Hello! My name is Marco, and I am an EMT-B by trade. I got my start during the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. I looked at healthcare as a sector that offered security. As people will always be needing medical services. Due to the range of events that can occur in one's life. After earning my first bachelor's degree, I did what most everyone else was doing. I went to work and started my life. At first it was to see if I felt that it was the right career choice. After the first few emergency calls I responded to in an ambulance, I knew that I wanted to be able to help people in their worst moments. So much so that I moved into the emergency room. Over the next two years I learned just how limited my scope was. And how much more I could be doing. Instead of saying, "oh, let me get your nurse for you". Or "I don't know if that is possible, let me check with your nurse". I wanted to have the answers. Or at least the ability to guide people in their care. Much of the time, I would observe the transferring of patients to the ICU. Which began my interest in specializing in critical care. My role as an unlicensed assistive personnel in my various work experiences are essential. In the ways I have practiced providing empathy. Or engaging in active listening with patients and their families. However, imagine watching a four year old girl in status epilepticus, which is an unbroken seizure, putting the patient at risk of losing her airway. And having to stand by and do nothing, allowing space for the nurses and doctors to do their job. Would that be enough for that person watching? Would it be enough to offer a warm blanket to the distraught mother? It wasn't enough for me. Which is why I am earning my BSN and working to make ends meet. My time working in the prehospital and emergency department environment has exposed me to learning moments that are priceless. Allowing the theory of care to be directly connected to real world applications. In addition to the logged hours of emergency medical care within my scope of practice. Providing me with confidence in my ability to learn. To be able to see clearly what needs to be done in stressful situations. And to accept that medicine is evolving. Which requires nurses and doctors to always be reading about advances in medicine. Committing to being a life long student. This is how I am prepared to specialize in critical care medicine. Finally, this scholarship will allow me some respite from having to log the hours necessary to earn that amount. It will instantly give me additional time to study my materials. To help me become a better nurse. Thank you for your consideration.

As of this moment, success looks like being at peace. That is, without anxiety. Or pressure to put on a face for anyone. Or to act in a certain way. The past couple of years have been some of the most difficult in my young life. I have lost friends, jobs, and at times, my vision for the future. And in order to feel some control over what happens in my life experience, I was pulled in uncounted directions. Pushing myself to meet school deadlines, fulfilling my job description, and earning enough to pay for the high cost of living. When I was younger I would daydream about the time I am currently living in. When I would live on my own finally. Or financing my own vehicle. Or maintaining a life of my own. I thought that would fill the darkness that was inside. That feeling that I needed more to feel complete. Such as a better job, more money, a nicer car, tattoos, and a well-rounded mental state. In chasing these things, I may have healed some wounds. But I created new ones and exasperated existing tears. Enough is enough. That is the current mindset. And my new metric for success is maintaining that peace. So whatever decision I make, I ask myself, how will this affect my tranquility? Will this add to my life, or will it drain it? In that way I can persevere in the years to come. And perhaps come to new realizations and become a different man. After all, it is said that true nobility does not come from one’s station. But rather the conviction of working to be better than before. So that is why I am pursuing this scholarship. To present myself and my experiences for two objectives. To provide inspiration and hope to readers. And to provide to myself the scaffolding needed to see my own path. As my own catharsis. Allowing myself a reprieve from what at times feels like a lonely path to self advancement through higher education. Earning a BSN puts me in an awkward position. Because not only do I need to learn how the body works. But also how to provide mental health support to those in crisis. This scholarship is an excellent opportunity to take a step back and reasses my priorities and showcase the results to others. And in that way earn my version of success. Perhaps I can also export this line of reflection to my patients. Given that I am only one person, I do not think society will change all that much in my lifetime. But if I can have a meaningful impact in at least one person’s life, then that will be a victory for me. And it will serve as an impetus to repeat it as long as I can. This scholarship will also be a soothing achievement if I am awarded. As it would be a recognition of the hardships I have learned from. And while there is still some road to go before I reach my destination, I can rest easy knowing that people are rooting for me. I just need to keep that in mind. And keep moving forward.

I believe pursuing a career in nursing aligns with the characteristics I have been endowed with. For example, I have big emotions. And a heart size to match. I believe it is my "leg-up" when working in stressful encounters at my place of work. Landing in Portland, Oregon to work in an emergency room, I felt as if I was being swallowed up by the world. Creating a situation where I felt that I did not have enough light inside me to contribute meaningfully. But when I was thrust into an event where a patient needed my services, I forgot all about those feelings. Becoming entirely focused on providing care that brought some dignity back to the patient. Or to keep someone on this earth for just a little while longer. But that covers the interactions with patients only. I have also known that I have been able to allow myself the space to process what I am feeling. Especially when working with others that are burnt out. Or who may not have spoken to me in way that was conducive to a working dialogue. One thing that is true about human behavior is that, as an RN, you get to see the worst parts of humans. Both patients and clinicians. Many times I wondered at the ability of my coworkers to be cold towards myself and one another. Or how patients treat others depending on how they felt in the moment. Granted they should be given some leeway as it is one of the worst times of their lives when they come into the ER. But my point is, words and actions can have far reaching consequences. Additionally, these qualities are amplified by the fact that I am first-generation Mexican-American. As such I have a working level of Spanish. Sufficient enough to combat against the fear the immigrant community has when seeking care in these United States. To provide a face that looks like them. To hear a voice that does not quite sound the same, but intelligible, creating a feeling of being in a place without judgement. In summary, I would not have reached this point without the support of various teachers along the way. For example, my professors at my community college program where I earned my EMT-B. Where I first memorized the mnemonic of SAMPLE. Which stands for signs and symptoms, allergies, medications, past events, last oral intake, and events leading to the incident. I still use it to this day when I am an clinicals for my BSN. Or when I am working in the ER. I now see myself to be in a position to set up other EMT-B students for success in the same way. This is the type of RN that endeavor to be.

My story is characterized by my growth into a caretaker of my siblings and my parents from our adverse youth. We like to say that we are "ride or die" for each other. So given that, if we don't have a direction to devote ourselves to, then we become lost. My story is characterized by the pursuit of that goal. Its objective has changed from becoming a lawyer to learning what I needed to do to become a helicopter pilot. And many other inspirations in-between. But by far the most impactful was the investment of earning my national EMT-B certification. Allowing me to move to Oregon for my first health care position as an ER-Tech in the Portland Metro Area. Instead of taking care of my family, I took care of others in need of emergency medical services. Akin to a sponge, I soaked up as much information as I could. Going so far to spend a short time working on a 911 ambulance while employed at the ER. I wanted to get to know the prehospital environment to figure out where I could have the most impact. But the hospital arena won out. Being surrounded by expert nurses and doctors can do that. Even though I have great respect for the paramedics and EMTs that are out in the field. That same influence planted a seed that grew into my desire to pursue my BSN. To be able to provide definitive care to patients. When as an EMT-B the help I could provide was limited. However, the desire to pursue more education did not just come from within. In fact it came from the experiences I had with the community we served. Being a witness to how our healthcare system has failed many. Where patients wait hours just to see a social worker. Or where the best I could do for a homeless patient was give them some food and fresh clothes that aren't infested with parasites. Further, I wanted to work with the immigrant community. Given that I am first-generation Mexican-American. My goal is to help dissolve the fear that the immigrant community has regarding asking for medical help. Or even attempting to access outpatient services. Let alone figuring out the financial ramifications. That is why my dream is to become a nurse. To contribute my small effort in the wider goal of providing quality healthcare to all who need it.

I wanted to be a nurse when I realized that I could not provide definitive care as an EMT-B or an ER-Tech. It was like trying to put a band-aid on a wound that needed sutures. Considering the populations we served, not all patients spoke English. I heard languages from all over the world. Including Ukrainian, Russian, Spanish, and Tagalog. While I am not a polyglot, I am a first-generation Mexican-American. As such, my impact can be two-fold. Firstly, as providing actionable interventions in the care for patients. Such as providing analgesics to those who severely need it. Or facilitating referrals to specific services for each patient. Secondly, by being a representative of my community in a profession that is historically under-represented by male Latinx nurses. Perhaps I can reduce the fear and suspicion that the immigrant community has for healthcare. Or even improving the access to resources. Given that issues with getting quality healthcare is not specific to my own demographic. Everyone can be better served by quality guidance on how to get insured, or basically to know what resources are at their disposal. In my experience, the most important step to that goal is beginning the conversation in each encounter. Patients can be overwhelmed by the immensity of our healthcare system. Latinx patients may be too scared to ask questions. Or they may under-report the levels of pain. My thinking is that if they see me, and are able to communicate in their own language, then perhaps I can resolve those preconceived notions. Perhaps I can set an example for other young males. I was lucky enough to have loving parents. Even though my childhood was adverse, I never doubted for a second that my parents cared for my siblings and I. Many don't have that. And it shows. Domestic violence against women is all too common, and I can't help but think that if there are more men out there who can set a better example, then perhaps that can work to reduce incidences of violence. Maybe I can serve to help begin the process for healing for patients who suffer from abuse or assault. One encounter that comes to mind was an 18 year old girl who came in visibly distressed and teary eyed. Because of the nature of her visit, she unfortunately was placed in a seclusion room because there were no closed rooms available at the time. I was assigned to be a one-on-one patient safety attendant. As I spoke to her, I learned that she came from a domestic violence event with her step-father. We talked about my job description and nursing school. Which was also one of her goals. Our rapport grew. Which culminated in her divulsion of her sexual abuse by her step father since she was 12. I had no words and remained silent while I listened to her story. So when asked why I want to be a nurse, I recount this story to perhaps outline why I feel drawn to the profession. I didn't have the answers for her. But perhaps once I finish school I can have tools to offer. And let other people like her know that they are seen. If nothing else.

My experiences in the prehospital environment and the in-hospital emergency care arena showed me how much more I can do if I earned my BSN. An an EMT-B you can be integral to airway management, cardiovascular assessment via telemetry, and monitoring of ventilation drive via capnography. But are restricted to CPR and initial assessments. As an ER-Tech, the scope was slightly expanded to include blood draws and splint application. But I felt like I was on the sidelines no matter what I was doing. I was inspired by the calmness the nurses exhibited in stressful situations. Their ability to achieve peripheral access in patients that have no obviously palpable venous puncture sites. And their in-depth knowledge of presentations that seemed so obscure to me. I knew that I wanted that knowledge. It was a matter of self-empowerment. Of being proud of the work that I was doing. Of being able to have an obvious effect on patient outcomes. The reason I felt so strongly about this is because of the everyday interactions I had with the patients themselves. One encounter involved an older woman who fell down the stairs and fractured her left lower leg. She did not speak any English. So I served as an initial point of communication until the son arrived to the ER. During that time, the patient kept asking for pain medication. To help her. I could do nothing because I was neither an MD who could prescribe medications, or an RN who could administer it. Another example is when a 9 year old patient came in with significantly impaired breathing. The extent to what I could do was get the young boy into a hospital gown and on the vitals monitor. Positioning him to ease his work of breathing and preparing suctioning in case it was needed. In all that time, the primary RN gained peripheral access in the anterior right shoulder. I thought to myself, "if I was in her shoes, I am not sure I could have achieved the same result". Essentially, I became acutely aware of my inability to help this child. It is not unimportant to know that a large portion of patients my department saw where of the immigrant community. Where distrust of the healthcare system is rampant. And sometimes not unwarranted. Perhaps my ability to become an RN can work to resolve that. So that patients can be treated by a healthcare system that is representative of their demographic. Improving patient outcomes and access to quality healthcare.

My plans for the future are to buy my first home. It is my hope that once I graduate Nursing school, I can earn enough money to pay back my loans. Prior to purchasing said home. Secondly, I want to retire my mom. It's been hard seeing her get older. Still working as hard as she ever did. So, even if I am working two jobs and going to school, it's worth it because then I won't have to work more than three days a week. Spending the remainder of my time spending it with my family. But that is a year away. In the meantime, this scholarship will help ease the burden of the cost of living. So that I can focus on being well rested at my clinicals. Or ensuring that I can stay focused during my four-hour long lectures. And especially through my 12-hour overnight shifts or 10-hour delivery driver shifts at my places of employment. Coming from an immigrant household, it was normal to go above and beyond to achieve the goals we set for ourselves. So, when my older brother and my father finally got their U.S. citizenship, it felt like it was vindication for the 20 plus years they spent here. Building up their lives for the better. Something that I am now attempting to do. Despite the fact that I had to change my career during the pandemic. Pivoting into a specialty that was one of the few who were able to collect a steady paycheck. Beginning with the EMT-B certification, going on to work in an ER, and now working as a Tele monitor tech. Carving out a place of my own in a world that can bankrupt a person. Perhaps, when I am not worried about making past the next month, I can focus on using my mountain bike, or going to one of these Oregon beaches everyone is talking about. Or even enjoying a simple walk along the miles of trails embedded all throughout the Portland metro area. In short, this scholarship will help a young man actually get to live his life. To be able to get all members of his immediate family within the same zip code. With my father and younger sister currently living in Illinois, my older brother and my sister-in-law four hours south, and my mother and I here in Portland. It may seem far-fetched, but those are the dreams and aspirations I have so far.

I am currently in term 7 out of a total of 12 in an accelerated BSN program. I began as an EMT-B back in 2020. While I was earning my first Bachelor’s degree in French and Spanish Language and Literature, the C0VID-19 pandemic came in full force. I was faced with a decision. With the shelter in place order in full effect, how was I to earn a living? With no end in sight I had to brainstorm. Who was making money even in this crazy time? It was those in healthcare. So, how could I break into that sector? It occurred to me that the local community college offered a night class course where students could earn their EMT-Basic. I had some money saved up so I invested it into tuition and books. Long story short, I passed the course, did my clinical time, and got my first position as a first responder on my college campus. I did that for two years until I graduated. I was then faced with yet another decision. An even bigger one. Where do I go now that I have this EMT-B certification? I was newly nationally certified which meant I could go anywhere in the country. I chose Oregon. I did not know anyone besides my brother who lived 4 hours south of Portland. I lined up my first position at Hillsboro Medical Center as an ER-Tech, and a short while later worked part-time with a private ambulance company working 911 calls and wheelchair transports. I ended up leaving the ambulance company to pursue the ER-Tech position full time since that scope of practice was larger than that of an EMT-B. I will say that with this newfound freedom, I loved not having to do any homework. I had no responsibilities besides going to work and earning my living. I got stronger in the gym. I filled out clothes that were too large for me before. I learned. I grew even hungrier for knowledge. During that time I had a trial by fire which included working with patients ranging from a few weeks old to as old as one hundred and four. All with varying levels of health. There was natural death and there was traumatic death. Everything under the sun you could think of occurred in that place. I found myself frustrated that I couldn’t do much to help those patients. So it was a logical step to pursue nursing. Especially since the pay and benefits were attractive. As well as the prospect of not having to work 60 hours a week just to live paycheck to paycheck. But I believe the “aha” moment that really decided it for me, was the moment this 12 year old Latinx boy came in with shortness of breath. He had a history significant for asthma. And it seemed he had an acute exacerbation that threatened a loss of airway patency. I could only watch and try to comfort him as he was obviously scared to death. I remember rapidly hooking up suction to suction up excess fluid that may have impeded his ability to breathe clearly. Or when I cut off his shirt so that the nurses could find vein access. I was so impressed by the ability of these nurses to quickly find veins in skin whose color made it extremely difficult to do so. They made it look so easy. I knew then that this was the next step in my educational journey. So I leveraged my connections there and the experience previously detailed to gain matriculation into my current BSN program.

I came to Portland after I graduated with a Bachelor's in French and Spanish Language and Literature. Armed with my mind, backpack, and one suitcase, I endeavored to find a place to live. As wells as finding a vehicle to get from point A to point B. I found both within a week and attended my first day of work as an ER-Tech the following week. I stayed there until this past April. I currently work as a Telemetry Monitor Tech and as an Amazon delivery driver. I am also a full time student. The pros are that I have learned to maintain a strict work ethic. As well as time management. Lastly, the greatest boon was the fact that my patience had been tested and has grown in fortitude. Some cons are that my sleep schedule has been negatively affected since I work overnight primarily. I tend to not feel well rested. In addition to fitting in the gym to be physically healthy. In summation, I have grown to understand that my focus depends on my will to overcome my initial impatience when I am reading my assigned chapters at work. Because if I did not use my time wisely, then this effort would not work. And I would not learn what I need to know. As a result, I would not be as effective a nurse as I would like to be. When I reflect on the kind of nurse I imagine myself to be, the most lasting characteristic that comes to mind is gracious or gentle. I keep that as a goal. Especially since this health care system tends to make people feel like numbers. And because there are shortcomings, it is increasingly critical that there be an understanding presence within the primary nurse. Because they can by no means have all of the answers. And the resources at one’s disposal may not always give the answers that are wanted by the patients. I also see myself as being an RN that can have hard conversations. For example, if I believe that a patient can’t live on their own anymore, I would say so. Explaining that their risk for getting hurt would increase if they home alone. Going so far to do the research as to what options they have available. Of course I wouldn’t be able to “shop” around their benefits. But I know that facilities have their go to resources that they hand out to their patients. To at least get the ball rolling. Lastly, I believe that being bilingual expands the population that I can reach. Often, those that experience poverty or fear of the medical system comes from the immigrant population. So in that respect, I can function as the conduit between the underserved and the complicated healthcare system.

The reasons I enrolled in my accelerated BSN are to earn a livable wage, have a stable career, and have time left over for my family. It seemed the logical step since I am an EMT-B and have worked on an ambulance and as an ER-Tech. So, advancing my scope of practice to help people was one of the main drivers in my decision to pursue becoming an RN. I also wanted to work three days a week and not have to live paycheck to paycheck. I currently work as a Telemetry Monitor Tech and as an Amazon delivery driver. I am also a full time student. The pros are that I have learned to maintain a strict work ethic. As well as time management. Lastly, the greatest boon was the fact that my patience had been tested and has grown in fortitude. Some cons are that my sleep schedule has been negatively affected since I work overnight primarily. I tend to not feel well rested. In addition to fitting in the gym to be physically healthy. In summation, I have grown to understand that my focus depends on my will to overcome my initial impatience when I am reading my assigned chapters at work. Because if I did not use my time wisely, then this effort would not work. And I would not learn what I need to know. As a result, I would not be as effective a nurse as I would like to be. When I reflect on the kind of nurse I imagine myself to be, the most lasting characteristic that comes to mind is gracious or gentle. I keep that as a goal. Especially since this health care system tends to make people feel like numbers. And because there are shortcomings, it is increasingly critical that there be an understanding presence within the primary nurse. Because they can by no means have all of the answers. And the resources at one’s disposal may not always give the answers that are wanted by the patients. I also see myself as being an RN that can have hard conversations. For example, if I believe that a patient can’t live on their own anymore, I would say so. Explaining that their risk for getting hurt would increase if they home alone. Going so far to do the research as to what options they have available. Of course I wouldn’t be able to “shop” around their benefits. But I know that facilities have their go to resources that they hand out to their patients. To at least get the ball rolling. Lastly, I believe that being bilingual expands the population that I can reach. Often, those that experience poverty or fear of the medical system comes from the immigrant population. So in that respect, I can function as the conduit between the underserved and the complicated healthcare system.

When I reflect on the kind of nurse I imagine myself to be, the most lasting characteristic that comes to mind is gracious or gentle. I think this is the case because I’ve known myself just how burnt out one can feel. Anyone working in healthcare can detail the hardest days where they felt they could not do their jobs with the same warmth they had at the outset. With that being said, I know I am not perfect. So, when I graduate I’ll make sure that I keep that as a goal as I go about practicing nursing. Especially since this health care system tends to make people feel like numbers. And because there are shortcomings, it is increasingly critical that there be an understanding presence within the primary nurse. Because they can by no means have all of the answers. And the resources at one’s disposal may not always give the answers that are wanted by the patients. But what is the most important is that the patient at least feels like they walked out of the encounter with a plan in regards to their personal care plan. At least that is my metric. Which brings to mind another aspect that I envision myself having as an RN. And that would be commitment to being the patient's advocate. Having hit rock bottom, I know intimately that there really is nothing a person can say to make you feel better. So, in that case, what is an RN to do? I found that just being there is the paramount requirement. I also see myself as being an RN that can have hard conversations. For example, if I believe that a patient can’t live on their own anymore, I would say so. Explaining that their risk for getting hurt would increase if they home alone. Going so far to do the research as to what options they have available. Of course I wouldn’t be able to “shop” around their benefits. But I know that facilities have their go to resources that they hand out to their patients. To at least get the ball rolling. Lastly, I believe that being bilingual expands the population that I can reach. Often, those that experience poverty or fear of the medical system comes from the immigrant population. So in that respect, I can function as the conduit between the underserved and the complicated healthcare system.

When I reflect on the kind of nurse I imagine myself to be, the most lasting characteristic that comes to mind is gracious or gentle. I think this is the case because I’ve known myself just how burnt out one can feel. Anyone working in healthcare can detail the hardest days where they felt they could not do their jobs with the same warmth they had at the outset. With that being said, I know I am not perfect. So, when I graduate I’ll make sure that I keep that as a goal as I go about practicing nursing. Especially since this health care system tends to make people feel like numbers. And because there are shortcomings, it is increasingly critical that there be an understanding presence within the primary nurse. Because they can by no means have all of the answers. And the resources at one’s disposal may not always give the answers that are wanted by the patients. But what is the most important is that the patient at least feels like they walked out of the encounter with a plan in regards to their personal care plan. At least that is my metric. Which brings to mind another aspect that I envision myself having as an RN. And that would be commitment to being the patient's advocate. Having hit rock bottom, I know intimately that there really is nothing a person can say to make you feel better. So, in that case, what is an RN to do? I found that just being there is the paramount requirement. I also see myself as being an RN that can have hard conversations. For example, if I believe that a patient can’t live on their own anymore, I would say so. Explaining that their risk for getting hurt would increase if they home alone. Going so far to do the research as to what options they have available. Of course I wouldn’t be able to “shop” around their benefits. But I know that facilities have their go to resources that they hand out to their patients. To at least get the ball rolling. Lastly, I believe that being bilingual expands the population that I can reach. Often, those that experience poverty or fear of the medical system comes from the immigrant population. So in that respect, I can function as the conduit between the underserved and the complicated healthcare system.

Presently, there are no more land based frontiers. We command our atmosphere. Instantaneous communication has connected our communities. And the internet has become the new library of Alexandria. With this newfound ability to store information we have a chance to explore the outer reaches of space. Cure diseases, expand access to health care, grow more food, and eliminate poverty. The question remains, what will we do with this freedom? To answer this question, it is important to learn the decisions of the past. To read literature that creates new dreams. I would use science fiction. Authors like Isaac Asimov and Frank Herbert. I could not forget the works of J.R.R Tolkien, to remind us of the devastation that we survived. Without which, we could not live fulfilled lives. I would remind those who would listen of our capability to do evil. But temper that fact with the knowledge that we can choose not to do so. So that when we finally get to the point where we can freely travel through space, we can be ready to receive an audience from extraterrestrial intelligent life. So that we may learn rather than seek to destroy and dominate. Throughout human history we have explored. Searched. Sought after the new. Despite the inherent dangers posed by mother nature. Be it cruel weather, unforgiving landscapes, and remorseless predators. And with each new year, age, and life, we extended the reaches of understanding concerning our physical world. But at the cost of human life. We crossed the Atlantic to discover the new world but we enslaved and decimated its people. When we were creating these United States, we did the same to the Native Americans in the name of Manifest Destiny. To ensure this is not repeated, science fiction and dramatic fantasy literature would be our guiding light. Their purpose being to showcase the capabilities of humanity. So that we can take those tools into outer space where we can start anew. The Fermi Paradox stands as a leading argument for the existence of life outside of earth. I do not know which is more chilling. The idea that we are alone because all other life has died out. Because they could survive their barriers. Or that there is a civilization out there that travels between galaxies. And that we have not reached the technological threshold to be considered worthy of contact. In any case, I would arm humanity with self-regulation and solidarity behind one purpose. Human survival.

I believe my mental health will keep me safe in times where money may not always be guaranteed. Such is the life of a student such as I. My mental health is important to me because being diligent in that respect will give me the opportunity to be around my family and fully appreciate them. Because too often those dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts are focusing on that and losing out on life. I have struggled with depression my whole life. If someone asked me to describe it, I would say that its like wearing a pair of sunglasses on a bright day. It changes the color of everything. It is a weight that never leaves your shoulders. A feeling that makes you want to lean your head against the wall just to steady yourself. As if you were the odd one out, and that others joy and happiness was ludicrously manufactured in nature. Essentially, its sucks the joy out of everyday life. Knowing this, I take the necessary steps that work for me. Firstly, understanding that there two entities within oneself. You and your shadow. Your shadow is your inner child. Its the person that never felt seen, that is ignored. To the point that it bubbles up from the consistent burying habits that don't deal with the problem. Secondly, that you have to become the parent you needed to yourself. Imagining the child version of yourself sitting in your room. Going and sitting next to them and talk to them. Listen to them. And show them the care they need to feel. Lastly, I remind myself that my emotions are not things to be buried or to be extinguished. They are to be felt, then let go. Putting all of this together with working out, eating as healthy as your budget allows, and getting as much sleep as possible is how I keep my mental health. Perhaps getting this message out is also another reason why mental health is so important. Many young adults like myself might be struggling with these same barriers. So writing all of this out may give them the opportunity to see it all in a new light. And in the same stroke, provide a full time student working full time hours get by and graduate with their BSN. Additionally, an RN with this experience might also help others in emergency situations. In a country where depression and suicide are all too common.

I remember my first exposures to mental health emergencies working in an ER. Prior to this, I used to believe that these types of issues were superficial. I was wrong. Seeing people in that much suffering has taught me that it is a privilege to be their support in the moment. Having suffered myself from mental health issues, it was surreal to be on the other side. Perhaps that allows me to have empathy and provide some sort of normalcy in a time that is characterized by chaos. One example that comes to mind would be a 17 year old patient that came in by herself. She was wearing her street clothes but was in obvious emotional stress. As per our protocol we placed this patient in an isolation room meant for mental health emergencies. As one of the ER techs on shift I was assigned to be a one-on-one sitter with this patient. As our time together continued, I learned that she was there from her home because she was the victim of a domestic violence event. Where her step father had struck her. Due to the nature of our health care system, it would take a couple of hours before a specially trained social worker from the county would be able to arrive at the ER. She would tearfully keep asking if she could talk to someone. At this point the MD and the RN had touched base with her. And the plan of action was to wait for the social worker. Upon their arrival we learned that this situation was worse than we observed. The patient reported lifetime sexual abuse by the step father. I was floored. It was new low for me in terms of what I thought people were capable of doing to their family. In light of the fact that this was just one example out of many, my own perceived injustices against my person were trivial. And I learned how to appreciate the love from my parents, how my impatience hurts more than helps, or how my words can hurt. Or how they can help. I chose to aspire for the latter. As far as relevant changes to my relationships resulting from these experiences, I believe my patience has grown exponentially. In correlation to the time spent working in healthcare. I have also noticed that I no longer carry frustration aimed at my parents. Which is significant because it used to be the centerpiece of my youthful mental health issues. I believe the most meaningful change to my relationships has been my ability to suspend my own beliefs and be in the moment for those that I listen to. Further, I have come to have a greater appreciation for the worthiness of bearing whatever comes my way with the best possible attitude. Essentially, it sets the tone for my responses to these external stimuli. My career aspirations have changed the most. There was a time that I endeavored to become an MD. What changed was the realization that my priority lies with spending as much time as possible with my family. As such, the pursuance of four years of intensive schooling did not seem conducive to this. Not even considering the on-the-job training that is expected in residency. And the total cost of this education. To me, it was a logical decision to change my mind and focus on other ways to be financially stable and yet be able to create memories with those I care for. Culminating in my decision to matriculate into Nursing school. For there is not as much schooling and it provides a career that is stable. In a time where the price of living can bankrupt an individual.