Depression runs in my family, my grandmother was clinically depressed and it had a huge impact on my mother. As a result, my mother also goes through depressive episodes and is extremely anxious and controlling about every small thing. Everyday life is always full of stress and worries over things that don’t warrant it. As I’m getting older, I’m beginning to see similar depressive episodes in my life as in my mother and grandmother’s life. It’s scary to see the same things I’ve seen my mother struggle with start to materialize in my own life. Thinking about the personal relationships I’ve had, I’ve always tried to sabotage anything that I felt was beginning to fall apart to feel more in control. I realize now that I am inheriting many behaviors from my mother that always seemed to frustrate me. I take my frustrations out on other people and it has led to rocky experiences in my life. I’ve hurt other people that I care about and avoided dealing with my problems. My mother and I have both struggled with not wanting to feel like a burden or depend on anyone while we are young. Only recently, have we begun to have conversations about our shared experience to attempt to start healing and being supportive of each other.

My favorite piece of art is the photograph “Flower Power” by Bernie Boston, which was taken during a protest to end the United States' involvement in the Vietnam War. I first saw this picture in a U.S. history class by one of my favorite professors I’ve ever had. The photograph perfectly symbolizes the hope that people had to end the Vietnam War. Putting something as pure and innocent as a flower into the barrel of a gun, the exact tool used for violence in the war creates a deep contrast. The younger generation had risen to have its own voice and challenged the ideas put in place by the previous generation. This photograph represents the anti-war sentiment that began the counter-culture in the youth generation. I admire the bravery of these young adults to stand up for what they thought was right, even though it meant challenging established ideas. With the freedom to educate themselves and surround themselves with others in college, they were able to stir a powerful social movement. Students today also have the opportunity to go to college to develop their voice and be surrounded by other free-thinkers. We have the power, through education, to change the world and make our opinions heard.

I have fond memories of growing up looking through my mom’s home and garden magazines; sitting impatiently next to her until she was done reading so that I could get my hands on them. We would always put out minds to work by cutting out the colorful letters and bright flowers to make creations of our own. The table would be covered in scraps of magazines that would always stick to your fingers that were covered in glue. I’ve continued this fond memory presently now that my mom was given a subscription to a couple magazines as a gift. Even now, ten years later, I wait impatiently until she declares herself done with the magazine and I can do with it whatever I please. All of my school notebooks, computer, and even my closet door, are covered in collages. I leave no blank surface untouched, and everything is victim to my imagination. I’ve created new memories since our school library began to offer free copies of magazines to anyone interested. Now with a free supply of new ideas, I can confidently declare myself their biggest customer. Many friends have helped contribute to the humorous art pieces that now fill my school locker. All of us sitting around, making jokes, and sharing our new ideas, is another incredibly fond memory to add to this simple craft that I’ve been doing since I was a kid.

One night my mother and father, who have been divorced for most of my life, took me to get ice cream on a random weekday night. I was extremely nervous, we never went anywhere together at the same time, and I continued to look back and forth between their faces for some sign of trouble. My mind played back everything that I had done in the past week, trying to remember anything wrong that they would conference with me about. Finally, my mom took the lead to explain to me that we were moving to a small town in Arizona and away from the busy Utah city, away from my dad and everything that was familiar to me growing up. I have always been reserved and self-conscious and the thought of starting over with new people utterly terrified me. Attending a small town school in a new state actually gave me a great opportunity to branch out and make a fresh start. The small town environment allowed me to combat my fear of trying new things and I have been involved in so many programs that I could not see myself trying before I was here. I have been in student council for three years, joined our STEM club, presented at city council meetings, and been invited to go to Girls’ Auxiliary State Program. I even played a sport my freshmen year, and I was never considered sporty. The friends I’ve made in this school are outgoing and have big goals, which is a great motivation for me. I have taken college courses through our dual enrollment program and plan to transfer them to a University after I graduate. I am prepared to enter into a new college environment and be involved in all they have to offer.

I use creativity in my life to express myself and bring wonder and magic in my life. I always want my environment to be a reflection of my mind to stimulate creativity. I write out my favorite quotes from movies and books and tape them on the door or my room alongside magazine cutouts and art. I recently got my first car, and I have begun a plan to crochet seat covers for all the seats to create a bright environment for driving as well. A creative environment helps me to feel grateful for everything I have and put me in a better mindset to reach out to others. I have a locker with a friend at school covered in paintings and magazine cut outs and full of snacks for anyone to have. I have also experimented with writing to express issues that I am passionate about, such as using short stories with dystopian worlds to make comments on our view of ourselves or our greed. I love to play my guitar while sitting in the back of my car with my young sister, and make up songs together as we go. Being creative gives me some project or idea to always look forward to and work towards; it helps me to love and appreciate my life.

We live in a world where our self-worth is defined by how perfect and grand our lives are. We are bombarded with constant media pressure to be perfect and told that having the most luxurious house or the newest clothes make us worth something. The constant battle turns us on ourselves so that we attack our self-worth more than, most likely, anyone else in our lives. Living with ourselves when we have become our worst enemy is exhausting and truly dulls every aspect of our life. I believe a way that we can fight this cycle is through deep gratitude. If we close our eyes, and take a step out of ourselves to look from a new perspective, there are many things that we find that we normally would miss or overlook. Looking at the aspects of your life, even though it is not perfect, we can see the positive. Right now I am sitting at my desk, writing on my laptop, as the midday sun is just beginning to stream through my window. The simple rays are beautiful and specs of dust dance along as the light reveals them. At this moment, I am grateful for the sun and its life-sustaining force. My life is not perfect, and I experience pain as everybody else has to, but today I am going to be grateful and reflect on everything that I do have. I am going to halt the constant battle with myself in my head and be grateful and at peace.