My brother, Sam, fought a long and hard battle with addiction. He overdosed on heroin at the age of twenty-four. I was eleven at the time. The week before his death, my grandmother passed away. Several months prior, my grandfather died. It was an arduous year; I experienced more grief and loss than I ever had before. I saw the people around me hurting and I pushed away my grief to help them. Bottling all of that pain up quickly became detrimental to my health. I developed severe anxiety and depression. I barely left the house, enrolling in online school to isolate myself even more. I wrote off any hopes of achieving self-sufficiency or going to college. My struggles with mental health created tension among members of my family. I was irritable and lashed out frequently, something that still haunts me to this day. I am still working towards healing some of those relationships. I remained in that woeful state of mind for seven years and the majority of my adolescence. I was driven to the brink of suicide multiple times. I never actually attempted, but I was playing a game of tug o’ war with my thoughts and I was not on the winning end. The idea of talking to somebody about my struggles terrified me and I did not reach out to anybody for the entirety of those seven years. Eventually, I decided enough was enough, and on a whim, I signed up for a consultation with a physician at an online mental health service. My anxiety almost got the best of me, but I went through with the appointment and started treating my depression and anxiety. I have slowly been working towards rebuilding my life. I started attending college and I am currently finishing up my first semester of nursing school, something I never thought would be possible for me. I am forging new friendships, learning new skills, functioning as a real adult in society, and quite frankly, I am kicking my anxiety in the behind. I am working towards earning my Associate’s and my ultimate goal is to become a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. I never thought I would make it past eighteen years old, but here I am, not only alive, but I am making a career out of helping others like me. Mental health is a complex subject and I know I will continue to battle my anxiety and depression for years to come. But, I now have the tools to combat that and I want to assist others in their battles, too.

The horse industry practically raised me. I grew up being pulled from class-to-class in a little red Radioflyer wagon, cheering on my sister at local horse shows and the county fair. I was attending 4-H meetings every month at the little one room schoolhouse down the road before I was even old enough to be a member. As I got older, my love for horses grew exponentially. I was at horse shows every weekend and could always be found in the barn practicing or just enjoying the presence of my four-legged friends. I made it to the Pinto World Championship Show three times, AMHR Nationals twice, and ASPC Congress once, taking home multiple World Championships, Top Five, and Top Ten placings. I ventured into breeding, foaling out three mares by myself and raising their colts into talented young performers. For me, the sky was the limit when it came to the horse world. Throughout all of this, 4-H was there for me. Volunteering has been a central theme in my life. Every month, our club, which is a 501(c)(3) non-profit, gives back to our community through service projects. We have volunteered our time at the local Humane Society, donated to Toys 4 Tots, brought cheer to those residing in nursing homes, volunteered at the local therapeutic riding center, hand-delivered Thanksgiving meals to those in need, and more. I am currently the President and Secretary of my club, Tryon 4-H Saddle Club. I have been in leadership positions since I was 15. As part of my role in the club, I am constantly researching ways we can help our community. Volunteering is the most important aspect of 4-H to me. Being involved in 4-H has taught me how important it is to give back. Helping so many people and seeing different perspectives has helped me open up my heart to others and prioritize being kind and understanding in every scenario. I think it is easy to get caught up in menial tasks and forget the human aspect of our lives. Volunteering keeps me connected to the human aspect because it creates powerful moments of unity and togetherness. Through my volunteer service, I realized my passion for helping others. That is why I decided to pursue nursing as a career. I am entering the Fall 2022 nursing program at Lake Michigan College to earn my Associate’s. My ultimate goal is to earn my Master’s Degree and become a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner (PMHNP). Even though I plan to make a career out of helping people, I am never going to stop volunteering. I will always volunteer my time for the local equestrian community, but I also want to start volunteering for crisis text lines, local women’s shelters, and local charities dedicated to helping those suffering with addiction and mental health issues. My grandma, who recently passed away, devoted her entire life towards volunteering and making a difference. While she was alive, she was involved in almost every charity and community service project in our area. She wasn’t a perfect person by any means, but she tried her hardest to leave the world a better place. That, more than anything, is what I aspire to do in my lifetime.

Growing up, we always struggled financially. My father is a farmer which is a noble profession but it is not cheap and it doesn’t yield the highest salary. I had three siblings; two sisters and one brother. I was the youngest sibling by nine years. My mother was a nurse aide. Because my father’s career did not pay well (sometimes in the negatives), our family relied on her income to survive. She worked long hours and stretched herself thin to make sure all of us were fulfilled educationally and in our interests. Because of her hard work, we never felt like we were missing out on anything. When I was in elementary school, my mother decided to go back to college and pursue an LPN license. At the end of the day, I would tell her about my day in second grade and she would tell me about her day in nursing school. I helped her memorize her pharmacology flash cards and got to hear all of her stories about college. Once she graduated and began working as a nurse in a long-term care facility, I saw firsthand how our lifestyle transformed. Even though we were never deprived of anything before, the additional income opened up a world of opportunities. We never had to cut corners on groceries or clothing. We traveled more, exploring our country and seeing extended family. I was able to pursue my equestrian passion further to the point of attending the Pinto World Championships three times. Plus, my mom was much happier with her career and actually looked forward to going to work. Being able to see all of this at such a young age inspired me to become a nurse myself. I became obsessed with the medical field. I read my mom’s old nursing textbooks religiously and took all of the medical electives my high school offered. When my brother died in 2014 from a heroin overdose, the devastation further inspired me to want to help people. It piqued my interest in psychology and led me to take several courses on it. Today, my ultimate goal is to achieve my Master’s in Nursing and become a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practioner (PMHNP). I have completed all of my prerequisites and I am entering the accredited nursing program at Lake Michigan College in the Fall. I plan to earn my Associate’s degree by 2024 and jump into the field of nursing. While working as a nurse, I want to further my education by earning my BSN and MSN and becoming an Advanced Practice Nurse. When I received my acceptance letter for Fall 2022, I was so excited. I know the nursing profession is not easy and nursing school is not easy either. However, I am passionate about the field and I am honored to get the opportunity to help others as a career.

When I was 11, my brother fatally overdosed on heroin after a long battle with his mental health. His death sent me down the rabbithole of depression, and it took me nearly six years to overcome it. My brother's struggle with substance abuse disorder cost him his life. My struggle with depression and anxiety almost cost me mine. Mental health is something that is oftentimes ignored but needs to be a main focus. We are losing kids and teenagers because they feel helpless. We, as a society, need to make a change. One practical solution is to make therapy/treatment more affordable and accessible for all. We have made big strides recently in destigmatizing both mental health issues and therapy. Celebrity endorsements, advertisements, and more have been inspiring people to be more open about their mental health. I see inspirational stories about people's personal struggles every day. However, it still isn't perfect. For those who don't have health insurance, recovery can seem almost impossible. There should be more affordable opportunities out there, and they should be prevalent, too. Community centers and schools should offer free group therapy. There are therapists that are willing to donate their time to help people who would otherwise not seek treatment. This effort should be especially focused in marginalized, less fortunate areas where mental health issues may be more stigmatized and treatment may not be an option. People are dying. We need to take action. Our world is too focused on monetary gain. If cutting costs means saving a life, I think that's more than worth it. I am pursuing a career in nursing with a special interest in psychiatry. I want to make a difference in people's lives. Society and the healthcare industry need to make a change.

My brother overdosed on heroin on September 13th, 2014. I was eleven years old. I knew he was struggling but I didn't know the full extent of it until I came face-to-face with his body in a casket. I didn't know then, but his death would fully change the trajectory of my life. In the months following his passing, I started to put up walls. I'd recently transferred to an online school because I had an inkling something bad was going to happen (my grandmother and my brother died in the first week of school, so perhaps I was right) so I wasn't in contact with any of my former classmates. However, they must have found my phone number because an old friend reached out to me to give their condolences. They mentioned that people at school were talking about it and they thought he died in a car crash. It was a harmless statement, but it made some alarm go off in my head. "People are talking about me?" I stopped going out. I barely left my house for at least two years because I thought people would view me as the "dead guy's sister". That terrified me. I developed severe anxiety and isolated myself completely. I had no friends, I didn't go to school, I gave up almost all of the hobbies I once enjoyed. Then depression set in, and suicidal thoughts came along for the ride. I cut and did terrible things to my body and laid awake every night on the verge of a panic attack just thinking about the future. I convinced myself I had no worth. I told myself my anxiety was too severe to be able to handle a job, or college, or anything of the sort. I was certain I had no future on this planet. Last year, I was able to confide in somebody and get the help I needed. I'm now pursuing a career in nursing with a special interest in psychology because I want to help others like me and my brother. Nobody should have to go through that.