Isn't it strange? One person can easily control your mood; one minute they make you feel like the whole world is at your feet, and the next, they destroy your heart into millions of pieces. Over and over again. Yet. You keep waiting. With my parent's constant arguments over my mother cheating, or my dad gambling all of the money at the casino, I did not receive much affection as a child. I never knew how to love myself due to the environment I was brought up in, so I relied on others to give me love and affection. That was how I allowed myself to get into an abusive relationship because that person took advantage of my naiveness. I allowed myself to get cheated on three times because I thought I could only receive love through him. My self-confidence was extremely low during that time I was with him because I felt like every misfortune was my fault, and that I deserved the treatment I received. My friends slowly helped me see value in myself because they brought me out of the house more often instead of leaving me alone with my thoughts. They helped me find happiness in myself without being in a relationship, and my self-confidence began to rise. Some people would say that their proudest moment in life was graduating high school or having a successful career, but mine was when I stood my ground and said no to him. I found value in myself and realized what he was doing to me and how much it affected me negatively. After that day, I made a promise to myself that I would never allow someone to manipulate me again. My journey to loving myself started roughly-- even though he was not in my life anymore, he still affected my mental state. That encouraged me farther to better myself as a person. I got back into my interests again, such as art and fashion, and each day I slowly began to feel like the old me. My relationships with my friends and family became healthier because I stopped focusing and revolving my world around him. I found my place in life, and each day I love myself more and more because my heart and body are given to me only once. I reflect on my past a lot. A year ago, I would have been crying over this guy, but now I know how to live without him consuming my every thought. Abusive relationships are complicated. I found myself in one because I believed the amount of self-worth I had was due to how other people saw me. If I could go back in time to talk to my younger self, I would tell her to give herself more credit and to stop being so harsh on herself. I traded my experiences for knowledge, and although my journey was rough, I finally learned how to love myself through all of my flaws.

I remember the night I was going to end my life. My friends, who were hundreds of miles away from me, called the police on me. I remember how confused my family was because they did not know what was happening. We were never a close family. The police pulled me outside so I could explain how I was feeling and what I was doing. My family did not know of my depression until the police told them. That night I went to the mental hospital with asphyxiation scars all around my face. My experience with the mental hospital was not the best, and although it could be helpful for plenty of others, it made me feel like I was a menace to society. After two weeks, I left the hospital, and I stopped taking my antidepressants and refused up to my therapist. I did not want anyone to help me on my journey of self-love. But as much as I wanted to improve by myself, I would not be the person I am today without my friend and family. After that incident, my siblings listened to my problems and gave me advice. My parents were less strict on me and allowed me to open up with them. I felt like I was finally in a safe family that would not judge me for my insecurities. My friends brought me out of the house more often. Before, I felt like there was nothing to do in life, but my friends helped me find beauty in small things such as the beauty in the shine in glass, the clouds when they look like a certain shape, the hue of blue in the sky, and many more. The people around me made me realize that maybe life isn't as black and white as I made it out to be. They showed me what life was to me. They gave me the truth to my questions-- questions that brought me heartaches. They showed me a vibrant life and gave me something to care for; something I would never want to let go.

The ability to create is a powerful skill that shows a person's originality and their views on the world. My inspiration to create art first came when one of my works got displayed at the state art show. I felt so much pride the next day at school when my friends exclaimed how they saw my piece and how they wanted me to help them learn how to draw; it made me think to myself how I can impact others with my pieces. Before that day, I did not know the meaning behind my art, and the boost it can give to someone's confidence. I remember seeing how happy my friends were when they created something that they held pride in. I saw how my art impacted my friends, and it pushed me to create art that would give people the motivation to try something new each day. Pursuing a career in architecture meant that I could create art in forms of buildings while also helping the community around me. Majoring in architecture allows me to reach new heights in my creativity by interacting with new colleagues and seeing how they express their creativity through their ideas. My creativity will push me to design environmentally friendly buildings that will hopefully leave a positive ecological footprint behind. As I pursue my education in architecture, I will remember what Norman Foster once said, "as an architect, you design for the present, with an awareness of the past, for a future which is essentially unknown.” Creating things that will impact people for the better gives me a sense of direction and meaning in life. I will use this scholarship to help propel my education in my dream career. It will allow me to better myself as a student by learning more about how the world works and implementing it in my designs. As a future architect, I will take my thoughts, ideas and beliefs into the physical environment with the buildings I will create. I hope that one day I can give people hope for the future through my creations and inspire them to try something they have never done before.

Mochi has been the light of my life ever since he entered my household in 2017. It is heartwarming to see how far he's grown and how he has brought our family so much closer with his moments such as: imitating the birds by chirping, mysteriously opening doors, being the baker of the family by kneading dough, and always being there to watch my mother cook. Mochi's impact on me is so significant that he will always have a special place in my heart even when I am hundreds of miles away from him.