My entire life I felt unstable and I never understood. Throughout my teenage years, I was severely depressed, I had suicide attempts and struggled with self-harm. I had been seeing a therapist since the age of eight because it had been court-mandated however no amount of off-brand antidepressants seemed to help. I was up all night most nights just pacing, having meltdowns, I had racing thoughts I couldn't escape from I would sneak out just to go running to stop my thoughts. I felt like I was running from myself and I would run until I couldn't no matter how late at night it was. When I turned 18 and no longer had any restrictions in my household I became extremely reckless. I constantly put myself in danger. Again I was up for days at a time, what I didn't realize it that there was a term for this. I was suffering from extreme manic episodes. When I had just turned twenty-one I moved to Nevada for a fresh start. However at this time in my life I felt completely out of control, everything was changing my environment, the people around me, and my job. I was desperate for acceptance in this new place and the only way I could think of to gain approval was by being skinny. This led to a severe and debilitating eating disorder I was undiagnosed bipolar at the time and at 5'7" I was only 103 lbs. I was dying I was slowly killing myself and I didn't care because I just wanted to be liked and accepted and people liked me better skinny. I eventually found myself doctor admitted at Reno Hospital for Behavioral Health. This was the intervention I needed. I was diagnosed with bipolar and set up with an outpatient treatment program. It has been a long road to recovery I have not self-harmed since 2020, and I have not made myself throw up or starved myself since 2022. I have been on mood stabilizers and anxiety medications as well as therapy have helped me take massive strides. I suffer from long-term effects of the abuse I was putting my body through but I don't let it control me anymore or consume my thoughts with shame. I am nowhere near cured and the relationship I have with food may never be great but I haven't even counted my calories in six months. I am excelling in my career, I have a long-term partner and am getting married. I have been able to create the stability for myself that I have always craved. Mental health is a never-ending battle but it is a battle I refuse to lose.

I am currently pursuing my bachelor's in social work with a long-term goal of receiving my master's degree. My overall goal is to become a LCSW and work in a hospital. I am twenty-five years old and have been back in college for about a year and am thoroughly enjoying my major and being back in school. I had to take a break from school at the age of 18 to take care of my brother who had gotten into drugs. I grew up in Sacramento below the poverty line, I was raised by my mother alone and my older siblings helped. I moved with my brother to Reno Nevada determined to overcome the life we had come from and break the cycle of poverty and drugs. My brother has since left and I have decided to stay and take care of myself for the first time in many years. I am working full-time, living on my own and going to school. While this has been challenging the hardest part is the time I don't have for my partner, for my friends, and even for my mental health. I never have a moment to relax. I have received no federal aid or aid from my college to attend school. Regardless of the aid I have not received, I am determined to finish school and create a better life for myself and my partner than I had. To get where I am, director of a restaurant, engaged, full-time student I had to sacrifice my relationship with my family. I am no longer close to any of them I physically live states away from them and this includes my brother who I gave years of my life and finances to in an attempt to heal him. I have had to sacrifice my finances, I have gone into debt trying to afford school and housing. These sacrifices have affected my mental health but to keep going I always just think about my end goal and providing for my family is my number one goal. I want to feel fulfilled in my career and I know I will feel that way doing social work. Nevada has some of the greatest need for social workers of any state. I am excited to make a difference after finishing my education I will have the opportunity to make the impact I have always wanted to make, but never had the courage to pursue.

"Finances control your life." I know this to be true in many ways and i was told this by my mother at a young age. As I grew up I watched her struggle financially and I watched money tear apart my parents marriage. My mother raised four kids on her own with almost nothing and I always knew I never wanted that to be me. I wanted to do better for my future and I would work as hard as possible to never be in that situation. This is why now at only twenty four years old I have worked all the way up to be the director of a restaurant I have been able to take care of myself with my own car and own apartment. Even with this job I still struggle which is why I am going to pursue a career in business finance and go back to school to obtain this degree. I do not want my finances to control my life in a negative way as I have seen with so many people I want to have the financial freedom to pursue my passion such as traveling or starting my own summer camp. These are goals I always keep in mind while making tough financial cut backs and deciding to work fifty to sixty hour work weeks. My mother was completely right when she said that "finances control your life" I know she meant it as a warning to me to be more responsible and make more decisions and to work hard. Everyday I learn that lesson and for a long time I dealt with the consequences of not listening to her and I will not make that mistake again. While enrolling back in school I have realized how expensive it is and I have to find a way to make it affordable in order to receive the rewards of a career with a college degree. I can do this through scholarships or grants and financial aid, and I have to put in the work to receive these things. If I do not figure out a way to make college affordable my finances will be controlling my life in the worst way and I will be more than struggling. My hope is to avoid the control money has on most peoples lives and to relieve stress and truly be able to enjoy my hard earned money.

I work for a restaurant franchise and am incredibly lucky to work for a woman owned business. When I started working for her back in 2019 my first impression of her was that she was kind and she was in total control. I couldn't believe she had both, most women are taught that if you are kind you will be walked all over and manipulated but not her I knew within a few months of being there that I wanted to learn from her and grow in her business. She is a mother of six, four of her children are adopted and she is constantly in a legal battle with the government in an attempt to get her two other children brought to this country, and constantly losing but you would never know. She is a wife who sacrifices quality time with her husband to manage her business she is the definition of the modern day "girl boss". Tiffany Sangster has won many awards for being such a successful owner and operator the store she owns has far surpassed the potential anyone in corporate thought it had and that is all due to her leadership. She pours into the community and her team every opportunity she gets, and she is not the type to just reward you with a pizza party for hard work she is the type to promote you and pay you a livable wage for loyalty, dedication and hard work. Tiffany Sangster is a woman in total control of herself, she doesn't get angry or emotional or sad. She doesn't let what people say hurt her feelings, and while she is always someone to put the customer first she will always back her team in any situation. Tiffany is dependable, honest and completely blunt. She will give you feedback to grow and develop you as much as you ask for it, she will always make time for you. How could I not look up to this woman? It was so frustrating growing up always having male coaches, I played several sports. I was someone who grew up without much of a father figure and therefore many of my coaches felt the need to try and step in as a father figure, but I didn't need a father figure I had my mother and she did it all. My mother worked full time and took care of four kids getting us all to practice and school, making dinner and helping us with homework. I didn't need a man to feel sorry for me or my situation, not having a father didn't bother me but not having a coach to be hard on me and treat me like everyone else did. Now I have so many strong female role models in my life, they have shown me how to be independent, how to be a leader, how to be in control of myself and take responsibility for my actions. I no longer live with my mother but I am grateful everyday to work for Tiffany Sangster and to learn more from her almost everyday.

Growing up you're always told life is like a roller coaster you're supposed to have ups and downs and challenges will pass. But what if you make impulsive life altering decisions, what if you can't control your emotions no matter how hard you try, what if you don't sleep for days at a time and send yourself on a self destructive spiral then spend days in a depression recovering? Everyones response was just that you're a woman and women are emotional and erratic. I wouldn't be diagnosed with bpd until I was twenty-one years old. I was diagnosed with depression at fourteen years old after trying to take my own life, but things never got better through treatment with medication and therapy I was still constantly struggling, life was like being on a roller coaster that was halfway off the tracks, I could never get things under control. My mania was never being treated or addressed in fact it was being dismissed. Growing up my parents were always so frustrated with me, I was always crying, everything was the end of the world, I would have angry outburst and struggled to calm down. I had trouble making friends because I was so emotional it was embarrassing and I constantly made selfish decisions without understanding how my actions affected others. I fully understand why I couldn't make friends looking back I wouldn't have wanted to be friends with her either. I couldn't hold a relationship as soon as it became "boring" I would leave I was addicted to the feeling of instability and the fighting that comes with learning each others differences, as soon as the relationship would become stable I would leave. This affected my job in multiple ways, I lost opportunities because I couldn't stay organized or easily control my emotions. After being diagnosed I was able to see someone who could specifically help me with my outburst and to acknowledge when I am becoming manic or depressive before it becomes all consuming. Since then I have been able to move up not only into a leadership role at my job but I have become the store director. Since my diagnosis and seeking I have been able to maintain a long term and healthy relationship, I am now engaged. When I told my mother about it she said bpd made sense and felt horrible that she was never able to get me the help I needed. When it comes up with my father he denies that it's a real disorder and tells me the doctors will give that diagnosis to anyone now. He denies I struggled with an eating disorder that put me in the hospital multiple times, he denies I have manic episodes that keep me up for days and he says it comes down to me being an emotional woman, it hurts that he thinks that. I am not very open with people about my diagnosis because there is a huge stereotype around bipolar, I would like to blame Katy Perry for her song hot n' cold in which she states "someone call the doctor got a case of a love bipolar" but I can't just blame her for the stigma and misuse of the term bipolar. When I complete my bachelors degree I intend to become a franchise owner, I think often about the impact I could create on employees and the community with owning a business. I would have the opportunity to help teenagers and adults struggling with mental health to make a positive impact on their lives and give them the chances and opportunities I didn't receive. I hope to be able to become more open about bpd 1 and to help end the stigma that affects my everyday life. Roller coasters are supposed to be fun even through ups and downs.

Not many feelings are as devastating as the feeling you lost your childhood, realizing you're an adult now and the "carefree" years are over, and they were not so carefree. Taylor Swift in the song "Would've, Could've, Should've" sang "give me back my girlhood it was mine first" and nothing has ever hit my heart so hard. At a young age seeing my mother getting out of an abusive relationship with my father he left in handcuffs and took every bit of my sheltered innocence with him. My older sisters were my bestfriends and they left as soon as they could which I understand, this left me with my drug addicted brother. I, desperately as a teenager, tried to keep him in school and prevent him from overdosing. Taylor Swift in the same song continues with "And I never would've danced with the devil at 19" this line couldn't be more fitting for me. At 19 I dropped out of college and spent my college funds on sending my brother to rehab, this worked for awhile but just this past year he left without saying a word to me and moved to Oregon to do what he wants without my interference. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what I wish I would've done differently, what I should've or could've done differently this is my life now and I am a product of the hardships that stole my "girlhood". I wouldn't change a thing about who I am now: strong, independent and fierce.

I have spent years of my adulthood working full-time and primarily career-focused. In the back of my mind, I always wanted to go back to school to do more and make my family proud of me. I am the director of a quick-service restaurant, engaged with the love of my life, and living on my own. I thought I was doing amazing until earlier this year when my hero, my grandfather Peter Arnold passed away. I knew it was coming he was sick and almost one hundred years old, but I could not help but feel like I had let him down, he passed before I could do anything with my life to make him proud. He was a Yale graduate, avid hunter, activist for animal rights, and published author and environmentalist who traveled the world for work. I spent much of my childhood sitting in the marsh with him, harvesting crops and milking cows on his farm. These experiences created my passion for the outdoors and respect for wildlife. I am no longer okay with mediocracy and want nothing more than to live up to the legacy he left behind. I always told him I wanted to be a franchise owner and that I had worked my way up in the company and the next step was operator I can hear his voice in my head when he would always respond "well that's just wonderful kiddo". I want nothing more than to follow through on these promises to own a franchise and finish school. I understand the loss of my grandfather was not unexpected, but his son and my father was mostly absent in my life and my grandfather stepped up and took me everywhere with him, he always made time for me and he always showed me the love I would want from a father, I miss him every day and strive to make him proud every day.