I was nearly nonverbal for most of elementary school and middle school. I was written off as me being 'shy,' and everyone left me alone. It wasn't until seventh grade that I got properly diagnosed with selective mutism, a social anxiety disorder. Though I was physically able to speak, selective mutism caused a mental block that rendered me unable to talk in certain situations or to certain people. Usually, it would be the fear of speaking to adults or being in situations that I was not used to that would silence me. I made very few friends because of this, and I was extremely lonely for a lot of my childhood. The fear of social situations often clashed with the deep desire to have friends, leaving me stuck as if in some kind of limbo. I stayed in this limbo until high school. Once diagnosed, those at school began to take me more seriously and I would go to weekly counseling and speech therapy sessions. With this recognition and encouragement, I began to make small improvements in my social skills and ability to speak, but I still found myself extremely lonely and unable to hold up conversations. I took up poetry and short story writing because I had so much in my head that I wanted to let out. It became a type of therapy for me. I would write poetry about my life, about my aspirations, and of course, about my fears and anxieties. When I was a kid, I desperately wanted to be an actress. I would search for auditions on my own and I even played a few minor roles in some local plays. I would be terrified to the point of nausea during every performance, but my desire to be a part of the production often trumped that fear. If only for the scene or two that I had to get through. Now, I am in college as a Mass Communications student. My love of being involved in productions and my passion for writing has never ceased. I've done tech crew for multiple performances, I've written a few short plays and even had some performed for me, and best of all, I have formulated an amazing group of friends that I know my younger self would be proud of me for. With my degree I hope to become a screenwriter and to improve myself even more socially and professionally. I pursued this path because I want to do something that I love, and that I truly believe could help someone else like me. Being completely honest, I'm still nervous a lot of the time. I still feel anxiety daily, and I still have panic attacks about making phone calls or gathering up the courage to go to a networking event. But the difference these days, rather than hiding in a little den in my mind like a hibernating animal, is that I now have proof that I can do it. I got into college, I've made tons of connections and friends already, I've worked hard at jobs that I never thought I'd be brave enough to do. I've come this far. And that is exactly why I have to keep going.

Begging Dog By Lily Thaler Wellborn Begging dog, begging dog. You’d eat more slop than the hog With hopeful dark eyes, of pupils blown wide, It seems every meal you are right by my side. Tail wags, tail wags When ignored, tail sags. Even though he just had food, Hungry is his constant mood. Ears flatten, ears fold, You don’t do what you’re told. For no matter what I say. You never seem to go away.

I take care of myself by making sure I am finished with everything I have to do, as to not have to worry about it. That way, I can be fully relaxed when practicing self care and I won't get distracted by my other duties and forget to take care of myself, which has happened before. I set aside time during the weekends to do whatever I am feeling like that day, whether this means going for a walk, practicing my photography, taking a nap, or watching Netflix. I feel like spending time doing the things I love without the anxiety of my schoolwork and chores is the best thing in terms of taking care of my mental health. For example, I love horseback riding, and I do it just for fun, not competitively. I have recently gotten a job at target to save for college and pay for my own horseback riding lessons. I insisted I pay instead of my parents because I wanted to go to this new, more expensive horseback riding place. I find that the quality of the lessons greatly reflects the price, and so I feel it is worth it. Doing this every other weekend makes me happy and is important to my mental health. At the same time, I am learning about money spending, working at a job and having it pay off by doing what I love.

I am always excited to wake up and I work out during my off seasons. I always finish my weekend homework on Friday night and I have completed a lot of personal projects. How am I able to motivate myself to complete all of these tasks so efficiently? The key is love. I associate things that take work and time with things that I love, and this helps me to complete everything. During the COVID-19 Pandemic, I discovered the world of podcasts. I only let myself listen to these, however, when I'm doing something that doesn't require me to think, but takes time and effort. For example, I am motivated to get ready for bed because I know that in the morning, I will let myself listen to a podcast while getting ready for school. This also helps me get up in the morning, plus the podcast wakes me up and engages my brain, getting it ready for a day of learning. I also like to listen to podcasts when stacking wood. As I live on a mountain in the middle of a forest in Vermont, we have a wood stove for heating our house. Every fall, my family has to spend weeks stacking our wood in the woodshed. I like to listen to music or podcasts while completing this. I love being able to have a day when I don't have to worry about my schoolwork. Knowing that I will have a stress-free weekend if I finish all of my schoolwork on Friday night, then I am motivated to do so. Finding what I loved and applying it to what I needed to do has helped me work harder and taught me how to anticipate a personal reward after finishing my work in an efficient and productive manor.