About one in eight people worldwide experience diagnosed mental health disorders. Nearly 50% begin by age fourteen, and 75% begin by age twenty-four. Over 60% of college students report experiencing overwhelming anxiety, and roughly 40% say it was difficult to function in any way. Mental health concerns are reported to be one of the top reasons college students seek counseling during their college career, and more than half of people experiencing these issues do not seek treatment or help. Mental health is a serious issue, and many people have become exceptionally skilled at hiding their depression. Furthermore, these statistics don’t include those whose difficulties go unnoticed.
Six years ago, my family moved across the country. While this should have been an exciting time, it quickly turned into an emotional nightmare. I had to leave all of my extended family behind, all of the friendships I had formed, everything familiar to me. The house my family moved into was a poorly flipped house. From the moment we stepped into the place that should have felt like home, endless issues emerged. These various, ongoing problems would continue over the next five years. As a result, with no friends, activities, and a distracted family, I entered the loneliest phase of my life.
I slipped into depression. It started with a hatred for myself, and turned into self-harm and many unwanted ideas and thoughts. For years I hid my inner turmoil, but the more I hid behind a curtain, the more problems I dealt with. Panic attacks became regular, scars became more seemingly permanent. Then one day, my mother snuck into my room and read my personal journal and deeply shook my world and trust. Now I had even more of a desire to not only outwardly hide my pain, but inwardly avoid it too by having no outlet for my feelings. It was all a spiral downward, and I felt trapped with no escape.
One day, out of boredom, I decided to teach myself piano. Little did I know that a seemingly simple keyboard instrument would change my life. I quickly realized how attuned to sound I was, and I discovered a beautifully sad way to process my emotions. Music became the outlet for all of my innermost feelings, an outlet for expressing myself in a way that I had never been able to do previously. I began studying composers and their lives, and how music was their outlet as well. Looking around me, everyone else in the world seemed so content and happy. Now I realize that I certainly have never been alone in my struggles, but just like me, many people have become exceptional at masking their turmoil. If I had known that even a year ago, I would have felt much less alone.
My depression and anxiety have shaped me into the person I am today. In realizing how impactful music is in my own life, I discovered a passion of mine. I’m attending Lee University to double major in a B.A. Music Composition emphasis and a B.S. in Music Technology. Additionally, I plan to minor in psychology. The composition emphasis allows me to continue addressing and writing music for self-expression in a way for others to relate to and understand. Music technology allows me to more efficiently produce my own music, and also aid other musicians in writing and producing their own works. After receiving my bachelors, I plan to use my psychology minor to attend a graduate school for a masters in music therapy. My ultimate dream is to give people the same outlet for their struggles that I have, utilizing music. Music therapy would be the perfect way for me to do so.
Other than discovering my hidden dream career path, my mental struggles have grown my understanding of relationships and the world as a whole. I know what it’s like to keep things hidden and buried for years at a time, and how easy (yet hard) it is to mask it all. I never want anybody to experience the inner pain that I went through, but I recognize how common of a struggle it really is. I’ve made it a goal of mine to help be an outlet for those people, inside and outside of music. I desire for everyone to feel seen, because if I had felt seen, I wouldn’t have felt so utterly alone. A kind word even goes a long way. My friends tell me that if they’re having a bad day, they simply look at me or think of me, and they immediately can’t help but smile. My goal is to bring joy and laughs to others, to be a ray of sunshine in the lives of those living in thunder clouds. I also want to cry and sorrow beside other people, to let them know that I know what it feels like, to let them know that I’m there for them… and to let them know that they are far from alone.