My top three would be listen before i go, i love you, and THEGREATEST. Listen before i go is one of my favorites because there was a period of my life where i was very suicidal. All i thought about was a way to escape the pain I felt around me. Music was an escape and Billie spoke right into that spot for me. I wanted to go away and I felt as if no one saw me or cared for me, but I knew if I died, all the sudden they would. I love you helped me to romanticize life more than I was in that moment. To have a hope in a future love. I knew once I find it I would be in disbelief that I was really loved. I love a good song that makes me cry and i love you definitely is one of those. THE GREATEST is just the greatest. The power is has and the way she words things in a way i feel but never could put into words. In my first heartbreak I screamed that song. I was still in love with them and they fell out of love with me, worst yet I had to watch them with someone else. “I loved you and I still do. Just wanted passion from you, just wanted what I gave you,” damn. What an artist. Billie has inspired me ever since I discovered her during don’t smile at me. She brought a newness to the music industry. She didn’t only sing about love and boy but captured emotions and real struggles in such a beautiful way. Her being so close in age to me made that much more obsesses with her. By Billie being Billie, she made me feel a little less alone by being able to connect with music that I resonate with and make friend through her. Now I’m proud to say I’m still alive, I’m not self harming anymore and I am going to college this fall 2024 after a three year gap.

All my life I’ve been told “I don’t know how you have the patience for that.” My hobbies of choice have always been ones of a gradual gain for the reward. For example: realistic portraits, crochet, novel writing, even video games that require gradual progress. Drawing portraits has been my favorite hobby to dive into. Hours and hours of work for a piece of paper that’s someone will claim it’s just a photo. Seeing it go from a blank page to a face that everyone recognizes is worth the tens of hours I put into it. However, the finish work doesn’t reveal the struggle beneath it or the countless times I nearly gave up. Often in life, we want success and improvement to come instantaneously. I feel that is because of a deep rooted fear of not only failure, but that the time invested is wasted. How often do we hear about an “over-night success” over social media, but how often are they actually an overnight success? “It takes ten years to be an overnight success.” - Chris Archer Inspiration or motivation comes to us quickly, but sometimes leaves even faster. What do you do when you’re 3 hours into an artwork that needs at least 5 more hours of work but your inspiration and drive is gone? Find it and keep going. No one can make me want it, I have to want it. I have to want my goal enough to push through the times that I don’t feel like it. What was a hard pill for me to swallow is: success looks like failure sometimes. In a world where everyone, everywhere, from every demographic seems to be quick to flaunt their victories and success. Everything from engagements, scholarships, promotions, graduations, business deals that led to success, big fancy houses, shiny new cars, etc. The list goes on and on, but comparison is a thief of joy. There are many times I find myself beating myself up for failing at all. “I failed, that means I’m a failure.” Absolutely not. I’m lucky to have learned early on in my young adulthood that in life we might fail hundred of times before we get that victory we finally get to flaunt on social media. By then, you might feel burnt out and like that success wasn’t good enough, but yet there could be someone watching thinking “Wow, I wish I could do that,” or “How do they have the patience for that?” Another thing I have observed is that not only do we want success to happen instantly, but when we reach any type of success it is never enough. We always want more. We’re not satisfied at the bottom and we’re not satisfied on the top. I have been afraid of this very thing, but I can either be afraid while sitting at the starting line, watching all the runners pass me up, or I can be afraid while I start running. I have taken a three year gap from high school since been for I decided to continue my education. My parents always discouraged college and informed me I’d be entirely on my own for it. But you know what? Life’s too short to be afraid of going after what I want, and I’m sick of being afraid. I wasn’t dealt the easiest hand in life, but that’s not going to discourage me. My failures and the troubles I’ve been through build character. What drives me is not just passion and self-assurance but hope. I believe I have purpose and I’m capable of achieving anything if I am prepared to want it even if I don’t like the season I’m walking through. This opportunity will help me achieve my goals and ease the stressor of student loans so I can put more drive and energy into moving forward.

I’ve been a fan of Sabrina’s ever since I had access to the internet. I fell in love with EWO and Evolution and have been a Carpenter through every era since. I started drawing her in portraits which opened up a talent I didn’t know I had. I started to get really good, created an instagram page (@runninoutofpaint) and even had the chance to give her and Sarah some pieces at the Singular Tour. I told her how she inspired me to draw and now I want to do that forever. In the 30 seconds we had together, she told me “Best form of therapy. Never stop, angel.” I’m now finally pursuing art after a couple years of doing nearly nothing but working. I love sabrina because I’ve gotten to grow up with her. Her music and the characters she’s brought to life have taught me so much about life. She’s been with me through my awkward teenage years, when I thought I was a baddie, through an absolute heartbreak and learning how to feel myself again. Because of her, I not only gained an artist to look up to and inspire me, but a community of friends from around the world. Some of those friends have been with me for 7 years now. All through out Sabrina’s growth and evolution I feel like I’ve been following behind her and going through similar things, it’s why her music connects with me so much. I’m proud to call myself a Carpenter and an OG who has been by Sabrina’s side through so many different eras.