Alcohol addiction was something I never knew a lot about. When I was young, my mother got divorced. When I was 9, she got remarried to her new husband, my step father. I just came home from the hospital, after spending a few months there after a burn injury. I was too young to learn about alcohol addiction and the impacts it had and still has on me. He had a huge problem, was only nice when he did drink, because his body was craving the alcohol. Growing up in that environment really changed me to the worse. All the mean things he said to me, due to the drinking, made me believe that I do not deserve to be loved and that I am worthless. I also stopped loving myself and having any faith in myself. If my father figure does not love me, how could anybody? He told me one thing that really stuck with me and changed my religious beliefs during that time “you are not even good enough for God”. When you are a little girl and hear this, you believe it. We lived with him for 10 years. Year by year it would only get worse. My self love started disappearing more and more. I was not able to focus on school, I was too focused on not going home and mine and my mothers safety. Mental abuse turned into physical abuse and my grades were terrible. I thought I would never be able to go to college, get a good job, start a career or start a family (because I still believed I am not worth it and not lovable). Then we moved out. I was 19 at that point, still in school because I re did 10th grade. My self love came back. I knew I’m deserving of more. But I still did not feel safe. So I worked my butt off at school, graduated, found a job that allowed me to work around my school schedule. And I rocked it! I decided to come to the United States to be an Au Pair, to get out of my hometown where I did not feel safe and to do something for myself, for the first time ever. This helped me find myself, my passions, my aspiration. I AM worthy of having a career. So I applied to college. I am working on a marketing degree, and I love it. My grades are good. I am smarter than I ever thought. I finally feel safe, being out of the toxic environment. But it left a mark. Every time I smell or see a man drinking, I get scared. Trauma. I see myself as the little girl that had to hide. This has had an impact on my romantic relationships. I am now with my hopefully forever partner, and he understands and tries to be there for me, but it still causes problems. One day, I hope I will be able to get over it all. Drug and alcohol addiction has lasting impacts, even when you are not the one consuming.