For as long as I can remember I've felt like I didn't belong, like I was out of place in every situation. As I grew bigger so did my anxiety. By the age of ten I'd already been placed in a mental facility for little over a year, struggling with an eating disorder, anxiety and suicidal intentions. Growing up with three older sisters, comparing myself was an everyday occurrence. Both my parents struggled with substance abuse with alcohol and drugs, causing them to be incarcerated during my early teenage years. My sisters and I were put in foster care for two years before being placed with our grandparents and transferring schools. When I turned fourteen I remember getting the biggest amount of money I'd ever seen, and with this money I started a horrible years long addiction to nicotine and marijuana. When my grandmother found out about my use of those substances, at first she was mad. She couldn't believe that I would do that knowing the consequences of doing so, so early on in my life. No one knew for almost five years about my eating disorder and the struggle of keeping it a secret was putting immense stress on me; I began skipping classes, getting suspended, and starting fights at school. After a while my grandmother's anger faded and she knew that I needed help. She got me a therapist and drove me every other week giving me the consistency that I needed. The only person I told the whole truth about my mental state was my therapist. I was scared of being judged and being too far beyond help but she had patience and allowed me to say as little or as much as I felt comfortable. At seventeen, I still struggle with anxiety, am working through my nicotine dependence, and sometimes those negative thoughts about food still show up but I know I want to live. I want to know who I am beyond the issues that weigh me down. During my junior year of high school I started the two-year BOCES criminal justice class, this helped me determine what I wanted to do as a career. With all the guest speakers, and field trips we went on I decided what I wanted to do the most was private investigations. My therapist and I decided that telesessions would be best for my freshman year and we could revisit if anything needs to change. I feel more confident in myself going through therapy and talking through my mental health, medication is still an option but I'm taking the process slowly as it comes. I applied and got accepted into the University at Albany where my sister Hannah attends. I am excited to go to college and have that independence but part of me worries about the party environment and stress of schoolwork but its helpful to know that there is always someone that I can be fully honest with, that won't judge me, and is always willing to listen. Thank you for giving me the oppurtunity to apply for this scholarship, I feel apart of me is grateful to have to chance to put it all into words, to process it in a place other than my mind or through discussing it with a professional.