Growing up in the South, I have come face-to-face with many people who have strong opinions about the way I should live. They feel perfectly comfortable expressing their ideas about how I should think/feel about politics and gender roles. Opposite of these traditional, conservative, and ultra-religious views, I am none of these things. When I was a little boy, I wanted to play dress-up in high heels and push my baby doll around the local grocery store. I felt I had to hide my Barbies when middle school friends came over to play, and even now, getting my nails done with my mom can be looked at as weird here. I am a gay male in a world full of hate. I can sense the judgment in certain teachers’ eyes as I sit in their classrooms; I know when my peers lack respect for my ideas or thoughts simply because I am myself. But I know who I want to be, and I have been able to keep a center of confidence even when I knew others didn’t want to see me succeed and were overly critical and cruel. I have always had to be wary of what others might say or how they will treat me, including certain family members. Since early childhood, I have heard these words: “Don’t let him do this, or don’t let him play with that because it will make him gay,” but I have always known who I am, and I will not conform to an untrue life. When I was a child, I would play in my grandma's closet, wearing her heels around the house, carrying around her purses, but as time went on, my grandpa didn't want me doing that, so in turn, she put them away and told me I should play with something else. As a child, I could tell what family members were thinking, even if I couldn't exactly put my finger on what I might have been doing wrong in their eyes. I would try to play with “boy toys” to feel more normal, but instead, it just made me feel worse. As this world has become more and more politically divided, it has become more difficult to be myself, especially in a religious, conservative school in a town like Midland, Texas. People feel comfortable sharing their ideas and beliefs, but the second someone like me speaks a different view, they say they are uncomfortable. Not changing or staying true to my values and core being is easier said than done when I am constantly having to bite my tongue. My mom has always been the person who has let me be myself. Over the years, we have become stronger together. I have learned that for me to be my happiest self, I cannot hide who I am to avoid judgment from others. I have not always recognized the many internalized judgments and feelings I have about myself, shaped by societal influences. Because of these pressures and opposing forces, I have learned what I do want in life and for myself. As I head off to college, I plan to be the person who speaks up when it matters and to experience all there is in a new area. I have all the tools I need within myself to be successful, despite the ongoing challenges and limitations of growing up in a small town with narrow viewpoints. I want to be in an environment where I can be my full, authentic self, feel confident, and do great things.