There are several people in my life who have influenced my life path, but one of the most critical turning points was involving my grandmother's diagnosis with Alzheimer's and Dementia. At first, I was a 12 year old girl living with my mom, aunt and uncle in Maryland. I was not aware of any of my grandparents beyond occasional phone calls. One day, things seemed to shift. My mother was incredibly nervous about something I didn't understand, often electing to discuss it with my uncle in her mother-tounge which she purposefully did not teach me. Then, one day, my grandmother was here, in America, with us. We moved into a bigger place and my aunt and uncle moved about an hour away. It was a frustrating adjustment, as there were a lot of unresolved family grudges and tensions. Within high school I began to be curious about mathematics. I was curious as to why so many people disliked the subject, and I was spitefully motivated by the fact many people saw me as inept at it. I thought to myself: someone outlined the axioms I am reading, people researched and debated for thousands of years, at the very least I am invested in learning the historical journey of this subject. I considered the subject similar to illustration, a method to symbolize the world around me and explore different possibilities simulated through a mathematical model. I was very interested in pure mathematics, but realized for a career I likely needed to explore something applied, and prepared to study computer science. However, during this time, my grandmother was changing. She would repeat things constantly. She was meaner than usual. She would drink a lot, yell a lot, and the meals she would cook for herself became more bizzare: bacon stew, asking for a basket of lemons she would not use, 4 slices of bread stacked together. During this time, my mother tried to insist to my grandmother's primary physician that something was wrong. She mentioned a fall on concrete that occured just a few weeks before coming to America. Every single visit the answer was the same: "It's just old age, really." Not a single diagnostic was ordered. Eventually, the symptoms became undeniable. My grandmother would try to eat raw chicken and other raw meats that were meant to be thawed. She would rarely speak, and if she did she'd curse you out and hit you. She rarely remembered who we were. Finally, we got a diagnosis: Alzheimer's, dementia, and a brain injury. By the time we received a diagnosis, we were stuck. We could not do any procedures, not even a dental appointment, because any use of anesthesia was a lethal risk, but my grandmother was too aggressive for any provider to agree. These experiences shifted my motivations from computer science to health informatics in particular. Because of my family's experiences, I want to explore how engineering can advance medicine and save lives.

At first, I was attracted to artistry. I enjoyed the process of developing a body of knowledge through studying anatomy, rendering, light and aesthetics to use for creative purposes. However, I began to seek out more than fiction. Eventually, this philosophy drew me towards engineering, and when I began to consider the technology I wanted to maintain and potentially innovate, I realize I felt a strong attachment to medical/scientific technology. When I think of biotechnology, I feel apart of a indefinite tapestry of history. I reflect upon the grief, the hope, and the ambition that has existed within the intersection of natural science and engineering, developing medicine and technology to save lives. For a while, I had been intimidated by medicine. On one end, I found the sentiment that I could help save lives inspiring. On another end, I was afraid that even a split second of incompetence on my end could ruin a life. I felt unworthy. However, I realized that the inner guilt and exhaustion of being a bystander weighed heavier than my fear. I reflect on the struggles my family have faced in taking care of my grandmother with alzheimer's and dementia, the struggle to get her a diagnosis until her symptoms were undeniable. I reflect on the health issues I have faced, as well as the struggles so many people are going through. No matter what, I cannot always control the outcome of what happens in my life and the life of others, but I want to dedicate myself to helping in any way I can. To that extent, I am currently studying a bachelors of health informatics at the university of Pittsburgh in my senior year. I am deeply excited for all of the different paths I could continue to take. I have always held a passion for computer graphics programming since my time studying professional art, but now I am curious to see how computer graphics can be applied to healthcare and scientific simulations to aid scientists and medical professionals. I am excited to learn about medical device engineering as well as experimental devices seeking to provide medical professionals new ways to treat patients, and scientific devices to enable scientists to explore new pioneering in medicine and medical findings. As a low income college student and first generation American helping take care of my disabled grandmother and family this scholarship would deeply help me afford to continue my education without disruption. I don't always know if I will succeed or fail, but I want to pledge my life to the philosophy that I will always try.

When describing myself, I find difficulty showing grace despite my circumstances, as I have always strived for more. As a low income, first generation American and college student, life itself has been displayed as a climb towards the archetypal 'American dream'. Rattling off demographic markers do not quite encapsulate the desperation and tightly wound panopticon of seeking not only 'assimilation' but success in a bittersweet, existential cry. It is the desire for a sense of security than can at least be held in the world. The desire to never hear gunshots go off at night again, selfishly pawing at your mothers hand to not be a hero. The desire to see your mother not break down over piles of bills covered in sticky notes, while taking care of your grandmother full time. The desire to give your demented grandmother a peaceful hospice without constantly battling elder care finances going higher than the rent we struggle to pay each month. The desire to not look aimlessly into the bathroom mirror while dabbing peroxide on cuts from your grandmother's outbursts. The desire for the world to not constantly be a liminal space of clamor, between the auditorium and the restaurant bathroom where I scrubbed the remains of my classmate's hangovers and bore a faint pious smile as a shield throughout day and night. To run so desperately from the shadow cast by society that sought to consume me into a statistic, to strip away humanity and dreams into just.. a demographic marker. A low income, first generation black woman, aged 20 years old. Throughout life, I admired the act of observation, analysis, and design, and the most ideal way to express this interest as a child more often chided for my curiosity than otherwise, was illustration. Illustration was my medium to study the natural world, to symbolize patterns into visual rules and to distort said rules in the name of aesthetic. I was yet to realize later on, on my own, that an additional medium which encapsulated said passions was mathematics, which I then tried to seek out a professional application for within the field of computer science. I was satisfied with this choice, but became isolated from my peers due to the differences in resources and circumstance. As an "traditional" aged undergraduate student from an untraditional background, I often had trouble communicating my hardships to professors and faculty. In a STEM field with fewer resources and time, I struggled to analyze my peers who had better successes, who described their logic and background as simply "getting it" or "paying attention", struggling to breach past the more standard advice of study habits into introspect on comprehension. More often I would receive heavy shrugs and squeakily toned probings on whether college was "really" for me. All of these experiences casted a cloud over my head which eventually became a statement of purpose- I decided to switch into health informatics, a field where I believed I could continue to explore my passions and address the issues my family faced in patient advocacy for my grandmother and as a whole. A field where I could give back. Feeling revitalized by purpose, I pushed forward, joining the student wellness board to explore programs that could be developed for students in similar circumstances. Ultimately, I realized that reform was the foundation I was chasing all along. I wanted to live not just my milestones, but by principles. I didn't want to meekly scrape out a corner for my life: I wanted to make a change. Towards that end, I will never stop.

My days were simple: school, work, study, on an ever fluctuating pendulum I struggled to manage. The strobe lights of the fast food chain and the lecture auditorium blended together as day and night became a flurry of work to endure. As a first generation college student from a single parent household, my journey towards education was emphasized on being transactional. I had to go to college so that I could afford to take care of the family. My personal interests in research and innovative technology were barely an afterthought. As my dependent grandmother developed alzheimer's, dementia and seizures, it became even more imperative that I excel in my classes and work full time in order to send money back home for rent and utilities due to my mother needing to become a full time caregiver, unable to work a traditional job. Unfortunately, I could only sparse the money I could through minimum wage retail and food service part time shifts late at night and during any pocket of 4 or more consecutive hours I had to spare. Alienated from my peers, I stared blankly as they described elaborate gatherings with friends, relationship drama, parties and good grades as I grittily put my nose to the grindstone poking my professor and teaching assistants with any questions I had though email during shift breaks and trudged up hills to get to work without transport, only to fail classes and be laid off at times. My major was initially computer science, but I lacked the same resources and experiences as my peers, and ended up failing classes. My teachers suggested that maybe I am not cut out for computer science, despite the introspect and communication I tried to ask for, I just was not developing the 'intuition' and 'understanding' they saw in other students despite our differences in background. As a 'traditional' 18-24 year old student with unorthodox responsibilities compared to my peers, When I would try to communicate my struggles with professors, they said my journey could only be figured out for myself, and there was no further support they could give me. It was a struggle to communicate that I was working as hard as I could given the circumstances. Ultimately, I began to face more pressure from family due to tech layoffs to consider a major that could allow me to develop additional skills with financial stability, as well as losing one of my IT student jobs to offshoring. I tried to reflect on the struggles my family faced in terms of getting paperwork and medical support for my grandmother's declining cognitive and physical health as she developed violent and combative tendencies that not only made external caregiving outside of financial reach but extremely limited. I wanted to specialize in software for healthcare administration, to provide accessible information regarding how to navigate guardianship, medication side effects, and general caregiver and patient mental support resources after watching my mom break down while I was unable to be with her. I equally decided I would work as hard as I could to contribute to the field of cognitive disease research, seeking to use mathematics and software engineering to help researchers model data and make epiphanies that could one day explain and prevent anyone from going through what my family went through, and transferred to health informatics. Ultimately, I learnt that character is key. We cannot control our circumstances, but we can control the character we want to display while enduring them. Life has no constants, but spirit can never be taken away, and that is priceless.

Elder care and elder based social services is a silent safety net that keeps communities together. Without the resources to support their aging family members, friends, or members in the community, many elderly fall through the cracks: working despite ailments that would warrant retirement, being homeless, or being supported by a family struggling to both make a living and care for an elder full time. In my household, when my grandmother was diagnosed with alzheimer's alongside dementia, my college journey completely changed. I had to work full time in order to manage tuition and sending money back home for bills due to the fact my mother could no longer work- carers pursuing guardianship could not receive financial compensation in my state as well as my grandmother requiring full time care. My grandmother's condition became worse, developing seizures and combative behavior, so it became more important to have guardianship over the medical decisions done in times of emergency and a need to have in-home care due to the issues her combative nature would cause in a nursing home. Doing any chores alongside her was a battle, with the inability to communicate and general combativeness, even taking her outside could lead to a meltdown for simple tasks such as changing or understanding that we could not take certain items in the store. The process for paperwork took years, with admins along the way not fully understanding the complications we faced even with simple tasks such as fingerprinting for official documents when she reacts violently to new scenarios or interviews when she has gone nonverbal. During high school, in order to maneuver this new state my grandmother was in, I volunteered at the JCS kensington club where I gained basic experience regarding the management of an elderly daycare. At the time, my experience caregiving and working full time seemed to be a blight on my efforts to learn computer science. I was often the student who arrived to class late because my night shift ended at 4am, I was often the student that asked as many questions as possible but was told I was seemingly too remedial, too inexplicably poor at test-taking, that the matter was not me studying the structure of my classes in order to adapt despite my efforts- but an overall intuition that needed to be honed, for which I needed to figure out a learning strategy on my own. It was difficult to communicate my circumstances to my instructors because I was not the traditional working student and more often I was advised to consider dropping out or transferring despite the fact my family would not consider the idea whatsoever, and I was mainly sent to college to gain professional credentials to help the family. Everything felt frustrating and I struggled to find inspiration and purpose. In my hardship, I realized I had found a need I wanted to help others manage. My experience inspired me to look into more healthcare administrative matters as well as overall healthcare skills, and I found the health informatics major. This major seemed to be the best choice to transfer into, as I realized I had found a purpose in the unique struggles I faced. I wanted to provide services that would help individuals caring for elderly individuals find out the administrative and legal processes in a clear format, without bureaucratic complications. I wanted to help families accept the new person their loved ones are and how to accommodate. I want to provide help such that no one feels isolated in their experiences and everyone can get the care that they need.

Who am I? I believe that statement is a revolving door, a constantly fluctuating variable, an object that becomes more intangible the stronger one tries to grasp it. Throughout my life, I have had many ambitions, things that I relied upon for identity- it seemed as though the only form of self actualization that did not contain punishment was work. I admired the field of animation, the arduous journey towards developing technical skill and the vulnerability of becoming a storyteller. I admired icons such as Stephen Hillenburg, Andrew Stanton and Pendleton Ward, charismatic and intuitive people who could open their minds and hearts up to the world- to themselves, and create a story from said experiences that resonated with millions of all walks of life. On this journey, I realized that I equally wanted to live a life of experience and purpose, even beyond my initial pursuit of animation. So, during senior year of high school, I decided to re-orient my studies towards computer science. As a first generation low income college student, my days were filled with 12+ hour shifts between part time jobs, sending money back home for bills, and struggling to communicate my limitations with instructors. My family consisted of my mother and my grandmother, who is disabled due to alzheimer's and dementia. The experience with bureaucratic neglect while attempting to receive financial and mental help for my grandmother's condition and the overall tension of caregiving left a strain my professors, employers, and peers did not fully understand. I struggled to socialize with my peers with more financial and social freedom, and when I tried to communicate my struggles with advisors on managing my academic and financial struggles I was often given inexplicable advice regarding a cheaper college, or college in general possibly not being for me. I also struggled to find overall purpose in my computer science studies- I took deep pride in this journey towards technical mastery as I did in animation, but I lacked a clear odyssey, what problems I wanted to tackle in the world at large. As my family's relationship became strained, I fought the urge to delve into escapism and compulsive behavior- I did not want to be a person who created fantasies for myself and other people to hide into- that was not the artist or person I wanted to be. I wanted to face my life as the only way out is through, and the only way to avoid making the same mistake twice is to first admit you made a mistake in the first place. I realized I was not an island and I wanted to help others, to assure the child inside me that there is a world where there are people that will help. I realized I deeply wished to address issues within healthcare administration for vulnerable communities, mental health, and overall support networks. I discovered health informatics and decided to orient my computer science studies towards the field of healthcare in particular. Moving forward, I equally wish to pursue a medical skill in a field such as radiology or elderly care. I wish to make technology that allows resources to be easily gathered and streamlined for vulnerable people to be educated on all possible resources and documentation they could receive. Most importantly, I want people to feel comfort that they are never truly alone in their struggles. Despite everything, I cherish my experiences because they give me ambition towards a better world.

Throughout school, I have always felt as though I was a branch barely attached to the rest of this giant, complex tree by a few splinters. my family consisted of my mother, a first generation immigrant, and my grandmother who has dementia and is dependent on us. I was constantly encouraged to see my education as transactional, I needed to do well so I could go to a good college, and I needed to go to a good college to achieve a high paying job. I needed this to provide so that one day our lives wouldn't be filled with compromise. When my grandmother would get combative due to her illness, I would stare into the mirror while dabbing peroxide into my cuts, wondering who exactly I would be if I was not surrounded by responsibility. I watched my peers make connections and experiences, carrying this conviction of self actualization I never felt I could truly embody. I envied this lack of substantial expectation, knowing that you did not truly carry the lives of others on your back, only your own two feet. However, these experiences of perseverance changed me. My experiences as a caregiver inspired me to pursue health informatics and computer science to work towards developing digital resources to make diagnosis, prevention, and support more available to the growing population of elderly with alzheimer's and dementia. My burnout from materialistic goals reminded me that I genuinely want to explore the world through education and gain knowledge, and I hope to use my computer science skills to develop learning platforms that incorporate philosophy, mathematics, science and arts into a freeing environment where people can not just learn to fit into a career mold but learn to innovate and introduce ideas to the world.

As a first generation college student, my presentation to education was always transactional. I must go to school to get good grades, I must get good grades to get a good job, I must get a good job to help my family have a better life. At the very least, I must go to school to give my mother a moment of reprieve while raising me on my own. There was never space for genuine curiosity, and certainly no space for questioning the path that lied before me. Throughout high school and college, I worked various jobs to help my mother with bills and pay tuition, as well as support my dependent grandmother with dementia. I would often find myself going to buy a meal after a long shift only to find that the balance declined due to money needing to be borrowed for utilities or rent. When I would go home, I often felt defeated by the strain of both working, taking summer classes, and managing my grandmothers' illness causing aggressive behavior. At times, while dabbing peroxide on cuts on my face, I stared into my reflection and wondered how far willpower could actually take me. I would remember moments where my advisors would starkly mention that after a certain point, success depends on whether you "have it", and at that moment, I simply didn't in any aspect of my life. At that point I realized I wanted more- I didn't want merely to survive, but to thrive. I didn't want to view education solely as a means to an end, but I wanted to explore the world, and help others. Being a first generation college student at times has felt as though there is always some distraction during my race towards my goals, but I have grown to realize that life is a marathon, and every experience gives you knowledge you can use towards something meaningful. My experience with being a caregiver has inspired me to pursue health informatics and computer science, seeking ways to develop resources for people with aging dependents to learn what resources they could receive and ways to mitigate diseases from developing further. The responsibilities I have taken as a first gen student inspire me to focus not simply on lucrativeness, but to be imaginative on what innovation could lie around the corner. Most importantly, I realize that altruism is priceless.

The world of entrepreneurship has never been anything short of a jungle. It is an endeavor that demands patience and fixation, it is a humbling pursuit. As a college student with aging family members and increasing responsibilities, I realized it was not simply a fond dream but a inching requirement that I create a form of passive income, and if not passive, a form of labor that I can operate at any time, even if I am not employed by another. It was up to me to help see a day where my family even had a sprinkle of the American dream, if just a house and a car. However, I was quickly daunted by the oxymoronic fact that you need money to make money- at least, you need *something* to make money. It is a common circumstance in the modern era, but the only form of capital I had was my body, mind, and a phone. What could I do? In the daunting stress, the hunger drummed in my ears. How? How will I cross this chasm? What could I possibly offer? I need to do something. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my mind. What do I want? Of course, the product everyone wants is money, but a salesperson who is too out of tune with their desires cannot sell anything well. What would I truly want? My mind wandered into an admittedly trite place: what about.. food? From the lemonade stands of childhood to Michelin star hotels, food service may seem like one of the longest standing giants of industry since time itself. Everyone likes food, no? However, the reality isn't quite as sweet. For one, I lacked the capital to have a storefront, a stand, or even a small kitchen for cottage products, and even if I did, the first few months of rent as a new restaurant can be the high tides that are either conquered or submerge a franchise underwater. One of the most daunting costs is not the food, marketing, or employee costs- but rent. I sat dejected, until I had a funny thought: "If there were no problems in life, there would be no business." It's silly, but I began to wonder- how many other people have the same problem? Not simply frantic college kids such as myself looking to sink their teeth into any business endeavor, but genuine chefs and culinary aficionados who have brilliant meals to share with the world, if only they had the space to share with others, if just for a day? I began to wonder the means of which I could help make food service business accessible, and I decided on 'RentATruck' The premise is simple: The app will be a platform where users can rent and lease food trucks for use. Users will be matched based on the type of business they have and their demands, while we take care of the work of verifying the truck's legitimacy, insurance, as well as designated areas for pickup- so that users can focus on the fun stuff- making money and bringing delicious food to the world! Personally, my main inspiration throughout this journey is my desire to preserve the altruistic nature of the business. By letting my mind wander, I was able to put myself into someone else's shoes in a manner that led me to imagine something that could actually be desirable. While the world of startup apps is harsh, I am still excited to explore this venture if simply to learn how start a business from nothing but a dream. If nothing else, I want to leave a path of effort I can look back on and think: that was certainly a journey- I'm glad I truly tried.

Living with a single mother and a grandmother with dementia has led to difficulties simply finding the time to attend college, much more paying for tuition. Academia is an environment where failure should be not only be expected but invited- in order to reach an epiphany. Failure is the chisel that sculpts imagination into reality if one embraces it. However, external struggles of livelihood can pervert the academic experience into a sea of dread, guilt and burden, where failure suffocates rather than enlightens. Every day of every semester requires a bartering of time, knowledge, money, always having to prioritize two of the three. Education was first and foremost presented as a credential, a necessity, a rite of passage for economic sufficiency, for one to become a respected employee, perhaps an entrepreneur- but most importantly, a working person. Despite this, I hold firm in my conviction that I am slowly chiseling a path that will not only offer me the ability to support my family, but explore the vast etiology of computational logic and the superset of ideas within the class of mathematical thought in general. As any modern child or young adult can attest to, I have been surrounded by computers from a young age, but more importantly the sociological effects fascinated me. How has the internet influenced memory, how has the pedagogy of marketing and design changed? The sheer history of the tenets of knowledge required to develop daily tools: computer software, hardware, modern devices as a concept-from a phone to a smart fridge- exist from a slurry of chemistry, physics, mechanics engineering, and even biology in order to make a safe product- and so much more. While it is true as the quote says one cannot stand on the shoulders of giants and think themselves tall, one can certainly marvel at the height- while it is a vast and seemingly indefinite task to learn and comprehend every subject behind modern technologies, I hope to try. For better or worse, knowledge shapes our world. I hope that throughout my postsecondary education and career, I get to explore the depths of technology, tracing the efforts of my predecessors like the inner rings of a tree expanding human knowledge, and to witness how they will evolve in the future with my peers.

Have you ever broken a screen playing Wii Sports? I haven't, but I thought that would be an eye catching opening. One of the flickering memories that burns a little brighter is toddling around, watching my family play Wii sports. Lately, I haven't had any time or finances for video games, but sometimes my mind hovers to the past. The whistling tune of the title screen, watching the geometric puppies chase after their frisbees in the warmly lit basement. I wasn't old enough to comprehend what I was seeing, but the world behind the screen seemed vibrant and delightful. Later on, I developed an affinity for the Mii plaza- a 'game' in the most minimalist sense of the word, but I enjoyed the idea of creating a character, toying with their features, their hue, coming up with fairly uncreative names but most importantly- watching them- picking them up, zooming in closely to watch the occasional animated conversation- what did they talk about, why did they decide to talk now? Does it get dull inside the empty space? What if they fought? It never quite felt strange or lonesome watching a Mii. I did not feel like an outsider looking in- rather, I felt omniscient. It was fun. Then, long after my days of mii-watching, 'Tomodachi Life' released. Also..not *really* a co-op unless you get a little creative with it. By some manner of miracle, I managed to make a friend. Due to our proximity, we stayed to play together. I loaded up 'Tomodachi Life' on my 3DS and equally watched her own method of storytelling through cosmic experiment. That day, I let her play my saved game while I watched and offered occasional conjecture. I felt as though we were a pair of dyad gods. After the day was done, I couldn't help but look upon our shared creations with fondness. I watched as my Mii's took completely different paths as per her choices, and I began to think of my own as a person. I lacked the vocabulary to describe it any other way, but I began to think we were all like Mii's, created and shaped by each other. Maybe we would not always know each other, or something might happen- but the choices made are still in the cartridge, and always will be. This can be more morbid than helpful, but when approached from the mirror of a Mii- A choice just becomes a choice. Something funny, ridiculous, or sad- maybe you didn't feel all that in control while making it or embers of regret lie in it's wake, but at the end of the day, you can feel however you want about it. Our lives become a slurry in the scheme of space and time, and maybe this inspires us the complacency or boldness, but no matter how you respond, it's your life. As the saying goes: "Your Friends. Your Drama. Your Life. Tomodachi Life."

It was a cloudy weekday where any sense of specifics blurred into one another amongst the sound of lead hitting lined graphing paper- was it Tuesday? Thursday? Little else mattered besides finishing the packet of math exercises I had been given. The fluorescent lights flickered in and out, mirroring my temperament and drive. Eventually, I put my pencil down, looked at my current assignment and closed the packet. I began to survey my prior test grades stacked within my drawer and contemplated. "Why does it feel like I haven't truly learnt or created... anything? If I get an A or an F, what does it matter if my grade is all I can show for my efforts?" The sentiment was a grumble I had kept to myself throughout my high school education, but especially while learning mathematics. Throughout my education mathematics was likened to many things: "Exercise", "a game", "fun", "discipline", But no one had ever told me what math was. As far as I was concerned, mathematics was simply memorizing various formulas through constant repetition, and I was reaching what seemed to be the boundaries of how much I can memorize within two week intervals. Something needed to change, not merely for my grades but to truly understand what studying mathematics is supposed to achieve. I began by returning to the small question which I quickly learnt to sweep under the rug during mathematics lectures: "Why?" More often than not, I was told the "why" was not as important as learning how to execute a formula or solve a problem. asking why a formula existed was akin to asking why we call the sky blue- we just do, and we simply need to know we communicate the idea of color-the sky in particular- as "blue". This analogy deeply piqued my interest, because after years of hearing mathematics being described with the arbitrariness as one would describe a pushup, mathematics was being described as a language...And things started to slowly make sense. Mathematics, like English, Spanish, or a Pictogram, is a language to communicate an idea. throughout my education I have been learning ideas expressed through mathematics in particular- but I have not expressed my own. If mathematics is a language, I have been pursuing the equivalent of attempting to attain fluency in Spanish through memorizing dictionaries and phrases while having never expressed a single thought through speech or writing in my life. Something definitely had to change. I began to try communicating with professional mathematicians to little avail, while my fixation only grew. I decided I would pursue computer science in college so that I could explore the means of communicating ideas through algorithms and symbology further. However, college has not liberated me from late nights of mere rote studying and prioritizing my grades over all else, but I will not give up as I know there is something beautiful that could be achieved in mathematics education if students are allowed to explore their own thoughts and ideas through the language of mathematics in order to appreciate the ideas preceding them, and the possibilities that can come from students learning that they can contribute to this vast history of expression, as beautiful as any poetry and as essential as any other language.

Why do people draw, write, or speak? Visuals have existed since the dawn of time, symbology being indispensable in communication. Throughout my life, I was more interested in creative tasks than arbitrary ones, more interested in creative writing than a spelling bee, more interested in what inspired the mathematics formulas I was learning than solving pages of problems to memorize them. In school, subjects such as mathematics were likened to exercise, an equivalence I never truly understood and a mentality that ultimately led to me shun the subject beyond academics. I floundered towards finding an outlet for my interest in symbolizing natural phenomenon and abstract ideas, and ultimately settled on learning draftsmanship and fine arts, which certainly varied in "real world application", but at least I could *communicate* something. My cries for a "real world application" were not born out of practicality but sheer boredom from a lack of any creative engagement whatsoever. Math wasn't quite like doing pushups and math certainly wasn't born out of rote behavior alone, so what was I missing? However, everything changed when I discovered computer graphics. Shapes could be symbolized into an algorithm a computer could generate, and those algorithms could range from blockbuster movies to life saving simulations. Most importantly, with the emphasis of mathematics in computer graphics I realized that mathematics is ultimately a language used to communicate ideas, and that it was equally as important to express my own ideas through mathematics as it was to learn preexisting ideas in school. The next question throughout my postsecondary career has been: "How?" And how can I share my findings for all students of mathematics? I hope that through pursuing my undergraduate degree in Computer Science I can explore the vast history of visual algorithms and communication, whether the environment is pencil and paper or a vast database, and to explore more creative methods of teaching mathematics to students in order to retain their curiosity for the language of math and the various ideas that can be communicated through mathematics, and to perhaps see a world where every student realizes the potential of communicating through mathematics.

My journey towards learning computer science has revealed to me inner convictions I hadn't indulged before. Throughout my educational journey coming from a single-parent immigrant household, I was frantically aware of the weight my education had moreso on my very livelihood than regarding my development as a person. Computer science was an avenue that would allow me foremost to support my family, and I willed myself to hold an open mind to all the field could offer not merely in finance but wisdom. One of the first fairly mundane realizations was the emphasis of 'computer' in computer science: the mathematics behind designing logical systems to then be implemented with the discoveries of mechanics and natural science. Like many students my experiences with mathematics were akin to factory work. Surely there was a rich history behind this subject, but it was nothing a student in my school had time to consider. A grade, more than a metric but rather an investment towards the future, turned a lesson into less than a lesson. In my postsecondary preparation I became skeptical and concerned for my education. A computer scientist surely needed to carry more fluence towards the language of mathematics beyond good exam scores if they are to design the algorithms of the future, yet to my frustration I had little time to focus on anything but my academic performance, and to my discomfort I realized I truly had no idea what it's like to pursue mathematics outside of a course- to my horror I realized how inflexible my understanding was when probed with a question a hint more unique than what can be found in a textbook. It was like I realized I was captain to what was ultimately a sinking ship, both having to sail yet find pockets of time to awkwardly sift water back into the sea. This was where I began to become increasingly interested in mathematical education, and this strange phenomena that plagued even advanced scholars eventually- "have you learned how mathematics works or have you learned how tests work?" The survivorship bias of the best performing student then had to be undone to preform with the level of experimentation and intuition required- students had to learn they were going to fail countless times, and failure was no personal indication but a reality of working on problems you create. After this point I had been revealed to more motives than relieving generational financial worry and exploring avenues of technology- I realized that I knew nothing about what it truly meant to work like a mathematician, but I was suddenly determined to learn how, and perhaps what an education needs to do so. I now hope to combine my studies in computer science with exploring mathematics and mathematics education, to reinforce the importance of teaching students how to create and solve problems themselves in order develop analysis and creativity- I realized education can never say it is too expensive to foster critical thought, and both teachers and students must be given the resources to do so. Educational models where schools are financially punished for student performance in the face of general neglect turns mathematics education into a mere branch in a bush of thorns, yet through merging my goals in order to one day develop educational softwares and tools, I hope to show that many students have only been shown the tip of the iceberg of STEM subjects and to provide learning opportunities which can display when students are given the time and resource to focus on long term intuition, everyone wins.

No human mind is idle. We all question, threaten and play with reality with our thoughts and actions. However, it is a scary thing when the mind is convinced to be passive. For many, it can seem futile to try to understand the nature of the universe when humanity can barely understand our own nature- philosophical questions seem buoyant in the face of a historical melting pot of triumphs and horrors, more stories existing that we will never hear than the ones we will. In the face of merely surviving one's own life within the powers that be, the pursuit of etiology feels like trying to run when the world can barely crawl together. We live in a world where to an extent, education is ironically conservative: We learn to keep things relatively the same. Education is reproductive labor and social exchange: "Create the new generation of teachers, workers, products and latest phones, and you may be able to live a little differently, comfortably, than those before you. " The modern model of pedagogy interests me in the way ideas inadvertently become property to be invested in for profit, for a student to learn they must prove the value of their curiosity, and most depressingly the amount of corners cut in creating an environment where students can afford to think. However, it is undeniable to witness how much change can occur in all aspects of society when we are not afraid to wonder for our own sake: "How?" "why?" When people remember that the world they live in came to be, people rekindle the desire to be historians of life. People remember that things were not *always* this way, and that an innumerable number of events came before to create the very moment we exist in right now. Space contracting, stars colliding, humans sharing meals and signing deals, there are causes that create the effect that is reality. We remember, in the face of the existential neutrality that subconsciously embodies our waking, working lives, that we ARE actors in history, in spacetime and in reality. Through my university education, I not only want to pursue an education in my specific interests of natural philosophy but to observe a world where people feel their ideas can influence their reality. As much as there can be to fear in life, we should never be pushed to fear what is, why it is, and what could be.

Could you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was a scientist? If everyone was an engineer? I don't view this world as impossible. In fact, I view this world as necessary. Whether most people realize it or not, everyone has an interest in STEM. Everyone loves mathematics. They just haven't been given the outlet to realize it yet. Throughout my education, I became interested in the educational model of STEM. I found it interesting how difficult it could be to find a student who could confidently say they liked mathematics in the context of their experiences in school, and I found it even more interesting that almost nobody had a frame of reference for studying mathematics outside of school. A student who perhaps hated Language or Grammar could grow a fondness for literature they found, and a student disgruntled with the underfunded science labs in their school could discover excitement from witnessing experiments and inventions. But math? Clearly there was nothing more to math than rote drudgery with no time or resource for creativity, analysis, no other source of mathematical discussion outside of a textbook or a lecture. As I grew curious about the students who survived carrying mathematical interest into college and found another social discovery: No matter what, almost everyone reached a point of feeling completely incompetent and conned. Throughout their education, they were praised for learning in the most efficient manner as designated by the institution: the quickest in memorizing, the most patient in repetition, the most composed in exams. However, many noted a point where math was no longer about reciting material but creating material. Not merely about solving a problem but proving your answer, and showing an intuition regarding why said problem existed in the first place. They realized that math is a language, yet they were never truly allowed to speak, and now they had to write an odyssey. Having this information confided to me by a teacher I admired was a moment of clarity. Even people designated as top students eventually reached a point where they felt they needed to start from scratch, to finally focus on the material rather than high marks and test-taking strategies. Moreover, the lack of accommodation for the individual in STEM education was not just a social debate but a genuine academic flaw. There is no way to get around teaching subjects that revolve around critical thinking while trying to cut corners in giving students the time, resources and engagement to actually think, and setting barriers that turn the thought process of students into metrics that are either encouraged, ignored or awkwardly supported merely for the recursive interest of higher metrics. With this scholarship, I hope to fund my journey toward getting a higher education in STEM to both create the tools and the education of the future. I want to give back to every child that was made to feel they had to compete for their right to learn, and that they did not have enough merit in the eyes of institutions. No school should have to force students to compete for resources through standardized scores. I hope to help craft a world where everyone has an outlet to explore and create, that nobody "hates" any subject. Who knows- maybe we could get to a world where nobody hates math? One can dream, can't they? All I know is- we have a long way to go, and I want to contribute in any way I am able.

It is an unfortunate situation for a student to feel that they genuinely cannot afford to pursue a subject due to the number of times they would fail. Truthfully, students are not born afraid of failure- the fear of failure is learned, and unfortunately, that fear exists due to factors that have nothing to do with learning itself. As a child, I knew I wanted to dedicate myself to questioning the world. I wanted to trace the maps of thought charted by lifelong learners worldwide. However, in school, I quickly learned to fear failure. Coming from a low-income first-generation family, education was quickly introduced not only as a life-enriching pursuit but a life-determining one. I learned that the letter grade on my assignment paper was more important than anything else and that appearing as though I understood was more important than actually understanding. I could count the amount of questions it took before I was hushed for the sake of time. I remember attempts at exercising creativity in the name of analysis in classes such as math were labeled as gibberish. I began to feel I was not an individual whose curiosity was accommodated but rather a face in a crowd of performers. I took my experiences in school to be a holistic display of the subjects we studied, that if I was not a 'math' or 'science' person in school performance, I was not a 'math' or 'science' person in general. I began to internalize the message that I was not the 'type' of person engineering fields were looking for. Education was first and foremost a path toward a sustainable career and I had to be realistic regarding how much failure I had the money to cover in my education. I learned to budget for failure rather than embrace it, and now I want things to be different, not just for me but for students around the world. I have become deeply invested in the manner in which we teach mathematics in school. As the quantificational language behind so many sciences and abstract mathematical poetry in its own right, I have deeply wanted to create a curriculum that allows students to learn the necessary analytical skills for mathematics without fear of time constraints. With the money put towards my scholarship, I could continue on this journey towards mastering mathematics and carrying that knowledge into curriculums of my own meant to provide an alternative to the rote manner mathematics is taught in school, preparing students for the more conceptual material they will face in higher education and even college admissions material such as the SAT. I hope to use my academic journey as a motivator for students who have been convinced that they cannot afford to pursue their interests and that they are not competitive or meritocratic enough within STEM. As a society, we lose more than we gain by deeming only those who conform to the most affordable and efficient academic constraints deserve to pursue their interests. We lose more than we gain by placing significant financial barriers towards education. The simplest part of the equation in fostering interest in STEM is simply accommodation. STEM education should not merely consist of culling a specific crop of the most profitable future STEM employees, but about witnessing how the world can change when students do not associate failure with punishment and difficulty with an inherent lack of skill. Under these conditions, students can go on to enrich all avenues of life with the knowledge of STEM, and I hope to display this reality with my education someday.

I am very passionate about the merging of art and technology and how art can allow for a more free spirited environment to approach abstract topics , alongside the practical applications we are more commonly introduced to. Before learning about technical art, I didn't entirely think I could go beyond tolerating programming, and tolerating math. Calculus seemed intense, what inspired the mathematicians who came up with those equations and principles. Throughout high school, my motivations always felt external to myself, metrics set by others: study the assigned worksheet and answer key alone, repeat the questions as many times as one can- do not make your own for one cannot risk coming up with a false question and answer, if I could even claim I understand the topic enough to create a problem and have an intuition about what the answer was. Then I finish the quiz with a good grade, mentally wiping myself for the next topic, verbatim until the end of the semester ,when I threw my hard work into the recycling bin. The end I justified this with was, to eventually pursue a STEM career in a lucrative field, but eventually I couldn't help but wonder: None of my motivations had anything to do with the literal subject at hand, and I wondered how long it would be before this fact caught up to me in my performance- when things became too hard to be motivated by external factors alone, when one could not just memorize as told, when one has to sincerely think. I made a small pact: I would have a space to study math purely for it's own sake, and find my own applications. Throughout that journey I found out that math is a language that works to symbolize many concepts, and with any language one must find something to say. Without those advanced math principles, programming,design, engineering, all the things I was passionate about studying at an advanced level would encompass math. An artist by talent, my drawings ,animations and 3D designs also involved some math, scale... randomness. I had come full circle, I went back to my art, the thing I told myself I should shelf, somewhat in the name of something more lucrative and practical. I needed a space where these abstract topics could be a fun game, a piece. And so, I decided to pursue interactive design. I hope to see where art can take the sciences in the future.

Watching a pixar movie, I couldn't help but stay until the end credits. In some DVD's there was a behind the scenes which would completely enamor me. What seemed like magic was unveiled to be an elaborate system of man and machine working on technology that then became the artist's tool, each vertex, each face, slowly became a character, a prop, a part of a story. For a child, many pursuits feel far away. Entertainment: Books, films, video games especially- help bridge that gap in awareness and expand one's mindset of just what's out there for one to do with one's time, with one's life. For me- I began to find a fascination with these mediums themselves. And so began my new craft: "I want to make experiences." However, I tried to be open minded and practical throughout my studies. Ideally, I sought after the big two as many call it. I wanted to pursue a career which made money and was tolerable, with perhaps the ability to grow fond of my work. Art only seemed to carry one of these facets, and even then I didn't know what my career would truly be like once the cameras stopped rolling. I began to look into programming. Programming was interconnected to enough things that I felt I'd have space to try something new if I found myself disgruntled with a certain job, or perhaps turned out to dislike a certain field. And so, I tried to fixate on math and science in school, however confronting a frustrating loop with the realization: eventually one cannot just rely on memorization, and will need to have some external application beyond the standardized motive of quizzes and tests to truly "pass." Sticking purely to the science, I found I didn't have one. My goal was whatever hypothetical job I could get after my degree, and found myself frustrated. Eventually, I crawled back to art- I may as well give it a chance beyond the rumors around me- ironically, at that same time, I discovered what technical art was. I am merely one person out of many trying to further their education, to find the means to make their goals a reality, but I will say this: Everything comes from an idea. I want to create the space to explore ideas more freely.