The characteristics I value most in myself are my drive and determination. My drive and determination motivate me to move forward in life and work towards achieving my life’s purpose. And when I set myself out to achieve something, I will achieve it. In my life’s journey, these characteristics have motivated me to work even harder when faced with overwhelming circumstances. I have not lived an easy life. Living in residential treatment facilities for the past two and a half years, surviving an overdose attempt, pushing through the loss of my best friend, and continuing to work even when the odds seemed stacked against me, my life falls short of perfect. My drive and determination helped me to overcome these odds and move forward in my life. I value these characteristics in myself because they have helped set the foundation for me to rise to my goals. This past year, my determination and drive helped me as I managed to graduate high school a year early, despite going to several different high schools, achieved a 31 on my ACT after only two weeks of studying, and helped me to repair relationships with my family and friends that had once seemed broken beyond hope. My motto in life is to change the world even if it is just one world. I strongly believe that my determination will help me to fulfill my life’s purpose of changing as many worlds as possible. My drive is parallel to my passion, keeping me motivated even when one more step seems virtually impossible. My determination helps me to be resilient and quickly bounce back from inevitable setbacks, while my drive combines with my determination to help me take that next step. My drive and determination helps me to pursue my passions and purposes. They help me to be the best person I can be, not only for those around me but also for myself. I believe that since these characteristics have helped me overcome so much already, that they will continue to help me rise to my standards and show me my capability, helping me to achieve the best for myself and as many lives as I can inspire. No matter what life decides to throw at me I know that I am capable of continuing on instead of staying stuck in a spiral. It took me a while to learn this, but in the end my determination helped me to hold on by the skin of my teeth and my drive propelled me to grab the edge and pull myself up. Overall, my drive and determination will continue to help me earn success and become the person I was meant to be.

My passion in life has always been to help others. The motivation to create change is the drive that helped me to create my sense of purpose. My motto is to change the world even if it is just one world. Through my passion, I have chosen my career path, served as a volunteer, and committed my life to my cause. The most impact my passion has had on me is through my decision in choosing a career. Art has also always been one of my passions in life, since a young age I have been an incredible artist. For me art is a release of everything where words fall short and gives me the ability to connect with my emotions and help other people express theirs. For a while I claimed that art was just my hobby and I didn’t want to follow it as a career path. However, as my passion to help others grew, I realized that art was the best path to follow that allowed me to help as many people as possible. Now, I want to be a high school art teacher so as to help kids connect with the same outlet that helped me through so much. Art helped me through some very tough moments in my life. As a survivor, art helped me to communicate my emotions and not just tell, but show people what I was going through. I was able to show every color trapped inside my brain and show every emotion that kept me growing and all the ones that threatened to hold me back. Art impacted me through being able to communicate pent up feelings through healthy expression of them. Helping people experience that same release is my passion in life, especially those who would otherwise not have access to it. I want to be able to give kids those resources so they can feel as inspiration takes roots and blooms into brilliant colors. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to care a little to completely change the course of someone's life. Inspiring people to change also inspired me to change. Everyone who showed me not only how to survive but how to thrive, inspired me to give back in memory of all of them. They never had the lives they deserved so I want to create a better space for people to live in. I want everyone to have the best in life and my passion helps me achieve my purpose of changing as many worlds as possible.

So many people slip through the cracks, unnoticed as they silently drown. I have talked to many of these people over the years who are now standing on solid foundations. I found that they all will tell you the same story when you ask them what changed. They just met that person. The person who went out of their way to make them smile, who dropped everything to listen to perceived injustices others considered trivial, the person who genuinely cared. Sometimes all it takes to save someone’s life is to ask them how their day went and then just listen. So I try to be that person for everyone. I get firsthand what it is like to be in that ocean without hope, so I show up in other people’s with a life raft. Jeremy was one of those people. I met him in a stabilization facility in December of 2021. Specifically the 29th, which I remember because it was the same day everyone except me tested positive for Covid. I am not going to lie, I thought he was weird at first. He always wore a hat and he didn’t speak up much. On top of that, he was always writing in a little journal he carried with him everywhere. However, since everyone else was in quarantine, he was the only person I could talk to. Our first interaction was taking photos together with gaudy new year’s eve apparel and scooping ice cream. Soon we bagan to sit behind the fireplace at night and talk for hours until the staff would yell at us to go to bed. Once I got to know him that was it. We became inseparable and I still consider him one of my best friends today. Before I left he wrote me a note telling me about how much all those hours of talking meant. Battling mental health struggles is no small task and me being there to support him helped him learn to receive the help he needed. He equally had a profound impact on me. He kept me sane through all those months and helped me to become vulnerable and discover what it felt like to be and have a true friend. He inspired me to be the best version of myself. Jeremy lifted me up and was my rock through all of my ups and downs. We trusted each other like we had never trusted before. Because of Jeremy, I continue to keep an open mind and be vulnerable with people I would not normally be comfortable with. I want to continue to have that bond with people and inspire them to be the person they want to be. I want to have that significance in people’s lives, to be the person who cares and gives them space to fall and get back up again. While many people will continue to slip through the cracks, I hope I can provide relief and help them make the ladder to climb back up. I hope to inspire them to pay it forward, like Jeremy did with me. Everyone has the ability to feel the joy that comes from being a friend, and I am grateful that Jeremy helped me create that ability with him.

I’ve loved horses since a very young age. However, I grew up in Boston and there are not many horse pastures in the downtown concrete jungle. I moved to North Carolina after I graduated from 5th grade and was ecstatic to learn that there would be horse farms just miles down the road from my house. Shortly after, my mom signed me up to volunteer at a local farm called ‘Horses for Hope’. I volunteered as a groomer and would brush the horses down before the riders would mount them for therapy. I fell even more in love with horses. I volunteered on and off for years and fell more in love with it everytime. One day I was volunteering and the coordinator asked me if I could be a sidewalker, someone who walked next to the horses to ensure that the kids did not fall off. As I walked beside the horse and rider, a young boy with autism about 8 years old, he kept grabbing at my shoulder and squealing with delight as we did a short, easy trail ride. I knew immediately that I wanted to take my experience deeper and become a leader (someone who led the horses as they were mounted) or a sidewalker. This experience happened when I was in 8th grade and still is the first experience that comes to mind whenever someone asks me about my volunteering history. I love equine therapy because it connects my love for horses with my passion for helping others. Through my volunteer work I have found satisfaction and fulfillment in helping those in need. No joy in life can be compared to that found in watching a child’s face light up when they first come in to meet their horse. I have learned that I want to continue to do this my entire life. When I return back to North Carolina, I want to pick up where I left off. I was never able to complete the courses that would have enabled me to fulfill my dream but I hope that the future will allow me to. Whether it be connecting kids with horses or picking up trash or planting trees, volunteer work will always be a part of my life, and a big part at that. Helping others will always be my purpose in life and I am so grateful that horses have been able to be a part of that as well.

To say it plainly, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I’ve burned a lot of bridges, ruined a lot of relationships, and been given more second chances than I deserved. I spent two years in residential treatment programs and it brought a lot of my problems to light. I have suffered from mental health problems since I was very young. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety when I was 9. As I grew older, my problems grew with me. I was sent to residential treatment when I was 14 and spent 15 months faking I was fine and manipulating my parents into believing I wanted better for myself. Of course, that got me nowhere and I ended up back in treatment three months later. After four months of screwing up my life, even more, I decided that it was finally time for a change. I gave myself a goal. I’ve had the same purpose in life since I was 14; to change the world, even if it's just one world. I lost sight of that while I was hazed with addiction and blinded by my skewed perception of reality. After many months of therapy, I came to a shocking realization. I was in control of my life. My passion and purpose were reignited as I realized I could take charge and stop waiting around for people to do it for me. I learned that if something was going to get done I was going to be the one who would have to do it. I decided that I wanted to be a public high-school art teacher. That way I could help kids who did not have access to the same resources without someone who cared maybe a little too much. Art was one of my saving graces throughout my journey. Everything where words came short melted onto my canvas and took form in a way that people could understand and connect with. I wanted to help kids like me experience the colors enveloping them as all of their worries stuck to the paper. Every day I reach for that goal. I stick to my values and try to pay forward the second chance I was given. I smile at people and ask them how their day went, hoping they understand that there is someone out there who genuinely cares. I talk to my parents and siblings to revive the relationship that was burned so badly before. I work hard to make sure that not a second of my life is wasted by going in the wrong direction again. My college fund was spent on maintaining my mental health by paying for treatment facilities. With this scholarship, I would continue to pursue my higher goal and fulfill my purpose in life. It would help propel me forward and lift me up to reach goals I would not otherwise be able to obtain. I want to make the most out of the miracle I’ve been given. I want to be able to share with people my message of hope and let them know that they are enough, that there is someone behind them in an unforgiving world, and that there are people who will stand beside them no matter how hard they try to push them away. I want kids to be given the same second chance that I was.

Strength is all in the little things. For most of my life I lived in fear of what the next moment would bring. Anxiety and depression dictated every move I made and I spent too much of my time hiding behind them. Throughout the course of my life, I watched a lot of people who had the same past as me turn their lives around and believe in living again. Their stories inspired me to take a step and believe in my ability to do the same. So I fought to be better for myself and the people who deserve it. I faced my past and this time I didn't run. I started to go to school again and got good grades in order to graduate early. I started making a career plan for myself and taking the steps to get there. I rebuilt my relationships with my family and friends. I grew flowers from ashes. I still continue to stare my monsters dead in the eye and whisper that I am not afraid of them anymore. I don’t need to shout or to scream, they don’t deserve that. It’s not their fault that they were hurt. They just need a little gentle love and attention. So I fight my hardest to make sure they get that. I stand up and take risks, I make choices that are in my best interest, I look at people and smile. I take a little extra time to appreciate every moment I am given because it is a miracle that I am able to experience it. I live my life to the fullest with no regrets. I live my life boldly because that is what I deserve.

Falling, fighting, manipulating, and trying so hard to hang on when you can barely breathe. Addiction shattered my life. My relationships with my family were ruined as the only thing I was living for was the next high. On October 7th, 2021, I overdosed. It was the most terrifying experience of my life. Hearing my mom screaming at the 911 operator and my brother yelling at her to tell him what was going on. I was throwing up over and over for days after as my body tried to rid itself of the massive amount of prescriptions I had ingested. I endured the feeling of not having control over my body as paralysis set in and my eyes shook. There is no physical way I should have survived. The amount I took should have killed me that day. But it didn’t. At first I was exhausted, I had tried to end my life and I still didn't want to be alive. I was put into residential treatment again (The first time I was in program for 15 months. I overdosed after being home for three months.). Instead of taking it as an opportunity to thank God I was still alive, I decided to screw around and keep doing the same old routine. I manipulated and accused my parents of trying to ruin my life as if I hadn’t just tried to end it. I can’t point to any one decision I made or exactly what the turning point was, but one day I decided I wanted better for myself. I realized that I had every opportunity at my fingertips and the potential to change my life and live it how I wanted to, not how the drugs wanted me to. That was about 7 months ago and I wish I could say that since then life has been smooth sailing. But as a quote on the wall of one of my residential treatment centers said, “Smooth sailing never made a skilled sailor.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt. I can say though that my life has changed for the better. I'm going to college, I'm graduating from my facility, and I have better relationships with my family. I'm genuinely looking forward to tomorrow. I'm happy to be alive and to be able to share this story with you. Having been in treatment for two years now, I’ve met a lot of addicts. They're the most amazing people I know. They've seen the depths of hell, smiled, and kept walking. They inspire me to keep going. I lost my best friend to addiction June 29th, 2021, the same day I came home after living in residential treatment for 15 months. Her death motivates me to create a better world for everyone like her. I want to be a public high school art teacher, to be able to help kids connect with the same skill that helped me through so much and to show them that they are so much more than what they believe they are. I want to teach at a public high-school because I want to help the kids that would never get a chance otherwise. I want to rescue them before they end up causing the same hurt that still leaves a pit in my stomach. So this is for them, all the addicts I’ve met who have stayed sober and all the ones who relapsed, for all the kids I’ve yet to meet but whose lives I know I can change, for myself and for the second chance I’ve been given. I’m going to make the most of it.

I saw the topic of this essay and had no hesitation over what to write about. For the past two years I have lived in residential treatment facilities due to mental health and addiction battles. I have been to four residentials and all of them have been massive challenges that pushed me to the brink. I could focus on any aspect of these past two years and I would have enough to fill a million different essays on a million different topics. However, since this essay unfortunately has a word count capacity, I’ll choose to solely focus on my woods ordeal. ‘Woods’ is treatment slang for Wilderness Therapy. If you are not familiar with residential treatment programs -honestly even if you are- wilderness sounds like a surrealistic fever dream. For me, I was dropped in the middle of the Idaho desert where I was forced to live outside and hike for four months. It was chaotic, it was dirty, it broke every ounce of motivation I had. It crushed me, mentally and physically. I hiked until I threw up, and then I hiked some more. The time I spent out there changed my life forever. For the first time, I understood what real strength was. I discovered the ability to keep going even when every atom in my body screamed to stop. I obtained the determination to finish what I started even when the mountain looked too steep and one more step seemed unfathomable. Wilderness therapy gave me the tools I needed to be successful in life. My ability to pursue my dreams shot up tenfold. The daily chores taught me responsibility, sitting in a frigid tarp in 3 feet of snow taught me tenacity, building fires taught me patience and tenderness. There are so many other valuable life lessons that I was taught, some harder to learn than others. I gained unshakeable confidence in myself that proved I was capable of so much more than I believed I was. It educated me to open my eyes to the world around me and revealed endless possibilities where previously I had seen none. My experience in wilderness completely changed my identity and cultivated the courage to take on every obstacle, because trust me, nothing life can throw at me can be harder than hiking ten-eleven miles with a 30 pound pack on my back as I was carrying 20 pound water containers in 115 degree heat with minimal breaks. I found strength in my network of support. My best friend, who screamed with me on top of rocks until our lungs were raw, encouraged me to keep walking when I felt like I would drop and never move again, who gave me to have the confidence to be my true self. My mentors who chased me over every hill, slapped some sense into me when I needed it most, and cried with me as I grew. They were the ones who stuck with us through every up and down and chose to stand with us in the rain and daydream in the sun. My therapist, who proved I could trust, I could be vulnerable, that I could do whatever I set my mind to. He was the first person who gave me absolute assurance that I did not have to be the mistakes of my past, but I could move on and face every adversity life threw at me. They are the reason I was able to take that step.