“Where are you from?” “Are you Filipino?” “Are you Hmong?” “No, I’m actually ½ Korean, ⅜ Chinese, and ⅛ Honduran,” I would always say. Though technically the ⅛ Honduran is also split into 1/16 Spanish and 1/16 Mayan Indian. My name is Larissa Malia Yang in America, but I was also given names in each of my ethnicities. My Korean name is Yang Hyeok hee, my Chinese name is Yang Ai he, and my Spanish name is Larissa Yang Chang Quan Antonio Martinez Melina Palencia Molina Alvarez. America is a very diverse country with people of all ethnicities, but even in this community, I struggled with a cultural rift. I couldn’t quite identify with any of my ethnicities. Culture is something that people relate to with one another, but I didn’t fit into a definitive group because of my multiculturalism. I was a mix of everything, but at the same time felt like I was nothing. I didn’t fit into the American beauty standard. I was too short, not tanned enough, was considered “flat,” etc. But when Asian culture was popularized in America, it was the opposite and I started getting insecure about my looks in a different way. I practically defied all Korean beauty standards. I could never be as skinny or as pale as the Korean idols that I saw in the media no matter how much I dieted or how much sunscreen I applied. I also have thick curly hair! Have you ever seen an Asian person with thick curly hair?! I haven’t, so I desperately tried to straighten my hair. I know looks aren’t everything, but I looked like some weird ambiguous race! But as I grew up, I learned that I don’t need to fit in and started accepting the way that I am. Everyone is created differently and humans are not made to fit into a single beauty standard. What’s nice about being American is that we don’t have one specific culture, but a mix of everything. I had the opportunity to learn about many different cultures. For example, I got to learn a lot about Hmong traditions due to the large Hmong population where I live. I also got to learn about Japanese culture through a program run by KIWINs where we got to help Japanese students practice their English. America is a very diverse country and I am a product of it. I hope to inspire other people to embrace their culture(s) and be proud of it too.

As a student, it is easy to lose sight of how much money you are spending. We are experiencing our first taste of freedom, and our parents aren’t there to tell us how to manage our money or lives. Especially if you are like me and are a compulsive buyer who loves shopping, you are going to struggle with money. College is also very expensive, from the tuition and cost of living to simple expenses like food or going out with friends. To get around this and prevent myself from going broke, I have rules when it comes to managing my money. I make sure I stay within a budget, limit my shopping expenses, and plan my finances. I am flexible with my money right now since I don’t have much to keep track of, but I plan to manage my finances more when I get older. When it comes to shopping, before I buy a product, I ask myself a series of questions. Questions include: “Do I need this, or do I want this?” “Is it on sale?” “Can I find this or something similar for cheaper?” and “How useful is this going to be to me?” Depending on my answer, I will decide whether to buy it or put it back on the shelf. Right now, I don’t have a credit card because I am only 17, so I pay for everything with cash. I plan on getting a credit card when I turn 18, and I know that I have to be careful when using it. I will only use it if I know for certain that I can pay it off right away. I’m a little worried about using a credit card, but I know it is important to have a good credit score in the future. I also put all the money I earn from working into a savings account that I don’t touch because it is for college. I only keep a portion of the money I get as a gift, and it must last me the year. At the end of the year, I put leftover money into my savings account. I think I manage my finances pretty well. I have room for improvement, especially when it comes to compulsive buying, but I am learning. It is very important to manage your finances well because financial difficulties can make your life very hard. Whether it is paying for rent, food and debt, it is not fun being in a situation where you don’t have the money you need.

My passions and interests were constantly changing as a kid, so I never had a set career goal. But one thing was clear: I wanted to go to college. I started researching colleges in middle school. I looked up colleges I wanted to go to, how to get in, preparations for college, and what to expect. Instead of watching TV shows and movies, I would spend hours watching college videos. It always excited me to think about my future and how I would achieve my goals. To me, college was not only about getting the education I needed for the job I wanted but also about a place full of opportunities and experience. Now here I am, a senior in high school, preparing to go to college in a matter of months. I was born and raised in the same small city my whole life, and as much as I love the people I grew up with, I felt trapped. I craved an adventure, and college seemed like just the thing for me. It would be my chance to go out and explore a new chapter of my life. I would be able to try new things, explore a new place, meet new people, and of course, be able to learn. Knowledge is very important, and I love cultivating that knowledge to learn new things. My interests have changed quite a bit, but right now, I want to study psychology. I plan on going to a 4-year university right after high school, majoring in psychology. After getting my bachelor’s degree, I plan to go straight to a graduate school where I can receive more education to become a therapist. I want to use what I have learned from school to help people. I want to help make life easier for those who are struggling. I’ve always loved helping and bringing smiles to people’s faces. It leaves a warm feeling in my heart when I do something good. I used to do Girl Scouts when I was a little girl, and I would volunteer at homeless shelters. The people always give us the biggest smiles and express their appreciation for our help. I stopped doing Girl Scouts because of my busy schedule, but I always tried to serve my community whenever I could. Right now, I am a member of my school’s KIWIN's Club, an assistant for the special education class, and a Merced Police Department Explorer trainee. I don’t plan to stop helping people out, and getting a job where I can do just that will be a dream come true.

During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. They slowly helped me through the process of recovery, making it easier for me to take those steps to improve my life. There were, and still are, a lot of ups and downs on my journey, but my counselors over the years have always been there for me. I will forever be grateful to them for bringing me out of those dark phases of my life. I was inspired by my counselors and how much they helped people like me. I quickly became interested in helping people, especially after experiencing firsthand the shortage of mental health care workers and the lack of help for those struggling with mental illnesses. I live in a smaller city where there aren't many available therapists or counselors. I had to find one online, which wasn’t exactly ideal. I know I am only one person, but I hope to help as many people as I can. I wish to bring people out of that dark spot in their lives. Hoping no one would have to feel alone and question their worth on this Earth, debating whether or not to end their life. Hoping no one sits hopelessly in the corner of a dark room, unable to do anything else but cry. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Noble and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I grew an immense amount. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and I'm no longer upset with my situation.

During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. They slowly helped me through the process of recovery, making it easier for me to take those steps to improve my life. There were, and still are, a lot of ups and downs on my journey, but my counselors over the years have always been there for me. I will forever be grateful to them for bringing me out of those dark phases of my life. I was inspired by my counselors and how much they helped people like me. I quickly became interested in helping people, especially after experiencing firsthand the shortage of mental health care workers and the lack of help for those struggling with mental illnesses. I live in a smaller city where there aren't many available therapists or counselors. I had to find one online, which wasn’t exactly ideal. I know I am only one person, but I hope to help as many people as I can. I wish to bring people out of that dark spot in their lives. Hoping no one would have to feel alone and question their worth on this Earth, debating whether or not to end their life. Hoping no one sits hopelessly in the corner of a dark room, unable to do anything else but cry. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Noble and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I grew an immense amount. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and I'm no longer upset with my situation.

During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. They slowly helped me through the process of recovery, making it easier for me to take those steps to improve my life. There were, and still are, a lot of ups and downs on my journey, but my counselors over the years have always been there for me. I will forever be grateful to them for bringing me out of those dark phases of my life. I was inspired by my counselors and how much they helped people like me. I quickly became interested in helping people, especially after experiencing firsthand the shortage of mental health care workers and the lack of help for those struggling with mental illnesses. I live in a smaller city where there aren't many available therapists or counselors. I had to find one online, which wasn’t exactly ideal. I know I am only one person, but I hope to help as many people as I can. I wish to bring people out of that dark spot in their lives. Hoping no one would have to feel alone and question their worth on this Earth, debating whether or not to end their life. Hoping no one sits hopelessly in the corner of a dark room, unable to do anything else but cry. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Noble and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I grew an immense amount. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and I'm no longer upset with my situation.

During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. They slowly helped me through the process of recovery, making it easier for me to take those steps to improve my life. There were, and still are, a lot of ups and downs on my journey, but my counselors over the years have always been there for me. I will forever be grateful to them for bringing me out of those dark phases of my life. I was inspired by my counselors and how much they helped people like me. I quickly became interested in helping people, especially after experiencing firsthand the shortage of mental health care workers and the lack of help for those struggling with mental illnesses. I live in a smaller city where there aren't many available therapists or counselors. I had to find one online, which wasn’t exactly ideal. I know I am only one person, but I hope to help as many people as I can. I wish to bring people out of that dark spot in their lives. Hoping no one would have to feel alone and question their worth on this Earth, debating whether or not to end their life. Hoping no one sits hopelessly in the corner of a dark room, unable to do anything else but cry. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Noble and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I grew an immense amount. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and I'm no longer upset with my situation.

During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. They slowly helped me through the process of recovery, making it easier for me to take those steps to improve my life. There were, and still are, a lot of ups and downs on my journey, but my counselors over the years have always been there for me. I will forever be grateful to them for bringing me out of those dark phases of my life. I was inspired by my counselors and how much they helped people like me. I quickly became interested in helping people, especially after experiencing firsthand the shortage of mental health care workers and the lack of help for those struggling with mental illnesses. I live in a smaller city where there aren't many available therapists or counselors. I had to find one online, which wasn’t exactly ideal. I know I am only one person, but I hope to help as many people as I can. I wish to bring people out of that dark spot in their lives. Hoping no one would have to feel alone and question their worth on this Earth, debating whether or not to end their life. Hoping no one sits hopelessly in the corner of a dark room, unable to do anything else but cry. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Noble and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I grew an immense amount. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and I'm no longer upset with my situation.

I am no stranger to the struggles of life. From a young age, I had to learn the hard way that life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, I wasn’t provided with the help that I needed until I was 15. Depression in young children shows up more as irritability, anger, frustration, and hopelessness. It can often go undetected because kids that age is in a very emotional and vulnerable stage in their life. Therefore, outbursts could merely look like childish tantrums. That is what my parents and even professionals saw in me. My parents didn’t understand where my temper tantrums were coming from and didn’t console me by letting me know what I was feeling was okay and that I would be fine. They saw it as something wrong and needed to be fixed, which increased my feelings of worthlessness and guilt. During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. They slowly helped me through the process of recovery, making it easier for me to take those steps to improve my life. There were, and still are, a lot of ups and downs on my journey, but my counselors over the years have always been there for me. I will forever be grateful to them for bringing me out of those dark phases of my life. I was inspired by my counselors and how much they helped people like me. I quickly became interested in helping people, especially after experiencing firsthand the shortage of mental health care workers and the lack of help for those struggling with mental illnesses. I live in a smaller city where there aren't many available therapists or counselors. I had to find one online, which wasn’t exactly ideal. I know I am only one person, but I hope to help as many people as I can. I wish to bring people out of that dark spot in their lives. Hoping no one would have to feel alone and question their worth on this Earth, debating whether or not to end their life. Hoping no one sits hopelessly in the corner of a dark room, unable to do anything else but cry. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Noble and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I grew an immense amount. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and I'm no longer upset with my situation.

My passions and interests were constantly changing as a kid, so I never had a set career goal. But one thing was clear: I wanted to go to college. I started researching colleges in middle school. I looked up colleges I wanted to go to, how to get in, preparations for college, and what to expect. Instead of watching TV shows and movies, I would spend hours watching college videos. It always excited me to think about my future and how I would achieve my goals. To me, college was not only about getting the education I needed for the job I wanted but also a place full of opportunities and experience. Now here I am, a senior in high school, preparing to go to college in a matter of months. I was born and raised in the same small city my whole life, and as much as I love the people I grew up with, I felt trapped. I craved an adventure, and college seemed like just the thing for me. It would be my chance to go out and explore a new chapter of my life. I would be able to try new things, explore a new place, meet new people, and of course, be able to learn. Knowledge is very important, and I love cultivating that knowledge to learn new things. My interests have changed quite a bit, but right now, I want to study psychology. I plan on going to a 4-year university right after high school, majoring in psychology. After getting my bachelor’s degree, I plan to go straight to a graduate school where I can receive more education to become a therapist. I want to use what I have learned from school to help people. I want to help make life easier for those who are struggling. I’ve always loved helping and bringing smiles to people’s faces. It leaves a warm feeling in my heart when I do something good. I used to do Girl Scouts when I was a little girl, and I would volunteer at homeless shelters. The people always give us the biggest smiles and express their appreciation for our help. I stopped doing Girl Scouts because of my busy schedule, but I always tried to serve my community whenever I could. Right now, I am a member of my school’s Kiwanis Club, an assistant for the special education class, and a Merced Police Department Explorer trainee. I don’t plan to stop helping people out, and getting a job where I can do just that will be a dream come true.

During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. They slowly helped me through the process of recovery, making it easier for me to take those steps to improve my life. There were, and still are, a lot of ups and downs on my journey, but my counselors over the years have always been there for me. I will forever be grateful to them for bringing me out of those dark phases of my life. I was inspired by my counselors and how much they helped people like me. I quickly became interested in helping people, especially after experiencing firsthand the shortage of mental health care workers and the lack of help for those struggling with mental illnesses. I live in a smaller city where there aren't many available therapists or counselors. I had to find one online, which wasn’t exactly ideal. I know I am only one person, but I hope to help as many people as I can. I wish to bring people out of that dark spot in their lives. Hoping no one would have to feel alone and question their worth on this Earth, debating whether or not to end their life. Hoping no one sits hopelessly in the corner of a dark room, unable to do anything else but cry. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Noble and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I grew an immense amount. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and I'm no longer upset with my situation.

I am no stranger to the struggles of life. From a young age, I had to learn that life wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, I wasn’t provided the help I needed until I was 15. Depression in young children shows up more as irritability, anger, frustration, and hopelessness. It can often go undetected because kids that age is in a very emotional and vulnerable stage in life. Therefore, outbursts could merely look like childish tantrums. That is what my parents and even professionals saw in me. During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. My counselor helped me bring me out of that dark chapter of my life, and I was inspired to do the same for others. I knew firsthand that there was a shortage of mental health care workers as I had difficulties finding help, and I didn’t want others to struggle as I did. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Noble and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Even though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I was able to push through and grow. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and I’m no longer upset with my situation.

I am no stranger to the struggles of life. From a young age, I had to learn that life wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, I wasn’t provided the help I needed until I was 15. Depression in young children shows up more as irritability, anger, frustration, and hopelessness. It can often go undetected because kids that age is in a very emotional and vulnerable stage in life. Therefore, outbursts could merely look like childish tantrums. That is what my parents and even professionals saw in me. During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. My counselor helped me bring me out of that dark chapter of my life, and I was inspired to do the same for others. I knew firsthand that there was a shortage of mental health care workers as I had difficulties finding help, and I didn’t want others to struggle as I did. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Noble and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Even though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I was able to push through and grow. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and no longer upset with my situation.

I am no stranger to the struggles of life. From a young age, I had to learn the hard way that life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, I wasn’t provided with the help that I needed until I was 15. Depression in young children shows up more as irritability, anger, frustration, and hopelessness. It can often go undetected because kids that age are in a very emotional and vulnerable stage in their life. Therefore, outbursts could merely look like childish tantrums. That is what my parents and even professionals saw in me. My parents didn’t understand where my temper tantrums were coming from and didn’t console me by letting me know what I was feeling was okay and that I would be fine. They saw it as something wrong and needed to be fixed, which increased my feelings of worthlessness and guilt. During my sophomore year of high school, we were doing online learning. I became very unmotivated, procrastinated a lot, and was extremely sleep deprived. It was a huge trigger to my depression. The irritability that was in my childhood depression morphed more into sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, and more. At first, I felt too embarrassed and guilty to talk about it. As I silently suffered, I realized that I needed help. So I reached out to my parents, and they found me a counselor. They slowly helped me through the process of recovery, making it easier for me to take those steps to improve my life. There were, and still are, a lot of ups and downs on my journey, but my counselors over the years have always been there for me. I will forever be grateful to them for bringing me out of those dark phases of my life. I was inspired by my counselors and how much they helped people like me. I quickly became interested in helping people, especially after experiencing firsthand the shortage of mental health care workers and the lack of help for those struggling with mental illnesses. I live in a smaller city where there aren't many available therapists or counselors. I had to find one online, which wasn’t exactly ideal. I know I am only one person, but I hope to help as many people as I can. I wish to bring people out of that dark spot in their lives. Hoping no one would have to feel alone and question their worth on this Earth, debating whether or not to end their life. Hoping no one sits hopelessly in the corner of a dark room, unable to do anything else but cry. When I found my interest in psychology, I spared no time as I went to the nearest Barnes & Nobles and bought a few books on the subject. I was lucky enough to find books, in the clearance section, on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and body language. I’ve also spent hours on end doing self-research on mental health issues. My senior year of high school was dedicated to exploring this relatively newfound interest in psychology as I took a health and family living class along with being an assistant in the special education class. Both of these have got to be some of my favorite classes during my time in high school. The kids in special education were very fun to work with, and I love doing activities with them. Of course, there were some stressful days in that class as not everyone would get along, but I always did my best to diffuse all conflicts between the students. I don’t see my depression as a bad thing anymore. I mean, how could I? It led me to a new passion where I have learned so much. Though these have been some of the most challenging years of my life, I grew an immense amount. I cultivated so much knowledge that taught me about life and people. It helped me improve my relationship with others and learn to be more understanding. I was very sheltered as a kid and had a difficult time understanding people, but I am learning and getting better at it. In the end, I am grateful for the opportunities my depression brought to me, and I'm no longer upset with my situation.

There I lie on the floor. It is 3 AM, and I am wondering why I’m still alive. "Is this some sort of cruel joke?" I wondered cause life felt like nothing but torture. It was something that I was forced to endure. I couldn't remember the last time I felt happy. No, I couldn't remember the last time I felt anything. All that was left was… well nothing. I panicked as I started sinking deeper and deeper into the emptiness. Everything felt suffocating as my mind would scream for it to end, but my mouth was sewed together, unable to speak a single word. I was in a choke hold, unable to do anything but watch as my life was slipping away. I wanted to end it at one point. Put an end to my continuous suffering, but I never had the gut too. I thought I was weak because of that, but I am now grateful for my apparent 'weakness.' At one point, I got tired of waiting for a miracle. I realized that change wasn't going to happen unless I did something, so I mustered up the courage to seek help. Best decision I ever made if you ask me. My road to recovery is now starting. I begin with getting a mental health counselor. It was uncomfortable at first, but eventually it all started flowing out naturally. Everything that needed to be spoken out loud was finally free from my mind and out of my mouth. I was finally able to breathe again. Unfortunately, that victory was short-lived as a new problem unraveled. What was once just depression was now becoming anxiety. I had no rest. As the world starts to spin and everything is moving so fast. I panic! I don’t know what’s happening. I try to breathe, but no amount of air is enough to calm the sickening feeling in my stomach. All I wished for was peace as what felt like an imaginary monster was constantly chasing after me. Once again, things were out of control. It takes a long time to regain that peace, and whenever I do, it feels like it slips out of my hands right away. After anxiety, I began to form tics, my obsessive compulsiveness was constantly getting in my way, and now it seems that I am forming somewhat of an eating disorder. It’s a frustrating pattern of one problem after another. When I finally figured things out, something new would appear, and I was too mad at the world to see the solution in front of me. I don't need to control every little thing in my life. Sometimes I need life to take its course and see where I end up. Instead of fighting it, I should have been accepting and learning from it. There’s a YouTube video I saw, and it is about creating a higher version of yourself, a version that you are proud to be. I think that video saved me. It filled me with so much motivation and hopefulness that even when I am depressed, it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. I came to accept my challenges. Their purpose is to build me up and make me strong. I believe things will turn out well for me, and I will eventually be happy with who I am. I shall see where life gets me and be grateful for the journey.