As an autistic woman my ability to socialise and communicate has always been a bit stunted, the only time I was able to reliably express myself was when I was drawing. I couldn't focus in school, and I couldn't focus in conversation but I could spend hours and hours just drawing. Sketching and inking and coloring just made sense to me while the rest of the world felt too fast, too confusing. When I create, it feels like I am not only making something beautiful but also making myself a safe space. That's what art is to me, safe. Unfortunately, because the world felt so uncertain and scary I simply did not want to go to college. Changes have always been unbearably difficult for me but my parents would not have it. They told me that I had to have a higher education if I was to continue being with them and so I searched. We (my parents and I,) toured a great many schools across the country. My portfolio was accepted to many prestigious and unfortunately very expensive schools. It ended up that the only school I could even imagine myself at was Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, New York, New York. The fenced in green of the campus was so alluring and friendly. Beautiful in a way that said "you belong here, here and nowhere else!" So I went there! Despite the ridiculously high tuition pratt is a renowned school, a top five art school in the country and top ten in the world! Graduating from Pratt will undoubtedly boost my future prospects exponentially, opening doors and providing opportunities though it comes at such a heavy cost. After my first year my college funds were completely depleted even despite my scholarships. As a sophomore I have already taken out a federal loan and I worry about how much more weight that money will put on my shoulders especially since the FAFSA calculator puts me in the red, predicting that I will go into debt and be unable to pay it off in time. My parents want me to pay my way through myself since that's the path they took. I understand where they are coming from but it's still difficult and frightening. I do think that they will help me if it gets to be overwhelming but when I had a panic attack over taking out my first loan my father essentially said "That's just how it is, and you have to get used to it. Everyone has to take out loans unless they're insanely rich." I hate spending money, though going to college has certainly made me better at it. In highschool I rarely went out, hoarded every dollar and hid it in the back of my radio where the batteries are supposed to go. Now though, now I have to learn how to be more comfortable with spending money. Tuition, food expenses, housing, art supplies, doctors visits, medication, all of these things add up but they are all necessities. It is understandably stressful watching the money in my checking account dwindle every time I have to pull out my debit card, which is why even now every dollar counts. The more money I have, the more certain I will feel in my choice to come to this school. I will be going into debt, that is undeniable, but at the very least it would be helpful to go into as little debt as possible.