Living with a single mother and a grandmother with dementia has led to difficulties simply finding the time to attend college, much more paying for tuition. Academia is an environment where failure should be not only be expected but invited- in order to reach an epiphany. Failure is the chisel that sculpts imagination into reality if one embraces it. However, external struggles of livelihood can pervert the academic experience into a sea of dread, guilt and burden, where failure suffocates rather than enlightens. Every day of every semester requires a bartering of time, knowledge, money, always having to prioritize two of the three. Education was first and foremost presented as a credential, a necessity, a rite of passage for economic sufficiency, for one to become a respected employee, perhaps an entrepreneur- but most importantly, a working person. Despite this, I hold firm in my conviction that I am slowly chiseling a path that will not only offer me the ability to support my family, but explore the vast etiology of computational logic and the superset of ideas within the class of mathematical thought in general. As any modern child or young adult can attest to, I have been surrounded by computers from a young age, but more importantly the sociological effects fascinated me. How has the internet influenced memory, how has the pedagogy of marketing and design changed? The sheer history of the tenets of knowledge required to develop daily tools: computer software, hardware, modern devices as a concept-from a phone to a smart fridge- exist from a slurry of chemistry, physics, mechanics engineering, and even biology in order to make a safe product- and so much more. While it is true as the quote says one cannot stand on the shoulders of giants and think themselves tall, one can certainly marvel at the height- while it is a vast and seemingly indefinite task to learn and comprehend every subject behind modern technologies, I hope to try. For better or worse, knowledge shapes our world. I hope that throughout my postsecondary education and career, I get to explore the depths of technology, tracing the efforts of my predecessors like the inner rings of a tree expanding human knowledge, and to witness how they will evolve in the future with my peers.

Have you ever broken a screen playing Wii Sports? I haven't, but I thought that would be an eye catching opening. One of the flickering memories that burns a little brighter is toddling around, watching my family play Wii sports. Lately, I haven't had any time or finances for video games, but sometimes my mind hovers to the past. The whistling tune of the title screen, watching the geometric puppies chase after their frisbees in the warmly lit basement. I wasn't old enough to comprehend what I was seeing, but the world behind the screen seemed vibrant and delightful. Later on, I developed an affinity for the Mii plaza- a 'game' in the most minimalist sense of the word, but I enjoyed the idea of creating a character, toying with their features, their hue, coming up with fairly uncreative names but most importantly- watching them- picking them up, zooming in closely to watch the occasional animated conversation- what did they talk about, why did they decide to talk now? Does it get dull inside the empty space? What if they fought? It never quite felt strange or lonesome watching a Mii. I did not feel like an outsider looking in- rather, I felt omniscient. It was fun. Then, long after my days of mii-watching, 'Tomodachi Life' released. Also..not *really* a co-op unless you get a little creative with it. By some manner of miracle, I managed to make a friend. Due to our proximity, we stayed to play together. I loaded up 'Tomodachi Life' on my 3DS and equally watched her own method of storytelling through cosmic experiment. That day, I let her play my saved game while I watched and offered occasional conjecture. I felt as though we were a pair of dyad gods. After the day was done, I couldn't help but look upon our shared creations with fondness. I watched as my Mii's took completely different paths as per her choices, and I began to think of my own as a person. I lacked the vocabulary to describe it any other way, but I began to think we were all like Mii's, created and shaped by each other. Maybe we would not always know each other, or something might happen- but the choices made are still in the cartridge, and always will be. This can be more morbid than helpful, but when approached from the mirror of a Mii- A choice just becomes a choice. Something funny, ridiculous, or sad- maybe you didn't feel all that in control while making it or embers of regret lie in it's wake, but at the end of the day, you can feel however you want about it. Our lives become a slurry in the scheme of space and time, and maybe this inspires us the complacency or boldness, but no matter how you respond, it's your life. As the saying goes: "Your Friends. Your Drama. Your Life. Tomodachi Life."

It was a cloudy weekday where any sense of specifics blurred into one another amongst the sound of lead hitting lined graphing paper- was it Tuesday? Thursday? Little else mattered besides finishing the packet of math exercises I had been given. The fluorescent lights flickered in and out, mirroring my temperament and drive. Eventually, I put my pencil down, looked at my current assignment and closed the packet. I began to survey my prior test grades stacked within my drawer and contemplated. "Why does it feel like I haven't truly learnt or created... anything? If I get an A or an F, what does it matter if my grade is all I can show for my efforts?" The sentiment was a grumble I had kept to myself throughout my high school education, but especially while learning mathematics. Throughout my education mathematics was likened to many things: "Exercise", "a game", "fun", "discipline", But no one had ever told me what math was. As far as I was concerned, mathematics was simply memorizing various formulas through constant repetition, and I was reaching what seemed to be the boundaries of how much I can memorize within two week intervals. Something needed to change, not merely for my grades but to truly understand what studying mathematics is supposed to achieve. I began by returning to the small question which I quickly learnt to sweep under the rug during mathematics lectures: "Why?" More often than not, I was told the "why" was not as important as learning how to execute a formula or solve a problem. asking why a formula existed was akin to asking why we call the sky blue- we just do, and we simply need to know we communicate the idea of color-the sky in particular- as "blue". This analogy deeply piqued my interest, because after years of hearing mathematics being described with the arbitrariness as one would describe a pushup, mathematics was being described as a language...And things started to slowly make sense. Mathematics, like English, Spanish, or a Pictogram, is a language to communicate an idea. throughout my education I have been learning ideas expressed through mathematics in particular- but I have not expressed my own. If mathematics is a language, I have been pursuing the equivalent of attempting to attain fluency in Spanish through memorizing dictionaries and phrases while having never expressed a single thought through speech or writing in my life. Something definitely had to change. I began to try communicating with professional mathematicians to little avail, while my fixation only grew. I decided I would pursue computer science in college so that I could explore the means of communicating ideas through algorithms and symbology further. However, college has not liberated me from late nights of mere rote studying and prioritizing my grades over all else, but I will not give up as I know there is something beautiful that could be achieved in mathematics education if students are allowed to explore their own thoughts and ideas through the language of mathematics in order to appreciate the ideas preceding them, and the possibilities that can come from students learning that they can contribute to this vast history of expression, as beautiful as any poetry and as essential as any other language.

Why do people draw, write, or speak? Visuals have existed since the dawn of time, symbology being indispensable in communication. Throughout my life, I was more interested in creative tasks than arbitrary ones, more interested in creative writing than a spelling bee, more interested in what inspired the mathematics formulas I was learning than solving pages of problems to memorize them. In school, subjects such as mathematics were likened to exercise, an equivalence I never truly understood and a mentality that ultimately led to me shun the subject beyond academics. I floundered towards finding an outlet for my interest in symbolizing natural phenomenon and abstract ideas, and ultimately settled on learning draftsmanship and fine arts, which certainly varied in "real world application", but at least I could *communicate* something. My cries for a "real world application" were not born out of practicality but sheer boredom from a lack of any creative engagement whatsoever. Math wasn't quite like doing pushups and math certainly wasn't born out of rote behavior alone, so what was I missing? However, everything changed when I discovered computer graphics. Shapes could be symbolized into an algorithm a computer could generate, and those algorithms could range from blockbuster movies to life saving simulations. Most importantly, with the emphasis of mathematics in computer graphics I realized that mathematics is ultimately a language used to communicate ideas, and that it was equally as important to express my own ideas through mathematics as it was to learn preexisting ideas in school. The next question throughout my postsecondary career has been: "How?" And how can I share my findings for all students of mathematics? I hope that through pursuing my undergraduate degree in Computer Science I can explore the vast history of visual algorithms and communication, whether the environment is pencil and paper or a vast database, and to explore more creative methods of teaching mathematics to students in order to retain their curiosity for the language of math and the various ideas that can be communicated through mathematics, and to perhaps see a world where every student realizes the potential of communicating through mathematics.

My journey towards learning computer science has revealed to me inner convictions I hadn't indulged before. Throughout my educational journey coming from a single-parent immigrant household, I was frantically aware of the weight my education had moreso on my very livelihood than regarding my development as a person. Computer science was an avenue that would allow me foremost to support my family, and I willed myself to hold an open mind to all the field could offer not merely in finance but wisdom. One of the first fairly mundane realizations was the emphasis of 'computer' in computer science: the mathematics behind designing logical systems to then be implemented with the discoveries of mechanics and natural science. Like many students my experiences with mathematics were akin to factory work. Surely there was a rich history behind this subject, but it was nothing a student in my school had time to consider. A grade, more than a metric but rather an investment towards the future, turned a lesson into less than a lesson. In my postsecondary preparation I became skeptical and concerned for my education. A computer scientist surely needed to carry more fluence towards the language of mathematics beyond good exam scores if they are to design the algorithms of the future, yet to my frustration I had little time to focus on anything but my academic performance, and to my discomfort I realized I truly had no idea what it's like to pursue mathematics outside of a course- to my horror I realized how inflexible my understanding was when probed with a question a hint more unique than what can be found in a textbook. It was like I realized I was captain to what was ultimately a sinking ship, both having to sail yet find pockets of time to awkwardly sift water back into the sea. This was where I began to become increasingly interested in mathematical education, and this strange phenomena that plagued even advanced scholars eventually- "have you learned how mathematics works or have you learned how tests work?" The survivorship bias of the best performing student then had to be undone to preform with the level of experimentation and intuition required- students had to learn they were going to fail countless times, and failure was no personal indication but a reality of working on problems you create. After this point I had been revealed to more motives than relieving generational financial worry and exploring avenues of technology- I realized that I knew nothing about what it truly meant to work like a mathematician, but I was suddenly determined to learn how, and perhaps what an education needs to do so. I now hope to combine my studies in computer science with exploring mathematics and mathematics education, to reinforce the importance of teaching students how to create and solve problems themselves in order develop analysis and creativity- I realized education can never say it is too expensive to foster critical thought, and both teachers and students must be given the resources to do so. Educational models where schools are financially punished for student performance in the face of general neglect turns mathematics education into a mere branch in a bush of thorns, yet through merging my goals in order to one day develop educational softwares and tools, I hope to show that many students have only been shown the tip of the iceberg of STEM subjects and to provide learning opportunities which can display when students are given the time and resource to focus on long term intuition, everyone wins.

No human mind is idle. We all question, threaten and play with reality with our thoughts and actions. However, it is a scary thing when the mind is convinced to be passive. For many, it can seem futile to try to understand the nature of the universe when humanity can barely understand our own nature- philosophical questions seem buoyant in the face of a historical melting pot of triumphs and horrors, more stories existing that we will never hear than the ones we will. In the face of merely surviving one's own life within the powers that be, the pursuit of etiology feels like trying to run when the world can barely crawl together. We live in a world where to an extent, education is ironically conservative: We learn to keep things relatively the same. Education is reproductive labor and social exchange: "Create the new generation of teachers, workers, products and latest phones, and you may be able to live a little differently, comfortably, than those before you. " The modern model of pedagogy interests me in the way ideas inadvertently become property to be invested in for profit, for a student to learn they must prove the value of their curiosity, and most depressingly the amount of corners cut in creating an environment where students can afford to think. However, it is undeniable to witness how much change can occur in all aspects of society when we are not afraid to wonder for our own sake: "How?" "why?" When people remember that the world they live in came to be, people rekindle the desire to be historians of life. People remember that things were not *always* this way, and that an innumerable number of events came before to create the very moment we exist in right now. Space contracting, stars colliding, humans sharing meals and signing deals, there are causes that create the effect that is reality. We remember, in the face of the existential neutrality that subconsciously embodies our waking, working lives, that we ARE actors in history, in spacetime and in reality. Through my university education, I not only want to pursue an education in my specific interests of natural philosophy but to observe a world where people feel their ideas can influence their reality. As much as there can be to fear in life, we should never be pushed to fear what is, why it is, and what could be.

Could you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was a scientist? If everyone was an engineer? I don't view this world as impossible. In fact, I view this world as necessary. Whether most people realize it or not, everyone has an interest in STEM. Everyone loves mathematics. They just haven't been given the outlet to realize it yet. Throughout my education, I became interested in the educational model of STEM. I found it interesting how difficult it could be to find a student who could confidently say they liked mathematics in the context of their experiences in school, and I found it even more interesting that almost nobody had a frame of reference for studying mathematics outside of school. A student who perhaps hated Language or Grammar could grow a fondness for literature they found, and a student disgruntled with the underfunded science labs in their school could discover excitement from witnessing experiments and inventions. But math? Clearly there was nothing more to math than rote drudgery with no time or resource for creativity, analysis, no other source of mathematical discussion outside of a textbook or a lecture. As I grew curious about the students who survived carrying mathematical interest into college and found another social discovery: No matter what, almost everyone reached a point of feeling completely incompetent and conned. Throughout their education, they were praised for learning in the most efficient manner as designated by the institution: the quickest in memorizing, the most patient in repetition, the most composed in exams. However, many noted a point where math was no longer about reciting material but creating material. Not merely about solving a problem but proving your answer, and showing an intuition regarding why said problem existed in the first place. They realized that math is a language, yet they were never truly allowed to speak, and now they had to write an odyssey. Having this information confided to me by a teacher I admired was a moment of clarity. Even people designated as top students eventually reached a point where they felt they needed to start from scratch, to finally focus on the material rather than high marks and test-taking strategies. Moreover, the lack of accommodation for the individual in STEM education was not just a social debate but a genuine academic flaw. There is no way to get around teaching subjects that revolve around critical thinking while trying to cut corners in giving students the time, resources and engagement to actually think, and setting barriers that turn the thought process of students into metrics that are either encouraged, ignored or awkwardly supported merely for the recursive interest of higher metrics. With this scholarship, I hope to fund my journey toward getting a higher education in STEM to both create the tools and the education of the future. I want to give back to every child that was made to feel they had to compete for their right to learn, and that they did not have enough merit in the eyes of institutions. No school should have to force students to compete for resources through standardized scores. I hope to help craft a world where everyone has an outlet to explore and create, that nobody "hates" any subject. Who knows- maybe we could get to a world where nobody hates math? One can dream, can't they? All I know is- we have a long way to go, and I want to contribute in any way I am able.

It is an unfortunate situation for a student to feel that they genuinely cannot afford to pursue a subject due to the number of times they would fail. Truthfully, students are not born afraid of failure- the fear of failure is learned, and unfortunately, that fear exists due to factors that have nothing to do with learning itself. As a child, I knew I wanted to dedicate myself to questioning the world. I wanted to trace the maps of thought charted by lifelong learners worldwide. However, in school, I quickly learned to fear failure. Coming from a low-income first-generation family, education was quickly introduced not only as a life-enriching pursuit but a life-determining one. I learned that the letter grade on my assignment paper was more important than anything else and that appearing as though I understood was more important than actually understanding. I could count the amount of questions it took before I was hushed for the sake of time. I remember attempts at exercising creativity in the name of analysis in classes such as math were labeled as gibberish. I began to feel I was not an individual whose curiosity was accommodated but rather a face in a crowd of performers. I took my experiences in school to be a holistic display of the subjects we studied, that if I was not a 'math' or 'science' person in school performance, I was not a 'math' or 'science' person in general. I began to internalize the message that I was not the 'type' of person engineering fields were looking for. Education was first and foremost a path toward a sustainable career and I had to be realistic regarding how much failure I had the money to cover in my education. I learned to budget for failure rather than embrace it, and now I want things to be different, not just for me but for students around the world. I have become deeply invested in the manner in which we teach mathematics in school. As the quantificational language behind so many sciences and abstract mathematical poetry in its own right, I have deeply wanted to create a curriculum that allows students to learn the necessary analytical skills for mathematics without fear of time constraints. With the money put towards my scholarship, I could continue on this journey towards mastering mathematics and carrying that knowledge into curriculums of my own meant to provide an alternative to the rote manner mathematics is taught in school, preparing students for the more conceptual material they will face in higher education and even college admissions material such as the SAT. I hope to use my academic journey as a motivator for students who have been convinced that they cannot afford to pursue their interests and that they are not competitive or meritocratic enough within STEM. As a society, we lose more than we gain by deeming only those who conform to the most affordable and efficient academic constraints deserve to pursue their interests. We lose more than we gain by placing significant financial barriers towards education. The simplest part of the equation in fostering interest in STEM is simply accommodation. STEM education should not merely consist of culling a specific crop of the most profitable future STEM employees, but about witnessing how the world can change when students do not associate failure with punishment and difficulty with an inherent lack of skill. Under these conditions, students can go on to enrich all avenues of life with the knowledge of STEM, and I hope to display this reality with my education someday.

I am very passionate about the merging of art and technology and how art can allow for a more free spirited environment to approach abstract topics , alongside the practical applications we are more commonly introduced to. Before learning about technical art, I didn't entirely think I could go beyond tolerating programming, and tolerating math. Calculus seemed intense, what inspired the mathematicians who came up with those equations and principles. Throughout high school, my motivations always felt external to myself, metrics set by others: study the assigned worksheet and answer key alone, repeat the questions as many times as one can- do not make your own for one cannot risk coming up with a false question and answer, if I could even claim I understand the topic enough to create a problem and have an intuition about what the answer was. Then I finish the quiz with a good grade, mentally wiping myself for the next topic, verbatim until the end of the semester ,when I threw my hard work into the recycling bin. The end I justified this with was, to eventually pursue a STEM career in a lucrative field, but eventually I couldn't help but wonder: None of my motivations had anything to do with the literal subject at hand, and I wondered how long it would be before this fact caught up to me in my performance- when things became too hard to be motivated by external factors alone, when one could not just memorize as told, when one has to sincerely think. I made a small pact: I would have a space to study math purely for it's own sake, and find my own applications. Throughout that journey I found out that math is a language that works to symbolize many concepts, and with any language one must find something to say. Without those advanced math principles, programming,design, engineering, all the things I was passionate about studying at an advanced level would encompass math. An artist by talent, my drawings ,animations and 3D designs also involved some math, scale... randomness. I had come full circle, I went back to my art, the thing I told myself I should shelf, somewhat in the name of something more lucrative and practical. I needed a space where these abstract topics could be a fun game, a piece. And so, I decided to pursue interactive design. I hope to see where art can take the sciences in the future.

Watching a pixar movie, I couldn't help but stay until the end credits. In some DVD's there was a behind the scenes which would completely enamor me. What seemed like magic was unveiled to be an elaborate system of man and machine working on technology that then became the artist's tool, each vertex, each face, slowly became a character, a prop, a part of a story. For a child, many pursuits feel far away. Entertainment: Books, films, video games especially- help bridge that gap in awareness and expand one's mindset of just what's out there for one to do with one's time, with one's life. For me- I began to find a fascination with these mediums themselves. And so began my new craft: "I want to make experiences." However, I tried to be open minded and practical throughout my studies. Ideally, I sought after the big two as many call it. I wanted to pursue a career which made money and was tolerable, with perhaps the ability to grow fond of my work. Art only seemed to carry one of these facets, and even then I didn't know what my career would truly be like once the cameras stopped rolling. I began to look into programming. Programming was interconnected to enough things that I felt I'd have space to try something new if I found myself disgruntled with a certain job, or perhaps turned out to dislike a certain field. And so, I tried to fixate on math and science in school, however confronting a frustrating loop with the realization: eventually one cannot just rely on memorization, and will need to have some external application beyond the standardized motive of quizzes and tests to truly "pass." Sticking purely to the science, I found I didn't have one. My goal was whatever hypothetical job I could get after my degree, and found myself frustrated. Eventually, I crawled back to art- I may as well give it a chance beyond the rumors around me- ironically, at that same time, I discovered what technical art was. I am merely one person out of many trying to further their education, to find the means to make their goals a reality, but I will say this: Everything comes from an idea. I want to create the space to explore ideas more freely.