One of the most significant challenges I’ve faced in the span of my educational career was the fear of underachieving and underperforming compared to my peers.
At the beginning of my educational journey, I was naturally inclined toward the education format and didn't have much trouble adapting to the different subjects in school. I loved to learn and expand my educational horizons, and I excelled at the top of my class without much effort. At the early age of 9 years old, I was placed in advanced programs and advanced courses. I was held to a higher standard, and me being held to this high standard at such an early age, I would attribute my self-worth to my performance on tests and my succes to others. While I did not know this back then, I can now realize how damaging this competitive mindset would soon have in my life as time went on.
As I progressed in school, the work's difficulty and the quotas I expected to reach only grew further. With the increasing workload, the level of effort I would have to put forth grew. I found the subjects that I once so effortlessly excelled at, now at times, leaving me stumped and confused. I felt this throughout my time in middle school. I carried the anxious feeling of the possibility of disappointing all the people who had entrusted me with such high expectations and all of the trust invested in me by my parents to do well. These feelings and expectations grew exponentially over the years, leaving me with anxiety and stress that I wouldn't wish on anyone. These feelings would only get worse as I went into early high school, where I would have to withstand the vigorous high school and college courses at fourteen years old. The very courses that would leave a permanent impact on the course of my future.
I experienced multiple anxiety attacks and many sleepless nights that would leave me feeling that I was falling behind and my struggles in school would soon ruin my life. Then halfway through the school year, I, along with the rest of the world, would be affected by the Covid-19 pandemic. During the Covid-19 lockdown, along with the regulatory measures that affected everything from social interaction to educational opportunities. With schools being fully online, I struggled to adapt, and with the same expectations I needed to meet, I struggled more than ever before. I lost all hope in my abilities, and my only sense of self-worth was now lost. The only way I managed to dig myself out of this deep hole was through an opportunity to engage in an engineering workshop, where I was reminded of my true passion for learning.
Learning to build robots, problem-solve, build programs, and design the technologies of the future in this workshop lifted me up and reminded me that learning is best done when done for your passions and not for the obligations of others. Since attending this engineering summer camp, I have been devoted and passionate about careers in Math, Engineering, and Physics. STEM became my safe haven, and now, through engineering, I want to ensure that others who have a passion for learning have an outlet to discover their true passions. I want to use the knowledge, thoughts, and experiences from my past as motivation to engineer the technologies of tomorrow. I want to, for my own educational pursuits, use the abilities that I've acquired to leave a positive impact on my community and become a role model for those like me with similar dreams.