I would wake up in a bed that was unfamiliar. My room changed many times when I moved into my father’s home, it was dirty and different. When I entered high school it was still unfamiliar and I almost puked waiting for the bus on my first day in a new school. A new pain had entered my life, one I didn’t understand or know what to name. I would lie on my bed and feel like I was dead and in the heap of my sorrow I was thinking about a reason to be this upset, of course now I know it was all very common for a girl who had gone through what I had to feel that way but back then I felt weak. I needed a reason for this ache. I made a girl who was like me but had a reason. It was so different from mine but it hurt her just the same. She couldn’t go on anymore, she attempted what I couldn’t but I made her go on anyway. I made her a world, a map and a sad ending. Later I decided she must have a happy ending. Her sad life and small world became much bigger, she became much stronger and she trusted herself. She became brave and willing to face the things she once ran so far away from. At her core there was a determination to live. Her false world saved me from my own. I still work on her story every day, every night, every hour I feel inspiration and I desperately search for it in the hopes that I can add more layers of color to her story and not just hers, the people who love her, who want to hurt her, even strangers to her who I decided early on I would treat like humans and not side characters, they have stories of their own, languages and cultures of their own. Clothing that can bring meaning to them, animals and nature that inspire that clothing. They have their own myths and reasons for phenomenons. In this false world that requires work and care, I look for inspiration in the one that I yearn to escape from. It’s funny how that works. In this quest I have found so many beautiful things and my mind has changed so much. I learned about the places in the world that people call dangerous and I find love and kindness in them because we are all people and people have love and kindness at their core, braided together with violence and deceitfulness because that is nature and we are nature. Someday I want to publish this story, my dream job is to create stories and tell them but that’s not always how it works. My family cannot afford to send me to a place that might be a waste and I don’t want that anyway but they are still taking on a lot of debt and if I was able to reduce that by writing a couple essays I will try.I want to create things that make other people want to live too and I want to labor over it so I will. After a lot of consideration, planning and trying to see into the future, being able to go to college and learn as much as humanly possible about art and also have a way to support myself would help me accomplish my dream. I know there are challenges in everything but sometimes difficult things are the most enjoyable.