Even though her body still lives, her soul roams free. She is a mannequin with a beating heart. She is a failed recreation of a painting that can never be recreated.
When I was younger, painting was my muse. I sometimes had inspiration, and other times I free-styled, but my painting never had a meaning. Usually when people hear the word “strokes”, some connect it to the strokes of a painting. When I think of the word “strokes”, I think of what it took from me.
When I was 10 years old, my aunt suffered her first stroke, the first stroke towards the painting. In my innocent eyes, she still seemed healthy, so I deemed the stroke as serious but harmless. I watched as she still managed to communicate with everyone, continued to go to church, and took me to scan her lottery tickets. Then another stroke happened, and then finally, the stroke that stripped away a part of me that I did not realize was gone until I was much older.
Even though I was still ten years old, I ceased to feel like a ten year old. Life changed in an instant. Instead of feeling like I was home, I felt like a stranger in a strange land. With the medicine everywhere and accommodations for her limited mobility, I realized that this is my ‘new normal’. Everyone in the household had to get used to the change in our personal lives. Abrupt plans could not be made and schedules had to be set. In my eyes, we looked like nurses, taking shifts, waiting for the inevitable even while making sure she had the care she needed. I had to watch as this woman whom I knew as vibrant, healthy, and outgoing, turned into this fragile and childlike elder. To me, she felt like an imposter, stripping away the woman I truly knew, but I knew the imposter was here to stay.
It took me a while to accept the state of my aunt's condition. I can admit, I used to be embarrassed and ashamed when my friends or outsiders would see her, because I never wanted my life to seem “flawed”. To me, it had looked as if I, little miss “perfect”, didn’t have the perfect life, but that wasn’t the case at all. There is no such thing as having the perfect life; I simply lived the life I was chosen to have. Now that I’m older, more knowledgeable, and more mature, I realized that I’ve had and have nothing to be embarrassed about, but instead, I have everything to be grateful for.
While taking care of an elderly woman wasn’t a path I thought I would take, it gave me compassion and empathy for the people who do it on a daily basis, whether it is their job or taking care of a family member like me. For the many years she’s helped me, and the many years I’ve helped her, it gave me the inspiration to help others.
Health care was always a path I knew I wanted to take, but I was never sure why. After having to help care for someone's health for so long, I finally realized why. While my aunt is still alive, but isn’t as verbal as most, she still manages to thank me. Her making an effort to speak, even though it’s tough, fills me with gratitude. She inspires me to make others feel appreciated. Having the ability to give appreciation is all that I strive to accomplish in life, and overall the meaning of my painting is.