My name is Lauren Haakenson, and I just graduated high school. Throughout my life, I have always been one to look for the details. I would be that person who would look between the lines for hidden meanings, be fascinated by the smallest of things, and be the one that was a stickler for the details in a group project. That is why I want to continue my education in Forensic Science, to gain a bachelor's degree to work in a field that lives in the small details. Each minute piece of evidence is just one puzzle piece that makes a larger picture. One piece missing could throw off an entire case, but another could solve it. I want to be that person who helps find those pieces and gives people the answers they need as they face the worst time of their lives. Most of all, I want to help find the words, the evidence, and the message left by those who can no longer speak so that their story can be heard and justice can be brought to the lives of those who took another’s life away. I am paying for my education through scholarships I received from my college, the money I earned through my summer jobs, and through the savings my parents set up for me. However, even I know that it isn't enough. There is a financial strain in paying for college. Not only do my parents have to support me, but they have to support my twin sister AND pay for my two younger siblings' schooling at the same time. The scholarship award will help lessen the financial strain by offering more towards my education, so they can better support my siblings in college and school. I did not start focusing on music until I was in sixth grade, and my dad brought a particular band to my attention: Dream Theater. The band is a subsection of metal known as progressive metal, and I instantly fell in love with it. The different intricate pieces, the insane time signatures, and the catchy melodies caught my attention because within the music came a focus on detail that I did not see with other music. I was forced to listen to "popular music" while on the bus, and I was horrified. The autotuned voices, the three-note melodies, and the songs with no variation in keys all sounded the same. The meanings of the songs were all the same, all revolving around relationships, sex, and breakups. Metal music gave me something more. Dream Theater, Sylvan, Seventh Wonder, Ayreon, and Blind Guardian gave me entire stories in an album, from fantastical worlds and futuristic times to life choices and reminiscence. Those bands, along with Avenged Sevenfold, Red, Five Finger Death Puch, Bad Wolves, Falling in Reverse, Demon Hunter, Skillet, Nothing More, Three Days Grace, Kamelot, Breaking Benjamin, Seether, System of the Down, and Solence, just to name a few, are bands who have given me songs that offer messages that do not have to do anything with what most popular songs talk about. The songs talk of strength through adversity, the struggles of addiction, finding peace with oneself, chaos, pain, and hope still within the notes. Most of all, the bands, this music, bring their messages through the melodies. Each song does not sound like the last. This music shows me that the details matter in music and in life, each not serving as its own word or action, a unique melody for every person and every experience. It is true in both music and in life itself.

I want to be that person who helps find those pieces and gives people the answers they need as they face the worst time in their lives, and, most of all, find the evidence, the message, left by those who can no longer speak so that their story can be heard and justice can be brought to the lives of those who took another’s life away.

Hot and cold and cold and hot. It controls my life and I do not. I go with the flow, From sun one minute to next the snow. I have to deal with this invisible foe. Hot, cold, yes no, How did my life become the life I know? . I’ll tell you, it wasn’t always this way. I wasn’t always run by the red and the gray. I loved the cold, and I loved the heat. I loved to run outside and play, Not afraid of what the day’s temperature could take away. But hey, it’s fine! I forgot what it felt like to live that way, anyway. . It got worse with age. As months passed, my hands were attacked with a rage. Cold and gray were accompanied by pain, and my words were lost to the page. I couldn’t write like I could anymore. I still can’t to this day. . What can I do? Where can I go? I have no clue. I mean, what can I do when the medication makes me feel worse than the flu? That’s it, I’m done. I’m done dealing with the pills and OH MY GOD IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! You don’t feel what I feel, so you can’t tell me what I do and don’t feel. But fine, go ahead. Go and tell me I am all that I’m not. Tell me I’m crazy. Tell me I don’t have what I’ve got. Tell me to stop complaining, that it’s no big deal. Tell me that all the pain that I feel is imaginary because to you, it’s not real! . I’m the one who has to play this losing game With a condition for which I don’t know the name. I have nothing to blame, Just myself like all the doctors proclaim. But even they don’t know what they claim. They don’t even know what to blame. No new answers, no new names, Nothing will change. It’s all the same. . And then came the flame, And that’s when everything changed. . For the first time ever, my hands were a color other than gray. For the first time ever, they were red. And for the first time ever, I didn’t want them to stay that way. I wanted them to go back to cold and dead. Because this new warmth was not okay. There was just more pain. . No new answers, no new names, It was all the same, . . . Except for a referral . . . And the new doctor that came. . I have a name. I know its claim to fame. I know that I wasn’t to blame. It was the ice and the flame. . I finally have a name. My journey through pain to diagnosis is what inspires me to excel beyond limitations because there are those still out there who are left waiting for answers. It inspired my career. I want to be the person who helps find the evidence that gives people the answers they need as they face the worst time in their lives. I want to help find the evidence, the words, left by those who can no longer speak so that their story can be heard and justice can be brought to the lives of those who took another’s life away. If I falter and let myself be consumed by those limitations, I will not be able to help people find the answers they need, and I cannot let that happen. I know what it is like to be left without answers.

Fortitude: Strength against adversity. I was always a positive thinker as a kid. No matter what failure I faced, I always saw it as a chance to improve… almost. With running, it was different. That little voice in the back of my head slithered into that joy in my life and made me believe that accepting failure in running was the worst thing I could do. So, I pushed myself to be better and run faster to avoid that little voice in my head. My junior year of high school was when it all came crashing down. My twin made me join cross country with her, and while at first, it was great, it didn't last. Around the third day, I panicked because, like the flip of a switch, running for me changed. Running hurt. <This was a 15-minute run. You should have been able to do it easily. What a failure> On my first speed workout a few days later, I collapsed in pain. During my first track meet, the pain kept returning, and the voice returned with a fire. <24:38 for 3 miles? That’s thirty seconds slower than last year. You got worse> It kept getting worse from there. I was benched for the last half of cross-country and the first half of track because of the pain. That summer, I trained harder and longer than everyone else. Yet, every step still hurt, and I was only getting slower. All the other girls on my team were leagues ahead of me while I was leagues behind. I didn’t find any joy in my current accomplishments in running because I would be accepting that I was failing. Running, at that point, was no longer something I enjoyed. It was a constant battle to stop myself from giving up completely. I didn’t know how much longer I could go. My first senior cross-country race was the most painful race I had. I couldn’t fail now. I had to get 24:00 minutes, but as soon as the race began, the pain took away all of my confidence. <You're going to get 27-30 minutes. See? Look at all of your teammates’ pitied faces. They know it. You’re last in your team already. If you fail now, it’s all over. Failure is the worst thing in running, and you are running right to it> I tripped with only a quarter of a mile to go. <Failure> “GET UP!” I heard boys from another school shouting at me. In a sudden rush of adrenaline, I pushed forward and heard cheering behind me. An unfamiliar feeling welled up: joy in a current accomplishment. I got up when I fell, and that feeling gave me the strength to finish the race. When I looked at the clock, I started to cry. <10 seconds worse than last year> I failed to improve, but I got below 25 minutes! I surprised myself. I spoke against the voice almost effortlessly. I knew I had failed to improve from where I used to be, and that acceptance released a weight on me. I finally saw that I could never go back to the way I used to be. Yet, I finally began to see failure at running as a chance to learn and adapt, not push myself to my breaking point. My fortitude against my own doubtful inner voice was only found when I finally accepted that.

The universe, a word describing the entirety of existence, remains a mystery to even the brightest of minds. For years, people have dug through the crevices of ignorance to answer one question: where did it all begin? Science and religion remain divided on if all beginnings are tied back to a higher power or a chance of nature. No side has ever been proven right or wrong, for it is beyond the human mind to comprehend the beginning of existence itself. A complete understanding of the nature of the universe is required to overcome this obstacle. To develop knowledge in the universe, one must understand where everything was, is, and is to come, all of which the universe provides. By observing the present facts, one can paint the past and predict the future, both aspects already used today by scientists. For example, using current laws of science and mathematics already developed, they can predict the weather and environmental changes, saving lives by preparing people for what is to come, such as a natural disaster. Yet, saving lives comes not only from understanding what is to come but what has already come to pass. Knowledge of the natural laws of the universe allows one to know where things began and how they influence the future; this discipline of science see throughout many professions, such as archeology. The less thought of in understanding the past is forensic science. Forensic science establishes an understanding of a minute instance in the past in order to protect the lives of the future. Each piece of evidence collected serves as a piece of the puzzle, and multitudes of natural laws are used to put each piece together. The laws of physics with trajectory and momentum, chemistry in determining chemical compounds, mathematics in developing the necessary equations to use in sciences, biology in matching biological evidence, and even psychology in understanding motives paints a picture of the scene of a crime, providing the necessary evidence to lock away those who pose as a threat to others. Understanding the past, present, and future of separate instances allows one to understand the universe as a whole. There is no right or wrong way to enhance knowledge of the universe's natural laws, and the only thing that one must do is introduce it early in life. The mind is malleable in its developing stages, influenced by everything around it, as it grows based on present stimuli. Exposing young minds to STEM, philosophical, and literary concepts at a young age help promote interest in fields relating to it, allowing the expansion of knowledge in the universe. Each person brings something new to the table, establishing an idea unlike any other that may be the next breakthrough in unlocking the mysteries of the universe and answering the question of "where did it all begin?" However, many groups of people are still kept out of the loop, and it is not due to societal struggles like discrimination. It is because many do not go the path of science, STEM, or philosophy to understand the universe. After all, interest was never developed. It can be seen across people of different races, especially those of different genders. Women in stem are a minority, not just because of the many social struggles but because many women do not choose that path. It is necessary to open the eyes of every ethnicity, gender, and religion to the workings of STEM and philosophy. Introducing it at a young age nourishes the interest in everyone, increasing the number of people working to understand the universe. Without the work of the many, the answer to the one question of the beginning will remain locked behind the mysteries of the universe.

"You have no idea how bad my life is right now!" Those words will forever haunt me. It is what sent me down my spiral of doubt in myself and my struggles. I had no idea how bad someone's life was, so I shouldn't be complaining about my own struggles. I should ignore my pain. In my sophomore year, stuck in the midst of the raging pandemic, my health began to slowly decline; I could no longer run as long as before, write by hand with ease, or even sit back and relax without pain. However, it was not excruciating, like others had it. I could still function, just with some difficulty. "Others have it so much worse. Stop complaining!" And so I did. There are so many others struggling in the world we live in today, whether it be with their jobs, relationships, addictions, or mental and physical health. My life was not as bad as others. They need help, not me. <Why is she wearing gloves?> <She's such a f---ng weirdo!> During the chat my friend showed me a picture of me in class, wearing gloves to desperately try and ease the pain in my hands. Yet, it did not bother me as much as I thought it would. A different flood of thoughts interrupted those negative ones. They didn't understand. They had NO idea what I was going through! It finally clicked for me, a thought I knew but did not accept. Everyone has their own struggles, and even if one struggle seems small compared to another, to that one person, it is the hardest one of them all. I was given a second chance to change how I viewed myself, to see and respect myself for who I was, and to see that my journey mattered, just like everyone else's. To do that, I did one simple thing: I stopped comparing myself to others. I began to focus more on my health, eat healthier, and finally see a doctor about my problems. This does not seem like a drastic change in life for some, but for me, it was. I began to listen to myself and what I needed, and along the way, I found a certain peace in myself, knowing that no struggle is too small to make a profound impact in someone's life, and thus every struggle deserves to be resolved. This scholarship will help further my education so that I will be able to help others that don't believe they can be helped since tragedy has already struck. As an aspiring forensic scientist, I long to give people the closure or answers they desperately need, and to give a voice to those who can no longer speak. Even if one's life has ended, they still deserve to be heard. No struggle is too big or too small, for each deserves to be resolved. Your battle is your own, and you must not compare it to others. No matter what ailment one may suffer from, or what decisions were made in the past, one sentence still holds true. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Why am I not normal? I asked myself that question every day as a child, watching as my peers didn't have to read a word repeatedly until it felt right, tapping the door until it felt right to leave the room. OCD took control of my life, stopping me from moving forward earlier in life. Every time I tried to explain it to someone, they either said I was crazy or didn't have OCD because I didn't have a specific fear involved with the compulsion. All I had was pressure in my head whenever something didn't feel right. That was my life from fourth to seventh grade. It got to the point where I was unable to complete my homework assignments because I kept having to repeat the words I read over and over again or constantly rewrite what I had already written 4 times in a row before I could move on to the next problem. Like anyone suffering from mental illness or addiction, I wanted to stop. Yet, all my previous attempts had failed and only led to my compulsions getting worse and worse. My life was slowly slipping out of my control, my every movement soon to be judged by OCD, all until I broke my tiny snowglobe. My snowglobe was part of a compulsion I had. Every time I passed it on my way up or down the stairs, I had to shake it 6 times. One day, it fell and shattered on the landing. It was in that moment that something clicked; I was not only destroying my personal items, but my life as well. I had already been aware of this, but that simple act of dropping that snowglobe helped me fully open my eyes to this, and helped me take back control of my life. Every day, I would try to resist whatever compulsion I had. I still gave in, but instead of giving up, I pushed forward until one day, it was easier to resist. This process continued for years until now, as a high school senior, I have my OCD under control. I still suffer from the compulsions, but it is not where it used to be. Small things change our course of the future. A simple snowglobe helped me take back control of my life. For those out there suffering from mental illness or addiction, find something small that gives you strength, for even the smallest of things can make the biggest impact.

Skills may be gifted or gained through life, but it is said skills that drives a person forward and make them into who they are today. My best skill is the ability to make music, and I have been improving my skill every day by being in tune with what I enjoy, and feeding into my musical longing. I was not born or gifted with this ability, immediately a master at a young age like some kids. I started out like any other child with no knowledge of anything music-related. However, despite no musical ability, I did know I loved music. I would want to listen to a specific piece of music over and over again, such as one in an old skeleton cartoon I watched first and second grade, music from the VHS of the Prince of Egypt, and during an elementary school standardized test, where beautiful piano music played during a Tuskeegee airmen video. While I may not remember many of these songs, I remember the joy it brought me listening to them. This joy of listening to music prompted my own musical composition. After listening to the music from the skeleton cartoon or the Tuskeegee Airman video, I went home to recreate it on the keyboard, only to come up with an entirely new song. My enjoyment of creating my own music carried on, even when I quit piano lessons and picked up the clarinet. Even as my schedule is filled up, I still find time to slip in music, whether it be to relieve the boredom or to reduce the stress in my life. Music has made me into the person I am today, and when I create music, I am giving back by building up my skill, as it has built me.

The path one walks is their own, yet the journey of many is all but the same. No matter the schooling, whether it be college or trades, it all leads to one endpoint: the start of the path into adulthood. My path is not different than others, though my drive to achieve is all but my own. Once I graduate high school, I plan to go to college that offers a forensics path for me, so that I might be able to become a Crime Scene Investigator. My only goal is to help others in any way I can, though I work more in the background rather than upfront, analyzing all around me so that I can give all I have seen to those who know how to use the information. I will have to work hard within my college path in order to achieve this, for without applying myself now, how can I expect to apply myself in the future? The first and most important step is establishing my drive and my will to go about my path, which is my drive to help people in any way I can. This step is the door to all other steps, for I need that strength and the drive to open the door. For me, it is the door, to college and eventually working as a crime scene investigator. I may have paved my path to the future, but it is only by my will to take that step forward that I will achieve the goals I have set for myself.

For most of my life, I have suffered from many disorders, whether it be mental or physical. However, through my struggles, I have learned the importance of the willingness to fix a problem, and the positive effects it has on my life. I have suffered with ADHD and OCD, and while I may be medicated for ADHD, my OCD is left unchecked, and it took over my life. I was unable to walk around my house without doing a certain ritual, and I let it control me, until I broke a snow globe during a ritual. It woke me up to the damage I was causing to myself and others, and instead of sitting down and pitying myself, I took control. As the years went by, I struggled to stop myself from doing any rituals, and 8 years later, I am almost ritual-free. Even though the urges remain, I am able to manage them because I have learned that with the willingness to take control, anything is possible. The lessons carried on as my physical health declined. I suffer from constant pain from constant heartburn, Raynaud's, and other conditions. Yet, I chose to fight through it to live my life to the best of my ability. I do what I can to manage my symptoms and a pain. People may bully me for my management, such as wearing gloves inside, but instead of taking their words to heart, I move on, for it is my life I have to deal with, one they do not understand. While I may suffer, I am glad I have gone through the experience, for it has taught me that to live my best life, I have to be willing to take control o my own life and not let my struggles weigh me down.

The hope that shines within people’s hearts is slowly waning, the light at the end of the tunnel slowly fading. As each struggle threatens to lock society within the eternal darkness of despair, it is by the will of the person that they are able to shed some light onto their rocky path. From awareness and acceptance of the problem to making active changes to one’s lifestyle, it is the only way for one’s life to seal a little lighter. Along my own path, I’ve discovered that the only way for me to move forward is to choose to take that first step out of the darkness. All throughout my life, I have struggled with health issues that affected both my mental and physical states. OCD had controlled me most of my early life to the point where I spiraled out of control, not being able to walk through my house without having to do a ritual. I knew I had a problem, yet I did nothing about it. Once I broke a snow globe during one of my rituals, I finally accepted that something had to be done. Each day, I slowly began to limit how much I repeated rituals before cutting down on the rituals. Years later, I am practically ritual-free, all because I took action to fix my problem. The lesson carried on as my physical health began to decline. What began as slight heartburn and Raynaud's, poor circulation in the hands and feet, soon grew to life-altering conditions. My symptoms increased as time went on, getting to the point where it was hard to move my hands due to the joints hurting when they were cold and purple, painful tingling when hot and red, and the painful deep crevices on my hands from my endlessly cracking skin. I was even afraid to go outside during the summer over fear of a severe wave of heartburn. After years of suffering and no answers, I took matters into my own hands. I determined that my heartburn was mainly caused by corn. I stay out of cold weather, wear gloves inside even when picked on by my peers, and moisturize when I can. It has been hard to adjust my eating habits and wear what I need even as people look onto me with disgust, but I will not sit back and let it run my life, rather I will take control. This scholarship will give me the opportunity to help others in my community, and help pave a smoother path in my already rocky road. As an aspiring forensic scientist, I long to give people the closure or answers they desperately need in their dark times, where they see no light at the end of their tunnel. I was willing to make the change in my life to help myself, and it is now time for me to help others when they may not be able to, to make society a safer place by giving the necessary information to seek out the darkness and crush it with light. Even as my ailments try to drag me down, I will not let them win, fighting to my last breath to live my life. Since I aspire to help others, I chose to through my own struggles so I can help people who are not able to fight through theirs. No matter what a person is struggling with, the only way for them to easily walk their path of life is if they are willing to place down each brick themselves to make their rocky path a little bit smoother.

My favorite scientific discovery is the discovery of atoms. As an aspiring engineer, I long to know how things work, what makes them tick, and what makes them up in order for them to tick. There has always been the question to what makes everything tick. How can the physical world exist? What makes up everything and makes them tick? The discovery of atoms provided an answer. Every object in existence is made up of atoms, from the air, to a rock, and even a living and breathing human. While practically nonexistent in the eyes of many due to their size, they have a bond stronger than all, helping those very humans function. Each are bonded in one way or another to create any physical object, gases included. The discovery of atoms gave scientists yet another way to understand how the world works, yet it is only the beginning of many discoveries to come.

While words can profoundly affect the world, seemingly meaningless words can forever impact a single person. All they must do is leave a steady impact on their life. The wisest words I have heard from Dream Theater, who says that “the truth is the truth. That’s all you can do is live with it." It opened my eyes to the reality of the world in which I walk through, yet it has shown and constantly reinforces that I chose the right path to walk. Truth is an important part of my life, and the quote has shown me where I truly belong in a world that thrives on lies. While everyone desires to walk down the path of truth, it is practically engraved within everyone that to survive, one must lie. Lying may be easier, but all the twists in its path make it hard to follow. The path of truth is the only constant within my life, for it never changes, no matter how much I may want it to. It may be hard to follow, yet it is the only part of life that never changes and is the only part that makes sense in a senseless world. Dream Theater’s words have led me to the path I truly belong on, away from the lies and towards a straight path of truth. Dream Theater’s words of truth are some of the wisest words I have ever heard, for it has revealed to me the path I must follow in life. They have shown me that the easiest path may not always be the right one, and continues to pull me back to the correct path. Words shape the world, yet it is an individual’s decision whether or not they want to follow the words that speak the truth.

While I am persuing a degree in STEM, it is artistry that has influenced my choice to become an engineer. Dream Theater is a band that uses their talents to create music for others, to even help others through their struggles with their music, or simply have something for people to enjoy. I have begun to create music myself, so that others can listen to it, though easy and tough times alike, to bring them some enjoyment. As an aspiring engineer, I strive to live like them, to create for others so that I may make their life a little better.

John Keating once said, "No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world." While words can profoundly affect the world, seemingly meaningless words can forever impact a single person. All they must do is leave a steady impact on their life. The words from Dream Theater, that “the truth is the truth. That’s all you can do is live with it,” is special to me because it has opened my eyes to the reality of the world in which I walk through, yet it has shown and constantly reinforces that I choose the right path to walk. Truth is an important part of my life, and the quote has shown me where I truly belong in a world that thrives on lies. While everyone desires to walk down the path of truth, it is practically engraved within everyone that to survive, one must lie. Lying may be easier, but all the twists in its path make it hard to follow. The path of truth is the only constant within my life, for it never changes, no matter how much I may want it to. It may be hard to follow, yet it is the only part of life that never changes and is the only part that makes sense in a senseless world. Dream Theater’s words have led me to the path I truly belong on, away from the lies and towards a straight path of truth. The quote has its own special place within my mind, for it reminds me of truth’s impact on my life. It shows me that the path of truth has given me my core beliefs and values that allow me to face life. I have accepted that truth is set in stone, and no matter what I may say or do, nothing changes it. I value consistency, and it is easy to understand that there is only one set path. It is not for me to decide what is truly right or wrong, but rather for me to choose which path I want to follow. The words about truth always remind me of the path I choose to follow, one which will continue to shape who I will become. Dream Theater’s words of truth are an important part of my life, for it has revealed to me the path I must follow in life, and reminds me that my choice was right. The words mean the world to me because they have shown me that the easiest path may not always be the right one, and continues to pull me back to the correct path. They are special to me, for they constantly remind me of my true values and instill in me confidence that I chose the right path to follow. Words shape the world, yet it is an individual’s decision whether or not they want to follow the words that speak the truth.

While many musicians may spend hours trying to convey their musical thought to the outside world, I simply let it run free. No matter how out of tune one may be, how many times they mess up, the music is their own, and all they have to do is continue. The mistakes are what makes true music, for every note adds to the creation of a new melody. All I did was sit at my piano and play. The first part was already figured out, a melody I made up a few days earlier. Yet, once reaching the lower register, I let my hands go free. There was no plan, just me and my hands moving across the keys, free to do as they please.

Dream Theater once said, “Thank you for the inspiration. Thank you for the smiles. All the unconditional love that carried me for miles, it carried me for miles. But most of all, thank you for my life.” Everyone has an aspect within their life that they are eternally thankful for. From family to music, the list goes on, every individual has something that makes their life worth living. My everything is family, for it has given me all I hold dear to this day and shaped me into who I am today. While most believe that it is entirely an individual's decision to choose what matters most to them, it is their family that influences which choices they will ultimately pick. Family sets the stage to life, with them controlling the first act, and then handing their kin the pencil to write the second. Each written word guides the eyes of the writer to what they deem as an important part of their life, which they will eventually highlight as a large part of their existence. Even the ghost of the absent family is still able to control the pencil that underlines everything one holds dear, for even they introduce the individual to aspects of life that the family may not. I have been given the gift of a good family, one which many do not have the luxury of having, and I am thankful every second of the day. My family has raised me to be the best person I can be and has given me most of what has become a large part of my life, such as music. By being a musical family, they have introduced me to the world where it is practically found in every corner. Music conveys thoughts and emotions, influences large populations of people to a single idea, and even gives people a reason to live. I have been able to learn and even write my own music because of my parents and siblings and they have allowed me to highlight music as one of the most important aspects of my life. The drum of my fingers against the keys of the piano voices my appreciation for the talent my family has allowed me to gain. Family has written out my path through life, given me all the choices I can choose to care about, and has handed me the pencil that has allowed me to write the song of my life. Family is the most important aspect of my life, for, without them, I would not have the life I am living today. Family has paved the beginning of my path through life and has dug up some of the most important parts of my life, such as the music that created the melody to my life. In the end, family has molded me into who I am today, and without them, I may not have even written this essay, one which may open up even more opportunities within my life.