It was brought to my attention some months ago that my sense of humor was maybe a little too sarcastic. One of my friends told me my jokes were often too sarcastic and were sometimes hard to tell whether they were jokes or not. Since this conversation, I have constantly strived every day to the opposite. Instead of making teasing jokes, I try to make encouraging comments. It can be from anything as small as telling someone they're good at guitar to noticing when someone is not okay and taking the time to sit down and talk with them. It's amazing how much a simple compliment can brighten a day. In a world where it seems everyone seems to be struggling with self-worth or finding meaning in their lives, we need to remind each other of the things we see in each other. Calling out people's talents and/or good qualities can have a much larger effect than we might expect. Noticing when people seem down is another way in which we have the opportunity to love and encourage others. Rather than giving people space and letting them deal with their own struggles, when I see someone hurting, I always ask them if they want to talk about what's going on. This way, it leaves it up to them. They don't have to talk if they don't want to, but they know that I care and am here for them if they need. I also sometimes give people little gifts when they seem down. Whether it's just some snacks, a drink or something bigger, gifts can cheer someone up much more than it would seem. Even though material things don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, the knowledge that we are thinking of them can help a lot.

Growing up as an Asian American adopted into a white American family, something I am very passionate is social work, specifically pertaining to orphans and children in rough home situations. Growing up not knowing who my biological parents were or why I had been abandoned on a street in China bothered me much throughout my childhood, and still does. I hope to be able to work with children in similar situations and help them. I have several other friends who have been adopted and a few who have grown up in abusive family situations. Hearing about my friends' stories and struggles that resulted from their childhood family situations has instilled in me a strong passion for helping those with poor family situations. Our families are generally the people we spend/should spend the most time with throughout our childhood. What our family is like does matter, whether we like it or not. I have seen the effects of growing up in a bad family situation in my friends and their stories have broken my heart. Personally I understand some of the struggles of being adopted. I hope to pursue a degree in sociology so that I can better help children struggling through their childhoods.

To be independent to me does not mean being a complete loner who does not, or claims to not need anyone. Rather, I think being independent means choosing to interact with others but simply in a healthy way, one that derives joy and love from relationships, but not identity. I used to place all my identity in others' affirmation of me. When I didn't get the affection or love I felt I needed, I would be crushed. Then for awhile, in an attempt to "fix myself," I withdrew from community so I wouldn't get hurt. But the real solution lies somewhere in between. We must learn to engage and interact with others in a way that does not allow us to become too attached. We must be confident in ourselves. As someone who has gone through both extremes of community and isolation from others, independence is an idea I have wrestled with all my life. While I may be getting better at understanding my place in the world and among others, I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go. Yet independence is something so vital to our mental well-being, and so I will continue to pursue further understanding of this. I hope that others would also be able to find comprehension of this, and that I could help those around me in any way possible in this.

I used to be very insecure of myself. I put all my identity in other people, putting way too much stock in their affection and affirmation of me. Because of this, every day I didn't hang out with my friends as much as I thought it would, or someone made the smallest degrading comment, it would destroy me. I have since learned to find my idenity elsewhere. My faith is the place I now put the majority of my identity. In a world--and everything in it--that is temporary, the only truly unchanging thing in my life is God. I can put my hope and peace in God knowing that he will never fail me. This has helped me to remain joyful even in rough times and bad days. My joy no longer can be uprooted by small tribulations. This does not mean that I never get sad or down, but in these times, I still choose joy. A lot of my development came from this very understanding: joy is not a feeling; it is a choice. Even when things take a turn for a worse, and when I don't feel the best, I can still choose to look on the "bright side" and find happiness in other things in my life.

Growing up as an Asian adoptee in a white family, I know a decent amount about diversity. I know that some people treat certain types of people differently, whether that treatment is on purpose or not. I've seen this firsthand. At times people don't mean to be offensive, and at other times, they do. One of the biggest things we can do, and that I do in my community, is to hold each other accountable. When somebody says something that is out of line, simply calling them out on it, telling them that it's too far, can go a long way. We also must be vulnerable with our own feelings, telling others when something upsets us. If people never know that something they say or deos bothers someone else, they have no reason to stop. Therefore, holding each other up to a high standard of compassion is very important. Another thing that I personally do is attempt to hang out or talk with those who seem to get less attention. Whether it's because of race, gender, sexuality or even personality, there are people in every community who tend to get overlooked or fall through the cracks. One of the easiest ways to prevent this is to simply check in on people, and to be their friend. Make sure people know you love them. Things like these, simple as calling out someone when they step over the line or making time to talk to someone who you usually might not, help advance equality and among diverse groups of people more than might be expected... While long-winded speeches may be helpful, one must live out their practice in everyday life. We must begin with the small things, because they really matter more than we understand them to.

Although there are many things that bring me joy in life, something that consistently cheers me up no matter what mood I am in is helping other people. Whether it is giving someone a spontaneous gift, helping them out with chores or homework, or simply having a good conversation with them, such things make me happier than anything I could do for myself. While this may seem strange, helping other people has the effect of helping me get my eyes off myself and onto other people. My life may not be perfect, but I have a tendency to focus on myself and wallow in self-pity when things don't go the way I expect or want. Doing things for other people not only helps me to see other peoples' suffering and realize the triviality of my own problems, but also makes me happy because I get to make others' happy. Bringing others joy has always been something that has helped me as much as them. Doing things for someone else simply makes me feel good about myself. A large part of that can likely be attributed to usefulness. Having the ability to be able to make a difference, whether in my life or another's, gives me a sense of purpose. That feeling of being needed gives me the affirmation that I often look for in the wrong places. And of course, I really do love getting to see other people's days a lot brighter. I frequently internalize other people's pain into my own heart, and oftentimes find myself feeling what exactly what others are feeling. So getting to lift those people's spirits really does lift mine as well.

My favorite book of all time is The Great Gatsby. I love Gatsby's naivety and the twist ending that shows us the truth of life, how it cannot always go how we wish, as Gatsby believed. Yet while this book is unmeasurably profound to me, it isn't necessarily the most inspiring. In the end, the book is rather depressing, the message condemning the American Dream and essentially the idea of being positive about life. Therefore, I cannot say that this is the most inspiring book I have read. Instead, I would have to say that the most inspiring book is Becoming by Clint Gresham. The SuperBowl winning Seahawk player visited my church camp the summer before my freshman year. The theme of his sermons was self-worth. As someone who has constantly struggled with this idea, his message, that we were loved by God as we are and don't need peoples affirmation, struck something deep within me. I didn't completely stop caring about what people thought after this summer camp, but it gave me interest in the psychology as well the the theology of it. I read his book Becoming, which went deeper into the idea of self-worth and how that fits into Christianity. The book spoke of codependency, confidence and several other sub-themes of self-worth. Reading about the Christian perspective of this was completely mind-blowing for me. I still continue to struggle with caring to much about others' pereceptions of me, but at times, remembering this book reminds me that God sent his one and only Son to die for me and that while there is nothing wrong with striving to be better, I am loved and worthy of love just as I am.

Growing up, I hated Christian contemporary music. On top of simply not liking the style, it felt to me as if every song was repeating some cheap platitude to remind the listeners of something they'd heard a million times. But there was one song that I loved, and played a significant role in me reviving my faith. I grew up Christian, but had a very rocky faith throughout the years, having an on-and-off relationship with religion. The song "Come As You Are" by David Leonard has consistently encouraged and inspired me. The lyrics are written as if from the perspective of God, telling us that we can come the way we are, broken and lost, that we are never too far away from Him. In times where I have felt unloved or as if I was too much of a sinner, this song has reminded me I am loved just the way I am. These truths do not excuse me from striving to be better, but they remind me that God still cares about me and loves me exactly where I am at. Not only is this song encouraging, but it inspires me to lean on God more. I easily get caught up in those around me, seeking feelings of affection and comfort from others. There's a verse in the song that says, "You can find rest in Me You can find hope and peace It's something to cling to Daily it meets you and it started today" These words serve as a reminder that I need to find rest, peace and love in God alone. Whenever I feel as if I'm not measuring up, whether by society's standards or God's, I can find unconditional love in my everlasting Father.

I'm currently attending Vanguard, the Gap Year of Wheaton College. With only twenty five "Vanguards" and about twenty five graduate students, the small community is extremely close. A specific example of the support of this community was when I was having a bad day. One of the members of the community noticed and asked how I was. I've grown accustomed to giving the automatic response of "Good, how are you?" I feel that has always been the expected reply when I am asked how I’m doing. But when I said this, the friend said, "That wasn't just a polite question. I actually want to know." I opened up a little with this person. While the he could not change the situation, it made my day much better knowing that someone really cared about me. Through such encounters, my own definition of friendship has been reformed. One day, one of the Vanguards I regularly hang out with kept disappearing without telling anyone where he was going. Eventually, I followed him, asking if he was okay. Of course he gave the automatic response, saying he was. Yet it was obvious he was not. With a bit of pushing, I was able to get the truth. When he realized the care I had for his well-being, he felt safe opening up to me. He shared some of the struggles in his life. Just as the my other friend wasn't able to do anything to change my situation, all I could do was listen and assure him I was there if he needed anything. Yet it was enough. That student has become one of my best friends. Since understanding the impact of such conversations, I've tried to make sure I'm periodically checking up on everyone, even those I may not be as close with.

I've always sought affection in other people. Throughout middle and high school, I was a chameleon; I would change the way I acted around different people to try to fit in and impress them. I would never get the affirmation or affection I was looking for. I've begun to learn to love myself for who I am; other people will never give me enough of what I need. This isn't their fault. I always have and still sought deeper connections and love than most people are comfortable with. But what it does mean is that I need to learn to love myself. Something that I love about myself is the way I care for others. I do this largely because of the way I feel as if I have not received the love I need from others. In the same way, I know the love I give cannot be perfect, but I try to do my best to show others my love for them. I regularly check up on people and ask how they are, or get them random little gifts. It's incredible how much these small gestures can mean to others. I love watching their faces when they realize how much I actually care about them. I don't want my friendships to be shallow, and I'm proud of the way I pursue friendships. I hope that my friends realize how much I love and care about them. Though I've had very few friendships that went deeper than surface level, the few that I have had have been extremely impactful, even life-changing for me. My hope is that I can provide that same impactfulness to others by loving and caring for them well.

Growing up, it was easy for me to focus on all the bad things that were happening in my life. I spent the majoirity of my childhood in a constant state of feeling sorry for myself, a habit it is still easy for me to slip into. But recently, I have realized something. Bad things are going to happen to you, no matter what. Though this is such a universally known fact and simple statement, there was always a part of me that believed maybe if I did this, or maybe if this would just happen, my life could be completely perfect. Acknowledging that bad things will occur to everyone, regardless of their actions or good karma or whatever helped me understand that there were two options for me. I could continue as I had been for the my entire life, falling into a state of helplessness and pity partying every time anything went wrong, or I could stop looking at what I don't have and start looking at what I do. Instead of looking at everything that's gone wrong, I could look at all I have. Though it's seems so easy and something that everybody knows they should do, putting into practice was a completely different thing. How do we live gratitude out in our everyday lives? Though it's easy to give friends and family verbally, living it out and showing that gratitude is sometimes harder. A lot of that involves being kind, patient and loving to them, even when it's not easy. What's even harder is learning to be thankful for the things that are happening in my life. Who do I thank? I've found praying and giving thanks to God and his divine plan has given me an avenue to give thanks to.

True friendship and authentic community were concepts that were unfamiliar to me until three months ago. My friendships growing up were shallow. All we ever did was joke around. It wasn’t until I went to HoneyRock that I discovered what I had been missing. Unsure of what I wanted to do after high school, I decided to take a gap year and found Vanguard, a program through Wheaton College. Throughout my first semester at HoneyRock I have learned what real friendship truly looks like. With only twenty five "Vanguards," the community is extremely close. The friends I have made there already know me better than people from home who have known me since kindergarten. The level of care in the HoneyRock community was a culture shock. A specific example of this love was apparent when I was having a bad day. One of the Fellows (who are similar to RAs) noticed and asked how I was. I have grown accustomed to giving the automatic response of "Good, how are you?" because that has always been the expected reply when I am asked how I’m doing. Culture has shifted the meaning of the phrase "How are you?" from being a genuine question to an empty greeting. When I gave this automatic answer, the Fellow said, "That wasn't just a polite question. I actually want to know." I was able to open up and be vulnerable with this person. While the Fellow could not change how I felt, it made my day much better just knowing that someone really noticed and cares about me. Since then, I have begun simply asking my friends and others around me how they are and meaning it. I was shocked to learn how much knowing someone cares, even if they can't really help, makes a difference.

Among the Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and Hunger Games series, choosing my favorite book was nearly impossible. But out of all the books I've read in my life, surprisingly, my mind lands on one I read during school. I ususally am not a fan of English-curriculum books, but The Great Gatsby shocked me. While I do love the 20s area, I was expecting the Great Gatsby to be a sappy love story where everything turns out completely perfectly in the end (I'm extremely averse to "happily ever after" endings). So you can imagine my surprise when in the end, Daisy hits and kills someone in a car, stays with Tom, and Gatsby himself is mistaken for the killer and murdered in his pool. Something about Gatsby's unfading hope that everything would turn out right and in the end, nothing going right, struck a chord with me. I saw so much of myself in him. Though my life has not been easy, I have always remained hopeful that things would get better soon. Some of the time it doesn't and some times it does, but it always goes downhill at some point. I've had to learn to be happy with life as it is, to choose happiness with what I have, even as life isn't going my way or understanding that the good times that I may be in won't last long. Though I've since come to understand a new way of living, I love this book because it pointed out the flaws of being naively hopeful as well as resonating with me in the way Gatsby saw his own life. Even one hundred years after it was written, The Great Gatsby remains poignant and relevant.

I hope that my legacy would be that of a kind, loving person, of a friend. I know that legacy is usually used in terms of being famous or a philanthropist or doing something great and world-changing, but, none of that matters to me anymore. At one point, of course it did, and to some extent, I still want to do great things, but I've realized something: great things don't necessarily mean big things. It doesn't mean solving world hunger or bringing about world peace. What great things means to me is being a good person. If we live our lives being the best person we can, big things will likely follow- but it isn't the big things that we should strive for. I recently had a class that helped me understand something very similar, and in my opinion, connected. In the class we discussed the will of God- discovering what college he wanted us to attend, which person was the spouse designated for us, what career we should pursue. My teachers' belief was that in the end, it none of that stuff really matters. As long as you can glorify God in your education, your relationship and your career, and show his love to others, then you are living his will, and there's no path you can choose that is outside of that. I believe the same of legacy. I want my legacy to be in the small things. And maybe because of those small things, big things will follow. But I don't plan on chasing some huge dream, because ultimately, what really matters, what people will really remember, is the person I was, not the things I did.

I didn't know what true friendship or authentic community was until three months ago. My friendships growing up were shallow. I never felt comfortable having serious conversations with my friends, because all we ever did was joke around. It was impossible to tell when they were having a bad day, because they would disguise it with humor, so I did the same. It wasn't until I went to HoneyRock that I discovered what I had been missing out on. Unsure what I wanted to do after high school, I decided to take a gap year and found Vanguard, a program through Wheaton College. Vanguard takes place in the Northwoods of Wisconsin, on the same campus (HoneyRock) that hosts six hundred children during their summer camps. Throughout my first semester at HoneyRock I have learned what friendship truly looks like. With only twenty five "Vanguards" and about twenty five graduate students, the community is extremely close. The friends I have made there already know me better than people from home who have known me with since kindergarten. The level of care in the HoneyRock community was a culture shock. A specific example of this love was apparent when I was having a bad day. One of the Fellows (who are similar to RAs and lead the work rotations Vanguards participate in three days a week) noticed and asked how I was. I have grown accustomed to giving the automatic response of "Good, how are you?" because that has always been the expected reply when I am asked how I'm doing. Culture has shifted the meaning of the phrase "How are you?" from being a genuine question to an empty greeting. When I gave this automatic answer, the Fellow said, "That wasn't just a polite question. I actually want to know." I was able to open up and be vulnerable with this person. While the Fellow could not change how I felt, it made my day much better just knowing that someone really noticed and cared about me. Experiences similar to this have occurred to me regularly. Through these encounters, HoneyRock has redefined my definition of community. In a genuine friendship, you can feel safe being truthful about how you are doing; you support each other and hold one another accountable. My time at HoneyRock has helped me understand this and taught me how to be a true friend. One day, one of the vanguards I regularly hang out with kept disappearing without telling anyone where he was going. Eventually, I followed him, asking if he was okay. Of course he gave the automatic response, saying he was okay. Yet it was obvious he was not. With a bit of pushing, I was able to get the truth out of him. When he realized the care I had for his well-being, he felt safe opening up to me. His older sister, estranged from the family, had just gotten divorced for a second time, leaving her to support her young child alone. On top of that, one of this student's friends had recently committed suicide, and he was battling feelings of guilt. Just as the fellow wasn't able to do anything to change my situation, all I could do was listen and assure him I was there if he needed anything.Yet it was enough. That student has become one of my best friends there. He has been there for me in the same ways. Without that element of support and vulnerability, we wouldn't have the friendship we do.

Growing up not knowing who my biological parents were, or what the circumstances surrounding my birth were, I often wondered what it was about me that caused my parents to leave me on a sidewalk in Kunming. The motive may have been purely money-concerned. My birth parents may have known I would be better off in an orphanage than living with them in their current economic status. Possibly they already had another child, and the one-child policy that was in place in China at the time forced them to abandon me. Or maybe they left me in light of the foot deformity that I was born with. As I grew up, questions of alienation continued to follow me. Because I was one of the few Chinese people in a small, predominantly white town, I often felt as if I were separated from my peers. There were very few cases of actual direct racism, but I could not shake the feeling of being “different.” As I go through the gap year I am doing, called Vanguard, located at HoneyRock and through Wheaton College, that feeling of being different no longer lingers. As a tight Christian community, I feel as if the people at HoneyRock really understand that all people, regardless of gender, race, adoption status, physical deformity and economic status are all equal and united as one. This change has been so amazing for me, and I hope to be able to help others feel this same sense of belonging that I have felt. Growing up as an adopted Asian in a small, mostly white town, my goal is to become a social worker, specifically an adoption specialist, where I can not only help Asians and other races find a loving, caring family as I have, but to also to be able to feel accepted and to become confident in our knowledge that we are equal in every way to any and ever other race, not more and not less. Several of my friends and people I know have been adopted, and getting the opportunity to hear their various and diverse stories has led me to understand the flaws in the adoption system, whether American or Chinese. I hope that I can contribute to, or even begin my own orphanage that has the goal of not only finding a loving family for each of the children, but to also use the time that they are with us to grow their spirits, to help them understand that they are loved, no matter what color their skin must be. I can't be grateful enough to the people who have helped me understand this, and I would love to be able to get to provide that same sense of acceptance for others.