"Mi Corazon" by Maryana Nava Garcia Mi tempestad es más fuerte y libre que el viento. Mi corazón se hunde en desesperación, Al no saber que hacer con tanta emoción. Mi corazon se hunde en lagrimas de sal y alcohol. Mi corazón se hunde en desesperación, Este secreto es mi perdición. Mi corazón se hunde en lagrimas de sal y alcohol. Ya que este secreto es mi estrangulación. Este secreto es mi perdición, Mi tempestad es más fuerte y libre que el viento, Ya que este secreto es mi estrangulación, Al no saber que hacer con tanta emoción.

I was born in the U.S., but I grew up in Mexico until I was fourteen. I loved my life in Mexico. I went to school from 1 to 6:00p.m. and my mom brought me a warm lunch during recess. After school, I ran around with my cousins until dinner time. That period of my life feels so tranquil yet distant. When I moved back to the U.S. and started school everything felt upside down. I had to make sure the bus didn’t leave me behind. My mom and my cousins weren’t there anymore. Teachers began calling me Mary-anna rather than Mariana. Mary-anna sounded cold and rigid, and I wondered who she was. During this period my voice was always shut down by others, primarily by my family. They often made remarks about my accent and the way I dressed, saying “You look too Mexican.” Puzzled, I slowly started to let go of the part of me that was too “Mexican.” I never felt like I fit in anywhere. Shortly after turning sixteen, my uncle was deported back to Mexico, and his wife and my older cousin kicked me out of the house. Even though that house was never a home to me, I was hit by a wave of mixed feelings and left to fend for myself. I had no idea what to do, had no idea who I was, and no idea why this had happened. I found myself surrounded by questions, and questions, and more questions. Thankfully, my best friend from high school was able to host me and my job at McDonalds was enough to sustain me. My initial plan was to finish high school and move back to Mexico with my parents. I did not even think about going to college or how that would be possible for someone like me. I felt like I was not allowed to dream of a better life, but I wanted a better life for Mariana. I decided to confide in my former French teacher and tell her about my worries, my dreams, and my tears. It felt nice to have someone I could trust and know that she cared. She helped me find resources to go to college, and because of her I decided to enroll in Elgin Community College (ECC) as a first-generation student. I was clueless as to how that would go, but I was ready to find out. Fast forward a few years, I am now in my last year of college at Northern Illinois University studying French and Art. My journey has taught me how cruel people can be, as well as how kind others can be; I have learned how to adjust to different situations, and people. I learned how to be kind, and extend a helping hand to others. I learned that I do not want to be like those that hurt me, I want to be kind and gracious. I strive to bring peace for myself and those around me. I currently work at an elementary school, and although the pay is not the best I am there for my children. I enjoy giving members a safe place to be themselves and to play. It makes me happy seeing them happy. I strive to make the world a bit safer little by little.

My best back-to-school tip would be to introduce yourself to all your professors! Not only is this good for networking, but also for your success in the classroom. Professors are willing to go above and beyond for you if they know who you are, and if you attend class, and if you ask questions. Also, if you ever need a letter of reccomendation a teacher that knows more than your name will be able to help you out the best! Don't forget that your professors are there to help you succed! instagram handle: @chataa0808

Levez-vous! Asseyez-vous! Levez-vous! asseyez-vous! Wide-eyed and perplexed, I had no idea what my French teacher had said. In fact, I had no idea that very first day of French class would lead my life in an entirely different direction. My French teacher was an incredible woman, and each day was a surprise for me. Her classes were lively and innovative, and she challenged me to grow my French but also grow my mind. I was fascinated by learning about France and the Francophone world. I had no idea French was spoken in so many countries outside of Europe, or that is spoken here in the U.S. as well. Through my high school French class, I felt like I had opened the door to a different universe. As a sixteen-year-old, I set my mind on two goals: master speaking French and earn the Seal of Biliteracy. However, as a sixteen-year-old, I also found myself homeless, which had not been a goal. I suddenly had no idea what my life was going to be like because there were too many unknown variables. I had started working a couple months prior to being homeless, so I had some money, and thanks to my best friend, I had a place to stay. A couple months later, my older brother died, and I found myself in a dark place. I could not have cared less about school and the things I had previously enjoyed. I struggled with a lot of negativity and mental health problems. A year later, things did not change when as a junior I took the Seal of Biliteracy test and failed. I failed. I failed, but I was not surprised. I had not given it my all. I put school on hold and focused on working. Truthfully, I could not picture my future. I was not planning to go to college, so why did my grades matter? Why would it matter if I earned the Seal of Biliteracy or not? It was just a piece of paper. But it was not just a piece of paper for me. My French teacher did everything in her power to help me – not just in school but outside of school as well. She helped me create a plan to get back up and try again – try again for myself and my future. Luckily, I was starting my senior year of high school and was able to test again for the Seal of Biliteracy. I worked hard that year. I studied and spoke French with my online friends day and night. I was determined to earn that Seal, and I did. Not only did I earn the Illinois State Seal of Biliteracy for French, I also earned it for Spanish. I was also the only person in my school who earned the French Seal of Biliteracy. I felt optimistic about myself and my future and enrolled in Elgin Community College. To think that at one point I did not even want to graduate from high school feels kind of silly now. However, thanks to all the amazing people in my life, I was able to try again. Now, I am here at NIU studying French and Art. Sixteen-year-old me would be stunned, but I am happy that I am where I am. I have learned that life is full of ups and downs, and the only things I can control are my attitude and my point of view. I have no idea what the future holds, but I am ready.

Levez-vous! Asseyez-vous! Levez-vous! asseyez-vous! Wide-eyed and perplexed, I had no idea what my French teacher had said. In fact, I had no idea that very first day of French class would lead my life in an entirely different direction. My French teacher was an incredible woman, and each day was a surprise for me. Her classes were lively and innovative, and she challenged me to grow my French but also grow my mind. I was fascinated by learning about France and the Francophone world. I had no idea French was spoken in so many countries outside of Europe, or that is spoken here in the U.S. as well. Through my high school French class, I felt like I had opened the door to a different universe. As a sixteen-year-old, I set my mind on two goals: master speaking French and earn the Seal of Biliteracy. However, as a sixteen-year-old, I also found myself homeless, which had not been a goal. I suddenly had no idea what my life was going to be like because there were too many unknown variables. I had started working a couple months prior to being homeless, so I had some money, and thanks to my best friend, I had a place to stay. A couple months later, my older brother died, and I found myself in a dark place. I could not have cared less about school and the things I had previously enjoyed. I struggled with a lot of negativity and mental health problems. A year later, things did not change when as a junior I took the Seal of Biliteracy test and failed. I failed. I failed, but I was not surprised. I had not given it my all. I put school on hold and focused on working. Truthfully, I could not picture my future. I was not planning to go to college, so why did my grades matter? Why would it matter if I earned the Seal of Biliteracy or not? It was just a piece of paper. But it was not just a piece of paper for me. My French teacher did everything in her power to help me – not just in school but outside of school as well. She helped me create a plan to get back up and try again – try again for myself and my future. Luckily, I was starting my senior year of high school and was able to test again for the Seal of Biliteracy. I worked hard that year. I studied and spoke French with my online friends day and night. I was determined to earn that Seal, and I did. Not only did I earn the Illinois State Seal of Biliteracy for French, I also earned it for Spanish. I was also the only person in my school who earned the French Seal of Biliteracy. I felt optimistic about myself and my future and enrolled in Elgin Community College. To think that at one point I did not even want to graduate from high school feels kind of silly now. However, thanks to all the amazing people in my life, I was able to try again. Now, I am here at NIU studying French and Art. Sixteen-year-old me would be stunned, but I am happy that I am where I am. I have learned that life is full of ups and downs, and the only things I can control are my attitude and my point of view. I have no idea what the future holds, but I am ready.

Levez-vous! Asseyez-vous! Wide-eyed and perplexed, I had no idea what my French teacher had said. In fact, I had no idea that very first day of French class would lead my life in an entirely different direction. My French teacher was an incredible woman, and each day was a surprise for me. Her classes were lively and innovative, and she challenged me to grow my French but also grow my mind. Through my high school French class, I felt like I had opened the door to a different universe. As a sixteen-year-old, I set my mind on two goals: master speaking French and earn the Seal of Biliteracy. However, as a sixteen-year-old, I also found myself homeless, which had not been a goal. I had started working a couple months prior to being homeless, so I had some money, and thanks to my best friend, I had a place to stay. A couple months later, my older brother died, and I found myself in a dark place. I could not have cared less about school and the things I had previously enjoyed. I struggled with a lot of negativity and mental health problems. A year later, things did not change when as a junior I took the Seal of Biliteracy test and failed. I failed. I failed, but I was not surprised. I had not given it my all. I put school on hold and focused on working. Truthfully, I could not picture my future. I was not planning to go to college, so why did my grades matter? Why would it matter if I earned the Seal of Biliteracy or not? It was just a piece of paper. But it was not just a piece of paper for me. My French teacher helped me create a plan to get back up, and try again – try again for myself and my future. Luckily, I was starting my senior year of high school and was able to test again for the Seal of Biliteracy. I worked hard that year. I was determined to earn that Seal, and I did. Not only did I earn the Illinois State Seal of Biliteracy for French, I also earned it for Spanish. I was also the only person in my school who earned the French Seal of Biliteracy. I felt optimistic about myself and my future and enrolled in Elgin Community College. To think that at one point I did not even want to graduate from high school feels kind of silly now. However, thanks to all the amazing people in my life, I was able to try again. Now, I am here at NIU studying French and Art. Sixteen-year-old me would be stunned, but I am happy that I am where I am. I have learned that life is full of ups and downs, and the only things I can control are my attitude and my point of view. I have no idea what the future holds, but I am ready.

Levez-vous! Asseyez-vous! Levez-vous! asseyez-vous! Wide-eyed and perplexed, I had no idea what my French teacher had said. In fact, I had no idea that very first day of French class would lead my life in an entirely different direction. My French teacher was an incredible woman, and each day was a surprise for me. Her classes were lively and innovative, and she challenged me to grow my French but also grow my mind. I was fascinated by learning about France and the Francophone world. I had no idea French was spoken in so many countries outside of Europe, or that is spoken here in the U.S. as well. Through my high school French class, I felt like I had opened the door to a different universe. As a sixteen-year-old, I set my mind on two goals: master speaking French and earn the Seal of Biliteracy. However, as a sixteen-year-old, I also found myself homeless, which had not been a goal. I suddenly had no idea what my life was going to be like because there were too many unknown variables. I had started working a couple months prior to being homeless, so I had some money, and thanks to my best friend, I had a place to stay. A couple months later, my older brother died, and I found myself in a dark place. I could not have cared less about school and the things I had previously enjoyed. I struggled with a lot of negativity and mental health problems. A year later, things did not change when as a junior I took the Seal of Biliteracy test and failed. I failed. I failed, but I was not surprised. I had not given it my all. I put school on hold and focused on working. Truthfully, I could not picture my future. I was not planning to go to college, so why did my grades matter? Why would it matter if I earned the Seal of Biliteracy or not? It was just a piece of paper. But it was not just a piece of paper for me. My French teacher did everything in her power to help me – not just in school but outside of school as well. She helped me create a plan to get back up and try again – try again for myself and my future. Luckily, I was starting my senior year of high school and was able to test again for the Seal of Biliteracy. I worked hard that year. I studied and spoke French with my online friends day and night. I was determined to earn that Seal, and I did. Not only did I earn the Illinois State Seal of Biliteracy for French, I also earned it for Spanish. I was also the only person in my school who earned the French Seal of Biliteracy. I felt optimistic about myself and my future and enrolled in Elgin Community College. To think that at one point I did not even want to graduate from high school feels kind of silly now. However, thanks to all the amazing people in my life, I was able to try again. Now, I am here at NIU studying French and Art. Sixteen-year-old me would be stunned, but I am happy that I am where I am. I have learned that life is full of ups and downs, and the only things I can control are my attitude and my point of view. I have no idea what the future holds, but I am ready.

“The scent of serenity.” The flow of time doesn’t seem to exist when I hold a watercolor brush. My eyes get lost in the emerald green paint as I make upwards strokes with my brush. As I add a touch of yellow, I follow with my eyes as both colors gradually graze each other and blend in a seemingly careless way. I watch in glee as the once pristine white paper soaks in all the colors. As an adult, painting has become one of my most soothing hobbies. As a first generation Mexican-American student, I have to find the right balance between work and study. Often it is quite easy to forget to take care of myself as I get lost in a sea of due dates and commuting between places. However, during these challenging times painting has brought me comfort and a sense of serenity. I started watercolor painting a while after enrolling in Elgin Community College. I have always enjoyed drawing, but painting has slowly made its way into my life. Whenever I pick up a brush I immediately get a sense of relief and I get in a flow state. I enjoy painting because it allows me to forget about everything else; I can slow down and savor the present moment. By no means am I a good painter; I am merely an amateur. However, through my painting journey I have learned to embrace creativity and patience. I have learned that art, just as anything else in life, does not have to be perfect to be good. Painting has taught me to slow down and be conscious of how stress affects my body and my mind. I want to become a better painter, but my daily activities leave me no room for my hobbies, which is why I treasure every moment I get to paint.

Half-Full Glass Playlist by MauveLove Young, Dumb and Broke- Khalid Congratulations- Post Malone Si debe ser es mi deber- Kali Uchis Let’s go- Khalid Try- Pink The Script- Hall of Fame Todo Pasa- Carla Morrison

As a child, I never took notice of the way my body looked. I was too busy playing with my friends and having fun. I had a happy childhood. However, as I grew older I started to use social media, and at fifteen, I began to nitpick at every part of myself and wonder why I didn’t look like the ideal girl? Why don’t I have a small waist, prominent cheekbones, and luscious lips? Why am I the opposite of the perfect he? Why do I have to be me? I was constantly being fed a narrative of false and unattainable beauty standards through the social media I consumed, and I started to develop a negative body image that led me to depression and anxiety as a teenager and lasted for several years. Now that I have turned twenty, I have sought professional help and now understand not only how social media plays a huge role in my mental health; but also how I can change that reaction. One of the practices my counselor introduced to me was to redefine what I see as beauty. What is beauty to me? Where do these beliefs come from? How do those beliefs make me feel? Once I started to ask myself these questions, I realized how much of what I thought was beauty came from social media and the photo shopped pictures of beauty and perfection. Through my soul-searching, I have identified that beauty is the raw essence within each one of us. Developing my own thoughts about beauty has led me to create MauveBeauty, my YouTube channel where I not only talk about makeup but also about self-love and confidence. My goal with MauveBeauty is to create a supportive community where those like me who, struggle with their mental health and have a negative self-image can have a place to feel safe and begin to accept all aspects of who they are.

I would love to study abroad in France. I not only took four years of French in high school, but I earned the Illinois State Seal of Biliteracy in French. This award was a huge accomplishment for me, not only because I was the first in my high school to attain this award but because it gave me even more motivation to study French in France. My thoughts have become “I have to go to France, I have to experience the French culture, I have to keep going.” My dream is to be able to communicate with French speakers as easily and as smoothly as possible. I don’t just want to communicate with others, I want to make sure that I understand the message behind the words of those with different cultures in France and around the world. My passion for cultural immersion started in high school when I took my first French class. I immediately fell in love with France as I learned more each day. We made crepes in class, we ate jambalaya, and we toured the French Market in Chicago. Needless to say, I was hooked. I was hooked on learning more and more about this mysterious country on the other side of the world. Additionally, while studying online I discovered DamonandJo, a travel and language YouTube channel that spilled all the secrets about traveling on a budget and learning languages. DamonandJo inspired me to become a polyglot and keep progressing in my language learning journey. DamonandJo and their videos on “the French that no one teaches you” not only helped me expand my vocabulary but also helped me become more immersed in other cultures My most ambitious goal is to immerse myself in the language and cultural practices of the country I am visiting so I can fluently interact with the residents and understand their perspectives. I strongly believe that being open to life in other countries is the key to knowledge and progress as a society. I want to learn as much about the world around me as I can, and I want to start with studying abroad in France. I not only want to improve my French but be able to soak up other cultures, especially as I travel to other francophone countries– including Madagascar. I had no idea that French was spoken there! It’s so far away from France that I would have never imagined they were part of the francophone world.

Art as a Language As an artist, I pour my heart and soul into every piece I make. I do not limit myself to a certain medium. If I want to write, I write. If I want to paint, I paint. If I want to dance, I dance. To me, art is a language and I am the translator. Creating art helps me interpret my thoughts and emotions. Being an artist gives me peace. It also gives me a sense of freedom and an opportunity for self-expression I just can’t find anywhere else. I use art as a form of introspection. Art has prompted me to engage with the murky side of being a human being. Through art, I am able to understand the complexity and diversity of human emotion, and what truly drives me to move forward. Art has been an outlet through which I can express all my emotions without judgment or fear of rejection. In the Fall 2020 semester, I was enrolled in a creative writing course at Elgin Community College where I created a pantoum poem titled “Mi Corazon.” This poem, selected for ECC’s Spire Journal of the Arts for 2021, was the first time I had ever shared my poetry with the world. It was scary, but my only hope was that someone would be able to relate to and connect with my poem. I strongly advocate for mental health awareness, and one of my biggest desires is to be able to communicate with and relate to others through my art. I deeply believe that one day I will be able to change someone’s life through my art – even if it is only one person. Now that I understand all human beings are just as complex and diverse as I am, it gives me even more incentive to share my art and my words with the world. “Mi Corazon,” expresses the drowning feelings we often label as regret, despair, and melancholy. These are sentiments I encounter every day. They depict the cruel battle that has left me empty many times. However, when I pick up a piece of paper and a pencil, I feel like I am in control. I feel like I can tackle these emotions and paint a different outcome. I believe many have forgotten what it’s like to pick up a pencil and just write, or draw, or create. I believe art is a way to help us express many of our emotions and understand our present while working towards our future.

Bonjour class! Was the first thing I heard from the woman who changed my life forever. Madame Fodor wasn’t just my French high school teacher: She is a strong-willed woman who carries herself with a sort of grace you only see in movies. She is a walking book of references, anecdotes, languages, and historically accurate facts. From day one, Madame Fodor never failed to teach me the connections between learning a language and its effects in the real world. She is the type of woman who can and will find a solution and, is driven by the strong morals that have shaped her into who she is today. Madame Fodor taught me that anything is possible as long as I put my mind to it. When I was in high school, I took the French Seal of Biliteracy test during my junior year. To my surprise, I failed. I thought I excelled in my French class, but that test proved me wrong. Madame Fodor was there to encourage me to study harder and try again my senior year. She gave me extra materials and lessons so I could keep up with my French outside of school. She was always there to answer questions, even after school. I wanted to get that Seal, and Madame Fodor helped me attain it. Madame Fodor is one of those rare people who devotes her soul to her work and her students. She did not see us as less than or as a nuisance based on racial stereotypes. Instead, she worked to understand the complexity of our backgrounds. She dedicated herself wholeheartedly to all of us, and her passion for teaching and learning was never in question. She made sure she formed a strong connection with each of her students. Because of her, I never stop trying. She taught me that there are no barriers or borders in language learning. She demonstrated how to understand one another, and how to change the world by immersing ourselves in foreign language and culture. She showed me the type of person I want to be when I grow up and illuminated the path for the type of teacher I want to be.

My name is Maryana Nava Garcia, and I was born in the United States to immigrant parents on May 27, 2001. When I turned seven, my dad was deported to Mexico, and shortly after, my mom took my siblings and me to Mexico. However, after seeing the growing violence in Mexico, my dad decided to send my oldest brother (15) and me (14) back to our home country. My dad assigned legal guardianship of us to our cousin Claudia, and we stayed at my uncle’s house with Claudia. Throughout those years, there were many instances of verbal and mental abuse. From a young age, I had to become an adult. I had to become my own parent and work hard for a better future for myself. To provide for myself and as a way to escape, I got a job at McDonald’s at fifteen, and I also joined the Boys & Girls Club of Elgin, which made a huge difference in my life. My job at McDonald’s helped me become financially responsible and independent in many ways. I was now able to buy myself clothing, go do laundry, buy food, and pay for my cellphone service and rent. This job taught me how to become a fully responsible adult when I purchased my first car, paid for my insurance, and got my driver’s license and plate registration at 19 years old. More importantly, this job also helped my mental health. Working almost forty hours a week, had me occupied and far from the house where there were too many issues to count. Everyone who has ever worked at McDonald’s knows that it sucks, but for me being at home sucked even more. The Boys & Girls Club offered me a place free of judgment, where I could do my homework, participate in sports, create art, and talk with an adult who would actually listen to me. They gave me light and hope to keep going, even though my private life would remain private, as a kid that Club saved my life simply by creating a safe space for me. Looking back now, as an adult, I now understand the vital importance of mental health, and how much poor communities and struggling people of color need non-profit organizations like the Boys & Girls Club. I now know that there are many other children living in similar situations, and I strive to change that by becoming an educator. When I turned seventeen, the uncle we were living with was deported, and my cousin Claudia and her mother kicked me out of the house. Giselle, my best friend since middle school, convinced her mom to be my guardian so I could finish high school. At the time I was not planning on pursuing higher education since I honestly could not see myself going anywhere. However, with guidance from my French teacher, I decided to enroll in Elgin Community College in 2019 and see where that would take me. I graduated in December 2020 with my Associate’s and am now working on becoming a certified English teacher while also getting a minor in French. I also decided to work at the place that helped me so much when I was young: the Boys & Girls Club of Dundee Township. This has inspired me even more to pursue a certification in education. I spend my afternoons tutoring elementary school children in Spanish and Math, I also set up interactive games through which they can learn and have fun at the same time. This work has allowed me to really dive into what it will be like to become a teacher, and I have found that I really enjoy this sort of work, and I want to one day be a full-time teacher. Unfortunately, due to reduced hours at the Boys & Girls Club because of the pandemic, I have had to pick up a second job, which makes it harder to dedicate my time and energy to studying. College is confusing and stressful as a first-generation student, yet, it is something that I want to accomplish. I strongly believe that America needs teachers like me: teachers who are a person of color, teachers who can speak their language not only in Spanish class, teachers who come from the same backgrounds as their students, teachers who are not going to give up on any child. I want to be a teacher who is able to see color and meet the child where he/she needs to be met, who is willing to go above and beyond for the education of students of color, and more importantly who can give students of color hope.