A dimly lit hospital room at 3 in the morning, family gathered around in silence, the scent of chemicals filling your nose, what happens in those delicate hours will change lives. The memories become so vivid some days it feels as though you are back in that dimly lit room, waiting for a miracle. I was 11 years old when my mother got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She was 1,018 miles away at the UCLA hospital, for months we thought she had a gall bladder issue, meanwhile the virus grew in her like a parasite. Fast forward 2 and a half years and my mother is attending radiation treatment at a center in Austin Texas. Me, my mother, stepfather, and 2 siblings crowded together in a 1 bedroom apartment. This treatment was the last medical procedure that could help my mom. After 2 years of being on chemo therapy and being unable to eat solid foods her body grew weary. Despite her frail appearance she was able to get through the radiation treatments, for the first time in years I felt hope. But this joy was quickly swept away just a few months later when she went into a normal procedure and did not come up. That was 4 years ago, when people hear my story they expect me to be cynical, to think life is cruel and harsh. For a moment I was, after my mom died I was in shock, my whole world crumbled in on itself. But my story didn’t end there, I kept moving. As I searched for an answer I saw that Christ was with me in those dark moments when I was at my lowest. When I lost my mom I felt as though I lost a part of myself, I had to pick up the pieces of who I was and try to fit them in the cracked shell that I had become. But that wasn’t the end of my story, it took me four years to get to where I am at, and I am sure not done growing yet. College is my next step to keep on moving, with hopes to get a doctorate in clinical psychology. I will have the tools to help those who are struggling, allowing them to see light in the world. To help the community and reach others in the darkest moments of their life. Stubborn and hard working, the oldest sibling of 5. I am an early-college high school student driven to learn and help others. I express my creative side through writing, and studying sign language. I go to church every Sunday and lean into Christ to help me through my struggles. I have the same feminist mindset my mother nurtured in me, to strive for equality for everyone regardless of gender. I value kindness, grit, and empathy in myself and others, and strive to improve and grow each day. But I simply would not be any of these things if I did not push through the loss of my mother. She was a hero who went through endeavors no one should face and she did it all with a smile. I have my mothers same stubborn happiness, we both did our best to always see the light in the world. Cancer has the ability to ruin lives, but I refuse to let it define mine. I miss my mother dearly but I will make sure her loving spirit lives on. She would want me to be happy and every day I work hard to be someone she would be proud of.

The name Jesus was common in my house, I grew up in a Christian household that held strong faith above all. However my walk in faith has blossomed in the past two years as I began to process the death of my mother. In the beginning of my middle school years my mother got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, watching her struggle for 3 years, dropped me further and further into the hazy depths of depression. I lost my mother, the person who formed my life, but I also gained so much more. My mother died when I was 13 but in those moments I felt the closest to the lord than I ever had. Before my mother went into her final procedure I felt the urge to text her that I love her, something I never did, I saw her before she left and I would see her when she got home. Yet that day I had the compulsion to text her beforehand in a way I can not explain. I had the privilege for my last words to her be, “I love you”, and I would not have had it any other way. The morning after she passed away I had gotten a full night's sleep, something I had not achieved in months. I felt as though the lord was with me in that hard time, it was the first time I felt his presence with me. As I journeyed this dark time I fell on my knees asking the lord why? All I heard back was to lay everything at his feet, and trust him, so I did. I began to explore my faith more, at first it was out of anger. To find answers to why it had to happen, but he opened my eyes to see. I was not meant to walk this world alone, I was not meant to deal with my burdens by myself. When I feel myself beginning to struggle again I lean into him, he is my rock who will guide me through the darkness. I have grown so much through my hardships, he led me and helped me find peace in my struggles. He taught me kindness, patience, and empathy. He helped my heart not become hardened, I laid it all at his feet and he delivered. I learned a valuable lesson, that the lord will not prevent hardships but he will still be with us through it. I want to continue growing in my faith and help others grow as well. Proverbs 21:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”. A verse that exemplifies how important community within Christ is. I have chosen the college I am going to attend and have searched and explored the many Christian clubs they have. I am excited to have a place with people my age who share my love for the lord. People who will be the iron that will sharpen my faith. My relationship with Jesus affects everything I do, that includes my educational journey. After college I will gain my psychology degree, I will be able to be the lord's hands and feet and be an example to others of how God can change your heart. I hope to work in a christian counseling center so I can help those with their faith. To help others who are struggling and allow them to that life is a gift, that the lord will help those who struggle. The best lesson he ever taught me was that I was not meant to walk this life alone.

It is often said that in times of distress true friends are found, I never knew what that meant until the three worst years of my life. My mother got sick when I was 11 and passed away when I had just turned 13. I had two younger siblings, my brother who was 9 and my sister who was 5. Those years I did not fully understand the effect that time would have on my life but I understood the pain, my stepfather who I lived with became frozen in a sense. It was like all our lives stopped, we were all stuck in a moment we wish we never had to experience. The days were dragging on like thick mud under heavy shoes, we were all drowning, each in our own different way. But in that darkness there was a light, the community we were a part of surrounded us and took care of us in our time of need. Before my mom passed our community was strong around us but in the moment I failed to truly see that, we got thousands of dollars on GoFundMe to help us pay the astronomical medical bills that came with the countless check ups and the monthly chemo therapy. Then after my mother passed away the first couple of months we never had to cook our own dinner, a new person dropping food off for us each day as the sun set. I saw friends, neighbors, people who I saw occasionally at church with but there were also people we didn't even know, people who just heard our situation, people with only care and sympathy in their heart. If the community did not step in and help me and my family during our time of need, I am not sure how we would have gotten past those first couple of months. From that point on I always look for ways that I can be someone else's light, the ways I can pay everyone's good deeds forward. But how can you pay forward for someone saving you and your family? To me it became a thing to always look out for, there are dozens of outreach opportunities happening all around you, the challenge is choosing which ones to go for. Personally I like to help at food and clothes drives, I always like being the person sorting the items or making sure the distribution goes smoothly. Looking for things unplanned in your day-to-day life is also important. I like to buy water to give to people on the street or look for someone who is having a bad day and simply give them a smile, even the small acts of kindness can mean the world to someone. In college I plan to help more with the elderly, finding nursing homes that will allow volunteers to help. As someone who is watching my grandparents age I have a soft spot for people struggling due to age. Small gestures such as listening to their stories or helping them with everyday tasks. I live my life full of gratitude and I constantly look for ways to share it because I believe if you share some kindness it will spread like a wildfire. To help give hope to others who are struggling is an accomplishment in itself but to have struggled yourself, it gives you a new outlook on life.