"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." -Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross This quote means a lot to me because I have experienced much loss in my life. Loss of love, friends, and family members. However, the loss that impacted me the most is the death of my grandmother during my senior year of high school. My grandmother was sick for most of my childhood. However, she continued to be the cornerstone of my family until the day she died. Whatever Granny said was law. Even when she did not have the energy to talk, sometimes she would muster up the energy to give us a few words of wisdom or tell us that she loved us. The night she died, I was at her home. The hospice nurse had told us she had 24-72 hours, so I was going to sleep for a couple of hours. I was asleep for about an hour (nine hours after the nurse had given us the 24-72 hours) when my uncle came and woke me up, saying, "Get up. Call your mom. She's gone." When I called my mom, words eluded me. I tried, and when I could not make the words come out of my mouth, I handed the phone to my uncle. I did not sleep soundly for months after that night, in fear that something would happen. Before going back to school, I thought, "I will be okay. I have my choir family." This was the case for about a week. Then, my female best friend started having an inappropriate relationship with my male choir teacher. I knew something was up, but I was afraid to say anything because my teacher knew all of my future college professors, and that type of accusation can ruin someone's life. However, my teacher could sense that I knew something, so he treated me very harshly and talked about me behind my back to take the attention off of him. I was betrayed by the two people I trusted the most and ostracized from my peers when I needed them the most. While my senior year of high school (2015-2016) was the worst of my life, I found my way out of that darkness through the guidance of my mom, therapist, and friends. I went from crying myself to sleep every night to, fast-forward five and a half years, being the happiest I have ever been in my life, pursuing my dream career in music therapy. Because of the pain and darkness I have experienced, and my road to healing, have a better understanding of life and more compassion that will help my future clients and patients in their journeys to healing.

Growing up, I have always been exposed to the reality of mental illness and mental health. My mom was an RN on a psychiatric unit for two decades before getting her Master of Science degree and becoming a Psychiatric Advanced Practice Nurse with her own practice for medication management and therapy. However, when I was 14, mental health became more personal to me. I spent most of that year very unhappy and anxious and having panic attacks. That year I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Depression and anxiety disorders are symptoms of that. However, I did not seek mental health treatment until I was 17, during my first semester of senior year in high school. That semester, I was having panic attacks every day and crying every night. I could not function. I would have to call my mom every day while I was at school for her to calm me down. This behavior peaked when I was driving towards the local Walmart. However, I was not going to Walmart. I was going to drive my car into the guardrail and flip it over the side of the road. Instead, I changed my mind last minute and drove to the Walmart parking lot. I cried for about half an hour before returning home and telling my mom what happened. My dad constantly joked and called me "suicide girl." He did not accept that mental illness was real even though my mom treating the mental illness of others is what paid our mortgage. I went to therapy for the first time and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I did lots of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Cognitive restructuring. I was able to recognize what thoughts were real and important and what thoughts were just toxic and not true. I discovered that I am an empath, and I learned how to protect myself from the emotions of others while still being empathetic towards others. I have even taught my dad about mental illness and how it is important to validate the struggles that may not always be visible, but are very much there and deserve to be treated just as much as my dad's epilepsy. Learning so much about myself, how my brain works (in regards to mental illness and being Autistic), and learning how to express myself healthily allowed me to get a job as an administrative assistant for a psychiatric nurse practitioner. Even though I did not perform the therapeutic sessions myself, there were many times that I had to de-escalate a client on the phone when my boss was in a session with another client. I was able to use my experience with mental health to help people in their time of need. Fast forward to August 2020, I began graduate school at the University of Kentucky pursuing a Master of Music in Music Therapy and a Graduate Certificate in Diversity and Inclusion. Being a graduate student in a helping and creative profession presents the greatest threat for burnout among areas of graduate studies. However, because of my knowledge of mental health and illness and my knowledge of myself, I am able to protect myself from burnout while still pursuing my dream career. Finally, my knowledge of mental health has helped me relate to others and be slow to judge and quick to show compassion. Not everything is as "cookie-cutter" as it seems on the outside. There is no way I can know what is happening to a person if they do not tell me. Music Therapy is a profession that focuses on medical, mental, and spiritual well-being, and because of my knowledge of mental health, I know I will be able to provide a safe and creative space to help my clients achieve their goals and objectives.

"Stairwells" by Nick Pitera This song inspires me because, as a student music therapist, I am constantly playing music for others. When I am listening to music, I am analyzing it for how it can help my clients reach their goals. "Stairwells" contains the lyrics "I sing tonight to ease the pain... I sing for me." This is powerful because sometimes I take my work home for me, and I need music for me and only me. The rest of the songs on this playlist reflect my faith, my firey personality, and all the emotions I experience throughout my life.

This selfie, taken on Thursday, November 27, 2020, may not look like much, but it represents a lot. Recently, I started my journey of eating healthy and working out. This workout before this selfie brought out a lot of sweat. Not just sweat, this particular workout served to challenge me in a new way. My heart rate was taken to new healthy highs, and I was able to push through the soreness and pain. Working out is not about looking good or losing weight. It is about creating a healthy lifestyle for me to live a happy and healthy life.

I like to shop at Amazon, Young Living (essential oils), and Barnes & Noble

The Giver. A warm heart. A man of few words. Endless dedication. My granddad, Fred Trentham, is the most important person in my life. While I have wonderful parents and many great family members, friends, mentors, and professors, I am the most thankful for my granddad. He has taught me how to be patient, how to listen, how to learn, and how to love. Throughout my entire life, he has given everything for his family. He supported my parents and uncle financially when they struggled, and he was the primary caregiver for my granny until she passed away. My granddad was immensely devoted to my granny, his wife of 56 years. Even when caring for her took a physical and emotional toll on him, he put her first and showed her how much he loved her by feeding, clothing, and bathing her. Furthermore, my granddad is always fair. If he helps one of his grandchildren financially, he will then help the other two equally. It is the same with his two children. However, he is not only fair with his money, but he is also fair with his time and support. He spent numerous hours at my cousin's football and basketball games, but he spent just as much time at my other cousin's dance recitals and my school musicals, and in fact, he went to every single one of my basketball games. When, I was younger (three to 14 years old), I was not as close with my granddad. I was intimidated by his quiet nature. However, when I realized that he is quiet because that allows him to learn and listen, I had a newfound respect for him. Now, at 23 years old (in three days), I understand how much he loves people. He has a quiet spirit, but when he does speak, it is very profound and full of wisdom. I have discovered this even more as I have become his caregiver. I am currently a graduate student at the University of Kentucky. However, before I moved to Kentucky in August 2020, I was living with my granddad as his caregiver. He is able to do most functions of daily living, but he needs assistance with driving, house chores, and cooking. It was during the time that I was serving as his caregiver that I learned the most from him. He does not volunteer information, but he is eager to provide wisdom when asked, and that is what I did. I asked my granddad to teach me. To teach me about himself, about listening to and caring for others, about how to be an adult on my own. I am still learning from him now. I will be staying with and taking care of him over winter break, and I look forward to listening and learning more from my granddad. It is because of his love, support, wisdom, and dedication that I am where I am today, and for that, I am more grateful than words can tell.

I have had several people in my life who have been great role models to me and who have helped me become a better role model for others. Some of these role models include my parents, my grandparents, my choir directors, Sunday School teachers and pastors, and various professors. However, one has stood out above the rest and helped me not only in an academic sense when she was my professor, but she has also helped me become a better musician and a more confident person. This role model is Dr. Lindsey Cope. Dr. Cope is one of the most influential professors in my life. She challenged me as a student, but she also challenged me to become a better person. Before taking her classes in my undergraduate for music education, I was not confident of my abilities as a conductor or as a music educator. However, after taking her classes, I have found new opportunities as a music educator because I am now confident in my abilities to manage a classroom and establish a music program in any school. These skills will be able to transfer into advocating for music therapy programs as well, which is what I am currently studying in graduate school. Dr. Cope created a learning environment where I felt safe to make mistakes and learn from them. She creates and sustains a learning environment that is accepting of people from all religions, all ethnicities, and all walks of life. Moreover, whenever I considered taking the easy way out in my education, Dr. Cope encouraged me to do the opposite, and this has helped me, especially now as I am pursuing a Master of Music in Music Therapy, and it has helped me in all of my other disciplines and interests outside of school. Furthermore, Dr. Cope has helped shape me as an person because she is so genuine, compassionate, and kind, and she really cares about her students as individuals. All of these are qualities that are important for a music therapist to have, and I am grateful that she has shown me these qualities in various environments. Dr. Cope continues to mentor me on a regular basis even though she is not my professor anymore. If I have any questions of concerns about anything, she is always quick to answer and is very encouraging to my growth and development as a human, a music educator, and a future music therapist. If she does not know the answer, she will find someone who does and who can advise me. On a personal note, whenever i was having a bad day, Dr. Cope could pick up on this as soon as I walked in the room. This is a testament to her personal skills and compassion for people. She would always console me if I was upset and help me find a solution to any problems I face. A marvelous example of this occurred during her first semester at the University of Tennessee and during my junior year. Some important backstory to this example includes that on August 1, 2018, I had foot surgery. I was in a boot for a long time leading up to and after surgery, and as a result, I developed cast disease. When it came time for our Fall concert at the end of September, my foot was too swollen to wear any of my concert shoes because of cast disease. I told my choir director, and she said that it was fine that I just wear black stockings. When I was in class the day before the concert, I mentioned that I was not wearing shoes at the concert. Dr. Cope heard this and asked why. When I explained the situation, she said, "Well, I have some shoes that might work. What size do you wear? I will bring them for you to borrow." The night of the concert came, and I asked Dr. Cope for the shoes, and after I tried them on, she asked, "Do they work?" I responded, "Yes, they're perfect! Thank you!" Then, to my surprise, she said, "They're yours." Dr. Cope had just GIVEN me her shoes. Not just shoes that she did not use, but shoes that she had worn when she went to Europe, shoes that used quite frequently. I had never had a professor do something like that for me. Someone might think, "Oh, it is just shoes." However, to me, this simple gesture shows how much Dr. Cope cares about me, because I would have gone barefoot at the concert, and it would not have really mattered that much. However, Dr. Cope went out of her way to meet a need that I had. I continue to wear these shoes frequently and think of her. Whenever Dr. Cope sees me wear them, a bright smile comes across her face, and she says, "Hey! I like your shoes!" In conclusion, Dr. Cope is a person who would not hesitate to give you the coat off her back, or in my case, the shoes off her feet, to help those in need. She puts others before herself and works diligently to provide an education for her students that will help them succeed not just as music educators but also has human beings contributing to society. It is because of Dr. Cope's dedication, compassion, kindness, and diligence to excellence that I admire and look up to her and strive to inspire others as she has inspired me. With the traits I have learned and everything that I have learned in the classroom from Dr. Cope, I hope to become a kind, empathetic, genuine, and compassionate music therapist.