I learned how to golf during my senior year of high school. I picked it up as a hobby after my football career finished and I wanted to find something else to keep me busy on the weekends. That was 11 years ago. In those 11 years, I have quit golf probably 500 times, quite often I quit multiple times per round. I picked up golf from my grandpa, him and I were very close when I was growing up and every time we visited them, we played on the gold course he lived on. He was the man who took 5 hours to complete a round, letting the golfers behind us pass us on most every hole because he passed someone in the community that he knew and wanted to talk. After playing a few rounds with him, he gifted me with my first set of clubs. An old set of his clubs, but still it meant the world to me. I have since upgraded my clubs a few times, but I still have those clubs as a reminder of where I started. Over the past 11 years I have gone through spurts where I will play a few times per month for about a year or so, then take a few months off. Then the cycle repeats. I always mean to continue, but life got in the way and I never really put it at the forefront. That changed in September 2018 when my grandfather passed away. That was a really difficult time for me. I didn't grieve properly and put a lot of the things that were important to me on the back burner. Until I decided to go back to the golf course. It is hard to explain that first round I golfed after he passed away, but the feeling was surreal. I felt at ease, happy for the first time in a long time. It may sound silly to some, but I felt him on that course with me. That reinvigorated my love for the sport. I started going golfing more often, or atleast getting to the driving range once per week. I met so many good friends on the course that I still golf with today. My favorite partner to golf with is my brother. Him and I fought a lot growing up, but as adults we have grown much closer. We tend to be closest on the course. Laughing, talking about life and helping each other with our swings we always have a good time, no matter how high our score is. What will always keep me grounded is the ball that I have sitting on my desk, perched on a shelf I made with my dad. That ball has a capital "B" on it and a smiley face. The way my grandpa always marked his ball on the course.

Why? Why me? Why now? Do I not deserve to be happy? Do I deserve to suffer? Why can't I win? Why them? Why are they so happy? Why are they so special? Why don't they have to struggle? What can I do? What can be done? What can I do to be part of them? How must I act? What must I change? What is wrong with the way that I am? Am I not worthy? Am I not fun? Am I not enough? Or is it them? Do they not accept me? Do they just not care? Do they even understand I am in despair? Are they even worth it? Are they worth my time? Are they worth me spinning in my mind? What if they aren't? What if I didn't care? Why don't I try to see what is there? Why try? Why not? It may just be worth it.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression for many years. In July of 2021, I reached my lowest point. I wasn't taking care of myself like I used to, I stopped reaching out to friends, and I isolated myself as much as possible. With the help of my family and closest support system, I decided it was time for me to make a change. I started seeing a therapist and things started to get better. Not great, but better than they were. I did this for about 10 months while working and getting ready to apply to graduate schools. As time went on, my mental state started to deteriorate again. I once again hit a low point in June 2022. This time, I noticed it just as quickly as my loved ones did. I decided to take time off work and enroll in a counseling program. I didn't know it at the time, but it will have been the best decision I made in my entire life up to this point. The counseling program started was Monday-Friday for 2.5-3 hours a day. Every day focused on a different therapeutic category and was used to deepen self-awareness, acceptance, self-care, and practice adaptive coping mechanisms. I didn't know what to expect coming in on my first day. I was anxious and even a little bit scared. I have always had a hard to being vulnerable and letting people into my struggles. Once I was introduced to the first group and I heard how everyone was able to speak their truth, good and bad, and be vulnerable and open. It was truly inspiring to me. I went 5 days a week for the next month and grew more than I thought I would. I then went back to work renewed with a better sense of self. While back at work, I continued my counseling 3 days per week for another month. After 30 treatment days over the course of just under 2 months, counseling came to an end. A bittersweet end to say the least. As I mentioned before, this was the largest growth I have experienced in my 29 years of life. I learned how to accept myself, that perfection is not possible, and pursuing it set me up for eternal failure. I also learned that failures and mistakes, no matter how big or small, are incredibly important learning moments. I have learned much more from my failures and mistakes than I have from successes. I have learned how to carry myself in a strong and confident way. I am more focused now than ever on helping other people. My MSW program begins at the University of Michigan in 3 months, and I have never been more prepared to help my fellow man and woman. I am proof that mental health education and support are just as important as all other medical care. I want to spread that word and help as many people as possibl.e

I have been fortunate to work in various aspects of the healthcare field for just under 10 years. I have been an EMT in Los Angeles, a Patient Care Technician at an outpatient surgery center, and currently as a Patient Care Coordinator at a radiology center. As an EMT, I spent a lot of time treating homeless individuals, and those with psychiatric conditions or a history of drug/alcohol abuse. Often, the patients I treated that were homeless typically had some form of untreated or undertreated psychiatric condition or addiction. I have seen first-hand the reception these patients get when they arrive at the or other facilities. The eye-rolling, the sighs, the general disdain for having to take care of someone who chose to abuse drugs or alcohol. But the reality is, we don’t know what happened in that person’s life that had their turn to use those vices. At the end of the day, which is a human being and a person that needs help? It is our duty to provide treatment for them while in our care, then the social worker can come in and help place that patient somewhere they can receive the proper mental health treatment or detox/rehab center that is needed. I can recall one call that I went on. I want to help create a world where people always have access to the healthcare they need. Where they have access to the necessary information and resources so that they can get that care. I want to be a part of that solution. In many workplaces, it is difficult to request time off for therapy sessions let alone a long-term counseling program without the employee having to worry about losing wages, losing their insurance, or even possibly losing their job. Another part comes into play with the idea that coworkers talk, things get misinterpreted, and a mental health leave of absence turns into a stay in a psychiatric hospital due to workplace gossip. This leads to embarrassment and hesitancy to reach out for help. Even though this seems far-fetched, that is how certain people think, it is how I used to think until it happened to me. I was embarrassed, I thought I was alone, and I was more worried about what other people would think of me than I was concerned about my mental health improving. When I finally hit my boiling point and took the time for myself that I needed to get back to a healthy place, my life changed for the better. I can easily say it is one of the best and smartest things I have ever done. I consider myself lucky in a way though. Not everyone has the resources I had. I work in healthcare, I have good insurance, and I was able to use the information and resources to find the right therapist and counseling program for me. This took time and effort though. The first therapist I went to cost me almost $300 per session out of pocket. For many this is unsustainable. Even just going to one weekly session is over $1,000 per month, $12,000+ per year. After utilizing what my insurance provided me, I was able to find the care I needed for $0 out of pocket. The help is out there, sometimes we just need to reach out and ask. My goal is to be that lifeline for people. To be able to share my story and my success and do everything I can to ensure my patients receive the same beneficial care that I received.

My favorite scientific discovery was that of the discovery of vaccines. With vaccines, we have literally changed the course of history with the use and benefit of vaccines. Something about the story of taking up the scabs of smallpox patients and crushing them and then inhaling the crushed scabs speaks volumes about how far we have come since then. Today we are able to vaccinate for dozens of illnesses, preventing countless illnesses and deaths worldwide. Not only the vaccines we get as babies and growing up, but the yearly flu shot, pneumonia, shingles, and now Monkeypox and COVID are vaccines that are readily available and saving lives every single day. I can respect that everyone has their right to an opinion, but it is hard for me to see the point of view of those who are anti-vaccination. For these reasons, I believe that vaccines are an incredibly important medical advancement and my favorite scientific discovery.