I was fortunate to have been raised by parents who exposed me to world media from birth. They were quick to introduce me to a range of music, TV shows, movies, and video games that weren’t readily available in Lexington, South Carolina, especially during the early 2000s. It’s through this media and the encouragement from my parents that I developed a love of travel and geek-based culture. TV programs like XPlay and Attack of the Show on G4 or Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations and Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel cultivated my appreciation for journalism, and our frequent trips to comic conventions along the southern east coast allowed me to feel a semblance of what my role models portrayed on TV. As I grew, I started to develop a particular interest in Japanese culture and media, and by 2011, I was running my own blog. Though it was undoubtedly rudimentary, it was sincere, and this space served as a practice run for me to troubleshoot my future goals. Now in 2026, I plan to take this step further and fully commit to creating my own digital magazine exploring my favorite aspects of travel and geek-culture. This digital zine will center around Japanese culture and media, travel, and other aspects of geekdom. To achieve this, I’ve bought a domain, set up a basic website, gathered inspiration from related media, and am keeping an archive of posts to publish once the website design is finalized. Considering that people outsource multiple outlets centered around one of these topics, my zine will provide a central place for audiences to obtain comprehensive information. I especially want to give a realistic depiction of the cultural aspects of Japan because foreign fans of anime and manga tend to base their understanding of Japan solely on these glorified images they see in these media, leading them to put the country on a pedestal. Though my goal isn’t to disillusion my readers, I want to give foreign fans an accurate depiction of Japanese culture. I’ve also been accepted into my university’s study abroad program and will be attending the International Christian University (ICU) in Mitaka, Japan and aim to use that opportunity to gather content and document my experiences as a study abroad student. As someone who only has a foundational understanding of the language, this series will provide a realistic view of the average student studying abroad and how I overcome the language and cultural barrier. By showing how an average person navigates studying abroad, I hope to show that it’s more accessible than it may seem. I would also often watch vlogs and read articles on other students’ study abroad experiences in Japan to prepare myself for when it was my turn, and through my digital magazine, I can follow suit and provide a realistic list of resources and advice for other people looking to study in Japan. As someone who has spent over a decade in fandom spaces that glorify surface-level elements of an entire culture, my career in journalism is geared towards presenting accurate and compelling news to combat this trivialization. Japanese tourism has gotten significantly stricter in attempt to discourage the increasing amount of disrespect and general disregard for societal customs, primarily by tourists and foreign influencers, as seen through Logan Paul’s Suicide Forest video and most recently, tourists storming the enclosure of the viral monkey Punch. I hope that by covering a range of geekdom and cultural topics, both positive and negative, I can provide interesting and informative articles to readers and foster a newfound appreciation for Japan.

Studying abroad in Japan has always been a childhood goal of mine since it's the most sure-fire way for me to immerse myself in Japanese culture and experience day-to-day living outside of just an extended tourism trip. Aside from personal interest, I'm currently in the process of launching my own digital magazine "Oh Mai!" based on Japanese culture and travel, and studying in Japan gives me the opportunity to engage in fieldwork and gather a plethora of content for it. This magazine has been an idea of mine since middle school, but I've never followed through with it because I thought it would be wiser to aim for a stable career. I graduated high school at sixteen and went straight into college in hopes of obtaining my bachelor’s degree at twenty and my master’s degree by twenty-two. I thought that by graduating high school early and entering college early, not only will I be able to study abroad earlier, but it would give me the chance to enter the workforce with a higher degree than my peers, thus increasing my chances of getting a stable, high-paying job that can fund vacations to Japan. Unfortunately, the years of intense, nonstop schooling took a major toll on me and my mental health plummeted at a concerning rate. However, having been forced to leave my university for my mental health, I ended up trapped in a toxic living situation for another two years until I was able to escape and move back in my parents. Now that I had a new opportunity to get the degree that I yearned for, I went back to college, though due to the institution being unable to accept most of my transfer credits, I had to restart my schooling from the beginning. Since I was still managing the worst of my PTSD from my previous living situation, getting my associate’s degree took twice as long to obtain. Though I could’ve stopped there, I was determined to at least get my bachelor’s degree, so I transferred into a university. Despite the eight-year journey, I’ve finally reached my senior year of university and have managed to maintain a GPA between 3.6 and 3.8 since restarting. The only thing that I haven’t been able to achieve is studying abroad, but fortunately, I have recently been accepted into my university’s study abroad program and I am in the process of preparing to enter the International Christian University (ICU) in Tokyo, Japan this September. I’m still in a low-income situation, so figuring out how to finance it has become my new biggest hurdle, especially since my outstanding debts now prevent me from taking out a student loan and I am paying out of pocket. Though my situation isn’t ideal, I am saving money from my part-time job and working various odd jobs to finance my trip. I’ll be taking a handful of culture and history classes to fulfill my elective credits, but most of the value I will get out of studying abroad will be experiencing Japanese culture firsthand and using those experiences for my digital magazine. I may have struggled, but now I’m finally in a place where my long-awaited degree is in sight and my dream to study abroad is being realized. I also now have the strength to take a risk and commit to my childhood dream career and have a viable plan to make it sustainable. Not initially committing to my original career plan led me down a difficult road, but for the first time in years I feel like I’m finally walking the path meant for me.

Since I was a child, society has made leaps in the fight for equality and inclusivity, but despite this, one topic that remains heavily misunderstood is mental health, especially regarding suicide. Though we have made large strides in bringing awareness to and incorporating mental health practices into everyday life, many people don't fully understand how it feels to be suicidal or how to support someone who struggles with suicidal ideation. Most rhetoric that I see relegates suicide to an impulsive choice someone makes after a traumatic event, or something youth and teens struggle with but grow out of as their hormones balance out in adulthood. The truth is that those who are lucky to survive their trauma or the hardships of youth are often left feeling lost for years to come. I spent most of my high school and young adult life grappling with borderline personality disorder, self-harm, and suicidal ideation, and have even attempted to take my life on three occasions. 2019-2020 were the darkest years of my life, and the fact that I’m here to write this essay is no short of a miracle. Since then, I was able to successfully restart my life, get the help that I needed, and return to college to get my bachelor’s degree, but though I’m proud of myself for making it this far, it doesn’t negate the fact that those mental struggles remain. Now that I’m 27 and have gotten my life back on track according to society’s standards, I no longer have a justifiable reason to be suicidal. On the outside, people see a redemption arc, but every morning I’m making an active choice to live. This is an important distinction that I feel our society fails to understand. People can grow and persevere over their demons, but the fight is never truly over. The problem with depression and suicidal ideation, especially when everything is seemingly fine, is that people who don’t have these struggles can only comprehend it when there is a traceable issue with a clear solution. I’ve seen long-term relationships end because of someone’s ongoing depression and suicidal ideation, despite their consistent efforts to overcome it. In my experience, people are sympathetic and offer help in the short term, but when the symptoms of mental struggles prolong or are seen as redundant, people tend to distance themselves. This is especially true when people exhibit symptoms that are beyond their romanticized idea of mental illness. People are often sympathetic to those who exhibit symptoms like excessive crying or isolation, but when it comes to taboo topics like self-harm or hyper-sexuality, people are quick to distance themselves or take advantage. I’ve long made my peace with the fact that self-harm and suicide will always be an option for me, but something I find more important is that even if this is true, I am making an active effort to not choose it. It has been seven years since I’ve attempted suicide, and I haven’t self-harmed since December 2020. Who I was then would never have thought that I’d make it to my senior year of college, become an advocate for mental health, or would be set to fulfill my dream of studying abroad to Japan this September. To choose life is to choose struggles, but by doing so I’m also choosing infinite possibilities to experience love, joy, and wonder. Most of all, I’m choosing to believe in my own strength to persevere against the darkness, and that’s something I’ll always be proud of myself for doing.