ongoing joke that my name is "Jeff" for the fifth graders. Frankly I enjoy being named it, as nobody else is so I know right away that they're calling for me, but it had also helped me reach closer to these kids. They had a sub a while ago. It was sad how about two kids acted out the whole time. They were just excited, there was no harm there, but they wouldn't mind their own business for about five minutes. We had to go take a school picture that day. I wouldn't be able to watch them and ensure that they behaved correctly, and the sub was the person taking that picture for the whole entire school. So I begged them beforehand. It was so simple. Please just behave. I listened the whole time taking that picture. All I could hear was rowdy freshmen, no surprise there, and the fifth graders who have made two teachers cry within only one semester had behaved. I gave them all high fives on the way out to make sure that they knew that I was proud of them, and their eyes had lit up. That feeling is one that I will never forget. I also enjoy just pointing out the kids that don't talk that much, and I make sure that I can make them feel special. I highly enjoy this job. It helps them feel included, and I love whenever they walk up to show me something that they feel proud on, and I try my best to make sure that they know that it's amazing. I've never been as big on community as I have been these past two years. I couldn't imagine my life any other way now. There was a whole entire life out there that I hadn't bothered to reach, but it's the best life I could possibly be living.

Success is whenever you can't stop smiling, or whenever something is finally going right. It doesn't matter how big it is. It could be that you are in a good friend group and you just sit back and realize that you wouldn't have it any other way. It could be that you could finally pay your rent on time, which in return gives you the ability to relinquish that load on your back. For me, success looks like writing my own book. It's a big thing that has taken me quite a few years already, but I think I finally hit the spot. I had success yesterday. I wrote a bit, finished a chapter, researched, and created a table for progress. Compared to doing nothing, I consider it a very successful day, and I was proud of myself. Right now there is nothing more that I want to do than to continue writing my book, although scholarships need some time in my life as well. Scholarships offer me the ability to take a load off during college. I want to become a writer. I decided that whenever I was in fifth grade when my English teacher would specifically make me read my stories out loud. They would be about superheros because that was the theme of the classroom, even though I had no previous enjoyment of superheros. I figured out in those moments watching my teachers face light up that it was writing that had brought me enjoyment. But my dream may be stalled off for a couple of years if I'm forced to work during college. Of course, I would work if necessary, and I'd find enjoyment from it. In my eyes, it would help me get better antiquated in the community since I plan on going out of state for college. I'd learn more about the locals and feel more of a sense of belonging. Although I have a bad time when I have so many things going on. I tend to loose focus on a few things here and there, and I could see writing getting lost again. I lost it in middle school whenever I got just a tad bit obsessed with my newly acquired freedom of using technology. It made me have to build back up to the fifth grade self, and sometimes I can reach her on good days where I feel very inspired. I don't want to lose her again. I need to make writing a hardcore habit, something I can't give up, and I'd need hopefully just another year to really get it honed in. My book is almost done. I've tossed it around here and there changing up POV's and altering scenes, although I think I can finally sit back and edit it probably within the summer on the track I've been going on. To graduate my high school I needed to write a senior paper, and it made me realize something. I want my book in my hands. A physical copy. I don't need a movie based off it or a Webtoon. No, I just need it to be out in the world. Out of my head. It deserves more than that. I want to make an impact on people's lives with my books. I've always loved reading, and I want to give the joy to many others. When writing, I find myself dealing with issues, my own issues in a way that doesn't just call me out. I think that it's hard to give advice to yourself. You don't take it as deeply. So I write it with my characters. I let them deal with these issues, and I see that it works for them and so I'll try it out. For the most part, I come out successful. It's like a healing progress. And my hope is that perhaps other readers are having these issues. They'll take comfort in knowing that they are in no way not alone. And the people that can't relate will get to read a good book. If I even just impacted one person, I'd consider that success. It's better than none. One day, I like to tell myself. I won't let myself die knowing that I haven't accomplished my dreams. That car crash can wait, the apocalypse can wait, World War 3 can hold it's horses because I have something to do. I don't think anything can stop it at this point. But I would like it to become sooner rather than later.

My favorite tarot card was the one that got me into tarot in the first place. I ran across a tarot reading on a TikTok live a long time ago where she was doing readings. I have long forgot the user, she just disappeared off the face of the planet one day, but she did a reading for me once. Just one singular card, and she hit it spot on. I was dealing with a death. That by itself is hard for anyone to deal with. He was my favorite friend, a little guinea pig who I had shared my room with for years by then. It was hard knowing that he was gone. I used to say "hi" every time that I entered my room and "bye" anytime I exited it. When he was gone I wanted to continue that tradition, but it hit me every single time that it would make no sense. He wasn't coming back, he wouldn't ever come back. I wasn't myself for a couple months. Days would mold together and I'd just sit there, crying in my room, looking at where he used to be. It didn't help that I have a plant in my room that was right over my vent, so when it rattled it sounded like he was eating his timothy hay. I didn't think I could get better. I didn't see much of a future for myself. Until that day. She had this fae tarot deck. And she was taking free requests. I was scared of course, my heart kept pounding as I wondered if I should just line myself up. It wasn't that active of a live, so eventually after a few minutes I had conjured enough confidence to say that I would like a reading. It was a clock with a bunch of fairies dancing around it. At least that's what I remember. Then she struck me hard. She said that it was time to move on. I lost something that I loved dear, but they wanted me to move on. So I did. That started my love for tarot. I begged my parents constantly for my first deck. My mom was worried that I would conjure something bad, but that Christmas my older sister had gotten me it. I immediately tried it out. I started crystal collecting. I've always been into rocks, but crystals were something I thought was always beyond my reach. That is until I started searching for them. That one card changed the way that I saw the world. I wanted to think more freely, I became happier then I had in quite a long time, and I believed that no matter what, people were looking out for me. Nowadays, I have a lot of love for this world. I don't think that I would have grown as much as I did without that card. It's weird how fate works out those ways. A few minutes can suddenly change your whole life, but I'm glad it did.

Being ace gives me the ick sometimes. I feel like I need to shake myself off. Like the word "sexuality" will make me play dead. I was ashamed of it for a long time. Nobody needs to know. That might as well was my motto. I wasn't interested in what media was telling me to be interested in. I didn't view people in that way. But I felt like I was missing something. Coming of age movies must be 100% based off of true events, right? I got TikTok not too long after I started wondering that. Wondering what on Earth was wrong with me. I knew briefly of what ace was, people had thrown it around. That is whenever I got introduced to a creator. She's an ace creator that is really the only big one that I found. She would make jokes about being ace and also rant about how unwelcoming people were to the idea that people didn't feel that drive. It was there that I found my community of like-minded individuals. I grew more confident with it, and eventually ended up telling someone. And they didn't think of me any differently, and it felt like a weight lifted off of my chest. Every now and again though my mind will start wandering. It often likes making issues for me, but it wonders how my life would differ if I was into such things. It makes me sad, but only for a few minutes. I like connecting with people on a deeper level without any touch. I'm still able to have celebrity crushes (who doesn't love Robert Sheehan?!) and am able to have connections with people (which took me a long time to realize), it just means that I wont be having other connections with people. That community made me want to speak up. She had brought up the fact how there are most likely many more ace individuals. We're all separated right now though, and nothing good comes out of that. I want to spread the word and tell people that it is okay. You can still live on however you would like, it doesn't define you. It's no deadly disease that'll end up killing you, it just gives you some more of that pizazz! I like how I turned out, and how I'm turning out. I'm a growing individual, and if I didn't come to terms with myself, I'd have been stuck. I know many other people are stuck right now, and they may possibly be feeling some shame. It doesn't need your shame though. It needs your acknowledgement.

Sometimes I wish I was clueless. There are a ton of deadly diseases that few know about and frankly few even care about. It never affects them, but ALS isn't one of those diseases. My earliest memory of it was with my grandma. She was a nurse, and from what it seemed like, a hard-headed nurse. When she first got diagnosed, she had refused help. She died not too long afterwards. We got the call when we were driving over to see her. I was young, but I can't even imagine how much of a pit my mother had felt when she heard the news. My mom loved her mother. It's clear even to this day whenever she often goes on rants about wishing that there were phone calls in Heaven. When she died, I firmly believe that part of my mom did too. The pain got reignited earlier on last year. Word had gotten out about her aunt now having ALS. Her fingers don't work the way it used to. At the moment it was secret. My great aunt hated it, and I think she felt ashamed of it. She was deteriorating, and that's not a fun thing to let people see happen to you. Eventually it got to the point where she was in the hospital. She refused to get a feeding tube. Not long afterwards, just a couple weeks before my birthday, she had taken her last breath. This one hurt. I wasn't young and ignorant anymore. No, I had known her. Not well of course due to the distance, I only saw her about once a year for one day only, but I had talked to her. Every year without stop she would ask me if I had any boyfriends. Every year I would always say no. And it hurt knowing that she would never bug me about it anymore. It hurts me to know that she knew that she was a goner. Sometimes I wonder if she would've given a cure a chance. If ALS had the possibility to be cured, would she take it? Then there's my mom. I REALLY hope she doesn't have it, but she fears the worst. She's getting older, as everyone does, although with as bad genetics as she has, she's worried. Her hands are starting to cramp up. She told me one day that she thinks she might have it too. She told me not to tell my little sister, who is only ten. If my mom follows the steps of her family, she'd only live for an extra year at most past the diagnosis. Her body would shut down, and my little sister would lose her. The same kid that without fail runs to her room at 8:00 pm on the dot to wish her a good night. She'd be broken. These experiences aren't for nothing though. There's always a light to everything, even if you don't want to understand it. ALS is a real disease. You must find the cure, it's as simple as that. Or at least give them hope. Don't let them die in shame. In my eyes, that's the least that you can do for someone whose future is written in stone. If they're meant to die, then let them die with a smile on their face knowing that they've done all they've wanted and more. I want to give that opportunity to them. My mom always wanted to go to a Safari in Africa. If she does have ALS, then hopefully my dad will at least take her there. Die with peace.

Sometimes I just wish that some people would learn that "no" means just that. No. Being constantly picked on has gotten on my nerves. Pulling my hair, grabbing my backpack, wacking me with their water bottle, it's taken a toll. The hair-pulling got so bad that I was debating shaving my head. And they like to say we're "friends". I come from a rural town, everyone is already in their friend groups that we created in middle school. During COVID, half of my friend group split off, creating their friend group. They were the ones that I would joke with in school and would make going to school a positive experience. Now the last thing I want to do is wake up in the morning. Sure, part of it is the fact that I have to wake up at six in the morning, but some of it is also the fact that I will be trapped. I got tired of it last year. I drew snails with a bunch of preschoolers and decided I wanted to draw a star in its shell. This "friend" of mine decided to tell the teacher that it was an inappropriate picture related to World War 2. If anything it could be a pentagram which is a sign of protection in paganism, but I had meant it as a much simpler form, just a star. Of course, the teacher had taken her side. She believed that I would draw that stuff outside where a ton of elementary kids would see it, and that hurt. "Friends" don't spread lies and allow teachers to believe it, and they especially don't think it's "funny". I was never more glad that I didn't have her classes. Any class I didn't have her in, I would excel at. Freshman year I was stuck with her, and she continuously stole my spot, and since it was COVID that was my assigned spot. I wanted to quit right then and there. I think she's been giving me anger issues. It's hard to separate all of this to not ruin my mood, although I have found people. I've found an online friend who I'd truly consider my friend. He's told me to just yell at her to get it through her thick skull, and by God's, I've tried but she seems deaf to it all. Or maybe she finds it funny seeing me as her little "pet". I've also found a kid who also doesn't like this kid. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not alone. Especially whenever my old friend who used to be in my friend group in middle school told me that her day started okay until she saw my "friend" in Senior Seminar. You could say that I could easily become friends with the kid who doesn't like my so-called "friend", although it had come to my attention last year that she was somehow saying some very disturbing things about me. I'm not going to lie though, it helps to get this all out in the open, and I'll tell her. She knows quite a lot, even for supposedly saying vile things about me, which I don't understand because all we did at first was chat at our lockers in the morning and talk about roller skates. It feels like no matter where I go, I run into negativity. I just hope that college will be different. I can leave my old life and create a new one. One where people will respect my boundaries and I can flourish.

As a writer, my biggest accomplishment in life would be to publish a book. That's why during my junior year I decided I wanted to at least officially finish a book, as it has been years since I had last done so. So I created a book about an assassin who has a complete change of mind. Usually with my characters, I relate to them on a crazy level. At some point, I recognize that some things I say directly correlate to that character. I want to make people cry when they read my books. I want them to feel that pang of guilt as they close my book. But most of all, I realize that this book is indeed my creation, made specifically curated for me. I just want to hold it in my hands. There's nothing more magical than that. Even though I usually aim for fantasy books when I write, the best story I had ever read ended up being about a gang of greasers. I didn't expect much from it, and I ended up getting it recommended to me by TikTok of all places. I instantly fell in love with the characters and the story behind it all. How a group of boys could become brothers, despite whatever hardship they overcame in the past, they face the new hardship together. I think this message is imperative for people to read about. That blood can mean nothing. You can cut those ties, you're not bound to it. If they end up hurting you, go out and create your own family. The last three chapters of this book left me crying. The type of crying where your whole house can hear you sniffle and how you can barely see because your tears are distorting the words on the paper. I love seeing what changes a character, and S.E. Hinton did a brilliant job with this in the last part of The Outsiders. It's just Ponyboy completely wrecked, his future teetering, as he struggles to come to terms with what had happened. I hope to apply some of this to my writing. I want to create that realistic dissociation in my characters whenever they lose someone dear to them. I want the reader to hear their heartbeat as they read page by page, worried about the next outcome, and for them to be crossing their fingers because they know that I won't hesitate to give my characters trauma. But at the end of the day, I want my characters to be happy. That's what attaches to people so well. We're all bound to be happy when someone talks about their successes. As a reader, we all want good endings. I'd argue though that the endings that leave you on edge, the ones where you wonder if this was all one big April Fool's prank, the ones where you stare at the wall and you're stuck in a trance wondering what on Earth just happened and how it could go like that are better and far more impactful. It's hard though to accomplish this if you don't attach your readers to your characters. You need your readers to become cheerleaders. You want people to knock on their door and yell at them to be quiet. You want others to glance over because your dear reader has gasped too loud. And when you give the readers something to cheer for, they will indeed cheer. I plan on studying psychology and the mind so that I can more accurately represent characters. It's something that makes me passionate, as I want my characters to become realistic. I want to close my eyes and envision them staring at me. They're real in my mind, but I want them to become real in other people's minds too.

In the simplest of terms, I must admit that I just couldn't see myself pursuing anything else except a college degree. I've always been more academic-related, not exactly the best with hands-on work and I didn't want to jump right into the job market because that feels like I'd drown with stress and it seems like a huge leap that I don't want to rely on. I've always been interested in how things work, and one of those things has been how minds work. Often I think about every decision made inside of a television show or a movie and find myself wanting to unravel everything in their minds. Even books aren't safe from this. College offers this possibility to learn about my interests, and I believe that you will be much more successful in life doing something you love and are interested in. As a first-generation student, I am feeling a sort of panic when looking into colleges. I've realized it seems like I'm doing most of the work, which is good for me. It's made me a lot more careful about what I'm looking into, and I think that with help I would've been limited in the websites that have helped me out so far in my college and scholarship journey if my family had offered to help. Of course, to overcome this incoming sent of doom, I've found that I've begun to think of all of the fun I'll have. It's not just about the education, but also the experience while you pursue said education. I've never experienced big city life, and I've realized that college would be a good stepping stone for me as I transfer from the life I have now as a rural high school student to hopefully a working member of society in an actual city. I'd be on my own and can learn how to live before I truly am tossed out on my own. I've found that hope is the best medicine, and so whenever I think of all of the fun and opportunities I have at college, it gets me excited and hopeful. Sometimes I can't help but smile as I research as I have an overly active imagination and can see myself exploring all of these spots. I can imagine myself learning in these classes that truly catch my attention to the point where I won't stand for this to not be my future. Even if someone's parents are in college, it doesn't mean that they'll magically be ready for it. In the big aspect of things, nearly every freshman there will have some sort of fear. Once you understand this, your fear starts to melt down. I've been challenging myself lately to imagine myself being the one to reach out to others, to overcome this fear of being socially rejected by my peers, and so hopefully whenever the time does come, I'll be ready to take whatever is coming at me. Hopefully, with the help of financial aid and scholarships, I will be able to conquer my dreams. I'm applying for every scholarship that I'm eligible for. I'm not letting myself walk away knowing I didn't do all that I can. I'm going to achieve this dream of mine.

John Musker and Ron Clements made many movies for Disney. Hercules, Moana, and even the Black Cauldron, a lesser-known Disney movie. Their best movie though would have to be Treasure Planet. Pirates, monsters, and space. Everything about it seemed magical. I first watched it about a year ago and was stunned by the quality. I had been turned off by it at first and never gave it the chance because of the cover. If it was a good movie, I would have known it by now. Oh, if only I knew how wrong I was. I relate to Jim Hawkins on quite a few levels. We both seem to get in trouble quite a bit. Our parents could be happier/prouder with us. We try, but sometimes we just feel like a failure. But for Jim, he had an opportunity to change all that. And he didn't hesitate to take it. He met Silver, and Silver was the perfect father figure. Especially keeping in mind that Jim's old father had left when he was young. This spoke to me. I don't have the perfect relationship with my father. A lot of the time we get mad at each other and there's a ton of yelling. But whenever I watched this I realized Jim had a second chance. And I started thinking. Perhaps there was someone out there that could teach me all the things a dad could have, and maybe this person would be proud of me. Not to mention how Jim Hawkins stayed single throughout all of it. Generally now, movies these days have to have love interests. Sure, you could say the love was between Captain Amelia and Doctor Delbert Doppler, but our main man stayed single throughout it all. Instead of romantic love, it showed platonic love. As someone who is ace and doesn't understand the regular attraction between people, I enjoyed this. This is the only reason I felt happy without there being a second Treasure Planet because it was rumored that Jim would find a love interest. But the thing I loved most in the movie was how he didn't need a love interest. He stood for himself. And after all that Silver had done, Jim could still turn around and forgive him, even wishing him well on his way. The whole story was an adventure. An adventure never seen before within a Disney movie and it drove me absolutely nuts knowing how hard these directors had to work to be able to work on this movie. Disney held it off, saying that they must work on all of these other movies. They didn't hold the faith that Treasure Planet could turn out well. So of course when they finally got to work on it, Disney didn't feel the need to advertise it well. Especially not whenever it was competing with Lilo & Stitch. This makes me mad sometimes. Treasure Planet could've been such a bigger hit. It should be. It should be one of the first movies you think of when you think of Disney. But it's not. That always confused me. Such a goldmine in that movie alone, how could people not love it and hold it close to their heart? It doesn't matter though. Treasure Planet is my favorite, and will always be my favorite Disney movie. It taught me that people you look up to don't have to be related to you to have an impact, and you're not a failure if you mess up a few times. There is always room for improvement. It means so, so much.

I've often thought about this, as it goes hand in hand with your "life purpose" and for mine, that was asking this question to myself. After thinking about it extensively, I concluded that the best way I can honor this life is to just be happy and live life. People often underestimate how much of an impact you can have in the world if you're just a bundle of joy and good words. They often think things along the lines of, "Well, how is that supposed to help anyone out? Why not do something environmental-wise or something?" but to this, I just say that everyone needs a light in their life to embrace their full passion. To me, my passion is making other people happy. A people pleaser of sorts. I love seeing people's faces light up as a new urge of passion surges through them, and a new hope that they can indeed accomplish whatever they want to do in this life. That's who will save our planet and all the other animals on it, who will change the world for the better, but so many people don't get to experience this. Instead, they experience the dark depths of feeling unworthy, of feeling like the world is too old to be changed. That they wouldn't be able to have an impact no matter how hard they try. They feel like they're drowning in the world, and I hate to see it happen. They need someone to get them out. There's no shame in that. So I've sought after finding people and making their lives better. I want to see them succeed in whatever they put their minds to. They are the impact that will change the world. And I will cheer them on every step of the way. Life is full of hardships. It makes having hope hard. You just keep getting beat down, and it takes ages for you to learn how to stand up again. You're bound to lose some confidence in yourself. What many people fail to realize though is that life is so much easier if you change the way you look at it. And if you have a friend to urge you along. I want to spread the word that life isn't just about surviving. You need to put things on the line, face the world bravely and tell the wind what you want to see change. You need to do things that make you feel the joy that the world has to offer. If that means seeing a change in the world, then jump for it. If you have much simpler ideas for being happy, then there's no shame in chasing those ideas instead. It isn't, "How can I make everyone else happy?" but, "How can I make myself happy?". You will find that once you find happiness, everything else sort of fits into place, and the mountains seem so much easier to climb, making the peak all that much more beautiful. And of course, I plan to help those people on their journey.

I want to experience life. I've been suffocated by living in a small town of just five hundred people, not even neighbors that would be worth walking to. Kids could never come by as it was a sketchy area and I guess I picked up friends who my parents didn't trust. This made everything sort of lonely. I craved to be social. Sure, everyone in my class would describe me as, "introverted" and "quiet", but I'd rather believe that it's not a place where I can flourish. The first time I went to Utah, it seemed like the missing puzzle piece. Everything seemed so beautiful and I could feel my spirit lighten and smile and beam. For the first time in a long while I was excited. I couldn't calm myself down. I tried talking to everyone, and I grinned whenever people would turn around and start talking to us. It was exhilerating. I want to go back. I want my rest of my life to be there, not Washington. I've had enough of Washington. But traveling there is hard. Southern Utah University has grabbed my heart. I would want nothing more to join their program, or even the University of Utah. I think this would be able to incorporate me into Utah. A little stepping stone. There's no doubt I'd still end up in Utah even if this wasn't the case. People have always told me that life out here is hard. I'm scared. They've done pretty good on warning me about any dangers. But while they did that, they dampened my hope. How do you live happily in a world that shreds hope? Who forces you to work nonstop just for a little apartment with a roach issue. Where you wake up, work, eat, go to sleep, repeat. Well, I'm throwing that idea out. That idea sucks. I refuse to not be happy. Of course I realize there are things you have to do. I'm fine doing that. But I'm not going to become a mindless robot while living. That wouldn't be living. I want to be happy. That's my main goal in life. And I want to share that happiness with as many people as I can. When you're happy, you will want to do work, you will want to gain money, because all throughout that your mental health would be way healthier. It wouldn't be so taxing anymore. You just need to find some joy in what you do. So if you gave me this scholarship, it would help me become a psychology major. I would help others, hopefully easing their minds and while doing that making the world a happier place. A place where people would want to live. Looking into it, I think that's why I'm on this world. It's the one passion that I want to pursue. A little happiness never hurt nobody.

I love staring up at the world. Especially late at night where it's only me and the crickets awake. I can stare up at the stars and I have this feeling of bewilderment knowing everyone is connected by the sky. It amazes me. No matter our differences, no matter what place we live in, we're all on the same earth, the same ground, and we can always look up at the same sky. Though it's come to my attention that we could be looking at so much more. Light pollution is a very common issue all around the globe. We love electricity, and we hate the darkness. That's clear. Though there's so much beauty in it. I guess it makes sense. Barely anyone is awake at night to really realize how much of a gift our stars are. I bet if they saw what we could have, they would be so much more willing to help out. As humans, we all hate change. We all love that sense of security we have in our day-to-day lives. The sense of a schedule helps us sleep at night. That doesn't help anyone though. That's why we can't change anything, even if it would better our lives later on. I would start relatively small, but I believe it would have an impact. Putting up billboards in large cities to show what we're missing out on, or perhaps just putting in the effort to change our street lights so that they're more focused on the road than everything around it. Not enough to make people freak, but enough to make people think. I want people to see it and get those little shivers that creep up your arms. That little tingle at the back of your neck and the feeling of your eyes nearly bulging out of your head. I want to make them passionate about it too. It's much easier to change something whenever everyone is putting their hearts towards such a project. It would be expensive, it would be a change from our familiar every day society, but it would truly be a change for the better. This wouldn't just be for looks, but I believe our mental stability as well. I've found that nothing is more calming then staring up at the sky. It's this serene feeling. It's like recharging yourself after a challenging day. Of course everyone is different, and not everyone is going to feel happy when at night, but I believe there is enough of a majority of people that would benefit from it that it would be worth it to change. Perhaps I would also help a movie come out about it too. Under the stars. Where we have the world we could have. Often we take inspiration from movies, whether we mean to or not. So this might motivate enough people. You realize this is the realm of possibility, and maybe you'll give up a few things to be able to have it. It wouldn't focus soley on the sky perhaps, but at the end of it you would think, "Wow, what if I could lay under the stars like that and feel TRUE happiness?". You'd want to test it out. But you can't do that without putting in a little effort to change it.

There has been a very recent activity that I did that was a big goal for onwards of at least three years. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't have been able to done it without the book #TheRealCinderella by Yesnia Vargas. For those who don't know this book, it's about a girl named Ella and her following her dreams, and also gaining a friendship with an anonymous stranger who met her on a forum for those who need extra help with schoolwork. While working together, they start getting into a really deep friendship where they are able to talk to each other about nearly anything. Soon Ella get's invited to the "ball" (a dance) and meets her Prince Charming, someone she actually knows. She loses her phone, and it takes quite a while for her to gain up the courage to go up to Jesse (Prince Charming) to collect it. I recently just met my online friend after knowing him for multiple years and practically growing up with him. He was a stabalizer in my life, and I would not be here today without him. It's always been a dream to put a face on him, and to actually meet him face to face... Well I thought I would die of anxiety. I wouldn't have agreed to meet up with him (very safely I assure you, in a public place and with friends) if I hadn't read this book. This book told me that there were other people in my situation too. And that if I felt comfortable, then I should step up and meet him. And I was so glad I did. I never thought it would happen. He's going off to college now and I hadn't even thought we'd still be talking, but we talk on the daily nearly. I thought that I might mess up our friendship by meeting him, but I believe it strengthened it. He's exactly who he says he is, and he screams awkward and nerdy just like the online part of him I know. But I didn't feel like anythng was awkward. It seemed dreamy. I've had dreams of meeting him, but it was actually real, and for a second everything seemed to piece together. I wish I lived close enough to see him more often, he seems like a really cool person to know in real life, although that will have to wait. Weirdly enough, even on the way home I had trouble remembering what he looked like. I think I'll blame it on his neon orange windbreaker. I found a line between the online personality and the real deal, and so did Ella when she finally got to actually know Jesse, and not just judge him off of the fact that he's the basketball captain's son. She taught me to stay strong, and probably planted the idea in my head at the first place. All throughout reading it I was laughing along and comparing it to my own life. And now I can say with utmost truth that I also met my online friend. I would've never believed it, but it happened. I still feel like I'll wake up just to figure out it was just a really in-depth dream. I'm so glad this goal has been completed though. The day I met him was practically the best day of my life, even though we hung out for only a few hours.

I love finding new books that are less known in the world, and I love bragging about how I've read it and how amazing it was, but if everyone in the world had to read one book, I wouldn't choose one of those books. I would choose The Outsiders, by S.E. Hinton. Unlike other schools, my school never included this book in any class. I had to find it through tiktok, and I'm so glad I had. This book grabs your heart and leaves you on the verge of tears. The story of family, and how friends can indeed be family. These kids were so young, just trying to do the best they could, and died way too soon. Darry began working as soon as he could after his parents died in a car crash to support his brothers Ponyboy and Sodapop. He threw away his opportunities to give Ponyboy a chance. Darry practically adopted Johnny, Dallas, Steve and Two-Bit, each who came from unfortunate families who didn't care what they were doing. From someone who feels a closer friendship with my friends way more than my family, I hold this book dear to my heart. My friends are my family in my own mind. I would do anything for my best friend, and I consider him like my brother. Extremely fun to hang around, and my anxiety just drifts away with him. He is a very high priority in my life. Not to mention the ending of the book. Spoiler alert, S.E. Hinton kills off Johnny and Dallas. Their relationship was so beautiful. Dally got everything he wanted, and when he couldn't see himself living a life without Johnny, he wanted to die. Johnny came from an abusive home and constantly wished that his parents would tell them that they cared about him. But even after he broke his spine and got burns, they didn't care. The gang was there though. The last three chapters which told Ponyboy's feelings made me ugly cry. Watching Ponyboy change because of the deaths was heartbreaking. It's sad, but is such an amazing book I hope everyone would read. And the fact the end of the book ties in perfectly with the ending... It's just too perfect!

It is without a doubt that Shake it Off has to be one of the best songs that Taylor has ever done. I grew up with this song and often found any reason to make my teacher play it in music. Thinking about it now reminds me of whenever I would dress up in one of the many ruffle shirts I had, or whenever I watched Teen Beach and say Cici. I think something that called to me about this song was about how it urged for you to just be happy. Taylor was struggling with rumors back then before making this song, and told everyone that she wasn't going to let anything get to her. As a child, this really spoke to me. I was eager to fit in with everyone else, always careful about what I did to make sure I wouldn't be considered the class freak. But since taking a fancy to this song, I realized that I shouldn't worry about those things. I should embrace my own personality and just live life the way I wanted to, despite what others might think. After all, it's my life, not theres. Of course after I made this decision I had to figure out what personality to have. Weirdly enough, growing up I was known to not smile or laugh. I couldn't understand jokes and had trouble connecting with other people. So I started fake laughing, judging out the area, and somehow that lead to me having my own "unique" sense of humor as a now senior. Not to mention this song got me OBSESSED with Taylor Swift. I was immediately in love with any song that she put out. And I doubt you can imagine my surprise when my friend had decided to get a CD of hers. He was interested in classical and 80's music at the time, so this was way out of his comfort zone, and he said it was pretty good. He now has an expansive genre of music that he listens to, and I'd like to take some credit for that, as I was eager to show him every new song I knew, and of course there were many Taylor Swift songs in that. Now he enjoys sending me japanese songs and other songs that he knows. It strengthened our friendship and it's safe to say that chances are we wouldn't still be talking if I hadn't shown him Taylor Swift.

Math was always something that I had enjoyed. I loved the repetitiveness of it, and once you found out how to do a math problem, you'd be able to do the whole entire sheet. And there is nothing better than seeing a bunch of right answers on a piece of paper. I also love that your answer is either right, or wrong. Unlike english, there is no interpretation in math. I always had a hard time figuring out what things meant, but with math, I don't need to. My new math teacher has been a huge reason I love math again. I feel no shame when answering questions, and she approaches it in a very clear manner to me. She's given us many resources, and I've found that I love looking at how other people do math problems and then using that to finish my own math. She has reignited the love I had for math ever since middle school, to where I found the math teacher there rude and abbrassive, leaving me to rather dislike math. It has been a hassle trying to regain my understanding of math ever since I got taken out of it in elementary school for speech work, to which the teacher would have the smart kid in the class try to explain it to me, although it often left me confused and annoyed at the fact I couldn't figure out what was going on. I'm so glad though that I have found people to help me with math. It's not a headache anymore. Instead it's a nice thing to get your mind off things. I often find when completing problems that I don't think of the outside world anymore, and before I know it the bell goes off. It's quite magical, if I do say so myself.

Today, when I look back on the world that I know, I truly wouldn't accept a world without music. It's a staple part of who I have grown up to be. Once upon a time I was a hot-head, truly living up to what everyone says about gingers and how they overreact. Although thinking about it now, a large majority of that part of me had crumbled apart whenever I was able to just sit in my room, calm down, and listen to music. Music was always a calming factor for me, even if I just experienced the music for a few seconds, which I was always grateful for. You could always find the right genre of song to calm yourself down, to take a deep breath and realize hey, maybe I'm overreacting? Not to mention the power music has to make everyday situations seem so much cooler. I am a big reliar of my music getting me hyped up. It all started in middle school whenever every time we went to a softball game, I would listen to My Church by Marren Morris. This became a tradition for me, to where I would INSIST I heard this song before I even got out of the vehicle. I recently got to see the Barbie movie, and whenever we went to meet up with the rest of the group, my friend decided to play an upbeat Barbie song. This immediately got me in the mood. As an introvert who easily gets overwhelmed spending too much time with other people, I really rely on music to give me some extra energy, which was a fairly good thing because I had three hours of sleep (not even) the night before, and we got back at around 3:30 in the morning. And I'm happy to say that I had one of the best times of my life there hanging out with friends. I doubt I would've been able to experience that if we had just listened to boring music all the way there. I might've died of awkwardness. I don't understand how people can say that they don't like music. My little sister is someone who often complains about music, and I've always found that confusing. Perhaps she just hasn't found the right music yet. The music that makes her get up, jump around, and have a giant grin on her face. I hope that someday she will soon be able to experience all that music has to offer, and how much better it can make your life.