“Continuing to exist; remaining intact,” (Oxford dictionary/surviving). Surviving, and living are two very different things. Opening a door, not knowing that it would be the start to a new way of life. Outside of the building, the window read 5280 High School. I saw paintings on the wall, one that said “No pain is no pain”. A big boat hung above the bleachers. I stood there very uncomfortably, wearing my crop top and Playboy slides. I took a walk around the school. It was different from my old school, smaller. This was the moment I started my recovery journey. I started drinking and using when I was 13 years old, and didn’t stop for years. I had been in many treatments but to no avail. I hit many low points, but I continued in my addiction. I experienced many suicide attempts, hospitalizations, and even an overdose. It took a lot of pain and suffering to hit a point where I knew I needed to get sober. When I committed to sobriety, I remember my Mom telling me that I need to be there to take care of her when she gets older. I knew I needed to get sober in order to stay alive. I had lost my best friend when I was 15, and that completely changed me as a person, but I knew I had to live because she does not get to. Picking myself back up, and rebuilding myself has been quite the journey. Recovery for me has included finding the hobbies I love, including hiking, hammocking, yoga, and art. These are all things that help me feel alive. Having hobbies that fill my soul so I can recharge and give love to others is pretty vital. Yoga has been a big hobby of mine, and I absolutely love finding the flow and connection to my body. I spent a long time feeling separated from my body. Through yoga, my mind, body and spirit can be connected. I also have a sense of care today that I completely lost when I was using. I get to care about others, and care about my life, which is a very beautiful thing. My goal is to help other people come back from a dark place. I have been able to study abroad this semester, and live the life that I never thought I could have.I am very grateful and excited to continue to grow and live a life where I can be happy, at peace, and free, and help others achieve that also. I am someone who thought I would not be alive at 15, but now I am imagining a beautiful life, with a future career as a nurse.Throughout my journey, I have found a strong connection to nature and the Universe. I know my purpose in life is to help other people. I also love meditating, it helps me find my peace. My connection to the Universe has shown me how to live, and how to love the people around me. Overall, I want to give back to others, and be an inspiration to those who don't believe in themselves. I want to use my experience to help others. I am very grateful for my recovery, and my life. I have found purpose, and meaning in the way I live my life today. I am very excited to spend my life as a nurse, and show people that there is hope. My way of life today has given me this: “[…] a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.” (Oxford Languages/Recovery)

I walked up to Waterton Canyon, prepared to hike the first 5 segments of the Colorado Trail. I was so excited to begin, because we had been preparing for a long time. As we began the hike, before entering the canyon, a beautiful butterfly landed right on my arm, where I have a tattoo with butterflies, sunflowers, daisies, dragonflies, and two red hearts. This tattoo is a tribute to my best friend who passed away. At that moment, I knew she was with me, and she was showing me that I was on the right path. This was a very empowering moment for me, and throughout the last few years, losing her has given me motivation to live and be there for others that struggle. I have found healing through not only the outdoors, but also helping other people. I too struggled with mental health for a few years. Though it has been a process, the growth I have achieved has been transformative. I’ve found that when I get to be there for someone else, it helps my brain quiet down. I love getting to serve the community, and be there for someone that may be struggling. I enjoy my time in the outdoors, and volunteering how I can. When I was a kid, I got to help take care of my great grandma who had alzheimers. She was the sweetest lady, and I remember how good it made me feel when I got to hold her hand and help her take a walk. Over time, a lot of my healing has been by getting out of my own way. I am happiest when I can focus on helping others heal and grow. I believe I need to live one day at a time, for the people that don’t get to be here anymore. To leave this world knowing that I made a difference would be an amazing honor. My best friend was the most beautiful soul, and I want to continue to live a beautiful life for her, as well as helping others achieve a beautiful life. I have always been a caregiver, and would like to spend the rest of my life doing that. I dream of being a nurse, because it would be a great honor to serve the communities. There is a lot of darkness in this world, and I can meet people with an outstanding level of grace and care, and hopefully make a positive impact in their life.

Stepping out of the car, and looking at the sign in the distance “Waterton Canyon.” We were finally here, at the start of the Colorado trail. A trip we had been preparing for, for months. We were just doing segments one through five, in about nine days. We wanted to take it slow, especially because this was my first big backpacking trip. It ended up being a very spiritual journey, and I learned a lot. There were times my mind was wandering, and times my mind was quiet enough that I could hear my higher power. I had the ability to separate from the real world, and connect with nature. My time in nature has been where I feel the most at “home,” the most connected to my higher power. On the first day of the hike, we started trudging along the road. I have a tattoo on my arm with flowers, dragonflies, and butterflies. I got the tattoo for my best friend who passed away, and when we were hiking, a butterfly landed right on my tattoo. So I knew she was there with me. That was a very spiritual experience, and an incredible way to start the hike. A few days into the journey I was in a decent amount of pain. When I was going uphill, I was wishing I was going downhill because I was out of breath. When I was going downhill, I was wishing I was going uphill, because my knees hurt so bad. I realized that I go through life constantly wishing for the next moment, and I am lacking the acceptance I need in order to enjoy what is here right now. I then understood that I can so easily change my perspective with the help of accepting what is right here right now. The moment is truly a beautiful place, and I am not able to enjoy it when I am waiting for “the next thing.” This was a beautiful realization for me, because hiking is consistently teaching me how to be better in my daily life. I get to take all the things that I learn out in nature, and use them in my daily life. When I am struggling to get answers, or when I don’t know what to do about a specific situation, I like to get outside and talk to my higher power. Sometimes I will hike, and sort things out in my head. It gives me the time to think things through with the help of nature all around me.