Within my community, I hope to see changes in how we treat mental health conditions. The way we discuss those who are afflicted as well as the philosophy we use when trying to help them. The stigma that exists surrounding those with mental health illnesses, such as bipolar or schizophrenia work against the individual's actual health, as most individuals afflicted by illness are not dangerous but trapped in survival mode. This is totally different physiology and perspective than that of a relaxed learning mode. Even when someone is afflicted with depression or anxiety many of their friends and family members can feel overwhelmed and lash out against their afflicted companion. We have never been taught how to balance our expectations of a functioning person with illnesses that directly affect these systems such as the brain system for organization which is affected by schizophrenia, or mood disorders that can make very small incidences feel very large and scary. Someone with PTSD may be sensitive to loud noises, or other stimuli that seem neutral to most of us. These differences can be hard to understand though not impossible. This links back to how we see mental health conditions, as somehow related to the personality of the individual. When instead some survival mechanism within the individual has been set to over or underdrive, in the body's attempt to self regulate and maintain survival. For most, something as simple as medication can usually help, the hardest part is helping individuals stay on their medication long enough that they start a routine. This difficulty level ranges depending upon the affliction as well as the social location of the individual. I have a background in youth leadership and teaching applicable mental health techniques with a group called Natural Highs. I have had to take a break from my volunteer work in the community in order to work and pay for school. Though I would return to natural highs for my practicum and it is where I fell in love with psychology and service to others. We taught lessons to high school students about neuroscience, as well as developmental psychology and Cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. We also offered positions of leadership and intermediate leadership so that students could learn the material and begin to teach it themselves around Boulder County. What I do is be an ally to my community members, giving tools to those who need them either in understanding someone's position or in understanding their own position. Once I finish my psychology degree I hope to get a position either with Boulder police as a mental health crisis responder. I believe one of the best services I can provide is as an ally working as a barrier between those who do not understand mental illness and those who are afflicted by it. I am also considering a position as an assistant to a psychiatrist in aiding those who are in need of mental health support and cannot afford it, by offering services and responding to a public health crisis. Though I have also considered being a high school counselor as many students experience untreated mental health illness and even more experience excessive cortisol exposure. I would love to continue to help educate students in the ways of neuroscience and behavior as I feel an understanding of our inner worlds can help us feel more at ease and understanding of ourselves.

To be honest, covid has really changed my perspective on society as a whole. That seems like a very broad statement but I mean something very specific. The pandemic has taught me that no one lives in a vacuum. We really do all have effects on one another even if we decide to live a life of isolation, even if we believe in libertarianism and self-sufficiency. I have come to realize that the concept of self-being used in these mindsets may be too narrow. For example, my stepmom Trine (trina) and I were sitting at the table discussing mask-wearing. Her argument was that those who cannot go into public without a mask should not go into public at all. There are three false assumptions being made 1) there are few people who will catch, get sick and or die from covid and 2) that those people do not need society 3) the area in between the public and private cannot be permitted, only by the individual going out into public, will they catch covid. 1) Most Americans have some immune compromisation, even if covid is not fatal to any population, no one wants to get sick and be uncomfortable and quarantine for weeks. 2) Humans are social animals, we do not find isolated humans that are healthy and happy. I am now of the belief that we are all like fungi, we may genuinely not survive if we are completely cut off from one another. 3) As stated in 2, we are social creatures. Even if those who are at risk or fear covid isolate and the rest of the world returns to "normal" those who permeate the public and private, like delivery drivers, family members, friend, these people are still at risk for being carriers either into the private or back out into he public. We are social creatures and it is impossible for humans to completely isolate one population and not have to fear contamination into the main population. My new perspective is that public health and our personal health are deeply intertwined. Because of this, I have grown more concerned about public health issues like hunger and mental health treatment. Even though we are social distancing, we are no socially isolating. We are meant to connect and engage with each other and ott to do it safely because there is no stopping us from connecting.

I would use this grant to help pay for my current semester at CU Boulder. I am working on my Psychology degree as well as my LGBTQIA certificate. As of right now, I am in a continuing ED class for winter-mester. I am learning about Adolescent Psychology, I love this topic. The adolescent brains are similarly placid and flexible to that of a baby. They are creating more connections and developing faster than at any other time. That is why for my final paper in this course I am writing on LGBTQIA student safety ins schools. Why we care so much and how we do it in the little implicate ways. I hope in the future to use these skills to work as a psychotherapist with teens. I was a walking existential crisis so I really do care about what they are going through. I see their reality as just as "real" as mine. Teens often report that their biggest stressors are relationships, money, and work/school. I feel there is a lot to gain from investing more in our teens and preteens.

I think of my mental illness as a small person in my chest, sometimes when I cannot tell what I am feeling I try to observe them. Using this image I can continue to be patient with myself. I have always struggled with my mental health, symptoms of illness are visible in my genetic line for generations. This allowed me some wiggle room, I came into the world and was immediately indoctrinated into the mental health problem club. After years of practice, and some medications that have changed my life. I finally feel like I am enjoying my life. I have made a hobby out of playing hide and seek with my mental illness. When I sense them around I run to my tool kit, check-in with myself, and try to relax. My favorite tools are herbal remedies, my medication changed the game, but I still feel anxious and depressed sometimes. On those days when the medication is not enough, I turn to my herbal friends. I completed my fundamental herbalism certificate at the Colorado School of Clinical Herbalism. I plan to return for my herbalism certification some day. To name a few of my plant allies, hawthorn leaf is helpful and safe for heart muscles, working similarly to beta-blockers in that the chest relaxes, the blood vessels expand and there is a feeling of warmth and relaxation. passionflower, a nerve system sedative that can be helpful in alcohol withdrawals, and panic attacks, soothing trembling and calming the breathing. There are many more but I have other tools I use as well, I have a homemade S.A.D lamp, as most Americans do not get enough vitamin D it is worthwhile to just have it around the house. The plants and cat-like it too so using it makes me feel like I am taking care of everyone. This is how I like to approach mental health, making it easy and accessible in my every day.

Momo bean the eating machine is my beating heart on four legs. I created an Insta for him @moro_bean_eating_machine as well as my own @mentalhealth_exparaments to encourage some separation in my life. The image I have chosen is a picture of Mo, my Linx point siamese peaking out of his adventure backpack. my partner smiles back. The story here is our little guy is quite the menace if he does not get out every so often. Who doesn't feel a little cooped up though. Mo enjoys morning walks around the apartment and walks to and from the store and park.

These days we joke that we all grew 20 years in the last one. My co-workers and I returned to work in late August or so after being out of work for several months. I learned 3 particular lessons that I feel changed me deeply. Resources stability, taking advantage of the ways I can excel and being close to those I love most. I first learned how to secure my resources. Not just make a steady paycheck, but I learned how to be creative and fast on my feet. I secured a job in an extraction lab, though I can only work one day a week, it will not shut down if the economy is put on hold again. After work began again at the tea shop I help to run my familial roles reversed and I became the provider. As before my Dad was the main provider and planned to help support me until the end of undergrad at which point my sibling would begin college. Now that I have stabilized I have freed up resources for my family members. During the transition to remote learning, I learned that I can excel anywhere and anytime. I was able to take on more classes because of the time I saved by being online. Though outside of covid, I usually expect to do very poorly in online classes. I deal with dyslexia as well as some mental health conditions that make staying focused on schoolwork difficult in such a distracting environment. So I thought, I managed to raise my GPA and am on my way to my goal grades. It has taken more work and a carefully constructed routine, but I managed to master online classes. I live with my partner, as well as our younger roommate, I love them both but they drive me crazy. At one point during quarantine, I was locked out of our one bathroom four times in one day. What does one do? there is nowhere to run away to, we did make it out still all friends. We were patient and kind to one another, whenever we could manage it, and being in this position forced me to deal with these issues I would have otherwise avoided. As well as really appreciate the times I get to see my family, spending time helping out around the house and really making any time together into quality time. I am quite grateful for the pandemic, even though it has come with much pain and sadness and loss. I am grateful for the opportunity to reevaluate my values and where I am spending my time and energy. I am grateful as well that my job survived the shutdown and I managed to secure another job. To sum up all of the lessons I have learned this year, I have learned to be truly resilient. Making this situation the most fulfilling it can be.

My first memories are of waking up in Bergan Norway, its cold, and I got out to see the cows before anyone else is up. We come out every summer and have a pig roast, I call them my uncles and aunts even though I am sure we are not related. Today, it has been 5 years since my last adventure and I ache for the experience again. When I was little like in the short story above, My father and I spent a lot of time on my uncle Ingvars farm. Once my dad and stepmom were married we spent our days in the fjords roaming the countryside. Thick mossy forests, old dusty barns, and jagged seas shores and jellyfish. Once I turned 18 My peer Lily and I set out. I had been to many countries when I was very young, though it only counts as going if you remember it, in my opinion. So we set out to visit France, Spain, Denmark, Sweeden, and Italy. I miss these months abroad as I felt more inspired than ever. I try still to emulate the scenes from the train window as we traveled. when in Italy we met a watercolorist who was selling prints to help pay for school. I hang one above my workspace to keep the spirit of it alive. Lily and I were able to walk through the Sistine Chapel, this had been a long time dream of mine, as I love Italian renascence style paintings. Once C 19 is at some kind of stability my partner and I hope to go on the road and explore the states. We want to find the next place to lay down roots for a while. Eventually, I wish to return with my partner Des. As well as taking them to Versailles to see the hall of mirrors. I would love to revisit Prague as well as make it to Switzerland. I want to consume as much of the world as I can. I love illustration and watercolor and enjoy recreating beautiful scenes and finding unique perspectives to appreciate.

I was one of the Millenials misdiagnosed with ADD. Thankfully I was not medicated. Though I was made to perform countless attention tests and various exercises. My attention never improved, causing a fair amount of frustration for my parents. They had divorced when I was barely 6 months old. My mother lived with a partial diagnosis for most of my life, leading to conflicts and miscommunications in our relationship. It was not until I gained an understanding of herbalism and mental health that I understood the discourse was not normal. I was inspired by how the plants changed my physiological state. I went to school for my certification in fundamental herbal medicine. It was while I was in this course that my mood dropped. I had experienced bouts of depression before but this felt different. I started drinking, eventually began to abuse alcohol and other substances, I had nightmares and panic attacks. My plant allies could only take the edge off, I would be left feeling numb or empty and eventually began to slip into a catatonic depression. I decided to try anti-depressants. At first, I felt nothing, just the same, low energy. I was given a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, This was a mess, I became aggressive. I would experience road rage, blow up on people, and act defensively against my partner. I told my psychiatrist I did not like the medication, I wrote down a list of reasoning and thoughts about why. I expected her to argue with me, believing she knew more than I do about my own mind and body. Instead, she agreed, she said that medication should not feel like I am high or uncomfortable. The goal is to feel, good. Switching to an SSRI (Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor) changed the whole game. It was like waking up for the first time in my life. I could focus, and feel at the same time. I would read an entire book and enjoy it, retaining the information. It was at this point I decided what I had known forever. I wanted to go to school for psychology. I go to Colorado University in my home town, I am happy to report that since the climax of my mental health journey I live a well-balanced life. Psychology is part of my daily life as the science of joy. decorating my home with serotonin stimulators as well as dopamine stimulators. I live with my loving partner and practice the cultivation of joy within our relationship. My mother and I are closer than ever. She received a full diagnosis and benefited from my mental health journey. becoming a full participant alongside me in exploring our inner worlds. Recovering the relationship with my mother was one of the hardest things to do. The damage had been done from my own misdiagnosis, as well as hers. Pushing back against my desire to close her out felt like pulling teeth. Once we had broken through and could truly heal it changed the way I see myself. changing the way I exist in the world. I want to help others to feel empowered in their relationships. Using plant medicine, art, philosophy, and when necessary pharmaceuticals I believe no person cannot be helped. I am in my undergraduate for psychology though I plan to start a master's program the same year as my graduation. I will eventually return to clinical herbalism to receive my herbalist status, I am taking the gap to better ripen my intentions. To return to clinical study with a private practice that could truly benefit from clinical level herbal knowledge.

I discovered yoga through my mom. She would take me with as she was a single mother and as I watched I eventually started to follow along. I would go with her until I was in middle school, growing up in a binary society being a non-binary child, sports and athletic settings can be very uncomfortable. due to this, I stopped enjoying physical activity, my body was awkward and uncomfortable. Though I would eventually allow myself the freedom to enjoy these things again. In high school, I used yoga as a method of trying to make my body into something I wanted it to be. I figured that I cannot stop the world from seeing me as they will, but I can feel strong and well balanced. After high school I went to an out of state school and became very dedicated, attending 3 classes a day. It was during this time that I found myself truly falling in love. It was hard to make friends, and I missed my family but I would return to a yoga class a feel right at home in the movements and setting but also in my body. I went from floating around the depressing ether to having a solid connection to my body and world. I could take refuge in the flow, and the discipline to show up to the mat day after day have encouraged my mental well being. Now I practice every day with my long term partner, we use yoga as a means of connecting with ourselves as well as each other. Taking breaks through the day to engage with the meditative movements, clearing my mind, and reconnecting to the center so that I can better represent myself in the academic world I have chosen.

I have chosen psychology because I grew up with anxiety and depression. I was incorrectly diagnosed with ADD and was treated accordingly. I want to make the mental healthcare system better and change the way we diagnose mental disorders so that people can get the treatment they need. Once I was properly diagnosed, using medication along with lifestyle management and cbt therapy, I live a very happy and productive life. The biggest turning point for me was getting my psychiatrist. Audry Strock, the way she discusses the diagnosis and medication changed the way I looked at health in general. She has offered me a job once I finish my undergrad so that I can continue my schooling and eventually take her philosophies numbered with my own to a larger scale. Ideally, I want to affect the change in the education system. As I suffered so greatly as a student and society, mostly because no one or myself understood what was going on. Why I could not focus or stay organized, why I was forgetting important projects and assignments, being easily discouraged, and spiraling downward. Because of my education, I have a handle on my mental health and vise versa. I want to make this available to everyone.

When I am online shopping I think about, saving, uniqueness, price, and efficiency ie how quickly and how easily will the delivery be. For the holiday seasons, I am most interested in efficiency and uniqueness. I mainly use Etsy because I can shop through many different items from home goods to home decor and apparel. The price is worthwhile because the products are good and fun and make excellent gifts. I love to use Lush as well, the products are 100% biodegradable, and we can support each other during these hard times with self-care items. Shipping is efficient and standard and the products are widespread, I use their in-shower lotions for my dry skin. Finally, I like to use Depop, it is the joy of thrift store shopping from home, I have found much high-quality clothing as well as home decor items from the sellers available. Plus reusing and keeping money out of the pockets of big business. This is an awesome way to support people during the pandemic.

There is a song for every moment of my life, I have to pull myself away from listening. The song that comes to mind first is Me and My Dog by Boy Geniouse, a project made up of Pheobe Bridgers, Julien Baker, and Lucy Daucus. They are the titans of alternative music at the moment, they write about mental health and existence. The song is very special to me, as it was inspired by the loss of Pheobe's pet dog, as he declined in health she was touring with boy genius was could not go home to see him. similarly, I had a cat, Kitty Cup Cake, my orange Tabby, I was inspired by a Hey Arnold Episode, hence the name Cup Cake. I was taking classes in Portland Oregon and he ended up declining in health. I did not know how bad it was until I came home, anyway, The lyrics are as follows: We had a great day Even though we forgot to eat And you had a bad dream Then we got more sleep 'Cause we were kissing I had a fever Until I met you Now you make me cool But sometimes I still do Something embarrassing I never said I'd be all right Just thought I can hold myself together But I couldn't breathe, I went outside Don't know why I thought it'd be any better I'm fine now, it doesn't matter I didn't wanna be this guy I cried at your show with the teenagers Tell your friend I'll be all right In the morning it won't matter I wanna be emaciated I wanna hear one song without thinking of you I wish I was on a spaceship Just me and my dog and an impossible view I dream about it And I wake up falling I have always struggled with depression and anxiety, the songs speak to creating joy within your situation. While honoring how scary and hard it can be, during the pandemic and since the loss of my little buddy, this has been very comforting. When I am at the moment of this song I get to be angry about the whole situation. "I cried at your show with the teenagers. Tell your friend I'll be all right. In the morning it won't matter" I think about this line often, trying to deal with each problem and get through it, even if I am embarrassing, tomorrow "It won't matter". That brings me a lot of comforts these days.

Education serves as my... lab, I do not know how to describe it. I have always been curious about the world, my education offered an opportunity to understand. Now I am happy to have a wide-ranging understanding and a passion for change. I am excited to bring the things I know to the public, I see much benefit from having room to explore the world, and I believe that 1) education at the higher level should be free to all. 2) The standard of education should be through and high for all ages, I mean that young minds are very capable of dealing with many different topics that they are not currently afforded due to age. I could go on and on but education is a lab where we can create a sense of understanding and test theories and everyone should have access to that. I want to change the mental health field, I want to make mental health apart of elementary education, along with comprehensive sex education, and home ec, and gardening.

My best friend and I started our self love journeys together. It started as a joke, I we said "what if we just focused too hard on self love? what would happen if we just researched the hell out of this concept?" I ended up in a leader ship position with a local advocacy group. Our message is that capitalism profits when we feel insecure and lonely. I helped to teach the Sex, Love, and Drugs course, this is lead mostly by the high school students who make up the group, we explore whatever it is that they want answers on, though I always talk about a few things: particularly, self love. An encounter with someone else starts with our selves, even getting ready for a date with someone else begins by being intimate with ourselves. For this reason I like to teach the 5 love languages as we can treat our selves and others if we better understand how people experience affection in different ways. To go along with this I like to use the "check in" this is really an internal stock taking. Analyzing your personal walls and desires so that we can most accurately serve ourselves. These days during the pandemic, my work is much less applied. I get to spend a lot of time taking care of myself, starting CBT therapy just for general upkeep, I recently started a new vitamin routine and have added many new plants to my home work space. these things help me continue to do school work from home and the challenges that exist there. By padding my situation with nutrients, and mental health, and comfort I can help myself to thrive and the longer I keep my routine the less I have to be conscious of it and the more effective it is. I love self love, and with my psychology degree I hope to help our society move towards a standard of self love.