I'm a personable and reliable individual, qualities that are of the utmost importance to me because I've seen how important it is to have someone with those qualities in their life. As of now, I'm heavily involved in three organizations on campus. ProtectYourPeace, a mental health organization, is dedicated to fostering an environment where students can decompress and discuss mental health. We create spaces for conversation and also provide opportunities for community service. Peacemakers is an organization that is dedicated to community service in the Atlanta region, as we spend a lot of time catering to the youth around us. Our work entails afterschool programs and a monthly food pantry at M. Agnes Jones Elementary School, along with community beautification events on weekends. The DMV club is dedicated to unifying those of us from DC, Maryland, and Virginia, through events and mentorship. Sustainability is about maintaining what is while still achieving progress. To me, sustainability in my community means identifying and focusing on the youth. What good am I if I don't reach back and help those who are in the position I once was in. Or even better, with the tools and network that I will have accumulated and built, why not use those tools and that network to help my community and people. The adults have developed patterns over years of experience and life, leaving them far less open-minded than the youth. Not to say they are so far gone, but they are the current adults, and we need to properly prepare the future adults. Teaching them to give the adults around them grace and to understand that mental health is not easy and quick. Teaching the youth about where their forebearers fell short, while also teaching them how to be better and uplift those who didn’t know how to be better, is sustainability. My motivation stems from my own experiences and understanding of the effects of being pulled out of that bad place, why wouldn't I provide the blueprint to my community? Our communities are behind in one category no matter what the issue at hand is, and that's being informed and knowledgeable. With the information, we can build direction, and I want to provide my community with the precursor to direction.

My career future entails becoming a medical oncologist to bridge the gap between cancer research and underrepresented communities of color. Prostate cancer is a top killer of Black men, and a large reason is because of lack of knowledge and simply getting screened/tested. As a Black male in the medical field, providing care and most importantly knowledge to those in my community is imperative to me. My reasoning for choosing to go to an HBCU intertwines with my meaning of being black. Having attended a majority white school for most of my life, my community outside of school was imperative to me. As a senior looking college in the eyes, I understood that I wanted to be surrounded by those who understood what it meant to be Black but also embodied the nuances of being Black. We are not uniform or a monolith and I wanted to be engulfed in that 9 months out of the year, vice a couple hours out of the week. The world is very different from the environment I experience at my HBCU, and each environment equips me with skills to better maneuver through the world. Having experienced high school I wanted to be in a place where there was a constant sense of home, decompression, and tranquility within my mind and soul knowing there were certain battles I could relieve myself of for some years. While other problems undoubtedly persist, the absence of racism, microaggressions, etc brought an immense sense of comfort.

In high school, the concoction of an identity crisis and an inferiority complex sent me into a downward spiral of depression. I became mute and without confidence, and my body language showed. I walked around with my head down, my hood on, and my earphones in. You could tell I was a shadow of myself because internally I didn't know who I was anymore. Everything that applied to me was stripped and reassigned to another person in my grade. The abruptness of the moment in my life, in combination with my unfamiliarity with the nuances of my mental health, helped create an unimaginable storm. This storm lasted for around two years, and the catalyst for bettering my mental health was the COVID-19 quarantine. This time was imperative for me, especially as a person who is content with isolation. However, this abundance of isolation forced my thoughts and I inward, throwing me into introspection. Within this introspection I learned about my relationships and why some worked and some didn't. I learned about how I process information, what kind of learner I am, how good of a work ethic I have, and most importantly, why I had an inferiority complex in the first place. I learned that I am who I am and that they are who they are, but most importantly that I'll never be able to change that notion. I also learned to understand if I went through it, then so many more young black boys were experiencing the same thing. Which means they need the same help that I needed while traversing through all that confusion My experiences led me to strive to ensure that young black boys have what I didn't. young black boys need the right attention and help because the current environment for mental help doesn't pertain to young black males. I want to be a part of the revitalization of black medicine as it is happening. Being a part of this revitalization means my attention and skills will be directed at young black males. As a pediatrician, my focus will be on areas and regions of color, especially those without adequate access to proper medical assistance. In this position, I will be able to combine my love for kids and my knowledge of mental health. I believe that in order to make a change, you have to start with the children. Children are more malleable and more receptive to information. In this position, I'll be able to teach young children good emotional health skills that in turn will become a part of their pattern. Pattern correlates to consistency, and if our youth are consistently practicing good mental health and can observe and understand certain signals, then their children will do the same. My goal is to teach a generation in order to impact those after it. Those who were overlooked will become those doing the looking because now we will have the information that was once not available to us. Information that will reduce the self-harm we cause in our own community while minimizing the effects society has on our mental. My motivation stems from my own experiences, and understanding of the effects of being pulled out of that bad place, why wouldn't I provide the blueprint to my community?

I'm Masai Dorsey Jenkins, a sophomore Psychology major from Maryland. My interest in psychology stems from my experiences with depression and my love for introspection. I'm a personable and reliable individual, qualities that are of the utmost importance to me because I've seen how important it is to have someone with those qualities in their life. As of now, I'm heavily involved in three organizations on campus. ProtectYourPeace, a mental health organization, is dedicated to fostering an environment where students can decompress and discuss mental health. We create spaces for conversation and also provide opportunities for community service. Peacemakers is an organization that is dedicated to community service in the Atlanta region, as we spend a lot of time catering to the youth around us. Our work entails afterschool programs and a monthly food pantry at M. Agnes Jones Elementary School, along with community beautification events on weekends. The DMV club is dedicated to unifying those of us from DC, Maryland, and Virginia, through events and mentorship. Lastly, I’m also a part of the Georiga chapter of Phi Delta Epsilon, an international medical fraternity. The fraternity provides a plethora of opportunities and connections that are meant to continue my upward mobility toward and after medical school. Post graduation, I intend to attend graduate school for child psychology. I chose to pursue child psychology because of my own experiences, and the youth back home in the DMV. The youth back home in low-income communities do not have access to proper medical resources, specifically mental health resources. As a child psychologist, I'll be able to reach children before their harmful patterns become permanent. Attending medical also is imperative in creating a network I can call on when I'm working with these young children, specifically in aiding me in my long-term goal of establishing free medical clinics in the underrepresented communities back home. I understand that affecting the youth isn’t a job for a single person, and I’ll need help to ensure that I effectively make a difference on the youth. My end goal is to impact the youth, and always has been. Reaching our community early on in the youth will help us develop healthy patterns as a whole, and they will teach their children their healthy habits. I understand that the adults in our community also need help, however, the youth are our end all be all. They are our future and present, and I see a greater opportunity to help my community by focusing on the youth.

In high school, the concoction of an identity crisis and an inferiority complex sent me into a downward spiral of depression. I became mute and without confidence, and my body language showed. I walked around with my head down, my hood on, and my earphones in. You could tell I was a shadow of myself because internally I didn't know who I was anymore. Everything that applied to me was stripped and reassigned to another person in my grade. The abruptness of the moment in my life, in combination with my unfamiliarity with the nuances of my mental health, helped create an unimaginable storm. This storm lasted for around two years, and the catalyst for bettering my mental health was the COVID-19 quarantine. This time was imperative for me, especially as a person who is content with isolation. However, this abundance of isolation forced my thoughts and I inward, throwing me into introspection. Within this introspection I learned about my relationships and why some worked and some didn't. I learned about how I process information, what kind of learner I am, how good of a work ethic I have, and most importantly, why I had an inferiority complex in the first place. I learned that I am who I am and that they are who they are, but most importantly that I'll never be able to change that notion. I also learned to understand if I went through it, then so many more young black boys were experiencing the same thing. Which means they need the same help that I needed while traversing through all that confusion My experiences led me to strive to ensure that young black boys have what I didn't. young black boys need the right attention and help because the current environment for mental help doesn't pertain to young black males. I want to be a part of the revitalization of black medicine as it is happening. Being a part of this revitalization means my attention and skills will be directed at young black males. As a pediatrician, my focus will be on areas and regions of color, especially those without adequate access to proper medical assistance. In this position, I will be able to combine my love for kids and my knowledge of mental health. I believe that in order to make a change, you have to start with the children. Children are more malleable and more receptive to information. In this position, I'll be able to teach young children good emotional health skills that in turn will become a part of their pattern. Pattern correlates to consistency, and if our youth are consistently practicing good mental health and can observe and understand certain signals, then their children will do the same. My goal is to teach a generation in order to impact those after it. Those who were overlooked will become those doing the looking because now we will have the information that was once not available to us. Information that will reduce the self-harm we cause in our own community while minimizing the effects society has on our mental. My motivation stems from my own experiences, and understanding the effects of being pulled out of that bad place, why wouldn't I provide the blueprint to my community?

I definitely need to cry. I will eventually. I’m doing better, though. It’s been four years of pent up emotions and feelings: feelings that haven’t necessarily been expressed, but feelings I’ve confronted and have accepted that exist….at least most of them… I think. That's the thing: I’m trying to take it all day by day. The quarantine helped, I think. All that isolation forced me to turn to “look at the man in the mirror” and think. I identified the problem but didn’t really solve it. But that identification was a first step to help me figure out who I truly am. I came to understand that all of those years I was suffering from an inferiority complex. It’s been four years since I’ve felt this happy. In seventh grade, I was a bmoc (big man on campus)-- best basketball player, considered funny, cute. I was him - “smelling myself” but rightfully so. Then another kid arrived the next year. I had everything stripped away, and I was relabeled. I didn’t know what it felt like to be second socially. Nevertheless, that was the beginning of my battle with identity mobility. For the next three years I tried to be too many things to too many people to retain that sense of belonging, self-worth, pride, and along the way, I felt even more like nothing and more confused. It became excessive...I was so mobile that I became stagnant. From there, I was in survival mode. Instead of being my authentic self, I fabricated personalities. Each environment knew a different Masai. With my brothers, I was the hood version of myself. At school I was unapproachable. Everywhere else, I was simply anti-social. While switching between these personas, I also attempted to emulate other people in my life. I tried to be like the cool athlete at school, or stoic and mysterious like my dad or big brother. I was also code switching at school, and having to do this to an even greater extent within spaces of color was exhausting. How the hell was I supposed to keep up with that many Masais? I told myself: don’t waste time being emotional, because that’s time you could be spending fixing the problem. I had unconsciously learned this motto watching my big brother and father respond to various hardships without blinking an eye. So logically (well, far from it in hindsight), I dealt with it how I thought I was supposed to: I shut down. For years, I isolated myself. I became hyper focused in two spaces: basketball and school. This battle led me to two realizations, I need to attend an HBCU, and I need to work in the mental health field. Attending an HBCU was a realization that had been planted as a seed from my birth, as I was born to two HBCU alumni. Being in a space of excellence that has the wonderful word "Black" in front of it was not new to me, but was slightly unfamiliar coming from high school. Attending an HBCU has shown me my beauty, my nuances, my good traits, and bad. It has taught me resilience, and siblinghood, and has begun to teach me what unconditional love means to me. At Morehouse College, I've learned about brotherhood and its importance, alongside what it means to self-actualize and continue to do so. All of the aforementioned things have duly played a part in my interest in mental health too. As a thinker and observer, alongside my personal experiences with depression, I have been drawn to mental health for years without even being aware. That time in my life led me to major in psychology, pre-medical. I will create my own non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did. That is keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over. As a pediatrician, the combination of my love for children, and medical and psychological knowledge will allow me to essentially kill two birds with one stone. As a pediatrician, I'll be honed in on bodily the health of my patients, and with the psychological knowledge, I'll be able to observe and help them emotionally and mentally. My community needs more Black pediatricians and psychiatrists, so I took it upon myself to conquer both, thus helping and empowering our youth.

I have chosen to pursue higher education because I understand that it is a necessary tool in order to successfully and efficiently give back to my community. The black community and especially the youth need role models that they constantly see. Role models that explain the nuances in life at the right time, and in the right way. I specifically will give back in the mental health environment, as I experienced it, and will continue to matriculate through life experiencing it. A higher education will provide me with the knowledge, research tools, and uniquely-likeminded individuals that will undoubtedly help continue to form me into the man, role model, and psychiatrist that I am meant to be. To the point of mental health, depression is at its most dangerous state when the individual is not even cognizant that they are depressed. That was my situation for about two years, from eighth to ninth grade. In conjunction with the new arrival of a student who was just like me, and situations going on at home and outside of school, I was in a downward spiral for a long time. I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. All of these emotions bubbled over the edge during quarantine. All of the time alone forced me to make a decision: to continue to be unwell or make an active attempt to retake control of my life. Quarantine was a very introspective time for me. My life would not be the same had I not decided to force myself to be comfortable being uncomfortable. That time in my life they led me to major in psychology. I eventually want to create my non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did. That being keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over. This scholarship will help towards turning the aforementioned sentiments from words to actions, helping my family and I ensure that I not only graduate for myself, but for those who don't even know their counting on me yet.

Depression is at its most dangerous state when the individual is not even cognizant that they are depressed. That was my situation for about two years from eighth grade to ninth grade. I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. All of these emotions bubbled over the edge during quarantine. All of the time alone forced me to make a decision: to continue to be unwell or make an active attempt to retake control of my life. Quarantine was a very introspective time for me and helped me understand how much Black men and boys need black psychiatrists. I was one of those black boys and am one of those black men. However, my goal is to receive help in order to redistribute it. I will create my own non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I will do everything in my power to ensure that as many Black boys and men don't do what I did. That being keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over. Black men are extremely susceptible to mental health problems but seek out help the least. For those who do seek help, only 4% of clinical psychologists are black, and 1% of black psychologists are men. There is a lack of help in my community that happens to intersect with my personal interests and experiences, why wouldn’t I pursue psychology? Being a sports or child psychiatrist is also a main career goal of mine, as I dealt with the everyday mental stressors of being a black student-athlete. Constantly pushing my mental and physical to be the best basketball player caused stress not only on myself but my relationships. I understand the sacrifices associated with being an athlete, and my goal would be to minimize or eliminate unnecessary sacrifices. As a sports psychiatrist, I could help athletes with mental strain, and provide efficient and healthy outlets pertaining to their various problems. As a child psychiatrist, I’d focus on young black boys and men. Focusing on the youth prevents consequences in the future, providing them with the tools needed for prolonged mental health and thus a prolonged, healthy life.

Depression is at its most dangerous state when the individual is not even cognizant that they are depressed. That was my situation for about two years from eighth grade to ninth grade. In conjunction with the new arrival of a student who was just like me, and situations going on at home and outside of school, I was in a downward spiral for a long time. I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. All of these emotions bubbled over the edge during quarantine. All of the time alone forced me to make a decision: to continue to be unwell or make an active attempt to retake control of my life. Quarantine was a very introspective time for me. My life would not be the same had I not decided to force myself to be comfortable being uncomfortable. That time in my life led me to major in psychology. I eventually want to create my own non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did. That being keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over. Black men are extremely susceptible to mental health problems but seek out help the least. For those that do seek help, only 4% of clinical psychologists are black, and 1% of black psychologists are men. There is a lack of help in my community that happens to intersect with my personal interests and experiences, why wouldn’t I pursue psychology? Being a sports psychologist is also a main career goal of mine, as I dealt with the everyday mental stressors of being an athlete. Constantly pushing my mental and physical to be the best basketball player caused stress not only on myself but others and our relationships too. I understand the sacrifices associated with being an athlete, and my goal would be to minimize or eliminate unnecessary sacrifices. As a sports psychologist, I could help athletes with mental strain, and provide efficient and healthy outlets pertaining to their various problems. This scholarship will help me stay in school, and relieve my mother of some financial burden. This scholarship would also help my mother put more money towards my little brother as he begins to start his college process. I serve as a role model for my little brother, and for him to see me remain in college and achieve my goals and dreams. So, this scholarship isn't just for me, it's to help my entire family.

The most important people in our communities are those who take risks without an example. They create their impact, and without impact, a legacy has no basis to exist. How someone made people feel and act is what creates a legacy and determines its longevity. My upbringing was filled with imperative good moments and even more important bad moments. Entering high school, I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. All of these emotions bubbled over the edge during quarantine. All of the time alone forced me to make a decision: to continue to be unwell or make an active attempt to retake control of my life. Quarantine was a very introspective time for me. That time in my life led me to major in psychology. I eventually want to create my non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did. That being keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over. Black men are extremely susceptible to mental health problems but seek out help the least. For those that do seek help, only 4% of clinical psychologists are black, and 1% of black psychologists are men. There is a lack of help in my community that happens to intersect with my personal interests and experiences, why wouldn’t I pursue psychology? My legacy will be attached to helping black men and boys healthily maneuver through mental health. I've always had an innate passion for helping others, and my being as an up-stander to be attached to that means I fulfilled what I was intended to do with my time. Lastly, I want my legacy to be uniquely mine as an up-stander, inside and outside of my career. I'm an upstander against stereotypes of mental health, and medical institutional discrimination against black men and boys. Through upstanding and dedication to my community, I learned that being authentically myself had to start with direct intentionality until it became unconscious. Through me and those alike, my community will learn that approaching mental health must also take intentionality, discipline, and most importantly, vulnerability.

Without impact, a legacy has no basis to exist. Whether good or bad, a legacy is always and will always be attached to its impact. How someone made people feel and act is what creates a legacy and determines its longevity. My upbringing was filled with imperative good moments and even more important bad moments. Entering high school, I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. All of these emotions bubbled over the edge during quarantine. All of the time alone forced me to make a decision: to continue to be unwell or make an active attempt to retake control of my life. Quarantine was a very introspective time for me. My life would not be the same had I not decided to force myself to be comfortable being uncomfortable. That time in my life led me to major in psychology. I eventually want to create my own non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did. That being keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over. Black men are extremely susceptible to mental health problems but seek out help the least. For those that do seek help, only 4% of clinical psychologists are black, and 1% of black psychologists are men. There is a lack of help in my community that happens to intersect with my personal interests and experiences, why wouldn’t I pursue psychology? My legacy will be attached to helping black men and boys healthily maneuver through mental health. I've always had an innate passion for helping others, and for my legacy to be attached to that means I fulfilled what I was intended to do with my time. Lastly, I want my legacy to be uniquely mine, inside and outside of my career. Through my identity crisis, I learned that being authentically myself had to start with direct intentionality until it became unconscious. My legacy will serve as a blueprint for many, but a part of my legacy will be my dedication to being the best version of myself, serving as an example for others to be themselves.

Depression is at its most dangerous state when the individual is not even cognizant that they are depressed. That was my situation for about two years, from eighth to ninth grade. In conjunction with the new arrival of a student who was just like me, and situations going on at home and outside of school, I was in a downward spiral for a long time. I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. I tried to fix the situation all by myself, but in reality, I needed a break from a lot of things. Quarantine came around and I was no longer able to go to church. My family and I would all gather in the living room on Sundays and watch church via live stream. I didn't realize it but the isolation and my innate sense to isolate myself was contributing to my depression. Throughout quarantine, my family and I were dedicated to our faith, which overpowered the many problems we each had in our lives and with each other. Sitting there in the living room, sunlight greeting us through the windows, all sharing communion on a sofa, showed me how much I had and was neglecting. My faith brought my family close, which also was part of the solution to my depression. My faith helped me realize my calling through tribulations. That time in my life led me to major in psychology. I eventually want to create my non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. It is extremely difficult to help others if you aren't receiving help yourself. Attending church and being surrounded by loved ones. I continue to practice my faith healthily because it serves as a reset for my week. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did and to do so I must ensure that my mental health is as best as it can be. My faith will aid me in bringing my best self forward to my patients in my career, and will also provide insight that I can then relay to others. For those that do seek help, only 4% of clinical psychologists are black, and 1% of black psychologists are men. There is a lack of help in my community that happens to intersect with my interests and experiences, why wouldn’t I pursue psychology with the help of my faith?

Depression is at its most dangerous state when the individual is not even cognizant that they are depressed. That was my situation for about two years, from eighth to ninth grade. In conjunction with the new arrival of a student who was just like me, and situations going on at home and outside of school, I was in a downward spiral for a long time. I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. All of these emotions bubbled over the edge during quarantine. All of the time alone forced me to make a decision: to continue to be unwell or make an active attempt to retake control of my life. Quarantine was a very introspective time for me. My life would not be the same had I not decided to force myself to be comfortable being uncomfortable. That time in my life led me to major in psychology. I eventually want to create my non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did. That being keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over. Black men are extremely susceptible to mental health problems but seek out help the least. For those that do seek help, only 4% of clinical psychologists are black, and 1% of black psychologists are men. There is a lack of help in my community that happens to intersect with my interests and experiences, why wouldn’t I pursue psychology? So to answer the question, it was not necessarily who helped me overcome my obstacle, but what helped me overcome my obstacle. Depression could have caused academics to be background rather than foreground. However, in retrospect, the future young black men are what helped me overcome my obstacle of mental health. I was and still am one of those black boys who experiences a surplus of emotions with an absence of healthy solutions. The Black boys and men who will be affected and helped by the mine and others' work in the future are what helped me through depression. I was meant to experience what I did so that I can help those after me. Help those like my little brother, as he grows in this world as a young black man.

During freshman year, we went on an overnight community service trip. For the first half of the trip, the group I was placed in was heading toward a drug rehabilitation facility. Upon arrival, I saw faces and people who emanated an aura of home. After we cooked everyone dinner, we served and they began to eat. All of my classmates and I now had an opportunity to pick how we spent our time. Some cleaned up the kitchen, and others sat in discussion with those present. I sat down with an older guy towards the front of the room, as all the guys were watching the Redskin's game and the women were in the back talking. I sat down, completely unworried that I was speaking to an individual with a history of abuse and who knows what. As I spoke with him, I realized he was from the same part of Washington D.C. my father is from. We bonded on this connection, and it served as the catalyst for great conversation. As we spoke, others chimed in and it became a space within a room, filled with the all-too-familiar energy of the barbershop. These strangers became the opposite of that within minutes. Throughout that time, their faces and eyes lit up with happiness, deepened with sympathy, and contorted showing various emotions as they told their own stories. In this moment, the realization was clear, these people lacked genuine interactions with people outside themselves. They had not been treated "normally" in the normal amount of dosage. They were happy to feel as though for once. However, the moving realization was that mental health was far easier than it was made to be. For many, including myself, depression was allowed to sit and marinate in my mind, permitting it to spread to my body, and finally external in interactions with others. The simple solution of having someone to talk to. Having someone to share one's feelings with, not unloading them. Future moments in community service led to similar moments, but slightly different. You can tell there's weight on someone's mind and shoulders as you interact with them. If not in their eyes, then in how they speak. If not how they speak, then their body language. The understanding became clearer as I matured, and as I encountered and observed more people. With each genuine conversation, the need for black men's mental health became an infatuation of mine. My community needs help, and there is a lack there of it. Only one percent of psychologists/therapists are black males, thus the distrust by black men of therapy. The misnomer that weak men only attend therapy is also to blame for the lack of black men in therapy offices. Lastly, the lack of positive information and positive advertisements is another large reason for the misunderstanding surrounding mental health in the black male community. The last reason, was because I had personally experienced depression in my life. Ironically enough, throughout the entire time these realizations were being made, I was traversing through my own depression. Depression is at its most dangerous state when the individual is not even cognizant that they are depressed. That was my situation for about two years, from eighth to ninth grade. In conjunction with the new arrival of a student who was just like me, and situations going on at home and outside of school, I was in a downward spiral for a long time. I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. All of these emotions bubbled over the edge during quarantine. All of the time alone forced me to make a decision: to continue to be unwell or make an active attempt to retake control of my life. Quarantine was a very introspective time for me. My life would not be the same had I not decided to force myself to be comfortable being uncomfortable. That time in my life they led me to major in psychology. I eventually want to create my non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did. That being keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over.

Depression is at its most dangerous state when the individual is not even cognizant that they are depressed. That was my situation for about two years from eighth grade to ninth grade. In conjunction with the new arrival of a student who was just like me, and situations going on at home and outside of school, I was in a downward spiral for a long time. I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. All of these emotions bubbled over the edge during quarantine. All of the time alone forced me to make a decision: to continue to be unwell or make an active attempt to retake control of my life. Quarantine was a very introspective time for me. My life would not be the same had I not decided to force myself to be comfortable being uncomfortable. That time in my life led me to major in psychology. I eventually want to create my own non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did. That being keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over. Black men are extremely susceptible to mental health problems but seek out help the least. For those that do seek help, only 4% of clinical psychologists are black, and 1% of black psychologists are men. There is a lack of help in my community that happens to intersect with my personal interests and experiences, why wouldn’t I pursue psychology? Being a sports psychologist is also a main career goal of mine, as I dealt with the everyday mental stressors of being an athlete. Constantly pushing my mental and physical to be the best basketball player caused stress not only on myself but others and our relationships too. I understand the sacrifices associated with being an athlete, and my goal would be to minimize or eliminate unnecessary sacrifices. As a sports psychologist, I could help athletes with mental strain, and provide efficient and healthy outlets pertaining to their various problems. My community needs someone within the medical field to help tear down the stigmatization of mental health, and I am dedicated to doing so.

I definitely need to cry. I will eventually. I’m doing better, though. It’s been four years of pent up emotions and feelings: feelings that haven’t necessarily been expressed, but feelings I’ve confronted and have accepted that exist….at least most of them… I think. That's the thing: I’m trying to take it all day by day. The quarantine helped, I think. All that isolation forced me to turn to “look at the man in the mirror” and think. I identified the problem but didn’t really solve it. But that identification was a first step to help me figure out who I truly am. I came to understand that all of those years I was suffering from an inferiority complex. It’s been four years since I’ve felt this happy. In seventh grade, I was a bmoc (big man on campus)-- best basketball player, considered funny, cute. I was him - “smelling myself” but rightfully so. Then another kid arrived the next year. I had everything stripped away, and I was relabeled. I didn’t know what it felt like to be second socially. Nevertheless, that was the beginning of my battle with identity mobility. For the next three years I tried to be too many things to too many people to retain that sense of belonging, self-worth, pride, and along the way, I felt even more like nothing and more confused. It became excessive...I was so mobile that I became stagnant. From there, I was in survival mode. Instead of being my authentic self, I fabricated personalities. Each environment knew a different Masai. With my brothers, I was the hood version of myself. At school I was unapproachable. Everywhere else, I was simply anti-social. While switching between these personas, I also attempted to emulate other people in my life. I tried to be like the cool athlete at school, or stoic and mysterious like my dad or big brother. I was also code switching at school, and having to do this to an even greater extent within spaces of color was exhausting. How the hell was I supposed to keep up with that many Masais? I told myself: don’t waste time being emotional, because that’s time you could be spending fixing the problem. I had unconsciously learned this motto watching my big brother and father respond to various hardships without blinking an eye. So logically (well, far from it in hindsight), I dealt with it how I thought I was supposed to: I shut down. For years, I isolated myself. I became hyper focused in two spaces: basketball and school. This pattern continued into high school for the most part, and to some extent, a byproduct was success. My school work, in particular, soared. Today I feel as though I’m in the beginning of the middle stage. The beginning was experiencing the confusion, and the middle is realizing I was confused. The third and final step? I hope it will be self-satisfaction, peace, and confidence. Through it all, I’ve learned that authenticity is much better than accommodating the environment. My current goal is to only allow what really matters to affect my emotions. That means smiling in situations that normally produce stressful or angering responses. I’m going to smile and laugh to myself, then evaluate possible solutions. Today the need to be socially mobile is still there, but now, I am malleable because I want to be, and I feel authentic and confident adapting. Multiple Masais used to just exist in the same world but in different places. Now, multiple Masais make one Masai, and I’m expanding and learning evermore.

I chose to further my education because I experienced, and observed a weakness in the black male community. Depression is at its most dangerous state when the individual is not even cognizant that they are depressed. That was my situation for about two years from eighth grade to ninth grade. In conjunction with the new arrival of a student who was just like me, and situations going on at home and outside of school, I was in a downward spiral for a long time. I was battling depression due to an identity crisis. I didn't know who I was, and because I was constantly trying to compare myself to others, I didn't truly know who I wanted to be either. All of these emotions bubbled over the edge during quarantine. All of the time alone forced me to make a decision: to continue to be unwell or make an active attempt to retake control of my life. Quarantine was a very introspective time for me. My life would not be the same had I not decided to force myself to be comfortable being uncomfortable. That time in my life led me to major in psychology. I eventually want to create my non-profit directed towards the mental health of Black men and boys and majoring in psychology will equip me with the skills to do that effectively. I want to try and do everything in my power to ensure that Black boys and men don't do what I did. That being keeping feelings and emotions pent up inside and then finally boiling over. Black men are extremely susceptible to mental health problems but seek out help the least. For those that do seek help, only 4% of clinical psychologists are black, and 1% of black psychologists are men. There is a lack of help in my community that happens to intersect with my interests and experiences, why wouldn’t I pursue psychology? Being a sports psychologist is also a main career goal of mine, as I dealt with the everyday mental stressors of being an athlete. Constantly pushing my mental and physical to be the best basketball player caused stress not only on myself but others and our relationships too. I understand the sacrifices associated with being an athlete, and my goal would be to minimize or eliminate unnecessary sacrifices. As a sports psychologist, I could help athletes with mental strain, and provide efficient and healthy outlets pertaining to their various problems.

Making a difference comes in many forms. As of now, my difference-making has taken the form of volunteering. From feeding the homeless at Martin Luther King Jr. Library and at Shepherd's Table, to Food Drives at Metropolitan AME Church, and organizing furniture for the impoverished at A Wider Circle. All of that was outside of the community service hours that were from school. The form that my difference-making will take in the future, will be aiding Black men and boys alike. For context, In middle school and into high school, I went through a dark time where I didn't know myself. I had no sense of who I was, and had no sense of direction. I went to a small school, so I saw the same people everyday. In my eighth grade year, a young man came into the grade who was considered "better" at everything I did. So in essence, for me, 4 years went down the drain. I was no longer special in my environment. This alongside other outside factors I am choosing not to discuss, essentially sent me into a state of depression. I over-isolated myself for about a year and a half. I would force myself not to have fun, force myself to not feel emotions. I wouldn't even speak. All of this because I thought that was what being tough looked like. In reality it was more self harming than helping. I say all of that to say this. My goal is to start a program for Black men and boys. This program will be directly aimed at emotional education. In society men are told they have to be tough, emotionless, and always be strong. While there is a time and place for these traits, men aren't told this. Black men specifically, the second most dangerous group of people on the planet, are victim to this sentiment even more so. Where many Black men come from they are taught these things about masculinity, but mostly because that is an integral part of survival where they are from. Being vulnerable isn't a part of the survival rules they've been living by. My goal isn't to create a paradigm shift in these spaces. My goal is to go and arm every Black man and boy I can with the tools to achieve emotional health. Providing one with the tools allows them to use them when that person's situation is best suited for them. So after I've become a CEO of an international company, and have sat on the boards of many influential companies, my main focus will be on my own. Because while being on boards and being a CEO on an international company are all great feats and very important, helping my own is far more important.