For a majority of my life, I lived under the rules and stipulations of the society that we live in. In high school, after meeting one of my closest friends, I realized that what I understood about myself under the ramifications of such a society was no longer what I wanted for myself. The mere thought of seeing myself live under societal expectations felt like my head was trapped under a guillotine.
It took that very best friend, someone non-binary that asked me questions- hard truths and pills to swallow about my own experiences living under a religious household, to help me realize my own departure from society’s barriers when it comes to that binary; imposed gender roles, guilt whenever I experience self perceived failure to meet these imposed standards, and the ever compounding pressure of “how things should be”.
I always wondered why being around girls tended to feel so isolating and why my interests were tomboyish. Those were my thoughts throughout elementary and middle school. But in these interests, I found myself subconsciously feeling more myself when I remove the compulsion to feel feminine. Gender dysphoria is a new experience I’ve been trying to navigate for the past eight months, despite realizing my nonbinary identity for the past six years. While femininity used to be a dear friend, it’s within the perception of others where my sense of self fails to understand how, more often than not, people see and assume that a person’s body is the sole determinant factor as to who they are. Attached to realizing my compulsory heterosexuality and trying to be kinder to myself. Redefining the kind of person I was and the person I want to become. Someone who, despite these limited frames of thinking, is able to be themself and inspire others to explore their own experiences without fear of judgement of others.
It took that very best friend, so passionate about art and critical thinking, to encourage myself into joining the art club, and pursuing my joy of art to then be recognized by our teachers into giving me more opportunities than just a hobby. After delving into the art world, both in real life and online, I’ve found the means and opportunities of which I can express myself more holistically: both within a community already surrounded by expression and the complexities of the human existence.
Growing up, I used to feel so excited watching someone Hispanic on screen rather than the typical white complexioned depiction. My favorite movie was watching the Princess and The Frog when it released in theaters, even if we got there late. And while there are no clear, racial codings when it comes to Wall-E, I saw something Hispanic and inherently queer within that determination to live in a post apocalyptic world for a robot as scraggly as I was.
Now, I feel that same joy when it comes to queer representation. My favorite movies shifting to Nimona and Mitchells vs. the Machines. There’s a relatability in being someone society, so desperately wants to confine in a box of their own design, as that very box wasn’t constructed in the first place, as if it were a universal truth rather than a decided one. A standard that everyone is held to, with millions of different walks of life, is bound to exclude 99% of that million.
Art and expressionism goes hand-in-hand with my aspiration to represent marginalized communities. The same ones that I call home.
For my career, I hope to be able to share minority and queer experiences through the very media I consumed that helped me believe in my ability to be unapologetically me. And what it means to discover oneself and having the chance to do so, without shame. I strive to teach art and express the complexities of being LGBT+ through graphic novels. Writing and creating is a passion, while at some points, a means of escapism it allows for deep criticisms regarding the way we categorize ourselves in this world of inevitable multitudes.
I want to show the future generation that change is being made and instead of the current political climate wanting to do everything in it’s power to make education less accessible for the LGBT community, we have and will continue to make progress towards acceptance, inclusion, and diversity.
I'm currently entering my senior year of my undergraduate degree, looking to apply to master degree programs for visual storytelling, cartoon studies, and visual novels alike. I hope to be able to teach at a high school level and above, these years having been when I began to question and consider my lived experience, values, and gender/sexuality identities. I'm currently building a portfolio of art as diverse as the queer community through multitudes of different mediums. While my own inclinations are towards graphic novels and digital art, I have a fondness for photography, life drawing, and intaglio. This way, I'm more readily prepared to share my knowledge of any given medium to adhere to whichever niche a student may find.
During these subsequent years of hardship for the queer community, I want to cultivate a safe environment for students, like me, to feel comfortable expressing themselves and experimenting in what it means to be themselves.