My dreams of becoming something better than who I was were crushed by my alcoholism. I woke up at the age of 24 believing I had failed at life by dropping out of college, not being able to keep a decent relationship, and not being able to say no to drinking alcohol. That morning I woke up and was covered in throw up wondering why God just didn’t take me home as I had wished. God had recovery in mind for me. I began a journey to stop my drinking and finally finding a program to work the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous for the last 5 years in which I have recovered from picking up a drink so far. Serenity, Unselfishness, and Work would be the three words that mean recovering from addiction to me. Serenity was something I didn’t know existed because when I was sober I had resentment that hadn’t been worked on. The program takes a lot of fact finding progress through my character defects in order to be able to give others the same hope of freedom from addiction. I have carried the 12 step program the best I can to others who are ready for a new way of life. Trauma work is the reason I have decided to go back to school after getting a Bachelors degree during my recovery. The 12 steps of AA saved my life but I know myself as well as others need more counseling to process unresolved trauma.

Running out of the behavioral health school shouting the client was followed by staff; staff trying to figure out the problem and unaware of the situation of major self-harm the client had seen on campus by a best friend who harmed herself. Client said she wasn’t going to the edge of the cliff to jump, but kept heading that way trying to push past staff. Client ended up hitting staff and throwing rocks at the staff vehicles because of the untreated trauma she has witnessed. In my job field clients are coming in from a place of living in survival mode. I have come to find at intake of drug and alcohol rehabilitation the person is in either fight or flight for roughly the first month of treatment and can occur with new trauma. Trying to help someone who is generally run on fear is misguided in what the true problem is that comes out as anger. The anger with co-occurring disorders can be misdirected at the wrong people. It is important to be be the soft sounding board who teaches proper reactions in situations and how to learn to set healthy boundaries. In able to get to the core issue clients have to trust staff and be willing to work together which all comes down to trust between them both.

“Money, property, and prestige divert me from my primary purpose.” - Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book I felt the world taught me that getting a college degree and having a nice house would complete me. While trying to attain these things my life was falling apart; friends were dying, I couldn’t stay in relationships, and most importantly I couldn’t stay sober. After finally making it into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous I got a sponsor, picked up commitments, did my step work, and also sponsor people. I have learned this is my purpose in life to help Alcoholics that have been knocking on hells gate, as I once did. The five years I have been graciously given in Alcoholics Anonymous push me to keep chasing the freedom and happiness I have come to know. Although I have overcome a lot of resentment through a 12 step program I feel that more freedom is coming through processing traumatic experiences. I want to learn more through schooling to help other suffering addicts recover from the hopelessness of addiction. Addiction is a multifaceted disease and I want to go beyond 12 step work in order to help addicts recover in every way possible.