“Struggling is inevitable; suffering is optional.” This Buddhist phrase will forever be with me as it brought about a turning point in my life. Conceived amidst a failing marriage afoot an affair, the stress and pain that my mother was experiencing during my gestation was the foundation for my cellular growth. My mother’s feelings of inadequacy permeated my early years, growing into semi-debilitating perfectionism until it metastasized into an epic battle with depression, anxiety, self-mutilation and self-medication. Various medical professionals told me I’d never be stable enough to leave medications and occasional hospitalizations behind: my future seemed bleak. After a couple suicide attempts and my darkest years, a wise therapist imparted upon me that Buddhist wisdom at 18 years old. Things started to change, slowly but surely. In struggle, I recognized my own power and that I did in fact have control over my pain. I became dedicated to healing and made a commitment to continue to better myself: I invested in the notion that healthy communities begin with individuals capable of self-love. I sought counseling, did journaling work, went to college for art and psychology, eased off medications, and fought to keep my substance abuse in check. It took several years, but I arrived to my mid-20's strong, equipped with many tools for self-regulation, and 5 years-free of medication and drugs. Around age 26, I encountered birth work in the processing of my past and sexual abuse-induced PTSD. The work helped me to understand elements of my personal experience while learning tools to support birthing parents in their processes. Learning empowered me to change negative patterns, better balance myself, and continue to be a better person for myself and others. I continued to seek out opportunities to push to the edges of my discomfort to find what could blossom in the fertile soils of challenge. I took a 19 month motorcycle trip through Latin America to volunteer with midwives, pick up Spanish, journey in a soulful sense, and learn with an open heart. I became certified in healing modalities such as Reiki and Emotional Freedom Technique as I apprenticed with one midwife and later volunteered as a birth assistant to another. In working alongside an incredible array of women, I arrived at the conclusion that my next step was to become a certified nurse midwife. Upon my return to the US, I immediately enrolled to start taking my nursing prerequisite classes. Flash forward to today, I am in my first semester at the University of New Mexico's College of Nursing. I plan to attend UNM for my masters in nurse-midwifery as well. I am so honored to be working to coalesce my passion and experience with a profession. In my over 12 year journey of returning to self, I feel more resolute and connected to my purpose than I perhaps ever could have without the tribulations. I truly feel grateful for the perspective that my darkest moments have gifted me. I absolutely still have heavy, difficult days, but I feel far more able to hold myself gently and remember that "this too shall pass." For me, I feel that becoming a nurse and subsequently a nurse-midwife are continuations in honoring the commitment I made to forever heal myself to heal those around me. I look so forward to extending the same compassion to others that I needed in many moments of my past.

“Struggling is inevitable; suffering is optional.” This Buddhist phrase will forever be with me as it brought about a turning point in my life. Conceived amidst a failing marriage afoot an affair, the stress and pain that my mother was experiencing during my gestation was the foundation for my cellular growth. My mother’s feelings of inadequacy permeated my early years, growing into semi-debilitating perfectionism until it metastasized into an epic battle with depression, anxiety, self-mutilation and self-medication. Various medical professionals told me I’d never be stable enough to leave medications and occasional hospitalizations behind: my future seemed bleak. After my darkest years, a wise therapist imparted upon me that Buddhist wisdom at 18 years old. Things started to change, slowly but surely. In struggle, I recognized my own power and that I did in fact have control over my pain. I became dedicated to healing and made a commitment to continue to better myself: I invested in the notion that healthy communities begin with individuals capable of self-love. I sought counseling, did journaling work, went to college for art and psychology, eased off medications, and fought to keep my substance abuse in check. It took several years, but I arrived to my mid-20's strong, equipped with many tools for self-regulation, and 5 years-free of medication and drugs. Around age 26, I encountered birth work in the processing of my past and sexual abuse-induced PTSD. The work helped me to understand elements of my personal experience while learning tools to support birthing parents in their processes. Learning empowered me to change negative patterns, better balance myself, and continue to be a better person for myself and others. I continued to seek out opportunities to push to the edges of my discomfort to find what could blossom in the fertile soils of challenge. I took a 19 month motorcycle trip through Latin America to volunteer with midwives, pick up Spanish, journey in a soulful sense, and learn with an open heart. I became certified in healing modalities such as Reiki and Emotional Freedom Technique as I apprenticed with one midwife and later volunteered as a birth assistant to another. In working alongside an incredible array of women, I arrived at the conclusion that my next step was to become a certified nurse midwife. Upon my return to the US, I immediately enrolled to start taking my nursing prerequisite classes. Flash forward to today, I am in my first semester at the University of New Mexico's College of Nursing. I plan to attend UNM for my masters in nurse-midwifery as well. I am so honored to be working to coalesce my passion and experience with a profession. In my over 12 year journey of returning to self, I feel more resolute and connected to my purpose than I perhaps ever could have without the tribulations. I truly feel grateful for the perspective that my darkest moments have gifted me. Becoming a nurse and subsequently a nurse-midwife are continuations in honoring the commitment I made to forever better myself to heal those around me. Each day is an opportunity to learn and grow, and even on the most stressful of days, I return to the refuge of wisdom: I might be struggling, but I don't have to suffer.

“Struggling is inevitable; suffering is optional.” This Buddhist phrase will forever be with me as it brought about a turning point in my life. Conceived amidst a failing marriage afoot an affair, the stress and pain that my mother was experiencing during my gestation was the foundation for my cellular growth. My mother’s feelings of inadequacy permeated my early years, growing into semi-debilitating perfectionism until it metastasized into an epic battle with depression, anxiety, self-mutilation and self-medication. Various medical professionals told me I’d never be stable enough to leave medications and occasional hospitalizations behind: my future seemed bleak. After my darkest years, a wise therapist imparted upon me that Buddhist wisdom at 18 years old. Things started to change, slowly but surely. In struggle, I recognized my own power and that I did in fact have control over my pain. I became dedicated to healing and made a commitment to continue to better myself: I invested in the notion that healthy communities begin with individuals capable of self-love. I sought counseling, did journaling work, went to college for art and psychology, eased off medications, and fought to keep my substance abuse in check. It took several years, but I arrived to my mid-20's strong, equipped with many tools for self-regulation, and 5 years-free of medication and drugs. Around age 26, I encountered birth work in the processing of my past and sexual abuse-induced PTSD. The work helped me to understand elements of my personal experience while learning tools to support birthing parents in their processes. Learning empowered me to change negative patterns, better balance myself, and continue to be a better person for myself and others. I continued to seek out opportunities to push to the edges of my discomfort to find what could blossom in the fertile soils of challenge. I took a 19 month motorcycle trip through Latin America to volunteer with midwives, pick up Spanish, journey in a soulful sense, and learn with an open heart. I became certified in healing modalities such as Reiki and Emotional Freedom Technique as I apprenticed with one midwife and later volunteered as a birth assistant to another. In working alongside an incredible array of women, I arrived at the conclusion that my next step was to become a certified nurse midwife. Upon my return to the US, I immediately enrolled to start taking my nursing prerequisite classes. Flash forward to today, I am in my first semester at the University of New Mexico's College of Nursing. I plan to attend UNM for my masters in nurse-midwifery as well. I am so honored to be working to coalesce my passion and experience with a profession. In my over 12 year journey of returning to self, I feel more resolute and connected to my purpose than I perhaps ever could have without the tribulations. I truly feel grateful for the perspective that my darkest moments have gifted me. Becoming a nurse and subsequently a nurse-midwife are continuations in honoring the commitment I made to forever better myself to heal those around me.

I am currently working on connecting my passion with profession. My history of sexual trauma brought me to birth work. I became a doula before setting out on a 19 month motorcycle trip through Latin America to volunteer with midwives, pick up Spanish, and learn with an open, compassionate heart. In working alongside an incredible array of women, I arrived at the conclusion that my next step was to become a Certified Nurse Midwife. I am currently within my first semester at the University of New Mexico's College of Nursing. I was drawn to UNM because of its focus on equity, inclusion, and social justice. I also chose it for its midwifery program. This grant would help me to continue pursuing my Bachelor of Science in Nursing so that I can work toward my Master of Science in Nurse-Midwifery afterward. This level of education is important to me because—in addition to birth work—I would like to be able to offer full-spectrum women's health services. Before going for my masters, I am really looking forward to practicing for a brief period as a Labor and Delivery Nurse upon graduating with my BSN. After gleaning some experience, I will then pursue my masters to become a Certified Nurse Midwife. In my future as a Nurse-Midwife, I plan to open a center for women facing homelessness, abuse, or other hardship within pregnancy. Pregnant individuals would be invited to come live in community throughout their prenatal and postpartum periods. Involving community care providers, the center would offer birth preparation, postpartum support, access to nourishing foods, and safe space. Rather than offering services that require these women to fit into an impertinent mold, the emphasis would instead be on teaming up with other providers to offer relevant care that celebrates each of their cultural and community identities. The center would also serve as a general women’s health clinic offering contraceptive, abortive, and prenatal care on a sliding scale. I would be practicing as a home birth midwife as well to sustain my practice and offerings for low-income folks. The current disparities within maternity care are heartbreaking and unacceptable. The see and hear People of Color—not just the mothers that I'd like to be working with, but also in the team of care providers I plan to work alongside—is a commitment that I will make throughout my career. No matter where I end up practicing as a midwife, I know that it will involve community-based, compassionate care for those that are systematically denied access to quality providers. Grants such as these are imperative for making my dreams to support and care for others a reality.

In 2017, I was accepted to a volunteer doula program in Costa Rica and decided how to learn a motorcycle to arrive there from Oakland, CA. I took a safety class, trained, got licensed, saved, bought a motorcycle, and left a couple months afterward. I made it down, lived at a hostel for indigenous families, apprenticed with a midwife, and later volunteered as a birth assistant in Guatemala. Respect, curiosity, compassion, and tenacity enabled me to connect and adapt in ways I never thought possible. Nineteen months, nine countries, and infinite memories later, I returned forever changed for the better.