A running joke in the Filipino community is that the only career options are in nursing or hospitality. With such large families, these career paths seem only natural. I spent my childhood taking care of my grandparents. From learning how to administer their medicine to making their favorite meals. Even while going out, if I came across another Filipino, there was a familiarity. In college, as long as I can find one Filipino, I know I have a friend. Many people have told me how nice it must be to have someone always looking out for me even if we are not family. As I grew up, I realized how safe the Filipino community made the world for me. Hospitality is in my blood. In my friend group, I aim to make sure everyone is comfortable. In new settings, I like to be a welcoming smile. It is hard to deny instincts and these instincts have strongly shaped my personality. Call it people-pleasing or outright outgoing, I know that it is from my Filipino side. Some may find shame in being “too friendly” but I am proud of my ancestry. This safe feeling is what I hope to bring into my classroom as a future educator. Filipino hospitality with a little spin. I want my students to talk like the aunties that stay too late at parties. I hope my classroom feels as secure as the random bedrooms all the cousins end up sleeping in. The sound of laughter and music is already calling to forthcoming students. No matter if they are new, current, or past students, everyone is welcome! A sanctuary is the most important thing my classroom can be. As a mixed Filipino-American who does not tan like one, I am constantly questioning if I am “Filipino” enough. I do not want any students I encounter to question themselves as I do. I want to give them a safe space to explore other identities or to grow in their current ones.

Six months seemed like forever until I realized that was how long between Eryn and Ethan's deaths. Suddenly six months was nothing short of not enough time. Everyone thinks "It will never happen to me." I must have thought it so much I jinxed myself. We were only children, just barely teenagers. Our friends were not supposed to pass away until our sixties. But suddenly my friend group was down two members and we had to grow up way too fast. Junior year was just like everyone said, the hardest. I lost one of my best friends a month into the school year. Along with myself, Eryn was one of the few students that decided to attend outside of their previous school district. She was the only one in my friend group to go with me. I later found out from her mother that she switched districts because of me, to be with me. Finding this out was like salt in my wound. Throughout high school, Eryn and I drifted. She was into student government with the self-proclaimed popular kids and I was a robotics nerd. Who was I to hold her back? After her passing, the school held its standard one-day grief counseling. Expecting everyone to get over it by the next morning. But being from an island, these deaths cannot be dismissed. I felt ashamed to go to grief counseling and it is one of my biggest regrets. No one knew we were friends. Some people even exploited her death just to get out of class and they got more condolences than I did. Eryn was my rock through everything. She never let anything keep her from whatever she put her mind to. Inadvertently, I used her techniques to power through her passing. While allowing small moments to grieve, I did not let it consume me entirely. “Eryn would not want you to fail out of our junior year on her behalf,” I would tell myself. I got a lot done knowing I was doing it for both of us. A lot more time had passed during senior year when Ethan died. Unfortunately, there was no grief counseling for me to attend since we went to different schools. It was a lot hard the second time around to keep up with schoolwork. Ethan was a laid-back, funny guy and I did not have it in me to keep suppressing my grief. I held myself together for far too long and I was cracking. To properly deal with my grief I found myself a therapist. This time around I used schoolwork as a break from my grieving. In true Ethan fashion, I took the time to stop and look around me. I am so blessed to have had two amazing friends who got to teach me about life before theirs ended. Eryn reminds me to stay headstrong and stubborn to get what I want. Ethan reminds me to let loose once and a while. Both remind me to enjoy life no matter how hard it seems at the moment. Six months is what makes all the difference.